[bpcyclist]

Well, it seems the rains have finally begun. We are so far behind on precip it isn't even funny. Dark and rainy now. We'll see if it stays.

Feeling pretty good. No voices for a couple of days. Not very paranoid. Did see some weird guy in my building I've never seen before. He glared at me. Little paranoid about that. Seems like my computer just magically turned on while I was trying to sleep last night. Not sure about that. But overall, pretty good.

Need to go and finish this chapter on yoga at the hospital. Funny story. Anyhow, hope everyone is holding up all right. Very stressful time of year. Hang in there, everybody. We can do it!!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Well, it seems the rains have finally begun. We are so far behind on precip it isn't even funny. Dark and rainy now. We'll see if it stays.

Feeling pretty good. No voices for a couple of days. Not very paranoid. Did see some weird guy in my building I've never seen before. He glared at me. Little paranoid about that. Seems like my computer just magically turned on while I was trying to sleep last night. Not sure about that. But overall, pretty good.

Need to go and finish this chapter on yoga at the hospital. Funny story. Anyhow, hope everyone is holding up all right. Very stressful time of year. Hang in there, everybody. We can do it!!

Thank you for being a superb teammate. Even at your lower points you radiate very loving and supportive energy. It is great to see you doing better than the past few weeks. I hope this trend continues for you and allows joy to come forward regularly in your experiences.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Something really got me crying for a while this morning. I won't go into what it was, but it's clear how sensitive I still am after too many weeks of stress. I really wish it would ease already. The coming holidays aren't that appreciated, either. To date, I have only purchased one (yes, only one) Christmas gift. Luckily, I don't exchange with many people, but I should still have more than one by now. Later today I'll do some online shopping.


I love my state, but it can be so hectic here sometimes. Obviously, we all want our roads and bridges to be fixed, but they seem to plan the repairs in such a way that it creates utter traffic chaos. And people in my state can be pretty aggressive and easily angered. Me included! Yesterday I was trying to cross a highway to continue on a road. While my light was still red, I knew cars had already unnecessarily created a gridlock/jam. Then my light turned green and the jam was still there. I had just had enough, and put my hand on the horn so it continuously was blowing. Of course some woman gave me the finger, but I just kept blowing the horn. Then on the way back (same intersection), people try to aggressively butt in. I was not going to have that happen. I had arrived at the intersection with some woman in a rather odd spot. Since she was there before me, I was planning to let her go before me, but I was also preventing this smart aleck from squeezing passed us to butt in. So the light turns green, and the woman I was letting go didn't go, even though I had opened my car window and motioned that she should. People would all look at her as being a fool, in the end , and doing everyone more harm than good. I'm glad at least that I don't drive at night. My poor husband does. People drive on back roads as if they are highways. At night, many people also put on their high beams and just leave them on, no matter what. Then if it is raining, you have the glare. Also, my state has a dense population of white-tailed deer. You have to worry about them, too. Almost every night on my husband's way home, there is someone in the ditch with the cops there. People just don't get it! Also, many people think turn signals are optional. They also think they can go straight from a right or left turn lane. Of course many are looking at their stupid smart phones, while driving.


I hate driving anywhere, anymore. Even driving to the grocery store can be a nightmare! Even in parking lots it can be nightmare! It's amazing how many people don't know how to back their cars out of a regular parking spot! Also (usually out of staters) people don't know how to parallel park. Or they don't know how to drive in a traffic circle (aka rotary). Some people also have some weird notion that people turning left have right away before those turning right (that is unless there is a left turn signal). Or, they drive such huge ships that they can't see.


Thank you for letting me vent!

I’m sorry you had more tears flowing, I think it’s a normal thing, your life has been full of struggle for months now. Go easy on yourself.

Oh boy do I understand the driving bit. I seldom drive when we go to Florida it just stresses me out. I use to drive in it daily and never gave it a second thought.

Where I live now it’s hysterically easy. The deer problem ?? Yes yes that is a big issue rutting season or not. In the 15 years we have been here we have hit 2 and 3 have bashed into the sides of our truck. They are beautiful but dumb dumb dumb !

Can you do some of your shopping online? Could avoid the driving and crowds.

Be kind to yourself

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Last night I read far too late/ early. I think it was 3am when I shut my light off. Still couldn't sleep. Had to give up at 9:30 as my nephew is coming. Mum is all anxious to see him. Hasn't seen him for over a year. He works as a federal prison gaurd at a security hospital. Hard to believe but he's aging out. There's mandatory retirement at 55. Hard to believe my nephews are that old but they both have grand kids! My oldest sister is much older than me.

“ Aging out “ that just sounds like some horrible disease... is he looking forward to it ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

I haven't been here in ages. It's comforting to see familiar 'names' again. (is that a new hair color/look ~Christina? I love it, it rocks!)
Yup Birddancer, driving and drivers suck.
Hugs to all that are struggling and continue to fight this battle, I hope we all find restful sleep as much as we can.

I'm ok. Wouldn't know where to start at this point. Same ol same ol, the good the bad and the ugly.
Posted some "poems" ( I use that term very loosely) in Creative. I guess its a way of helping to get some of the blah out of me.

Fa la la la la la la la la

HUGS

Hey there !! Have missed you

Yup that me I quit dying my hair and now kicking myself for not doing it a couple decades ago lol

I’m going to check out the poems

Are you ready for Christmas?!?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went to the laundromat today, glad to have that over with. Finished a book I was reading. According to Goodreads I've read 49 books this year, not as much as I normally read but my concentration is getting back to where it used to be.


I have a phone interview coming up with a new apartment complex I'm trying to get into. Hopefully that goes well. I'm so ready to get out of my current apartment. It's a nicer place overall and better for me financially. Plus they work with your care manager, therapist, and doctor to help you meet your goals and keep you on track.

Glad today was better for you

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you getting the other place

[~Christina]

I finally got sleep ! 9 hours ! Woke to a horrible headache but it’s lifting and I feel a internal calmness again that I have been lacking for a long time because of the insomnia.

Hugs to all ~

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I finally got sleep ! 9 hours ! Woke to a horrible headache but it’s lifting and I feel a internal calmness again that I have been lacking for a long time because of the insomnia.

Hugs to all ~

I'm so glad you slept! I hope tonight it good too.

[Nammu]

I'm glad you slept too.

He's already looking at other jobs he can do. He'll get a pension but he wants his toys too so he's looking into other jobs.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I finally got sleep ! 9 hours ! Woke to a horrible headache but it’s lifting and I feel a internal calmness again that I have been lacking for a long time because of the insomnia.

Hugs to all ~

'

wow!!!9 hours of sleep!!!!
Hopefully the head ache went away.
happy you got a good nights sleep.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by rose1985

I haven't slept. I got up and had a baked potato with light sour cream. I'm doing weight watchers and I'm hungry. I really hope I can stick to this plan. It seems doable.

Since coming off lorazepam my sleep is all messed up. I'm sleeping about 3-6 hours a night. Im going to talk to this new pdoc about it when I see him Friday.

My son is being very ocd. He's constantly washing his hands and having the tv on certain channels. He's also asking me basic questions. Like, should I go to bed etc. He's delusional on and off. We're a mess, lol.

I have so much Christmas shopping to do. It's hard when you're broke. I do what I can and my family is gracious about it.

It snowed last night, ugh. I hate winter. Summer is the season I love. Im hoping we don't get a lot of snow this winter. I'm counting down the days til it ends, lol. Oh well, I'll survive.

I'm gonna try and sleep again. I hope everyone has a good day! Big hugs to those having a hard time.

started on visteril and melatonin to sleep and ear plugs.
Sleep good now.
bizi

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I'm glad you slept too.


He's already looking at other jobs he can do. He'll get a pension but he wants his toys too so he's looking into other jobs.

I’m so glad you got sleep also !

Ahhh good for him! Yes toys cost money !!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bizi

'

wow!!!9 hours of sleep!!!!
Hopefully the head ache went away.
happy you got a good nights sleep.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Thanks ! Yes luckily the headache faded. That sleep was amazing

[bpcyclist]

Went to bed at 7ish. Got up after an hour of nothing remotely resembling sleep and cleaned. Got caught up on emails and stuff. Lay back down at around 11 and then finally slept 'till 3. That is very good for me right now. This is just my reality now and I am trying to accept it. I find that not accepting reality is a ticket to stress.

Just checked the radar and it looks like there is a crease in the rain for a little bit. I'm gonna get my gear on and try to get out in in for 90 minutes or so.

Despite my shocking sleep deficit, I do not seem to be really psychotic or manic at the moment. Watching this very closely. I have spent many, many Christmas dinners in the hospital. Don't want to do that again.

Sending support, calm, and safe hugs to everyone. It's a tough time of year. Hang in there!!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I finally got sleep ! 9 hours ! Woke to a horrible headache but it’s lifting and I feel a internal calmness again that I have been lacking for a long time because of the insomnia.

Hugs to all ~

Christina, nine hours is great! I hope your headache is now gone and you feel beautifully rested.

bpcyclist, enjoy your bike ride! Whenever I think of you, I imagine you riding with a nice breeze blowing past you.

Tomorrow I plan to make the very last of my Czech Christmas cookies for my Czech Christmas cookies post series. I also plan to make some marzipan, which I will use to make little marzipan hedgehogs. Once I've done this, I will post one additional post that shows just the photos of each cookie/confection with accompanying descriptions and links to the recipe posts. All have been made, photographed, and have tweaked recipes that include US and European ingredient measurements. There will be 10 total cookie recipes/confections, plus a Christmas sweet bread recipe. This has been quite a big project! Frankly, I'll be glad when it is over. That won't stop my Christmas cookie baking, though. I will likely make a couple more that I didn't make this year, but are already represented on my blog. Then, I will likely end the culinary posts and go back to posting about mental health issues, reflections, prose poetry, other articles, and stories.

Today we go to Philly for my hubby's regular eye exam. I hate these appointments, because they last almost 2 hours each time. The drive to Philly is also unpleasant.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by rose1985

I really hope you can get into this new apt. It sounds great!

All that reading is awesome. I used to read all the time too. Since I went through a psychosis, I've had a hard time reading. So cool that you can read better! You always seem so positive. Glad you got the laundromat out of the way too.

Thank you! I hope so too, it's a great opportunity.

I've also experienced issues with reading after having gone through several psychotic episodes, I guess some long lasting cognitive issues are result of that, it took a long time for my reading to get back to where it used to be, being stable for a long period of time has helped.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Really hope that apartment works out for you. That sounds like a fairly unique place. At least around here, I am not aware of any complexes that have that kind of structure or whatever to help one stay on track. I wish we did.

Thanks! Hopefully it does, it seems like a great program I wish there were more places like it available for people

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Well I slept about 2 hours. I'm excited tho, I saw my therapist and we're going to do a cbt fear ladder about my bathing. It sounds like it might work. I so hope it does. Having this horrible anxiety about bathing just makes me want to isolate bc I don't want to go out in public not bathed.

I'm gonna make egg salad sandwiches with cut up apples for dinner. We have a ton of eggs.

So far I'm following my eating plan.

Hope everyone is well. If you're struggling, know this too shall pass.

Hope you're able to get some more sleep. I've read about cbt fear ladders in some of my cbt workbooks, I hope it helps you

I just set up some Nest security cameras in my apartment.

When I first moved in, someone tried to steal stuff from me. (It was during the moving process, too.) Then about 6 months ago, I saw some guy casually walking up and down the hallway grabbing onto everyone's door handles and wiggling them. I didn't recognize him. Now someone random was rattling my handles. I'm not sure if they mistook the apartment for theirs or if it was someone else who was trying to see if I left my door open. So I just said, "f*** it. I'll just keep my place safe."

I'm glad these cameras have so many features, such as being able to tell when you're away, taking high-res photos of people who break in, and sending alerts when there is movement while you're gone. Should also be helpful when maintenance comes in because it should help prevent theft (or at least capture the theft on video). I got them on sale from B&H.

Anyway, mood is pretty good. Neither up nor down, but juuuuust right.

I have therapy tomorrow and I have a lot of things to talk about. I hope I'm able to talk through everything in the short period of time I have (35 mins).

Originally Posted by bizi

started on visteril and melatonin to sleep and ear plugs.
Sleep good now.
bizi

Thanks for the idea. I'm already on the max dose of visteral. I'm also on trazadone and Zyprexa for sleep. It's slowly improving. I'm glad you're sleeping well.

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Hope you're able to get some more sleep. I've read about cbt fear ladders in some of my cbt workbooks, I hope it helps you

Thank you! I finally slept. I'm hoping the fear ladders work too.

[Blue_Bird]

Made plans to hang out with my friend tomorrow.

Even after a few months it still feels weird to be so stable. Normally 99% of the time I'd be caught up with paranoid delusions and auditory hallucinations most of the day every day, now that most of my symptoms are gone for the first time in many years I'm almost at a loss for what to do with myself, I know that sounds weird lol I guess I was just always so preoccupied and in my own world that time passed quickly.. or didn't exist for me.

Bought an apple pie and french vanilla ice cream to have around Christmas I'm really looking forward to the holidays!

Hope everyone is well

Another day -- they've got to get better, right?