[Victoria'smom]

Today was better than yesterday.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I had therapy today, and I am uncertain how I feel about this new therapist. It was only the second session. She is extremely structured and wants me to start a therapy journal where I don't just write down my thoughts, but do homework. She kept asking me to come up with positive thoughts, but she doesn't understand that it is hard to do that when all you are thinking is negative all the time and for a prolonged period of time. She also observed that my affect is very flat (which it is lately). She sits behind a big desk, rather than in a chair across from me. Usually in the beginning, I respond better to someone that listens more (initially) instead of being so quick to come up with "solutions" that aren't actually solutions for someone who is in an episode and is just starting therapy again for the first time in a long time. Just felt like letting this out. Not sure whether I should find a new T or give this one a chance. I know she means well and is trying to give me a push, but I just wish someone would listen and try to understand.

Can you just tell her you need to just unload stuff first before homework starts. She needs to understand your back story before she can really understand how best to help you.... unless what she’s doing is just the only help she offers everyone ?!

The big desk between you ?? Yeah that would not work for me..

I say .. make some calls see when you can get in with someone else , maybe give this one another session and you be more assertive ? If she still pushes homework I’d wander off and try someone new

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Hi all. Haven’t updated in a few days. I’ve been completely exhausted this whole week. So much so that I took Thursday off and slept from eight am until 2p. I was falling asleep at work all week and then would come home and fall into bed. I don’t know why. I guess it was just the last week before Winter break. But it’s over now, thank goodness. The kids were ******* awful today. They can’t handle not having any structure. My kid was out of his mind after having two really good days. It was so frustrating. And then I had to attend a holiday party. I really just wanted to go home. But thankfully they did let us out early.


I got all my sons presents wrapped and I bought the stocking stuffers. Got my MIL a gift and my SIL a card for here cash (she likes getting her nails done). I wanted to buy a picture frame but forgot what size the pictures were so I’m going to try again tomorrow.


We have a holiday party two hours away with RS’s family tomorrow. I’m not really looking forward to it. They’re nice people but I don’t know them very well. It is a secret Santa type thing. I guess it’ll be ok.

Glad you got most all of your shopping done!!!

Hopefully over the holiday break you can catch up on some much needed sleep.

[Pookyl]

I am so stressed about Christmas. I can’t wait for it to all be over. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Just so much anxiety shyte.
My son is behaving in a very inconsiderate manner. He never picks up phone calls. He lives in an area sorrounded currently by bushfires and I’m in a bit of a dither because I can’t get hold of him. I’ve let him know how him not picking up phone calls makes me anxious but it’s like talking to a brick wall.

[Wander]

Well my pdoc didn’t send me to a locked ward. Instead he chemically restrained me. It worked but now I have another day to face. Starting with coffee and I will take it from there. My pdoc will be in later to assess me. SI is already coming back but I slept well. Living hurts so much. I hope it passes as people say. I don’t know what to believe. For now I will keep breathing and see what happens.

Thanks so much for everyone’s support. It helps more than you could realise. I’m so alone in here most of the time but I do have a friend visiting on Monday.

Just saw my pdoc. The staff are to keep an eye on me all day. They are getting a jigsaw puzzle ready for me to keep me occupied. I’m not sure if I’m seeing my parents today. It will be a relief to be honest with them. They know I was abused for years as a child but don’t know that right now I am processing my rage at not being protected. They didn’t know I was being abused at the time. They are not monsters. They just failed to see all the warning signs. I know they will never forgive themselves so I don’t know if bringing it up now now are 70 years old is the best thing to do. Saying that, they are not stupid and have probably figured it out.
So today I’m working on a jigsaw puzzle and laying low. I don’t think I will go out. I don’t feel safe to at this time.

Will update later. I’m finding it hard to gather words together. Basically, I’m hurting so much and have high SI. Lots of distraction today.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Wander, I'm glad you are a bit better. I'm also glad the staff takes such good care of you. If you have to be IP that certainly sounds like the place to do it. I hope that your puzzle goes well and you make it through the day.

The PTSD stuff is so hard. I know and I'm so sorry you are going through it. I can tell you that it can get better. It wasn't easy and for me the part where my mom was involved was forced by circumstances instead of being a choice I made but it did get better.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

xRavenx, I think your post above is full of very valuable points of discussion between you and your new therapist. I know it may seem a little scary to discuss some of what you wrote with her, but it is important. The worst that could happen is that she would say that you and she are not a good fit. The best thing is that she could be a bit more understanding and modify her approach a bit, that would be helpful for you. Getting such things out in the open can be liberating, even if they feel frightening to voice, at first.

If the worst is the case, then you would know it was time to look for a new therapist. The worst situation, in my view, is wasting time with a therapist that cannot or will not help you.

I want to mention just a little thing based on what you wrote. I have never had a therapist sit behind a desk. I have had a couple therapists and psychiatrists sit at their desk, but not with the desk blocking my view of half of their bodies. I wouldn't like a person behind a desk, either. I remember years back that my psychiatrist would sit at his desk, though the desk wasn't in between us. He was in his office chair, and I was sitting in the uncomfortable wooden chair near it. One time, a couple years later, I told him that I hated the wooden chair and that I thought it was like a torture device. In response, he told me to sit anywhere I wanted in his office. He had many seating options, including a huge leather sofa. Well, I sat my butt right smack in the middle of that sofa, and he moved from his desk to a comfy looking chair that was just across from me. We've been sitting in these spots ever since. Happily!

Thanks! I am definitely going to talk to her about my feelings next time. I do hope that she modifies her approach, because it's not working for me right now.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Can you just tell her you need to just unload stuff first before homework starts. She needs to understand your back story before she can really understand how best to help you.... unless what she’s doing is just the only help she offers everyone ?!

The big desk between you ?? Yeah that would not work for me..

I say .. make some calls see when you can get in with someone else , maybe give this one another session and you be more assertive ? If she still pushes homework I’d wander off and try someone new

Thanks for this advice. I completely agree that I should be assertive next session. If homework is all she could offer, then I should give someone else a try.

[~Christina]

Well last load of laundry is in the dryer.

I’m defrosting our refrigerator, again. .. with a big fan, don’t ask

Our Mennonite neighbors down the road came by to sing carols... there are like 11 kids now ? It’s just kinda awkward.... I love Ruth and the daughters and most of the sons but the husband Wendell and a couple of the older sons just set off alarm bell screaming in my head. I have stopped saying anything to my husband , he says “ oh they are great Christians “‘ ummmm yeah ....anyway.

We plan to leave about midnight tomorrow. I’ll have mystuff and the dogs stuff packed in about 45 mins

Steve seemed to think we fall asleep about 3-4 pm ... LOL Maybe he will be, I’ll be lucky if I get any sleep lol

Christmas morning is just such a uncomfortable cluster F .. simplest way I can explain it is ... we go to one of our DIL ‘s aunts house for breakfast because she has the “biggest house” Steve’s Ex and her wife are there along with DIL’ s mom and dad that have both gotten remarried. Steve’s 2 other sons hopefully are there unless they are working , both have another new girlfriend. There’s some people I have zero idea who they are ...for all I know they could be HoBos that smell a free meal !?! Anyway there is like 35 + people. Everyone eats cold eggs and hash browns , stale pastries .. Payton sits in a chair ripping open gifts and has no idea who is giving her what, Steve desperately “tries “ to get it on film when she opens things from us. It’s a mad house.. Steve’s sons never buy him a gift which really upsets me ... but we again got them all a gift card, which I’m really against considering how much money we have to spend to make the trip but I no longer voice my opinion about it.

Payton’s parents just shove all her gifts into a coupe giant garbage bags since she’s getting gifts from at least 35 people and go home, we go back to the hotel , Steve heads back to Payton’s house later for dinner and I wait until my daughter is done with Christmas dinner with her dad and her and I go to IHOP.

This year instead of Christmas meal being at my husbands oldest sons house who is Payton’s dad .. it’s being held at his ex’s house, she has officially invited us .... ummmm goood luck with that dear Husband Hahahaha.

30 minutes prior to arriving at “Breakfast hell” I’ll pop about 4 Xanax to get through it. The house would be crowded with 7 people let alone 35 +

I just want to hug my daughter she’s going through a really hard time and needs to move. Her Bipolar is really slapping her around hard

My husband has a few friends that want to get together for lunch or dinner.

I know i probably sound like a bytch about these Christmas trips... I’m very grateful to see my daughter.. I usually get annoyed with his sons because they don’t make time to spend with him, one day they will truly regret it. But I can’t say anything..

My Husband is on oxygen at night but one day it will be 24/7 and he has severe neuropathy in his feet and legs. There will come a time when we can no longer make these trips due health and certainly money wise.

My husbands back is still out, started Saturday .. ice heat ibuprofen flexiril around the clock.. so I’ll be loading and unloading the car and doing all the driving which I have done all this before. I’m also dealing with enormous pain but some how some way I always manage to do what needs to be done. Once we get back home is when I physically and sometimes mentally crash.

I think my breathing is actually slightly improving !!!!! This has been going on since August!! Good grief ! But I’m having a huge flare of psoriasis which is driving me mad!

Hopefully by late January I’ll be able to start on a new Biologic and find some relief in a couple months. Hurry up and wait LOLOLOLOLOL

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I am so stressed about Christmas. I can’t wait for it to all be over. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Just so much anxiety shyte.

My son is behaving in a very inconsiderate manner. He never picks up phone calls. He lives in an area sorrounded currently by bushfires and I’m in a bit of a dither because I can’t get hold of him. I’ve let him know how him not picking up phone calls makes me anxious but it’s like talking to a brick wall.

Kids (boo hiss) can you ask him if he can’t “ talk “ right then can he at least shoot you a quick text??? Anyone can take 15 seconds to send a “ I’m fine Mom” text.

Can you identify a reason why your so stressed this year ??

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well last load of laundry is in the dryer.

I’m defrosting our refrigerator, again. .. with a big fan, don’t ask

Our Mennonite neighbors down the road came by to sing carols... there are like 11 kids now ? It’s just kinda awkward.... I love Ruth and the daughters and most of the sons but the husband Wendell and a couple of the older sons just set off alarm bell screaming in my head. I have stopped saying anything to my husband , he says “ oh they are great Christians “‘ ummmm yeah ....anyway.

We plan to leave about midnight tomorrow. I’ll have mystuff and the dogs stuff packed in about 45 mins

Steve seemed to think we fall asleep about 3-4 pm ... LOL Maybe he will be, I’ll be lucky if I get any sleep lol

Christmas morning is just such a uncomfortable cluster F .. simplest way I can explain it is ... we go to one of our DIL ‘s aunts house for breakfast because she has the “biggest house” Steve’s Ex and her wife are there along with DIL’ s mom and dad that have both gotten remarried. Steve’s 2 other sons hopefully are there unless they are working , both have another new girlfriend. There’s some people I have zero idea who they are ...for all I know they could be HoBos that smell a free meal !?! Anyway there is like 35 + people. Everyone eats cold eggs and hash browns , stale pastries .. Payton sits in a chair ripping open gifts and has no idea who is giving her what, Steve desperately “tries “ to get it on film when she opens things from us. It’s a mad house.. Steve’s sons never buy him a gift which really upsets me ... but we again got them all a gift card, which I’m really against considering how much money we have to spend to make the trip but I no longer voice my opinion about it.

Payton’s parents just shove all her gifts into a coupe giant garbage bags since she’s getting gifts from at least 35 people and go home, we go back to the hotel , Steve heads back to Payton’s house later for dinner and I wait until my daughter is done with Christmas dinner with her dad and her and I go to IHOP.

This year instead of Christmas meal being at my husbands oldest sons house who is Payton’s dad .. it’s being held at his ex’s house, she has officially invited us .... ummmm goood luck with that dear Husband Hahahaha.

30 minutes prior to arriving at “Breakfast hell” I’ll pop about 4 Xanax to get through it. The house would be crowded with 7 people let alone 35 +

I just want to hug my daughter she’s going through a really hard time and needs to move. Her Bipolar is really slapping her around hard

My husband has a few friends that want to get together for lunch or dinner.

I know i probably sound like a bytch about these Christmas trips... I’m very grateful to see my daughter.. I usually get annoyed with his sons because they don’t make time to spend with him, one day they will truly regret it. But I can’t say anything..

My Husband is on oxygen at night but one day it will be 24/7 and he has severe neuropathy in his feet and legs. There will come a time when we can no longer make these trips due health and certainly money wise.

My husbands back is still out, started Saturday .. ice heat ibuprofen flexiril around the clock.. so I’ll be loading and unloading the car and doing all the driving which I have done all this before. I’m also dealing with enormous pain but some how some way I always manage to do what needs to be done. Once we get back home is when I physically and sometimes mentally crash.

I think my breathing is actually slightly improving !!!!! This has been going on since August!! Good grief ! But I’m having a huge flare of psoriasis which is driving me mad!

Hopefully by late January I’ll be able to start on a new Biologic and find some relief in a couple months. Hurry up and wait LOLOLOLOLOL

Oh my, Christina! Your upcoming events really make mine look pretty tame and easy. As I was reading, there were seconds I wondered if you should laugh or cry about it.

I will be happy and relieved when you get home and start that new Biologic. You and your hubby need relief. I realize that you both love your children and miss them, but it seems like your home further north has some protective features.

No matter how much (or little) your husband's sons dedicate to him, he already has a great treasure. You!

[Wild Coyote]

Have lots going on. Am beyond exhausted!
Love to All!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Oh my, Christina! Your upcoming events really make mine look pretty tame and easy. As I was reading, there were seconds I wondered if you should laugh or cry about it.

I will be happy and relieved when you get home and start that new Biologic. You and your hubby need relief. I realize that you both love your children and miss them, but it seems like your home further north has some protective features.

No matter how much (or little) your husband's sons dedicate to him, he already has a great treasure. You!

Thanks!! My Husband and I truly are best friends and biggest cheerleaders for each other.

Yes laugh or cry it’s always a toss up lol

Tennessee is Home, we gave it a go and even if judie had not killed herself , financially we just can’t afford to live there, our car insurance alone would almost triple.. living in a small rural town has los if perks lol

I’m hopeful that by March I will truly be feeling good again... I won’t know how to act tho Hahaha !

[Scooter9]

This lack of sleep issue I'm having has really put my life on hold.

I'm hardly driving because I'm so tired. Then I'm not going in to work anymore because of the drive and my extreme tiredness.

I can't do anything in the evenings because I get an overwhelming desire to sleep around 5 or 6pm and end up sleeping for about 3 hours. After that I'm up for many hours and if I'm lucky I'll go back to sleep later.

Now I'm missing a gathering with friends this evening because I was too exhausted to stay awake when they arrived, and now they're out the door and I'm wide awake.

On a positive note, all this extra time during the day is being put to good use. I'm writing a lot and learning a lot too. I took up a side project in programming and recently finished it which was a nice change of pace.

However, this sleep issue is definitely causing significant changes in my life which I'm not happy about.

My pdoc is stopping Wellbutrin and lowering Mirapex in the hopes of restoring my sleep. It's a long and slow process.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

This lack of sleep issue I'm having has really put my life on hold.


I'm hardly driving because I'm so tired. Then I'm not going in to work anymore because of the drive and my extreme tiredness.


I can't do anything in the evenings because I get an overwhelming desire to sleep around 5 or 6pm and end up sleeping for about 3 hours. After that I'm up for many hours and if I'm lucky I'll go back to sleep later.


Now I'm missing a gathering with friends this evening because I was too exhausted to stay awake when they arrived, and now they're out the door and I'm wide awake.


On a positive note, all this extra time during the day is being put to good use. I'm writing a lot and learning a lot too. I took up a side project in programming and recently finished it which was a nice change of pace.


However, this sleep issue is definitely causing significant changes in my life which I'm not happy about.


My pdoc is stopping Wellbutrin and lowering Mirapex in the hopes of restoring my sleep. It's a long and slow process.

Ahhh damn yes your in a terrible struggle right now

I hope the Med change evens things out for you

[bpcyclist]

Scooter, you described my sleep situation over the past few months perfectly. Until last night. I lay down as usual at around 7ish, when I am wiped out. Woke up at 9 or so, then went back down at 230 am. Slept all the way to 930 am, which never happens, got some water, and was still tired--amazingly. Went back to bed, woke up, and it was 9 pm!! I guess my sleep deficit finally caught up with me.

Not surprisingly, I feel pretty good at the moment. Doubt seriously I will sleep 'tonight,' but we shall see.

Sending holiday hugs and support to everyone this holiday season, which quite obviously is stressing everyone out. Glad things are a bit better for you, Wander. Hang in there. You can do this. Things will turn around for you--just please don't give up.

Love to all--

[Wander]

I slept all of the morning only to be woken and told I have to move rooms. This is the third time I have moved. Once the air con broke, another I can't recall, and the third my neighbour was fixated on me and coming into my room. Now it is because I am closer to the nurses so can be monitored more easily by using less of their precious time. I understand and am ok with this recent move but I was just so exhausted and was sleeping so well it was making me feel better. This is kind of my pdoc's last ditch effort to keep me safe in an open ward. We both know being locked up will cause me harm - but so will dying.

I have been very emotional. It is like the dam that was holding back most of the pain in my life has burst. It hurts like hell, and makes me feel vulnerable but I also feel like this is progress. Holding back such powerful emotions, and pretending to be fine has come at a great cost. Now I feel relief when I weep. I was also able to have an honest discussion with my Mum about this and she was so supportive. Although I just fell off of a very high cliff I sense great inner healing is taking place because of it. Finally I have let go. Finally I am letting myself be me. I no longer have strong compulsions to kill myself. Instead I want to be real and authentic.

Don't get me wrong I am a mess. I just sense shift towards genuine sustainable healing. I am learning to let go of things that I no longer need, that harm me, and hold tight to the good. I am finally safe. The only person who can harm me now is me, and I will do all that is in my power to never do that.

I am in a weird kind of place. So difficult to describe. Something powerful is taking place. Thanks to all who have been supporting me in many ways. It means the world to me.

[Miss Laura]

I'm really, really good.... maybe it's the Christmas spirit in me. Yesterday where I volunteer (at a day centre) it was their Christmas party. It was great I was there 5 hours. Then I had a few hours to myself before I went to the local amateur theatre to see this years Pantomime Jack And The Beanstalk. I went with my other volunteer group.... youth group kids aged 4-12 years. 30 kids from my group alone.... packed out show and the kids had fun. I just like the ending where the cast and audience sing carols and the song When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney. The kids get right into it. Shouting and screaming lol. Plus hyped on juice and ice cream lol. It's a long night for them. Especially the wee ones some were shattered when we got back to the church at 10pm. The kids all came off school yesterday too so they were all hyper as. It's a half day for them so they finished at 12pm... I've went on a tangent apologises anyways I'm good and looking forward to the next week. I'm sitting as we speak in a Christmas jumper lol Merry Christmas guys :-)

[Unrigged64072835]

Well, crap--too much to catch up on...

Yay, I'm still here. I swapped my computer's operating system from macOS to Ubuntu Linux. That may not mean much to almost everyone, but my computer runs much faster. That's why I haven't been around. I've been setting up new programs and getting a whole lot geekier than I used to be. I still have a Mac laptop if I need it.


Things here are okay. We've had a run of a head virus two weeks ago but we're through that and ready for Christmas Eve. My daughter is working Christmas and her fiance is working Christmas Eve, but he'll be off early enough for dinner. We didn't get much for presents--we don't have any more room for things and we have way enough stuff to do as it is. The kids are downsizing for a move next year so they don't want anything they won't use. We got them a blender (they have everything else but not that), and individual cash gifts. My husband and I bought each other one gift each. We've kind of noticed overall that Christmas is rather subdued this year.


Emotionally--well, that's been a bit of a roller coaster with being sick physically. In addition to the virus I had a flareup of piriformis syndrome, so l literally have a pain in the butt. LOL Will be going to PT for that next year. I'm stable now so hopefully that will stick around. I see pnurse in a couple of weeks and will drop the Seroquel and Viibryd since I haven't needed them.

Happy holidays to those who participate. I send tidings of comfort and joy to those that need it. Lots of love to everyone.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. I have been in a hotel for the past few nights and people are just LOUD.

Next door were these two guys blasting gangster rap about killing cops and abusing women. Then they kept calling each other the N-word, and I am guessing they were probably okay with it since they were laughing. (They were shouting it over the loud music.)

We complained to the front desk twice and I think these assholes were kicked out mid night last night. Same with a drunk lady who was singing in the hallway. But it's not like we chose a cheap hotel. This is $300 a night??? Yeah, not putting up with that crap for that kind of money.

Anyways, mood is alright I guess. Just sleep deprived...

I cried this morning. I had some bad dreams, just woke up a little nervous and uneasy and heard a song and just cried. The song wasn't particularly sad but just struck a chord. I think the pent up stress is looking for any moment it can to find a release. I am so uncertain about what the future is gonna hold for me, in so many senses. I am just hoping to live through these days and find happiness again.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Wander

I slept all of the morning only to be woken and told I have to move rooms. This is the third time I have moved. Once the air con broke, another I can't recall, and the third my neighbour was fixated on me and coming into my room. Now it is because I am closer to the nurses so can be monitored more easily by using less of their precious time. I understand and am ok with this recent move but I was just so exhausted and was sleeping so well it was making me feel better. This is kind of my pdoc's last ditch effort to keep me safe in an open ward. We both know being locked up will cause me harm - but so will dying.

I have been very emotional. It is like the dam that was holding back most of the pain in my life has burst. It hurts like hell, and makes me feel vulnerable but I also feel like this is progress. Holding back such powerful emotions, and pretending to be fine has come at a great cost. Now I feel relief when I weep. I was also able to have an honest discussion with my Mum about this and she was so supportive. Although I just fell off of a very high cliff I sense great inner healing is taking place because of it. Finally I have let go. Finally I am letting myself be me. I no longer have strong compulsions to kill myself. Instead I want to be real and authentic.

Don't get me wrong I am a mess. I just sense shift towards genuine sustainable healing. I am learning to let go of things that I no longer need, that harm me, and hold tight to the good. I am finally safe. The only person who can harm me now is me, and I will do all that is in my power to never do that.

I am in a weird kind of place. So difficult to describe. Something powerful is taking place. Thanks to all who have been supporting me in many ways. It means the world to me.

Poweful update. Always remember you cannot fall off the floor. Your ladder awaits.

Much love to you Wander!

Hubby and I had a little fight this morning. He said a couple hurtful things that angered me. He thought I said something hurtful, but all I asked for was more physical affection. He has a tendency sometimes to look at such things as an attack, so wages an often unreasonable counterattack. I will confess that last night I was angry that he didn't even say good night, so I did slam our bedroom door after saying good night to him and him barely responding. He was in his library.

We never fight for long. Maybe for 30 minutes I was in the bedroom while he stormed off to his library. Then I went downstairs and decorated our indoor wreath with fresh Christmasy flowers (in floral water tubes). I called upstairs telling him it looked good and to look at it when he came downstairs. He came right away and then gave me a big hug. Fight over. That's how it has pretty much been with the rare fights we've had. It was only ever bad twice, when I was manic, when once I went to my parent's house for a night and another time when I slept in my car. Even these only lasted less than 24 hours.

[Fuzzybear]

Re an earlier check in thread, I let the person who had ghosted me know how I felt.. probably not in the “best” way but I’m not sure what is a “good” way in those sorts of situations. I am “sensitive” but not “hyper hyper Sensitive” to the tiniest slights (real or imagined)... I always prefer to repair relationships if at all possible than to simply shun people and/or be mean to them or gossip about them behind their backs... I really dislike gossip. And I hate being mean and “petty”. probably as I have been the recipient of this sort of behaviour far too many times which is partly why I am so tired. I wasn’t one of the popular cubs at school and there was always someone who loved to rub my nose in that. Why, I don’t know . TMI probably. I don’t know why it bothers me when “not everyone likes me” - in fact the person in question (not here) may not dislike me, I could have been wrong in this case. I am ALWAYS happy if I have mistakenly judged someone as “not nice” and they turn out to be well intentioned. Hugs and respect to all Stressed stressed stressed. I feel sorry for papa bear, he had a nightmare last night . I blame myself

[Nammu]

I slept last night. Two weird dreams. Kinda slow to wake up this morning. Took forever to catch up on the thread. Very nice day outside. Warm for Minnesota and the snow is melting, we might not have a white Christmas after all.

[*Beth*]

My husband is doing his usual running on empty/stressed-out/let's take it out on Beth mode. I just crushes my mood. I wish I could let his bad mood be his and not take it on like I do.