Responding to posts

When you respond to a post on pc, do you usually put quite a bit of thought into your response, or do you respond quickly. Do you think about the OP, what you remember from their previous posts (so as to maybe be of more support or help) or do you tend to post a more generic response? And why? Do you think you have empathy for others? I try to avoid any triggers that I know that person has, both for them and also for me.... Obviously, we don't always know everyones triggers but I have a few (and meds being suggested is one of them especially when I do not mention meds in my post)
hugs and respect to all

Sometimes both, but I do try to generally post with thought put into it. Sometimes a "generic" comment still have love behind it. I think I have empathy for others....although sometimes I probably project my own feelings and experiences into what I say making it kinda selfish, in a way, maybe. I dunno. Give and take kindof thing. Respond to the post then get personal. Since I'm the first one to reply here, I'm not sure what I just started. Lol

I try not to over think it and generally feel my way through using empathy. Sometimes it is helpful, sometimes it is a fail. I ask people a lot of times to only accept what resonates as I hope they reject and discard anything that feels false or makes their situation worse. It is always with an intent to be of service that I reply.

I appreciate it when someone lets me know if they have a preference or sensitivity they would like me to respect. I do my best to remember these sorts of things and adjust my wording accordingly. I like the golden rule, but if I know someone is different from me I prefer the platinum rule. 'Do unto others as they would prefer done unto them'. Of course this is within reason as sometimes people ask for things here that would obviously cause damage and I won't compromise myself to add to their pain.

Thank you for telling us about your trigger. I wasn't aware and will keep it in mind.

This has me thinking... What would you think about a thread where people could reply with their triggers and preferences? Some here know all of this already, but we have a lot of new members and I know I could certainly benefit from an education on what is helpful and what isn't.

Thanks Fuzzy. Great questions!

Thanks for replying

Thanks fern.

A thread where people reply with their preferences and triggers might be a good idea (maybe you could start one?)

I try and post a thoughtful and supportive response but i have trouble remembering who is who. The most frequent posters i know and those i have PMed with i remember but not everyone. I'll remember your "meds" trigger, Fuzzy, tho i almost never advise anyone about meds. Offering relevant lived experience is helpful, i find. If i find the person is not relating like a peer it can be negative tho.

I think I know what you mean about if the person isn't relating like a peer it can be negative (although i'm not completely sure) ..I do try to put thought into my replies and sometimes post a hug if I'm not sure what to say. Sometimes I over think posts or responses and end up deleting them Thanks for your reply

Certainly! I didn't want to derail your thread, but I wanted to get your perspective before starting one. Thanks Fuzzy bear!

I do sometimes spend a fair bit of time on a post, especially if the issues seem especially complex.

I think a master list (voluntary, of course) of triggers and sensitive issues is a brilliant idea, Fern and Fuzzy. Let's do it!

I try to be thoughtful and empathetic. I hope I haven’t triggered anybody. It wouldn’t be intentional if I did. I do try to think about how I would feel about what I’m saying as I write it to someone else. I try to consider that most people have already thought about the most obvious solutions so I try to just say something kind and offer a different perspective if I can see one. I try to point out that my feedback is simply an opinion and that’s all. I’m not offended if people don’t like my point of view but since I enjoy looking at many points of view that’s what I try to offer others.

Thanks for responding, bpcyclist

Thanks for responding LilyMop

The problem is anyone can read any post. So, even though a comment was meant for one particular string, many people can carry it into other threads. It's literally impossible to avoid triggering everyone. Also, the boards aren't dialogues. It's not like you are having a one on one conversation with someone. It's a free for all. Everyone's talking and responding to everyone. Someone may start a string but it quickly takes on a life of its own. It's hard to post anything and trigger no one.

I guess some basic rules would be don't be graphic and don't be overtly hostile to anyone. Frustration happens, but hostility should be flagged as should graphic descriptions of triggerable events.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear When you respond to a post on pc, do you usually put quite a bit of thought into your response, or do you respond quickly. I put thought into my reply because I really do care, and if I'm replying to a post I believe I have the responsibility for being as sincere as possible. Later on when I'm reflecting back on the thread I sometimes think of something I should have said, or shouldn't have said, which is why I wish we could edit posts for at least 12 hours. Do you think about the OP, what you remember from their previous posts (so as to maybe be of more support or help) or do you tend to post a more generic response? Oh, I definitely think about the OP. I can't not think about who I'm posting to. If it's someone I don't yet know I try to pick up cues from their post as to how to best reply. And why? Do you think you have empathy for others? I definitely have empathy. I can't not have empathy. There are times when I start getting testy, though - especially when I read a post from a new member, and I'm fairly sure that the person is a troll. That angers me, so I do my very best to stay away from the chaos those tpes of threads end up causing. I try to avoid any triggers that I know that person has, both for them and also for me.... That is so decent of you, Fuzzy. I also try to avoid triggers - or, if I am posting about a trigger I do all I can to warn those reading that my post might be triggering. Obviously, we don't always know everyones triggers but I have a few (and meds being suggested is one of them especially when I do not mention meds in my post) hugs and respect to all

I hope I can reach out to you at this point, Fuzzy. To me, you seem to have been seriously frightened and hurt by a recent post(s)? I am concluding this because you've been posting lately about being triggered (not this post, but other prior).

If you are, and if you feel up to it, I am here to give you support (as I know many others are).

Thanks BethRags, I'm ok. I was triggered by something but I guess I made this post as more of a general question to see how people felt about the issue. There was a post (or a few posts...) somewhere else a while back which was (were) nasty but not on here.

I also have been angered by a few new members who I feel were trolls and stirred up chaos. Not on this part of the forum though, I haven't been a regular here anyway up until lately

Yes to all of your questions.

I hope I have never triggered you. I say that because I know that, over the years, I have angered or triggered several people. I don't mean to, but it occasionally happens. I apologize to anyone, if I have ever upset, offended, triggered, seemed to lack empathy, seemed self focused, preachy, or the like. I am far from perfect.

I am somewhat familiar with many people here at PC, or at least as familiar as one can be with online acquaintances or friends. Others, I know little about. Of course I would want to avoid negatively triggering anyone, but though my memory is pretty good, it's also not perfect. If there is a thread with long lists of individuals' triggers, I might forget some. Actually, such a responsibility could be overwhelming and intimidating for me. Obviously, the usual things that trigger people are ones I try to avoid, but specific ones that most aren't triggered by, I might forget.

Considering the above, I fear that such a responsibility to never say anything wrong is a scary one. That's something that triggers me. If ever I became mass shunned for not being perfect in such an endeavor, I would have to leave Psych Central. That would be sad, because I love it here!

I know we are unique, with our own personalities and backgrounds. That's beautiful, but doesn't make us always fully understand or appreciate each other, in all ways. I assume someone(s) out there has/have perhaps blocked my posts because I triggered them, as I have blocked a few persons' throughout my life (not all here at PC). I, personally, think that's OK.

I'm not always soft around the edges, but I am not one to hate or hold grudges either. I know the need to modifying one's approach to situations and people, but not to the point of being untrue to oneself. I'm a believer that excessive pressure to be untrue to oneself can only lead to losing oneself.

Thanks for posting, you haven't triggered me. I know what you mean about a very long list of peoples triggers could be overwhelming and I guess intimidating. Being shunned sucks I agree. I don't do that to people. (certainly not intentionally)

I agree it can be hard to post and trigger no one.

Hostility needs to be flagged I agree.

I'm the same, I am not one to hate or hold grudges either. I also feel that excessive pressure to be untrue to self can lead to losing oneself. Good points
(I agree that blocking in some situations is ok)

(Sorry for the double reply, this reply is to the part added after my first reply)

Placing a responsibility on others to never say anything wrong wasn't the intent I had in mind. I find that to be unrealistic and a fools errand. I can see how it might feel that way, but its kind of the opposite of what I was going for. I was seeking more of an opportunity to learn about others so that I could better support them. My hope would be members would still forgive me if I accidentally triggerer them or forgot the details of something they shared as a trigger.

You're always incredibly kind and you navigate through difficult subjects with grace. I feel like you could ignore such a thread and thrive here regardless.

Sometimes I put lots of thought into my responses and can get long winded ... and sometimes something just jumps right out at me and I immediately have a quick response.

I have two types of replies - the goofy lighten-the-mood kind and the direct in-your-face kind. Goofy - to get people to lighten up a bit and think about the absurdity of who we are. Direct - I avoid saying things like "it will be OK" or "tomorrow will be better". In truth, we all need to change course from our demons or they'll keep following us. So I say what needs to be said. I avoid posting to anyone who seems to be in crisis because neither strategy helps. I'm someone who puts his fist through the wall (see: Andy Bernard) but that's the extent of my experience with BP.