I haven't slept. I'm sooo worried about my son. The voices are saying bad things to him. He's asking my permission to do everything. He feels hopeless. His psychatrist just wants him taking 10 mgs of Zyprexa. He's gaining weight and it's not helping. I'm a mess, I didn't bathe and I see this new psychiatrist today. I'm so worried about what will happen and I'm embarrassed to go in so gross. But I can't cancel. I need his help. I'm so scared.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Have you and BlueBird (and everyone else I guess) seen BookBub? It has a daily email of books from genres on Amazon or BN.com you select with sale prices from free $2.99 at highest (usually more like $1.99 at most). I love it and even more because I can earn a gift card for my Nook on Swagbucks and then download 12 or more books without any cost, even getting some bestsellers in there.

That's awesome, thanks for the info!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Have you and BlueBird (and everyone else I guess) seen BookBub? It has a daily email of books from genres on Amazon or BN.com you select with sale prices from free $2.99 at highest (usually more like $1.99 at most). I love it and even more because I can earn a gift card for my Nook on Swagbucks and then download 12 or more books without any cost, even getting some bestsellers in there.

Thanks for sharing. I signed up today and found two free books I liked right off the bat. They were sent to my kindle and my iPhone. Good stuff.

[Victoria'smom]

I got some really good news about my son but I still feel a sense of doom and nervous energy. I see pdoc Monday hopefully she can help. too anxious to post here. I am reading here and thinking of everyone

[Sunflower123]

Checking in. I got out of the house yesterday and stayed out for awhile doing things on my own. The most I spent was treating myself to Starbucks. I feel disloyal saying I need a break every now and then but it was glorious. I’m so accustomed to caring for my mom and brother that I forget I am a separate being with my own individual needs. I’m going to take breaks more often.

Doing pretty good. Sleep is on target again. Looking forward to Christmas and seeing M. There is a festive Christmas symphony performance and a few Christmas concerts I’m looking forward to as well.

Warm wishes to all for a peaceful day.

[Scooter9]

Still sleeping only a few hours a night.

My pdoc is stopping Wellbutrin to try to do something about this insomnia. She also reduced Mirapex a little.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Boiling in poisonous shame over things i said and did in my hypomania this Fall. Muttering to myself what a stupid b!t(h i am, what an asshole, what an idiot. Overeating and oversleeping. Unwashed. Home is a dump. No food in the kitchen. Living on junk from the convenience store. Down a dark hole again. Thought my new regimen of less Seroquel and more Lamictal would save me from depression again but it appears not.

I obviously don't know you very well, but I just had to respond to this. I actually had so much trouble with shame that I finally took a course on Shame Resilience. What you are doing right here with this post is one of the four pillars of shame resilience--you are reaching out to others, rather than isolating and hiding. So, good job!

I am sorry you are suffering, but saying mean and hypercritical things to and about yourself will not help. Please try to recognize when you are being mean to yourself and try to moderate or, even better, eliminate it. It just produces more toxic shame.

Sending you positive self-talk and support. I hope your day gets better.

[bpcyclist]

Slept from maybe 5ish to 11ish, which is unheard of. My body, finally giving in, I guess. Feeling sort of dazed, but definitely less tense. Grateful for the rest, as it is so very rare.

Going to write and take it easy today. Have to head to the pharmacy later and get some more Zyprexa. Hoping everybody has a great rest of the day.

[Nammu]

Got though the scope procedure with flying colors. The pre screening took along time but the procedure itself went fast as I was out during it. He found grade B esophagus and did two biopsies and I have an ulcer. One of the biopsy is for Barrett's but because of the holidays it will be 2-3 weeks. I may need antibiotics and a portion something or other. There is hiatal narrowing which explains the spasms and chest pain. Just got to take it easy for 24 hours then wait for results

[Wander]

For the next few days I won't post as my eyesight is very blurry. A side effect from the Haloperidol. Stopping it today so I hope I don't fall apart without it. It is sooo frustrating. This post took me 10 minutes to write.

I'm feeling much more accepting of my depression today. It's hard to slide back into it when i was hoping my med changes would protect me from it but here it is again. It's nice to get back to sleeping a lot, 16 hours last night. I'll just sleep thru it.

@~Christina: Thanks for your support! It would stand to reason that i should go back to a med regimen that worked but no meds ever worked for me. There's no reason to take something that doesn't work. It's just an unnecessary expense and bother. I'm disappointed that the Seroquel withdrawal didn't reduce my appetite or fatigue but it's still nice to be almost off it.

@fern46: Thanks for your support! I did manage to get the trash out today and it looks a lot better in here.

@bpcyclist: Thanks for your support! Shame is so unpleasant but i haven't found anyway to combat it. I've read several things but they were too gimmicky. I find most self-help gimmicky.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'm feeling much more accepting of my depression today. It's hard to slide back into it when i was hoping my med changes would protect me from it but here it is again. It's nice to get back to sleeping a lot, 16 hours last night. I'll just sleep thru it.

@~Christina: Thanks for your support! It would stand to reason that i should go back to a med regimen that worked but no meds ever worked for me. There's no reason to take something that doesn't work. It's just an unnecessary expense and bother. I'm disappointed that the Seroquel withdrawal didn't reduce my appetite or fatigue but it's still nice to be almost off it.

@fern46: Thanks for your support! I did manage to get the trash out today and it looks a lot better in here.

@bpcyclist: Thanks for your support! Shame is so unpleasant but i haven't found anyway to combat it. I've read several things but they were too gimmicky. I find most self-help gimmicky.

Nice job on the trash! One step at a time.

[falcon09]

I slept a ton last night, from 8pm-3am and then from 4am-2pm

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Y


Kindle is Amazon so you are ready to go. You actually have an advantage; sometimes my nook offers are less than Amazon offeres. Have fun!

Thanks !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I am doing okay. Had a strawberry donut and coffee this morning. Yum! Been feeling decent this week. I wonder if it has anything to do with using the light therapy or not. I also recognize I have gotten way better at recognizing when I am catastrophizing and that's helping me. I originally did not find the little CBT I did useful, but in the long run, working on it on my own it does seem helpful. Catastrophizing is a big cognitive distortion of mine.

I have to get up the courage to call my psychiatrist today. I have decided I am somehow distorting that situation in my mind, too, where I think they don't want me to bother them or that I don't really need to since I am "okay". I am really a very stubborn person and always have been.

Anyways, got to get to work. I am working from home today. Sending compassion!

It’s good that your questioning your thinking ! It’s hard to do. Good for you

Strawberry donut ? Oh yummy

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Checking in. I got out of the house yesterday and stayed out for awhile doing things on my own. The most I spent was treating myself to Starbucks. I feel disloyal saying I need a break every now and then but it was glorious. I’m so accustomed to caring for my mom and brother that I forget I am a separate being with my own individual needs. I’m going to take breaks more often.


Doing pretty good. Sleep is on target again. Looking forward to Christmas and seeing M. There is a festive Christmas symphony performance and a few Christmas concerts I’m looking forward to as well.


Warm wishes to all for a peaceful day.

So happy your getting out and especially seeing that you need to make time for yourself

How are you recovering from your fall ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Got though the scope procedure with flying colors. The pre screening took along time but the procedure itself went fast as I was out during it. He found grade B esophagus and did two biopsies and I have an ulcer. One of the biopsy is for Barrett's but because of the holidays it will be 2-3 weeks. I may need antibiotics and a portion something or other. There is hiatal narrowing which explains the spasms and chest pain. Just got to take it easy for 24 hours then wait for results

So glad the procedure went well hopefully you can find treatment that can fix you up.

[~Christina]

Well seriously am over it all ! My physical health is just getting worse.

My poor breathing is causing a hold up on starting a new medication for my psoriasis and PsA which are both just exploding. Joint pain across the board is just awful , my left hand and especially my fingers have me just breaking down in tears. My feet are like walking on razor blades

My husbands is having to help me do most everything. And my Fibro started to really flare last night and it’s just raging.

So I’m sitting here surrounded with soggy tissues and typing on my phone with just my right thumb.

This is when I think .. Why ? What’s the point? Chronic pain can break even the strongest of people.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well seriously am over it all ! My physical health is just getting worse.

My poor breathing is causing a hold up on starting a new medication for my psoriasis and PsA which are both just exploding. Joint pain across the board is just awful , my left hand and especially my fingers have me just breaking down in tears. My feet are like walking on razor blades

My husbands is having to help me do most everything. And my Fibro started to really flare last night and it’s just raging.

So I’m sitting here surrounded with soggy tissues and typing on my phone with just my right thumb.

This is when I think .. Why ? What’s the point? Chronic pain can break even the strongest of people.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself.

breath it will get better, it will.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well seriously am over it all ! My physical health is just getting worse.

My poor breathing is causing a hold up on starting a new medication for my psoriasis and PsA which are both just exploding. Joint pain across the board is just awful , my left hand and especially my fingers have me just breaking down in tears. My feet are like walking on razor blades

My husbands is having to help me do most everything. And my Fibro started to really flare last night and it’s just raging.

So I’m sitting here surrounded with soggy tissues and typing on my phone with just my right thumb.

This is when I think .. Why ? What’s the point? Chronic pain can break even the strongest of people.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself.

Oh, sweetie!!!!! I'm so sorry it's being so sucky. Lots of gentle cyberhugs. You VERY much deserve a serious break! Lots of

[fishin fool]

Been a long time since I checked in. I’m doing ok, meds seem to be doing their job right now

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by fishin fool

Been a long time since I checked in. I’m doing ok, meds seem to be doing their job right now

Hi! It's great to have you drop in! It surely has been a long time!

How is life treating you?

So glad you've posted!

[Merlin]

I talked with my psychiatrist today. It went well. We discussed the symptoms I had had and how reducing my antidepressant brought me out of a hypomania. I’m going to keep an eye on my mood until I see him next Friday.

I want to talk to him about my social anxiety. I’d like something to treat it. I’ve read CBD oil can help, but I’d also be open to benzodiazepines or beta blockers. I know therapy is probably the long term solution, but I need something to get me out the door.

[bizi]

@Wild Coyote

How are you doing?
bizi

[xRavenx]

I met with my pdoc today, and she increased my Latuda again and also switched me from clonazepam to Xanax, because lately I need something faster acting. I've been on it before. I am hoping the med increase will make a difference and that I do not get bad side effects. Also, today I met with my new therapist for the first time. She seemed nice and wants to help me work on changing certain behaviors. Not sure exactly which exercises she will give me, but change is difficult for me, so I hope she has patience. When I am pushed too far too soon, I get really overwhelmed and feel discouraged.