Bipolar check in #39

Oh, no.
Is anything specific keeping you awake?
Any freedom to take a nap today?

:

I think I'm just excited to be back in my apartment, can't wind down.

I have therapy at 1, so I could nap but I don't trust myself to wake up in time to make it to therapy (even with an alarm)

Thanks, Christina. My finger became liberated from the bandage yesterday morning. I am happy.

NJ has the highest property taxes in the US. The $10,000 is no exaggeration. We pay slightly more each year and we live in a small townhouse with barely any land. We do happen to live in a nice area. Obviously the schools are great, but we never had any to send to them.

I want today over with and it's only 7:30 am.

Could not sleep last night. ( Again.)

Nothing specific keeping me awake. Sleep anxiety. Long-term, since I can recall.
Also in a lot of pain.

Long day yesterday. I had just gotten to bed (early), when my aunt called from a rural hospital. She had been having heart attacks for two days. She was in the hospital. She will be transferred to this area today for the placement of stents. We have a teaching medical center here with an outstanding cardiac specialists.

I am becoming increasingly mindless! Too sleep-deprived. I am not sure I have time for a nap today. i generally cannot sleep during the day.

I hope everyone has a great day!

So sorry to hear about your aunt. I know it must be difficult for your mom. You all are in my thoughts today.

Maybe a nap won't work today. Perhaps listen to the relaxing music with your feet up and eyes closed for a few? A little something to relax and rejuvenate should help a bit.

I just read through some of what I wrote yesterday for a story series for my blog. The stories are good, I think, but some of it needs a lot of rework. I often have a writing approach where I just type type type as if I'm telling the stories out loud. That doesn't work that well for written stories. I'll take my time and try to make them better. I am still happy that I have the drafts. It exists beyond my brain.

This evening we're attending an event hosted by my son's school. It's a tribute to the senior class with photos of the students and letters from the parents. The background to all this will be a dinner planned and served by the junior class. It's moderately formal and the kids enjoy it. Of course, from my perspective there's a modicum of stress given the amount of small talk expected. Despite the formal nature, I don't think I'll be wearing my kilt tonight.


Yesterday was absolutely chaotic at work, and all around, for that matter. Today will likely see a bit of that again. Off I go, into the maelstrom.

Maybe just resting would be enough....if you can't nap during the day.
I am sorry you have sleep issues.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Awesome you have a kilt!!!! enjoy yourself!
bizi

So I'm heading for an upswing. Not a good one. I'm happy but the whole must eat food is wearing on me. Dh and I are fighting over it but I know if I don't do what he says he'll try to hospitalize me. I'm trying to stay positive but I really want to sh for "fun." I see t in about 2 days. I'm all over the place, sorry. I want to ride this out because it's not that bad yet and sounds fun. I'll ask t when i should call pdoc.

After 2 years of being in a depressive episode, where do I end up? Hypomanic.

I think it's starting. I had to control myself a great deal this morning after I got up at 330. I just kept telling myself to relax, be cool, and ignore what my mind wishes I would do.

At work I pretty much finished things that were expected to take a few days. So now I'm sitting here itching for something to do.

Hopefully I'll be able to keep it under control. I called and emailed my pdoc.

Agreed. That is what I fully anticipate for myself. Ever since I was young, I figured SS wouldn't be there for me. That it would be gone or that they'd just keep raising the age, keeping it ever out of reach. Part if it is that the baby boomers preceded me. (I am rabidly against being included in that demographic as I can't relate at all to what are deemed the defining experiences of the generaration. Also, I have felt screwed over at every juncture on account of their impact. To me, it was the generation of the hippies. Yeah, if you want to hear a full-on rant, that's a subject I can give one on, lol.) Aaaanyhow...

Even if it is still there, I wouldn't get anywhere near enough to live on. So, work it will be...

I am so sorry you are experiencing hypomania.

Mirapex may have caused this or may have simply contributed to a swing you were going to have anyway.

I forget whether or not you are on a mood stabilizer and I cannot see if you have listed meds while I am on this screen. I imagine you are on a mood stabilizer.

Contacting your pdoc was/is a very wise move! I hope s/he gets back to you soon!

Do you have any meds which might be helpful in countering the mood swing?

I think you know this, however, we can get involved in things which support the hypomanic state, as in certain types of music, an overly stimulating environment, bright lights, etc.

I have read it can be very helpful to darken the room and keep the space quiet. I know this can be very difficult while hypo. Maybe find some calming music?

The activities/topics which highly interest you right now may need to be halted, or modified. If so, and if possible, place obstacles in the way of following through on any of the the compulsions you feel are somehow unhealthy and/or might potentially do damge to you, your life, even your relationships with others.

I am having trouble with thoughts and with words right now, due to fatigue/pain. My writing is not very clear here. I am sorry I cannot be of more help to you. I think a lot of you and hope all goes as well as possible. I have been, and I remain, very hopeful for you and for your "recovery."

Maybe get very busy with productive activities in order to distract you from other activities you'd rather not get involved in today.?

I think it is very wise of you to reach out here, too.
It appears your judgment is intact, which is very helpful to you at this time!

We are here for you! I hope you hear from your pdoc asap!

I finally accomplished something for once in a while: I brought my car to the dealer to get my snow tires on. Took about an hour and 15 mins, but I had my iPad with me so that I could use it to pass time by. The sucky thing is that the dealership forgot to give me back my wheel lock key before I left, so now they are MAILING it instead of letting me pick it up, even though I am only 11 mins away by car (or 13 mins with traffic). Ugh. Minor annoyance.

That aside, I am not feeling so great right now. I don't think I'm depressed or anything, but I'm just feeling "defeated" and worn out from all the work I've been doing nonstop for 15 days straight, working 10-12 hrs a day, or 12+ on weekends. I know I need to take breaks, but I am sooooo afraid of losing my job. I just have to keep reminding myself that this will all be over in about a week and a half.

It's sad, but true!
It seems to be getting worse, even for those who have done some financial planning.

I d watched my grandmother, who had worked very hard, had planned financially and had very strongly intended to spend every winter in FL, actually realize her dreams. She had thoroughly enJOYed her retirement for over 20 years! She passsed away at 94 y.o. and had at least 200K left in her accounts.

I watch other people, years later, struggle through day-to-day, while lacking adequate financial planning because there is no extra money to set aside.
I have seen so many die of some dreaded disease within 1-3 years of having retired, Some do pass on before retirement.

So many I know understand they will work until they are at least 80 y.o and/or until they are no longer able to work.

I'd love to read your rant, IZ! I am interested in your point of view!

By the way, I miss you when you are not posting, as I love you and your posts!

Hey There, Blue!

It's helpful to get your snow tires put on! We have possible snow in our forecast just 3 days from now.
It seems very odd the garage staff would not let you just pick up your property instead of putting it in the mail!

I think I might easily feel "defeated" if I wer e in your shoes.
This is not to say I think you cannot accomplish your goals.
I do have a lot of faith that you can accomplish all you need to in time.

If you are in a "funk," are there things which help you to feel energized?
Music? A certain type of music? Getting out in the fresh, cool air? Chatting with someone special? Can you think of anything that gives you a "boost" when you are feeling this way?

I am thinking of you and am offering positive mojo your way!
Keep reaching out here. Someone will come along and will suggest something, an approach, which resonates with you!

:

Went grocery shopping today. Got lots of good food. My appointment at my college was rescheduled to Thursday morning, which works well for me. My sleep has been really good the past couple days.

Friday I'm going to my primary care doctor to get a med prescription for my silent GERD. I was on Zantac but since it's been recalled I'll have to start something different. Saturday I plan on going to the evening mass.

Have an appointment with my doctor and therapist next week, it will be nice to tell them how well things have been going. It took awhile to get stabilized after the psychotic episode but I have been doing great for a couple months now!

I'm already getting in the holiday spirit

napped for about 3 hours this morning, therapy was good. Drinking an energy drink right now and watching Lord of the Rings.

Horrible day! Anyway, I voted. I reminded hubby to vote. If we don't vote, we don't do anything to help get the governmental systems we want. Please vote.! Today is election day in the USA.

Glad therapy went well, I love Lord of the Rings!

Thank you so much WC...your post made perfect sense and I appreciate that you took the time despite your tiredness and pain.

I think this was coming on by itself anyway so Mirapex might have just given me that last push to get into this.

I don't have any meds to take other than my regular ones.

My pdoc hasn't responded yet but she usually does late.

I went for a walk and buzzed through some more work when I got back. I'm hoping I'll be ok tonight.

I'll post with an update later.

Thanks for this!

I smile every time I see your new avatar!
It has taken some getting used to. I am so used to seeing your old one and associating it with you. I will, in time, be as used to this one, as well.

Most dancers look happy. I imagine dancers are enjoying their "work."
You look lovely! Beautiful!

I hope something about your day looks up before the day is over.
If not, then tomorrow is a brand new day!

@falcon09: Congratulations about being back in your own apartment! I love having my own apartment! I treasure my privacy! I like apartments better than houses because they are more sturdy and no lawn care or shoveling the driveway. I live in Canada and when the cold North wind howls on Winter nights i like knowing i have only one single exposed wall and that it's thick sturdy concrete. Apartment-dwelling is also "greener" -- better for the environment. The urban planners call it "intensification." No expensive roads to build for urban sprawl, no kilometers of sewer system or electrical service. I also like having an elevator -- so fun to ride on a regular basis and we have mirrored walls in ours -- sexy! We have an active party room in our building. The events rarely involve me but i love to peek in at all the revelers dancing and chatting and the tables groaning with food! Our building is also dog-friendly and we have such an abundance of property it is like we have our own park out back with even an enclosure for the dogs to run free! Such a building i live in! Now if only my neighbors would get over themselves . . . .

@christina: It's funny and apt that you call it "Hellmart." So perfectly describes the experience of shopping there! When i made my first shopping foray about ten days ago since my fear psychosis started on September 27th i actually started in Hellmart and wound up sitting on the floor with my fingers in my ears and my head slumped over on my chest while the stockboy went to check on a sale item that was sold-out -- surprise, surprise. I attempted to get a raincheck at the service desk but i couldn't take it anymore and fled. Since then i have made two subsequent attempts to go and turned back at the door both times once i glimpsed the madness inside. I don't know what to do about the department store purchases i need. The drugstore and grocery store i can tolerate, but not Hellmart.

Whew! Got two doctor’s appointments out of the way for me and one for mom. More tests to be done. I managed to squeeze some errands in and feel well enough to go to a movie tonight and make a casserole for a bible study luncheon tomorrow. It will be my first time back. I sincerely hope it goes well. I’m nervous.

It’s a good day today. I find when I force myself up and out, I feel better. It helped that the weather is beautiful.

Warm wishes to all and hugs to those that are struggling.