Road My Own, by Beth 12/28

Okay well BP and PTSD are your diagnosis..

But to learn out to pick things apart is just really hard hard work in T taking on dysfunctional thinking, altho BP and PTSD have a lot of the same symptoms you have to approach them both from different angles

For me my Bipolar really stirs up feeling worthless , loss of self esteem , unwanted, lost , anger irritation. Sadness at all I have lost the ability to do physically , knowing it’s unlikely I’ll find pain relief from Fibro.

Being burdened with a mental illness is enough of a struggle. Add in chronic pain and life can look bleak at times.

My PTSD ? It’s pure rage it’s dark angry, scary and I feel like I’m drowning in blood, flash backs almost constant. Nonstop high anxiety I’ll feel like I’m vibrating and nauseous as hell

For me ..... All that PTSD stuff will trigger my BP.

I'm so sorry. To me, PTSD is a cruel bi*ch.

To self ground you need to learn mindfulness. .. it takes some work to truly be able to do it , here’s the basic

Pick one thing to stare at , maybe it’s a book on a bookshelf , or a chair, a pillow on the couch , whatever.

So you begin to focus on you item... notice all the little details like “ ok it’s a bright pillow, it has blue trim , if your mind start to wander off you snap your self back to all the details you can see, imagine how it feels , anytime you feels anything else in your mind you refocus on that item.

I failed at this for weeks , I was trying it 10-15 times a day , I would get furious if stomp around and yell or cry or both. , I struggled to focus

One day it just clicked holy hell my mind was quiet, my mind had never been so quite.

I broke my anxiety and rumination

Mindfulness to me is one of the freaking hardest coping skills there is to learn.

No it doesn’t always work and sometimes I get even more anxiety or irritation or anger or sad and then I have to fall back to distractions distractions distractions.

It amuses me that mindfulness has exploded in popularity. I started meditating in 1979 (I was 17)...back then, tell people you meditate and you'd be called a weirdo hippie. Now mindfulness is "the way."

What goes on when you see your T? Do you guys make goals ?? I am very goal orientated , I don’t know any other way to do Therapy. Whatever is bothering me is what we work on, some times I’ve been able to resolve it during the session other time I’ll figure it out days later or just work again in the next session

Yes, lots of goals. I'm goal oriented, too - although often something else pops up that I want to give attention to, so a goal will be put on hold for awhile.

How are you addressing your PTSD ? Therapy for BP and PTSD are different.

My T uses sand tray quite a lot. Honestly, I am always surprise at how effective it is. The thing is, many times I just want to talk, to discuss things with her. And yes, the mindful breathing is helpful, even though I get lazy about it.

Some T’s do EMDR, my T is 70 and thinks is mostly useless, but it helps many people.

Here's something kind of amusing. I had a wonderful T back in the early '90's. That was in the Veteran's Admin (my husband is a Vietnam vet). So my T did a workshop with Francine Shapiro - he was among the first group to learn EMDR. He and the group wanted to use it with PTSD/Viet vets. So as it turned out, I was an early experiment for EMDR therapy.

Although I still use some EMDR now and then, it never was a favorite technique of mine. Current T wanted to do EMDR - I flat-out refused. To me, the technique feels impersonal. I'm not especially fond of it.

The reality is PTSD will calm down once your on the other side of it .. but it will always be there,a sound , a smell, might trigger it. I know specific ones that are triggers so I can remove those things

My ptsd is pretty calm for a few months and I’m grateful.

That is GREAT! I hope I can say the same after a while.

Rumination is one of the worse things a person can do, so I’d make that my first goal. Truly learn mindfulness or whatever skill that you know will work most of the time.

In my late 20's/early 30's I used to spend time at a beautiful Buddhist retreat just north of San Francisco, on the coast. I find sitting Zazen to be the most helpful way to calm my mind (in addition to medication). Sitting Zazen is an intensely powerful experience.

To this day, the most incredibly powerfully healing day I've ever had was one of sitting a silent meditation for 8 hours (silent lunch included, but no other breaks except quick bathroom breaks). Facing every aspect of my mind that appeared in my consciousness, then just noticing it and breathing through it - incredible!

I don’t know if any of that will help but I hope something dose, you deserve peace.

Yes, I do. And thank you so much, Christina, for your guidance and support

Thank you for sharing some of your past and things that have helped you

Personally I would ask about the med Mysoline it can be taken along with Inderal..

It has some lousy short term side effects possible as your body adjusts... so you have to take that into consideration.

Glad the tremor lessened and that you got your Latuda increased. I hope it helps. I know that it is hard to hold on despite side effects and when it seems things are always so difficult!

Glad you treated yourself to a manicure. You deserved it! All my love!

I am happy for you, in that the tremors seem to be letting up some.

great you could take time for a manicure!

I hope you have a great day today!

I'm so happy you feel stable BP-wise! Whoo hoo! I hope your pdoc can do something about the tremor, and here's to working on PTSD issues!

YAY ! ! I’m glad you are finally getting help with that horrible tremor.

I’m glad you pushed and got a damn appt to find pain relief !!!

Woot woot you are on fire woman