How much am I doing and/or could or should do?

Most have likely heard of "Activities of Daily Living" (ADLs) and "Instrumental Activities of Daily Living" (IADLs). If not, find them described at ADLs and IADLs: Complete Guide To Activities of Daily Living - Kindly Care. All are quite basic, most or all of which we can and do manage, even during bad bipolar episodes. But then there are other activities healthy people see as basic. Here I'm thinking about working at a job, taking proper care of children, some socializing, exercising/eating at least minimally well, exhibiting mostly appropriate behavior, and being able to have some fun and concentrate, when really needed, etc.

I know that many of us here do struggle with some of the above, including one or more ADLs and IADLs. I know many here are on disability, but not all. Sometimes I ask myself if I pushed a little harder if I could do more, "under the gun". Sometimes I try and succeed. Sometimes not. Sometimes efforts to take on one little extra is destabilizing. It's a bummer to compare yourself to others! Not to say other "mentally well" people don't also have to push push push in life. I know limits/capabilities vary, at times.

My questions are:

How are you doing with the most basic stuff (ADLs, IADLs) and the others that most "mentally well" consider normal basic functioning?

Are there things you think you could push harder to do right now?

If you have doubts you can push harder on some things, what are your barriers?

Should you give something up to make life easier?


No need to answer all, if you choose to respond.

Thanks for this post BirdDancer. It can be a bummer to compare ourselves to others. I try to do it infrequently and focus my energy more on self improvement. Comparison helps me when I am in a rut and out of ideas as sometimes we need to mimic the successes of others to find our own.

I do well with all of the activities mentioned in the link you shared. I am grateful that when I am well none of these things are a challenge. Like many here there was a time when I was not well and I required assistance. I am grateful this is not the norm for me and I am humbled and have deep empathy for those who need help.

Yes, there are things I could do better right now. I have a list of so many wonderful opportunities that it can be difficult to choose sometimes. I try to follow a value chain as well as my instinct as to where to focus my energy. I've been doing this much more recently. I was 'hibernating' a bit and I've become more creative. That seems to ebb and flow for me. I'm trying to get better at listening to what I need to stay healthy while I push myself to grow.

I do have doubts. I sometimes have a lack of faith and trust and and a fear of risk that holds me back. I'm working with these concepts to find greater joy. My holistic health is of the utmost importance to me and I'm trying not to cross any lines that would break me down to states I have experienced when I was unwell.

I try not to look at it as give something up and frame it more as 'what abundance do I have that I can freely offer?'. When a system is working well it does not require sacrifice. Participants give and receive freely with love.

Just my take. Thanks for offering an opportunity to respond.

Thank you so much, fern! I really appreciate what you have written and shared, and a few things really have me thinking...in a positive way. I also experience (or have) much of what you've written. Just as your journey seems to have been a very valuable one, despite the great pain that sparked part of it, so has mine. It's not over, though, is it? I guess the hope is that I will reach a type of "destination". I wonder if I should think of it that way?!?

Generally I am not a pessimistic person. The opposite. But with mood fluctuations I do sometimes fumble, lose steam, feel resigned to my situation. Steps forward are often followed by steps backwards. I have often dealt with great frustration in life, and yet I know I can also be a good self cheerleader, and that sometimes things do happen easily.

You mentioned the fear of risk. I can relate to that! I'm trying to build safety nets of various sorts, but the whole weaving process can seem so complex. I didn't always have such a fear of risk. In my youth, very few things held me back for long. The worst years of my illness changed things. Weakened my skin. My goal is to thicken it, little by little. I've made some progress.

I posted this thread because I know I need to work even on one ADL, let alone the other "usuals" that most people manage adequately. I know that ADL would improve if even one other thing improved, but it's a biggie. How do I create the spark that sets off a positive chain reaction? Take a chance! I signed up for a couple little things the other day.

No, it most certainly isn't over. That's the exciting part about it. I see myself as constantly shifting to new destinations, or perhaps better put as constantly moving and growing. In a way, we can always be 'there' if the state of mind is such that you're always focused on the same goal of growth. In that kind of system steps backward aren't necessarily a negative. They are more like going back through something to learn it at deeper and deeper levels so that you can continue to evolve. It is the intent to learn and grow that makes the difference between a loop and a spiral.

You have a great ability to become self aware when you are stuck and then give yourself the push you need to get going again. I think that's an amazing quality to have!

I have spent the better part of my life fighting against percieved threats and weaving that safety net you mentioned. I am finally starting to see it weaves itself when I trust and follow my true path. I've wasted a lot of energy 'protecting' myself and all it ever really earned me was dysfunctional results.

That's a very intuitive and beautiful perspective on the spark you mentioned. I hope the things you are igniting turn out like you envision. Regardless, I know you are on an overall forward trajectory. I am inspired by your courage to try!

Unless I am literally in bed and physically or mentally can not get up... my days are pretty much the same.

I’d post a list of my day but seriously ya’ll would think I need locked up. But routine for me is a huge part of my stability.

I need to add more to my day , I clean everything daily , but I literally have no true exercise anymore because of my junky lungs and pain. That hopefully can be changed soon.

I need to find something to challenge myself more , I’m not sure what that might be tho. But it’s something I need to figure out.

Right now, I'm doing pretty well with ADLs and IADLs, based on what I read in your linked article (which is great btw!). However, depression just makes things feel "impossible" for me to do and I quickly become sluggish, which in turn causes my level of self care to decline. Of course, I know during those times I need to "push through it," or so to speak, but pushing through and making sure my basic functioning doesn't suffer too much becomes increasingly difficult as my depression progresses.

My "barriers," when depressed, are simply the feelings of inadequacy. Basically, I don't feel like I can do anything positive, so I don't want to try. (I know, that's bad. Just being honest, though!) Otherwise, I really don't have any barriers in general.

If I were to give something up to make life easier, it would be my job. lol. But I can't do that, at least not if I want to afford therapy and pdoc appts.

I'm fortunate right now that my job isn't too stressful, but I freak out whenever I have to travel anywhere. It makes me nervous.

I would go for a simpler, less demanding job, but I need consistent structure to my day. I never did well in high school or college when I had to work various 4-8 hour shifts on random days. But that's the problem with most part-time jobs for me -- the fact part-time usually lacks consistency all around. Around here, you'd be hard-pressed to find consistent shifts. Usually such shifts are given to people who've worked at a company or business for many years. Basically, loyalty pays!

Cleaning your whole house daily sounds like a great accomplishment, to me. I am happy to keep mine tidy in between cleanings. I do hope your lung distress and pain are relieved soon. I hope your next challenge is something pleasurable. You are long overdo for some more pleasurable things.

Thank you for sharing!

Thank you for sharing on this topic, bluebicycle! I hear you when it comes to sometimes having to push through things.

I'm glad your job stress has eased a bit. Were you the person who said you were spared a trip to Czech Republic? Either way, I'm glad you haven't had to travel for business for a while. Is business travel a definite for the future? My husband used to have to travel for business quite a bit, but he managed to get his employer to let him focus on different aspects of the department's projects.

I think structure is so important for many of us with bipolar disorder. I can't speak for everyone, but if I break it even a little bit, something always seems to give.

Thanks so much.

I truly wish I wasn’t compelled to clean daily. It can be very distressing at times. We seldom have company so it’s not like it should : needs to be spotless daily. But if I must have an obsession ? cleaning house is a safe one lol

I honestly do get bored cleaning my own stuff. Now if I could give my husband a bit so he would get his side of the barn in order I would be thrilled LOL !!

Thanks for your information and post!

I have things I could push harder to do, but I also sometimes push too hard and then crash and burn, with net negative results.

Sometimes the energy I have (or gain?) in pushing hard is from or seems to trigger a bout of mania/hypomania in me. It did so in December. I was like a whirlwind there for a while happily pushing in all directions. And then it all came crashing down. I am now dealing with the aftermath. What I pushed to start, I did only part way and now my apartment is a mess. Stuff strewn everywhere in my living space, unopened mail for at least two weeks, not vacuuming for several weeks, and not cleaning the bathroom for a couple of weeks. I have not yet started on my Holiday cards, which I have almost always sent out before Christmas before. I live alone, so I can get away with this but if I lived with someone or if the ADL "police" came, I would be in trouble! Though the people I send Holiday cards to may have noticed. Unfortunately, I also pushed to work on a project with others during that time, and that is left undone, too. This is more bothersome for me because others can see it than stuff no one else can see.

So I need to remember Easy Does It and not try to push myself too hard and try to do too much or too many things...

Hey. I read the ADLs and IADLs from your list. When I’m depressed I have difficulty with some, like showering. taking care of household chores, laundry, etc. I can work full time fine but tasks like opening mail is for some reason impossible. I wait till I have a giant pile of like 1-2’months worth of mail beforE I tackle it. I know that is crazy behavior. Luckily I pay almost all my bills online., most thru auto pay so most of my mail is junk anyway.

But it’s funny- I feel like bc I can work my dr always thinks I’m doing okay even when I’m not doing anything other than work and sleep. Right now my mood has been great and the increase in motivation I have to actually complete these day to day tasks is amazing. Like night and day. I feel like motivation is the first thing to go when sucked into a depression.

Anyway, don’t compare ypurself to other ppl and see them working full time and seemingly handling everything else as well. They might be able to keep a job but not keep a house or a relationship or whatever.

What you described about how taking on new things can start an upswing (sometimes too "up") is so common for me, too. I wonder why this happens? Is it just because when there is momentum (of sorts) it is like a snow ball rolling down a hill, picking up speed and size, and then it crashes at the bottom?

Unfinished projects/goals have been issues throughout my life, too, though sometimes I've been lucky enough to finish big ones before a crash. Sometimes in those cases, it's like how when someone would swim miles to a shore that they'd pass out when they got to it.

Thanks for mentioning these points, Naynay. I know that I shouldn't compare, but it's sometimes difficult not to. I do understand how we sometimes just struggle to get the bare minimum done and how other stuff falls to the wayside.

I'm happy to read that you are doing very well right now. I hope that positive situation remains for you for a long time.

I don't know which usually comes first for me: an upsurge in energy with grandiose thinking that I can do more than I can realistically do or taking on a new project that energizes me. I think they both may happen at times. But I think the energy upsurge with grandiose unrealistic thinking may more often come first that energizes me to do even more (well why not do that?).

Yeah, that has been my experience, too! And if I made it to shore, I promised myself, well I won't do that again. But I have, in spite of my trying not to...

I have practiced being angry and upset at myself for trying to do too much and too big of projects, but it hasn't helped. Instead, it has stressed me out even more, and added stress does not help me cope. I am trying to accept that it happens and try to be aware of when it is starting to happen, so I can try to nip it in the bud before it becomes a tornado... That works better for me but it still happens more often than I would like. When it happens, I try to be merciful to myself.

I have problems with:
Personal hygiene
Dressing myself

And almost all of Instrumental activities of daily living

My barriers:
Paranoia/anxiety
Eating disorder
physical disability

I need control over my life and that's not going to happen for a while.
I've come to the understanding that one day I will have to be full time in a day program as my husband will no longer be able to care for me full time.
I'm good at hiding even H doesn't realize how much of the IADL's he does.