[Pughead]

SO, my wife. She's the worst trigger ever. She's a %#@&#! self-centered %#@&#!

[coralproper]

would'nt it be easier to just get a divorce, get help ASAP

[Pughead]

I got help. Drugs and alcohol.

[Yoda]

Pughead, I totally understand your anger/grief because I was married to an abusive man and before I finally left I began having fantasies of tieing him to a chair and lighting him on fire with gasoline. Just a fantasy I never did anything to hurt him physically.

Severe unrelenting stress from a partner can cause these kinds of desperate feelings. I am betting (and hoping) that what you say about hurting her is only a escapism fantasy. If not then you need to get away if only for long enought to get a grip. Last summer my teen was saying f--- you, f--- you and wouldn't shut up even though I told him to and I had to leave and drive my car for two hours because I was really wanting to beat the living %#@&#! out of him but I knew that would be nonproductive.

Problems have solutions. Do you have a therapist you can talk with? Is your relationship so unstable you should leave? I certainly won't lecture you about drugs and alcohol because I have been there myself but they are only a temporary relief and don't really solve the problem.

Here is a hug from Yoda -

[coralproper]

well, if that helps ....

why not get separated or something if its that bad ?

in my experience drugs and drinking could be a contributing factor, if your in a bad place that will only make it worse

I feel, social or recreational use is one thing .... but trying to escape with them from something in your head, is futile

[Pughead]

Thanks all.

But really, it was just me overreacting again. She has plenty of stressors to deal with and I don't always take that into consideration. Still, she is very self-centered at times, but overall tries to be supportive.

To add to it, I think things might be worse for me right now as I'm tapering off effexor.

I dunno, I just don't know. I'll talk with T about it next week, if I remember.

[Pughead]

BTW, I feel horrible about the content of my first post. Always that is the case with me. Sometimes I wish I was locked away so I couldn't do or say anything hurtful.

[Ocean13]

Sometimes you just have to let it out. Just remember we're just concerned for both you and your wife when you do post stuff like this.
Peace
Ocean

[ginny543]

I understand. My spouse is my worst tigger too. I noticed u took what u said back. I do that too, when things are going well. Then bam my spouse will revert back into his old self. I can't leave because of financial reasons but I still can be happy & survive. I just stay away from mine amap. I know that is not the answer but it is the only way I can stay well. TC