Road My Own, by Beth 12/28

Freaky sleep. Not good. Finally took a damned Seroquel (25m) this morning, finally slept a "black-out sleep" like the one Camus wrote about between 7 and 11.

I didn't taken the Latuda dose this morning...thinking that maybe jumping into 40mg's right off is just too much, because of having flu-like symptoms that are pretty bad. Maybe do 20mg for a week, then go up to 30 for a week, then 40.

I recall that when I was younger I respected my body's hyper-sensitivity to meds, so I'd start out at a very low does and gradually work my way up.

Run the idea of lowering your dose with your Pdoc before making that change.

I “ think “I remember you were having some psychosis ? paranoia ? Something ? And Pdoc thought it best to bump you up to a higher starting dose to knock that out of you.

Maybe Pdoc would just split your dose to 20mg am and 20mg pm ??

Yes, she was concerned about some moderate psychosis I was having. I dropped the dose to 20 yesterday and feel noticeably better. I did, however, take a sleeping pill, so slept well. She'll have a fit about me changing the dose without consulting her, but oh well.

Just keep a close eye on yourself if you can

$4 gallon of gas??!! Wow! Thankfully, it’s usually between $2.22 and $2.42 at Sams Club here in KY. I can’t imagine paying that!

I am so sorry you’re still struggling with so much loneliness and anxiety. I know how hard that must be for you! I agree with Christina that you should get out of the house as much as possible! Maybe you can find small ways to distract your thoughts of your daughter? Again, I can’t even imagine! I just hope for both of your sakes she comes to her senses soon! All my love!

Thanks so much, cashart. I hope & pray that my daughter will dialogue with me instead of withdrawing. I know she feels I was a helicopter mom but to me, I love her so much I just try to be there for her.

I know - $4 a gallon. Seriously, I have not filled my tank in many months. It would cost around $70.

Wed., 1/15

40mg. Latuda. I haven't felt any change at all, except a stronger hand tremor. *sigh* Substantially anxious and mildly depressed. Appointment with pdoc tomorrow, she'll probably raise the dose since 40 is basic, with 160mg being top.


I'm still not convinced that Lamictal is the miracle it's supposed to be. At 400mg, I sure don't feel any great benefit. Definitely less irritability and anger, but that's not necessarily my primary issue. I still don't understand why she doesn't give Lithium a try.

There’s no reason to think your Pdoc plans to ramp you right up to full dose “ most” pdocs increase but want that window in case in the future you might need a temporary bump up or permanent increase.

As for Lamictal it is NOT a heavy hitter, most people don’t really notice that it’s helping until they decide to get off it. It’s a great background Med.

What’s driving your desire so hard to try Lithium?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina There’s no reason to think your Pdoc plans to ramp you right up to full dose “ most” pdocs increase but want that window in case in the future you might need a temporary bump up or permanent increase. As for Lamictal it is NOT a heavy hitter, most people don’t really notice that it’s helping until they decide to get off it. It’s a great background Med. What’s driving your desire so hard to try Lithium?

Good question. I guess I think about lithium because Lamictal seems so weak. I mean...one of the functions of Lamictal is that it's supposed to treat BP depression. I don't notice that it does. ??? Also, I think about Lithium maybe intervening with ruminating, obsessive, hamster-on-a-wheel dysphoric mania (mixed states)...my mind constantly running at 100 MPH. But I discussed Lithium with my pdoc a while back and she nixed it. She's a huge fan of Lamictal.

Actually, I don't really want to take Lithium...I just get desperate. And I do like that Lamictal has very few side effects.

As for the dose increase of Latuda, she mentioned it last time. It's always so hard to know if a med is causing a problem (like anxiety), or if I need a higher dose to help combat the problem. Ugggghhh

Lithium requires a lifetime subscription to phlebotomy of the month club ,it is very hard on liver & kidneys and going toxic on it can happen very easily ,especially these days as many areas of the country the public water supply has alot of lithium in it ( it was noted they had a " cluster " in many cases a cluster refers to many cases of the same problem ,in this case bipolar diagnosis was extremely low ) .
In a meta analysis out last week of the 18 AAPs, it wasn't very surprising Zyprexa and Clozapine which are closely related had the most efficacy for treating pschosis and had the most weight gain and worst side effect profiles of all drugs , all the newer technically 3rd generation drugs had the best side effect profiles ,some excelled in certain areas like not causing as much weight gain ,increases in fasting glucose, lower impact on lipids (cholesterol)or 1 actually raised HDL, over all the average weight gain on AP across all drugs was said to be 3 kilograms and it was virtually impossible to take one and not gain some weight .
The also are starting to finnaly think with the 2 best APs being so closely related with efficacy and dangerous side effects that maybe (duh!) Either the drugs themselves have greater impact on other areas of the brain than current science can identify or there are compounds within the known drug effects that haven't been identified yet .

And just a reminder for anyone taking an AP to help them sleep ,in 2016 a position paper was issued by the academy of sleep physicians imploring psychiatrist and patients to stop using them that way ,it may help you get to sleep but they all screw up sleep architecture so the sleep you get is less efficient and restorative. Ask for a benzo and tell them why ,if they have a problem with science maybe being a doctor isn't a good career for them !

I have major sleep disorder I have gone weeks with less than ten minutes sleep , I was a train wreck on the tracks ,or a brain wreck with no tracks . Either way I feel your pain and do the dance myself ,I currently take 60 MG of Temazepam with no guarantees come bedtime .

I personaly think Buspar is expensive baby powder and some sugar ,I have never met an actual patient who got anything out of it , baby powder is after all made by Johnson & Johnson .

Pdoc increased Latuda to 60mg/day and encouraged me to continue usng 3 to 4mg K-pin, at least for this time of year, which is traditionally difficult for me.

I’m glad she went up to 60mg , Now honestly focus on coping skills to manage your anxiety and racing mind. What are ones that are helpful now?! We can never have too many in our toolboxes at any given time.

Lamictal is a slow mover, but well tolerated, very few people have side effects. It works more than a person thinks it does. Many get off and get hammered down into a deep depression.

Why do you not want to take Klonopin this time of year for anxiety?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina I’m glad she went up to 60mg , Now honestly focus on coping skills to manage your anxiety and racing mind. What are ones that are helpful now?! We can never have too many in our toolboxes at any given time. Yes. Doing art work, music, and breathing techniques are all de-stressors. Walking around the neighborhood would be terrific - if I could walk. Actually, I did manage to get some walking in yesterday, but the ankle/foot pain was close to unbearable last night, so I went to bed early to get off my foot. But at least I got some walking in! Lamictal is a slow mover, but well tolerated, very few people have side effects. It works more than a person thinks it does. Many get off and get hammered down into a deep depression. Yes, that's why I stay on it. Also hoping that the Lamictal and Latuda will work more effectively as a team. Why do you not want to take Klonopin this time of year for anxiety? Sorry, my sentences wasn't clear. This time of year is traditionally difficult for me, so it's a good time to take the extra Klonopin. (But I'm already seeing the first tiny signs of spring!)

60mg of Latuda yesterday and awoke feeling calm!!!!! What a joy! Plus, it's easier to enjoy little things instead of being trapped inside my mind. This morning I found "treasures" in London Calling's (kitten) play box. My missing pencil, a business card, a coffee stir stick, a crinkle ball. Hilariously adorable

Anyway, back to meds. Dr. W. said I can go up to 80mg Latuda if necessary (since I'm still on the lower dose) - or remain on the 60, but take a 20 prn for a day or 2 (in addition to the extra Klonopin).

Feeling less anxious and less depressed allows me to make better use of non-med tools. Even doing tax c-rap today seems less daunting.

Oh - do want to note that hand tremor is worse. I'm already on 2mg Cogentin & forgot to ask the Big W about the tremor.

I’m glad your seeing positive results

I “ think” I had a bit of a tremor when I was first on Latuda .. but it must have gone away pretty quick because I didn’t need cogentin.

Glad you're doing so much better. Hope you continue to see improvement.

This morning was the second day I awoke after taking the 60mg Latuda the previous day. The improvement is remarkable! Less depression and that awful spinning anxiety is quieted way down. I even made it through the creepy part of the afternoon without having to take an extra K-pin.

As far as side effects, mild body aches and the hand tremor is pretty bad. I forgot to ask Dr. W. if I should raise my Cogentin dose.

I am so happy for you that things are going better! That’s wonderful! Hopefully the physical symptoms calm down too!

Thanks so much, cashart I feel so much better I'm almost afraid to breathe... fingers crossed! xx

I’m glad it’s helping you so much

Late afternoon hit & I had the old effing dread feeling. Did breathwork, art work, but couldn't shake the feeling. It just got bigger until I felt crushed. Gave in and took a K-pin. That took the tiniest edge off, at least until night came. For whatever crazy as$ed reason I feel calmer at night.

I'm terrified that I've been on meds for so many decades that they just aren't effective anymore.

I'm going to give the 80mg. a try (so 20 this morning and I'll take 60 tonight). Hope the increase helps with the afternoon shite. I'll do that and just go to bed. What a life. I did watch Rocketman last night and loved it - it was like a carnival ride of the music I grew up listening to.

Funny, how people will use drugs to feel the way I use medication to not feel.

I'm scared to death. If this doesn't work, there are no more options that I know of. Except waiting until the time changes. This is so damned ridiculous.

What do you typically do in the afternoon ? I ask because thats kind of a lull for many people.. it’s like your run errands or cleaned , hobbies etc then it’s ?? Do you run out of things to physically or mentally do ?

Sometimes if you leave some tasks for that time you can avoid that awful feeling.

I think the Latuda will really help you, it does just need sometime for full effect

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina What do you typically do in the afternoon ? I ask because thats kind of a lull for many people.. it’s like your run errands or cleaned , hobbies etc then it’s ?? Do you run out of things to physically or mentally do ? Sometimes if you leave some tasks for that time you can avoid that awful feeling. I think the Latuda will really help you, it does just need sometime for full effect

Thank you so much, Christina. Your insight is truly a gift.

I usually run errands in the morning, do chores or work (husband & I have run an online business for 11 years) in the afternoon. The exception is when I have a medical or therapy appt. (usually afternoon). I like your idea, though...maybe I need to change some things around.

What seems to contribute to the creepy afternoon issue is the low light. I'm no fan of summer, but the bright light that we have here during the hot months is an "upper."

One thing I'll try today is the light box. The thing annoys me, but I'll give it a shot.

Thank you for reminding me that the Latuda will take some time! I had spaced that out. I've been on it for a short time.

Anyway - thank you

Stupid, stupid! Realized last night that I've been taking 40mg Latuda, not 60mg! So I took the full 60, awoke after a while so dizzy that walking was dangerous - and very difficult. Shaking and staggering, Should have take 50mg instead of the full 60. OMG, this is like a nightmare. Took some Dramamine and ate a banana with the hope it will lessen the dizziness.

Keep getting my meds mixed up, the little white pills are hard to differentiate one from another. Will go back to bed and hope this wears off.

Sounds awful

Do you use Med boxes ? Or take your pills from there bottles when due ?

Have a Med box you can sit and fill once a week while it nice and bright will cut down on taking the wrong doses. Any meds that you have your not taking or not on that dose anymore put them in a gallon freezer zip bag and stuff in a draw, so you won’t get mixed up. Personal I think meds of all kinds need to be labeled better.