[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm glad you have something different to look forward to. I know the trip is hard on you even without the increased PsA symptoms. The movie is supposed to be very good based on my niece reviewers.

[Wander]

Yesterday the anxiety and terror eased off. I am assuming that is the Haloperidol, and Lorazepam. I still feel very anxious and agitated but not at the dangerous levels. To get exercise I have been pacing the corridors as I can barely read due to poor concentration. Bad news is my eyes are starting to go fuzzy so I am going to have to stop Haldol today or tomorrow. I worried nothing else will work as well leaving me options.

See my T today. it's been three weeks sine I last saw him as I wasn't allows out of hospital, and he isn't allowed in as he is not linked to this hospital. We will have soooo much to cover I am trying to work out where to begin. I guess I will come in with a list of options and see which one he sees as most helpful for today.

I made a hair appointment for a anti-frizz treatment. It is expensive but considering all the products I use now to try to calm my frizzy hair it may actually not be that expensive overall to have the treatment as the products I have been using are costly also. . It should last two months. My frizzy 'cat lady hairstyle is crushing my self esteem. I am sure it is a side effect of either Lamictal, or Lithium, I am no longer on Lamictal and the new growth is a lot straighter. I am also on Lithium which can do it too. Just when you hot that perfect combo stuff like this happens and you have to choose sanity over vanity.

I miss my beloved ocean. We are in the middle of a long heatwave(not that I can tell being cooped up in hospital. Temperures are getting up to 40'C (around 110'f I think). Perfect beach weather for early morning and sunset swims. I am trying to convince my parents to take me to the beach tomorrow. They have a busy day. I have one friend who offered to go out with me but my pdoc only trusts my parents to keep me safe. This is odd as they are my main trigger.They are also having to take me to see my T as my pdoc doesn't trust me going alone or with someone Somehow I WILL find a way to go for a swim soon. It is the best therapy for me.

I just re-read my post and saw all the errors. Pease let me know if I didn't make sense in parts. More importantly My Mum told me yesterday afternoon that my Dad is seriously depressed. His decline into depression began when I got ill again about 2 months ago. My um looks a mess too. I feel so guilty . The nurses have been reassuring me that its not my fault. Still, it feels that way.

[Return To Sender]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Sorry things exploded and of course then you need to make amends.

Look into buying a DBT work book off Amazon , they are cheap think probably 18-20 including shipping. It can help you identify triggers in your self that can help you avoid things blowing up. There is also a lot of info about it online just do a google search

It might help you

@~Christina, I'm not familiar with DBT but I'm looking into it now. Thank you! I hope you have a restful night tonight!

[franz kafka]

I hope you get to go swimming soon, Wander.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Return To Sender

@~Christina, I'm not familiar with DBT but I'm looking into it now. Thank you! I hope you have a restful night tonight!

Your welcome and thanks for the good wishes for my possible sleep

[bizi]

Wander, thank you for posting....I was worried about you.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My mood has been low. I'm trying to get it back up though. I've been coping with it the best I can. I watched the new Lion King today and loved it! Still reading and drawing a lot which is good. I'm trying out using mindfulness techniques and meditations again, it helped me immensely during a rough period before so I'm hoping it helps again.

I'm sorry you have been feeling down.
It sounds lik,e you are trying hard to get ahead of this, which is great!
I truly admire the time/energy input
We are here for you!

@bpcyclist: I look forward to reading your book!

@MarcusAurelius: Glad your tacos turned out and sorry you had to hear such a stupid comment. Nice to hear from you tho!

I'm doing okay. Getting out to the mall to people-watch and spending long Winter evenings with my dog watching TV. I've started a new book by my favorite author and it's achingly beautiful. Having trouble showering again but i bought a nice purple Winter hat so there's that. Figure i'll try to go to Scrabble regularly and study and play online as doing something i'm good at will boost my confidence. Tried a Master Class in creative writing with Joyce Carol Oates and my work read like the fillers in Reader's Digest! Oh well. Some shame stings, berating myself for outrageous things i said or did while hypo-manic which is not great but it's tolerable. Have abandoned Overeaters Anonymous (OA) because it was just making me feel bad about myself and i already have enough of that. Winter is here.

Wander, I think frizzy hair could be a result of Lithium or Lamictal. I noticed differences in my hair then.

I do sometimes still have frizzy hair, but that is because my hair is naturally curly.

I think after what you've been through, you more than deserve a nice day at the hair salon.

[Scooter9]

I got a surprising email from my pdoc.

She said that since there zopiclone didn't do anything, she consulted with her colleagues (she works in a hospital), and decided to stop both the Wellbutrin and Mirapex.

She says that they're not helping my depression much and are instead causing side effects, so she wants to stop them.

Instead she wants to start me on Remeron. I'm worried about the side effects of increase in appetite and drowsiness.

She says it's up to me to decide. I have asked her to see if there's something else she can prescribe.

Something really got me crying for a while this morning. I won't go into what it was, but it's clear how sensitive I still am after too many weeks of stress. I really wish it would ease already. The coming holidays aren't that appreciated, either. To date, I have only purchased one (yes, only one) Christmas gift. Luckily, I don't exchange with many people, but I should still have more than one by now. Later today I'll do some online shopping.

I love my state, but it can be so hectic here sometimes. Obviously, we all want our roads and bridges to be fixed, but they seem to plan the repairs in such a way that it creates utter traffic chaos. And people in my state can be pretty aggressive and easily angered. Me included! Yesterday I was trying to cross a highway to continue on a road. While my light was still red, I knew cars had already unnecessarily created a gridlock/jam. Then my light turned green and the jam was still there. I had just had enough, and put my hand on the horn so it continuously was blowing. Of course some woman gave me the finger, but I just kept blowing the horn. Then on the way back (same intersection), people try to aggressively butt in. I was not going to have that happen. I had arrived at the intersection with some woman in a rather odd spot. Since she was there before me, I was planning to let her go before me, but I was also preventing this smart aleck from squeezing passed us to butt in. So the light turns green, and the woman I was letting go didn't go, even though I had opened my car window and motioned that she should. People would all look at her as being a fool, in the end , and doing everyone more harm than good. I'm glad at least that I don't drive at night. My poor husband does. People drive on back roads as if they are highways. At night, many people also put on their high beams and just leave them on, no matter what. Then if it is raining, you have the glare. Also, my state has a dense population of white-tailed deer. You have to worry about them, too. Almost every night on my husband's way home, there is someone in the ditch with the cops there. People just don't get it! Also, many people think turn signals are optional. They also think they can go straight from a right or left turn lane. Of course many are looking at their stupid smart phones, while driving.

I hate driving anywhere, anymore. Even driving to the grocery store can be a nightmare! Even in parking lots it can be nightmare! It's amazing how many people don't know how to back their cars out of a regular parking spot! Also (usually out of staters) people don't know how to parallel park. Or they don't know how to drive in a traffic circle (aka rotary). Some people also have some weird notion that people turning left have right away before those turning right (that is unless there is a left turn signal). Or, they drive such huge ships that they can't see.

Thank you for letting me vent!

I haven't slept. I got up and had a baked potato with light sour cream. I'm doing weight watchers and I'm hungry. I really hope I can stick to this plan. It seems doable.

Since coming off lorazepam my sleep is all messed up. I'm sleeping about 3-6 hours a night. Im going to talk to this new pdoc about it when I see him Friday.

My son is being very ocd. He's constantly washing his hands and having the tv on certain channels. He's also asking me basic questions. Like, should I go to bed etc. He's delusional on and off. We're a mess, lol.

I have so much Christmas shopping to do. It's hard when you're broke. I do what I can and my family is gracious about it.

It snowed last night, ugh. I hate winter. Summer is the season I love. Im hoping we don't get a lot of snow this winter. I'm counting down the days til it ends, lol. Oh well, I'll survive.

I'm gonna try and sleep again. I hope everyone has a good day! Big hugs to those having a hard time.

[Nammu]

Last night I read far too late/ early. I think it was 3am when I shut my light off. Still couldn't sleep. Had to give up at 9:30 as my nephew is coming. Mum is all anxious to see him. Hasn't seen him for over a year. He works as a federal prison gaurd at a security hospital. Hard to believe but he's aging out. There's mandatory retirement at 55. Hard to believe my nephews are that old but they both have grand kids! My oldest sister is much older than me.

[Tucson]

I have slept only 3.5 hours last night. My dog climbed into bed with me and proceeded to try to push me off of it. This is a large dog. LOL My pdoc thinks I may have ADD. Personally, I think my symptoms just are a consequence of my BP, not ADD. Otherwise, apart from my miserable financial status, I am doing OK.

[liveforsummer]

I haven't been here in ages. It's comforting to see familiar 'names' again. (is that a new hair color/look ~Christina? I love it, it rocks!)
Yup Birddancer, driving and drivers suck.
Hugs to all that are struggling and continue to fight this battle, I hope we all find restful sleep as much as we can.

I'm ok. Wouldn't know where to start at this point. Same ol same ol, the good the bad and the ugly.
Posted some "poems" ( I use that term very loosely) in Creative. I guess its a way of helping to get some of the blah out of me.

Fa la la la la la la la la

HUGS

I’ve rewritten this message 5 times. I give up on even trying to explain. Just a bad day. Let’s hope I can let today go and move forward.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I'm sorry you have been feeling down.
It sounds lik,e you are trying hard to get ahead of this, which is great!
I truly admire the time/energy input
We are here for you!

Thank you! felt quite a bit better today

Hope you're well

[Blue_Bird]

Went to the laundromat today, glad to have that over with. Finished a book I was reading. According to Goodreads I've read 49 books this year, not as much as I normally read but my concentration is getting back to where it used to be.

I have a phone interview coming up with a new apartment complex I'm trying to get into. Hopefully that goes well. I'm so ready to get out of my current apartment. It's a nicer place overall and better for me financially. Plus they work with your care manager, therapist, and doctor to help you meet your goals and keep you on track.

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went to the laundromat today, glad to have that over with. Finished a book I was reading. According to Goodreads I've read 49 books this year, not as much as I normally read but my concentration is getting back to where it used to be.

I have a phone interview coming up with a new apartment complex I'm trying to get into. Hopefully that goes well. I'm so ready to get out of my current apartment. It's a nicer place overall and better for me financially. Plus they work with your care manager, therapist, and doctor to help you meet your goals and keep you on track.

I really hope you can get into this new apt. It sounds great!

All that reading is awesome. I used to read all the time too. Since I went through a psychosis, I've had a hard time reading. So cool that you can read better! You always seem so positive. Glad you got the laundromat out of the way too.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I got a surprising email from my pdoc.

She said that since there zopiclone didn't do anything, she consulted with her colleagues (she works in a hospital), and decided to stop both the Wellbutrin and Mirapex.

She says that they're not helping my depression much and are instead causing side effects, so she wants to stop them.

Instead she wants to start me on Remeron. I'm worried about the side effects of increase in appetite and drowsiness.

She says it's up to me to decide. I have asked her to see if there's something else she can prescribe.

Scooter, I was on Remeron for two years. Cannot recall the dose. It did help me sleep, but man, the next day was really hard sometimes. Super sleepy. Ate a lot. It did help my depression, but finally, the daytime drowsiness thing was just too much and we switched to Cymbalta, which worked pretty well. Sending you positive vibes. Med changes are never fun.

Well I slept about 2 hours. I'm excited tho, I saw my therapist and we're going to do a cbt fear ladder about my bathing. It sounds like it might work. I so hope it does. Having this horrible anxiety about bathing just makes me want to isolate bc I don't want to go out in public not bathed.

I'm gonna make egg salad sandwiches with cut up apples for dinner. We have a ton of eggs.

So far I'm following my eating plan.

Hope everyone is well. If you're struggling, know this too shall pass.

[yellow_fleurs]

Took a work class today that was pretty interesting. Now I am making some veggie chili. It goes such a long way to make a packet of dried bean chili so I will have food for a few days. I might also make some cornbread. I made a goal to call my psychiatrist by Friday, because I am working from home Friday and will have the time. I have therapy on Monday so there's some accountability because I've had a couple of weeks to do it. Would be embarrassed to say I still hadn't done it haha. Sending compassion to everyone.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Something really got me crying for a while this morning. I won't go into what it was, but it's clear how sensitive I still am after too many weeks of stress. I really wish it would ease already. The coming holidays aren't that appreciated, either. To date, I have only purchased one (yes, only one) Christmas gift. Luckily, I don't exchange with many people, but I should still have more than one by now. Later today I'll do some online shopping.

I love my state, but it can be so hectic here sometimes. Obviously, we all want our roads and bridges to be fixed, but they seem to plan the repairs in such a way that it creates utter traffic chaos. And people in my state can be pretty aggressive and easily angered. Me included! Yesterday I was trying to cross a highway to continue on a road. While my light was still red, I knew cars had already unnecessarily created a gridlock/jam. Then my light turned green and the jam was still there. I had just had enough, and put my hand on the horn so it continuously was blowing. Of course some woman gave me the finger, but I just kept blowing the horn. Then on the way back (same intersection), people try to aggressively butt in. I was not going to have that happen. I had arrived at the intersection with some woman in a rather odd spot. Since she was there before me, I was planning to let her go before me, but I was also preventing this smart aleck from squeezing passed us to butt in. So the light turns green, and the woman I was letting go didn't go, even though I had opened my car window and motioned that she should. People would all look at her as being a fool, in the end , and doing everyone more harm than good. I'm glad at least that I don't drive at night. My poor husband does. People drive on back roads as if they are highways. At night, many people also put on their high beams and just leave them on, no matter what. Then if it is raining, you have the glare. Also, my state has a dense population of white-tailed deer. You have to worry about them, too. Almost every night on my husband's way home, there is someone in the ditch with the cops there. People just don't get it! Also, many people think turn signals are optional. They also think they can go straight from a right or left turn lane. Of course many are looking at their stupid smart phones, while driving.

I hate driving anywhere, anymore. Even driving to the grocery store can be a nightmare! Even in parking lots it can be nightmare! It's amazing how many people don't know how to back their cars out of a regular parking spot! Also (usually out of staters) people don't know how to parallel park. Or they don't know how to drive in a traffic circle (aka rotary). Some people also have some weird notion that people turning left have right away before those turning right (that is unless there is a left turn signal). Or, they drive such huge ships that they can't see.

Thank you for letting me vent!

I am sorry you were sent into crying this morning, BirdDancer. That sounds like not a very nice start to the day. I hope things got a bit better for you after that. The holidays!!

I went to college in NYC and I remember driving in the tri-state area and even down to Philly and DC. It was generally not an enjoyable experience. There is just such population density there. Too many people vying for too few lanes. Coming from the west coast, it was just shocking to me. Not sure where you are located BD, but, it sounds like you were dealing with some stressed holiday motorists today. Not fun. Glad you made it home safely. Hopefully you can have a nice, peaceful evening with your hubby and a good sleep and not have to drive anywhere tomorrow morning...

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went to the laundromat today, glad to have that over with. Finished a book I was reading. According to Goodreads I've read 49 books this year, not as much as I normally read but my concentration is getting back to where it used to be.

I have a phone interview coming up with a new apartment complex I'm trying to get into. Hopefully that goes well. I'm so ready to get out of my current apartment. It's a nicer place overall and better for me financially. Plus they work with your care manager, therapist, and doctor to help you meet your goals and keep you on track.

Really hope that apartment works out for you. That sounds like a fairly unique place. At least around here, I am not aware of any complexes that have that kind of structure or whatever to help one stay on track. I wish we did.

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am sorry you were sent into crying this morning, BirdDancer. That sounds like not a very nice start to the day. I hope things got a bit better for you after that. The holidays!!

I went to college in NYC and I remember driving in the tri-state area and even down to Philly and DC. It was generally not an enjoyable experience. There is just such population density there. Too many people vying for too few lanes. Coming from the west coast, it was just shocking to me. Not sure where you are located BD, but, it sounds like you were dealing with some stressed holiday motorists today. Not fun. Glad you made it home safely. Hopefully you can have a nice, peaceful evening with your hubby and a good sleep and not have to drive anywhere tomorrow morning...

You're so sweet, bpcyclist. Thank you! I hope you have a pleasant evening and good sleep tonight.

You hit the nail on the head about my general location. I'm exactly halfway between NYC and Philadelphia, as the crow flies. Tomorrow we have to go to Philly for my husband's regular eye appointment at Will's Eye. It's a rough drive.