Had a bad day. Still really worried about my son. Pdoc wants to get me off my ad. He thinks it might be causing my anxiety. I'm worried. I decreased it tonight.

I'm worried that I'll go into a deep dark depression. Those are worse than this horrible anxiety. I don't know if I'll live through it to be honest.

Still really wound up. Just anxious and worried.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well seriously am over it all ! My physical health is just getting worse.

My poor breathing is causing a hold up on starting a new medication for my psoriasis and PsA which are both just exploding. Joint pain across the board is just awful , my left hand and especially my fingers have me just breaking down in tears. My feet are like walking on razor blades

My husbands is having to help me do most everything. And my Fibro started to really flare last night and it’s just raging.

So I’m sitting here surrounded with soggy tissues and typing on my phone with just my right thumb.

This is when I think .. Why ? What’s the point? Chronic pain can break even the strongest of people.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself.

I'm so sorry your pain is so bad. do you get anything for the pain? I really hope you start feeling better soon.

You're such a wonderful person! You really are special! Please don't give up!

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi! It's great to have you drop in! It surely has been a long time!

How is life treating you?

So glad you've posted!

Wild Coyote, I love how you welcomeback all the people that haven't posted in awhile. You truly are a gem. so kind and compassionate! I'm glad you're here!

[Wander]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well seriously am over it all ! My physical health is just getting worse.

My poor breathing is causing a hold up on starting a new medication for my psoriasis and PsA which are both just exploding. Joint pain across the board is just awful , my left hand and especially my fingers have me just breaking down in tears. My feet are like walking on razor blades

My husbands is having to help me do most everything. And my Fibro started to really flare last night and it’s just raging.

So I’m sitting here surrounded with soggy tissues and typing on my phone with just my right thumb.

This is when I think .. Why ? What’s the point? Chronic pain can break even the strongest of people.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself.

Words fail me. I feel helpless being unable to visit in person and help a bit. In the end I can’t think of anything at to suggest. All I can do is applaud you for your tenacity, and courage. It is an awful situation to be in. The light must be on its way to drag you out of this hellish experience. Please hang in there. Again words seem useless to bring you comfort. I’m so thankful your hubby is being such a strong supporter by helping in anyway he can.

So, post as much as you need, or want, we want to hear from you often. I say f*** off pain and other problems. Leave Christina alone!

[Wander]

After an early morning swim I felt great. Then I had a nap. After that my Mum took me to my place to water my plants.

Things seem to be improving, but I now am slowly coming of Haloperidol due to vision side effects. Also reducing the Lorazepam as I don’t want to be dependent on high doses.

Since early last week my memory has been terrible. I constantly forget where I am in conversations. It’s like all memory of what we were talking about just disappears. So I have to keep asking people to tell me what I’m talking about. My Mum, T, and friend all commented on my poor memory.

Since yesterday I have begun reducing those meds, but only seem to be getting worse. I slur my speech sometimes too. I’m only on low doses of Seroquel. I’m getting worried. Primarily because this could be permanent, an secondly because these meds help me a lot.

I told my nurse but he had no real idea. As it is Saturday night I can’t see a pdoc (mine is on holidays this week.) till at least a Monday. This is not worthy of interrupting the on call doctors week end.

It’s like someone gave me ECT without telling me. My mood is still good, but I am anxious over these things. I’ve been IP for 12 days and thought I would be going home Monday. Now with my neck procedure on Tuesday, and having to taper off of meds that were helping me, I don’t know when I will go home. I don’t even recall what I was going to say next. I’m so lost and confused.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well seriously am over it all ! My physical health is just getting worse.

My poor breathing is causing a hold up on starting a new medication for my psoriasis and PsA which are both just exploding. Joint pain across the board is just awful , my left hand and especially my fingers have me just breaking down in tears. My feet are like walking on razor blades

My husbands is having to help me do most everything. And my Fibro started to really flare last night and it’s just raging.

So I’m sitting here surrounded with soggy tissues and typing on my phone with just my right thumb.

This is when I think .. Why ? What’s the point? Chronic pain can break even the strongest of people.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

@Wild Coyote

How are you doing?
bizi

Hey There Bizi!

Thanks for thinking of me. I think of you, as well.

Your mom often crosses my mind, too.
You are both sweethearts!

I am doing okay, thank you. I have a lot going on right now; I am/have been very busy attending to many current demands.

Have been into a lot of physical activity. I have been clearing a large portion of the house, getting ready for some renovation. I am in a lot of pain anyway, might as well work on fitness. It does make the pain worse and/or creates new pain for awhile; yet, it quiets down some. The baseline chronic pain remains. I've decided to work through it as much as possible.

I receive a magazine full of the stories of "disabled" athletes. They are out running with 1-2 prosthetic legs, playing basketball in wheelchairs,, skiing, etc. It inspires me to try my best to work through my own "perceived limitations."

I can be fit and dealing with chronic pain or I can be unfit and dealing with chronic pain.. While this type of pain and the added pain of "physical training" is incredibly challenging, in the words of my neurologist, "Pain has never killed anyone." Yes, it can even be excruciating and while extremely uncomfortable, it does not kill me.. I tell myself this in the middle of the night when my body is screaming from/with pain. Ha! Ouch!

I can mess with this right now because I am not in the midst of a PsA or fibromyalgia flare- up..

Exercise has always helped me to cope with stress.

Some other life challenges are "flared up" and are additionally challenging. I work at simply taking life a day, sometimes an hour, at a time.

This is the short answer to your question!

Love ya, Bizi!

Love to All!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well seriously am over it all ! My physical health is just getting worse.

My poor breathing is causing a hold up on starting a new medication for my psoriasis and PsA which are both just exploding. Joint pain across the board is just awful , my left hand and especially my fingers have me just breaking down in tears. My feet are like walking on razor blades

My husbands is having to help me do most everything. And my Fibro started to really flare last night and it’s just raging.

So I’m sitting here surrounded with soggy tissues and typing on my phone with just my right thumb.

This is when I think .. Why ? What’s the point? Chronic pain can break even the strongest of people.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself.

I am hoping your doctor can help you.

While a biologic cannot be used, might it be possible to again do a course of prednisone? I think that might help the horrible PsA flare you describe?
I know prednisone can trigger mania, so it's a toss, as you know.

I am thinking of you, praying for you, am offering comforting, healing energy.
I am here for you, Christina. What can I do to help?

[Tucson]

@~Chrostina:

I hope you are feeling better soon. Please do not do anything. You would be sorely missed here! Too bad there is not anything for all that pain you are experiencing, Maybe being very assertive with your doctor would help?

Wander, you've been through a huge amount, psychologically. I think it's totally understandable the cognitive issues you're having. They will ease over the coming weeks.

I was happy to read about your swim. That sounds lovely.

I've been having sneezing fits. It better be allergies and not some new cold coming on.

I'm not going to leave my house today. All I will do is finish up my Christmas cookie project. Today's will be the most elaborate of them all. I have gone nuts with my plans for these. They are a 3-dimensional cookie in the shape of a bee hive, filled with rum eggnog. I even bought edible bee decorations to stick to the tops. Others will be covered in dark chocolate, white chocolate, and white chocolate dyed green with food coloring, to look like standing Christmas trees. Then they will be decorated.

I also plan to make marzipan hedgehogs, then arrange them around one of the cookie "Christmas trees". So not me, but I'm doing it anyway as a grand finale to the project. Then, you'll all be spared anymore posts about this.

[bpcyclist]

Woke up absolutely incredibly irritable today. No idea why. Nothing bad happened. But extremely angry and irritable. I am seldom angry, so this is out of character for me. I don't like it. The only times in the last ten years or so that I have been this irritable I have been in a mixed state. But I don't think that is the case right now. I am just irritable and angry.

Will try to push through it. Need to do a few things today, including one errand. I just won't go if I am still feeling this way. Hope everybody has a good day.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well seriously am over it all ! My physical health is just getting worse.

My poor breathing is causing a hold up on starting a new medication for my psoriasis and PsA which are both just exploding. Joint pain across the board is just awful , my left hand and especially my fingers have me just breaking down in tears. My feet are like walking on razor blades

My husbands is having to help me do most everything. And my Fibro started to really flare last night and it’s just raging.

So I’m sitting here surrounded with soggy tissues and typing on my phone with just my right thumb.

This is when I think .. Why ? What’s the point? Chronic pain can break even the strongest of people.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself.

I’m so sorry you are struggling with these things. I wish I could take them away. Thinking of and praying for you and sending hugs and supportive vibes. Hang in there.

[Nammu]

My daughter's wedding gift is supposed to be delivered today. I hope it is everything I hope. It's a sculpture in her style and colors. This ordering of things online and only seeing a picture is nerve-racking. I like to see and feel things but there are no stores around here anymore.

Read more on what the docs are biopsying. Shouldn't have done that. Looks like I'll be having more scopes in my future.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Jennifer!

Thank you!
I do work hard at... well. everything it seems.

I think everyone here puts in a lot of effort to have the best life they can have.
I admire you, as well.

I truly admire everyone participating here.

I have been so busy I have not caught up as much as I'd like. I am on a break right now and I expect my niece and her new pup in about 15 minutes.

I hope you are having a good day!
With Love and Admiration

Christina and Wild Coyote, I'm so sorry you're both suffering so much from your physical issues. I hope the holidays and the new year bring relief. I know from my various past psych and other issues, that it sucks to have to be patient. It sucks to have to work so hard, but we must. Things always seem to improve.

I'm also hoping that everyone suffering from insomnia and psychological strife will feel better soon.

I didn't complete my bee hive cookie project, because I fell short on a key ingredient. Tomorrow I'll do that. The dough is waiting in the fridge. Instead, I completed my marzipan hedgehogs. I also made a marzipan Christmas tree and chocolate covered marzipan star-shaped "gifts" for under the tree. It's a silly looking scene, but maybe it will bring a smile to someone's face. The photo is attached.

[Nammu]

Oh Birddancer those look too good to eat!

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Woke up absolutely incredibly irritable today. No idea why. Nothing bad happened. But extremely angry and irritable. I am seldom angry, so this is out of character for me. I don't like it. The only times in the last ten years or so that I have been this irritable I have been in a mixed state. But I don't think that is the case right now. I am just irritable and angry.

Will try to push through it. Need to do a few things today, including one errand. I just won't go if I am still feeling this way. Hope everybody has a good day.

Could be the side effects of reading my posts. Haha! *joke*

Hope you feel better tomorrow.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Wander, you've been through a huge amount, psychologically. I think it's totally understandable the cognitive issues you're having. They will ease over the coming weeks.

I was happy to read about your swim. That sounds lovely.

Thanks. I am hoping I will get my memory back once my meds are reduced back to Pre-hospital levels.

Yes, the ocean is healing for me. Unfortunately, my hip needs a rest day so I can’t go swimming. Pity cause it is extremely hot today (around 110’F, or 42’C) Luckily I have air con in my hospital room. I don’t have air con I’m my flat so I just use fans and cold showers. My flat is in a good position relative to the sun so it does stay relatively cool. Like 15’C cooler that the maximum temperature of 42’C. However, ever day my flat goes without a break from the heat the hotter it gets. Uncomfortable level of heat. So being in a place with air con is a luxury for me.

[Blue_Bird]

Had a good day! Getting into a new book, The Host by Stephanie Meyer, very interesting story. Also, a person here recommended the site BookBub for deals on books and there's many for free as well, I got a bunch for my kindle, so thank you!

I'm almost finished making Christmas cards. Just one more to go, then two of them will be mailed out and one will go to my sister and family. I'm happy with how they're turning out. Considering making cookies too to give to my sister &family for Christmas. Maybe just some traditional chocolate chip, not sure yet though. I'll have to see what ingredients I already have then figure out what I can do.

I decided I'm going to talk to my care manager about getting into their vocational rehab/supportive employment program. I feel I'm ready to get a part time job. Very excited about that. It will be nice to feel like I have a purpose again. I'm going to have to hold off on starting up classes at my college again until fall because I need to pay off a balance on my account before I can register. I should have that paid off in time to start classes again in the fall semester, part time, (just 1 or 2 classes, don't want to overdo things). Waiting on that will give me a chance to go through the voc rehab program, get a job, get into the routine and used to that before I start adding more stressors so I'm not piling up too much stuff at once, stress is a major trigger, and I will likely be moving into a new apartment by then as well.

Hope everyone is doing well and has a good weekend

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Glad you like BookBub!

[Wander]

Much love and many virtual hugs to those suffering deeply. Please, please hang in there, and do it for yourself because your life is precious. The future is uncertain. Hanging on gives you a chance to see if things get much better. It may seem impossible now, but it is very possible things will calm down. I’m talking to myself as well here. We just can’t give up. We don’t know how close relief from this hell is. I know this all sounds trite, but I care about you all. I just wish I could practically help you, or simply just have a chatin person. PM me if anyone wants a virtual chat. I’d hate to think anyone is suffering alone, or is lacking the level of support they need.

Alive I guess. At least breathing. Hope everyone has a good night.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Christina and Wild Coyote, I'm so sorry you're both suffering so much from your physical issues. I hope the holidays and the new year bring relief. I know from my various past psych and other issues, that it sucks to have to be patient. It sucks to have to work so hard, but we must. Things always seem to improve.

I'm also hoping that everyone suffering from insomnia and psychological strife will feel better soon.

I didn't complete my bee hive cookie project, because I fell short on a key ingredient. Tomorrow I'll do that. The dough is waiting in the fridge. Instead, I completed my marzipan hedgehogs. I also made a marzipan Christmas tree and chocolate covered marzipan star-shaped "gifts" for under the tree. It's a silly looking scene, but maybe it will bring a smile to someone's face. The photo is attached.

Hi BirdDancer!

Thank you for your loving words.. I know they come from your heart.

I also hope to find relief as often as possible.

I am very concerned about ~Christina, as she is in a very serious flare of PsA and Fibromyalgia. She needs an intervention for the PsA , the sooner the better. While we both live with excruciating pain often, ~Christina does not have access to real pain meds. It's a travesty!

Great looking cookies!

Thanks again, BirdDancer! .
Much Love to you!

Took a shower, got groceries and exercised. Feel bored and unsatisfied tho. Glad i'm not in the middle of some dreadful mood episode but i still don't feel happy. Hugs to all who are suffering!

@BirdDancer: Your hedgehogs are hilarious! So silly and charming!

@MarcusAurelius: Glad you're still here with us and sorry to hear you don't feel too good. As Woody Allen says, "80% of life is just showing up!" How is your job going? How are the headaches?