Bipolar spouses

I think I attract the wrong men into my life because I have bipolar and I am broken, empathic, Gullible and sweet. I feel like I do because I may be on my third narcissist relationship. Does anyone else attract people who are also bipolar? or have a disorder as well ? I’ve always wanted someone just laid back and understanding but it takes a special kind of person to try and understand bipolar and bipolar mood swings and put up with it. Anyway I’m just curious is anyone living life with a kind supportive person.?

My boyfriend and I both have bipolar I. It’s not been an easy ride. His is far more severe than mine but we have the strongest and most supportive/reciprocal relationship I’ve ever been in. We are each other’s other halves and there is no doubting it. We are made for each other. I never had a partner with bipolar before him so I have nothing to compare it to.

Hey @Thriving101 are you saying that a narcissist and bipolar person are the same? Do you mean that you attract bipolar persons or naricissistic people ?

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Originally Posted by Thriving101 I think I attract the wrong men into my life because I have bipolar and I am broken, empathic, Gullible and sweet. I feel like I do because I may be on my third narcissist relationship. Does anyone else attract people who are also bipolar? or have a disorder as well ? I’ve always wanted someone just laid back and understanding but it takes a special kind of person to try and understand bipolar and bipolar mood swings and put up with it. Anyway I’m just curious is anyone living life with a kind supportive person.?

I am an extremely loving, generous, giver type of person who almost always puts himself at the very end of the line. Other people do take advantage of that, but I will never permit them to change who I am. I know who and what I am, and I am good with that.

I live with a very kind and supportive person. He is genuinely quite amazing and I feel incredibly blessed to share a life with him. We met when I was 21 and I'm almost 40. I wasn't showing symptoms of bipolar disorder at the time we got together, but my mother did shortly after we started dating. He always knew it was a possibility and he vowed to love me anyway. I pushed him past the point of return for most people while I was stick, but he stood strong and loved me through it. There simply are no words to describe what I feel for him.

Some important male influences treated me badly when I was young and I attracted guys who weren't good for me for a long time. I knew my husband was the one when his energy felt like that of a best friend, a loving family member and a mate all in one.

My advice would be to spend time focusing in on the kind of energy you wish for in a partner. Get to know it well so that you can better recognize it when it comes along. Also, you know now what you don't want. If you feel the same energy in a future partner you know it might be best to walk away.

A diagnosis doesn't define your potential matches, but your beliefs do. Keep an open mind and an open heart. Also keep in mind that you are you're one true partner. Make sure that relationship is strong and healthy first and that will make it easier for you to attract the same in a partner.

I attract narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths who may have some form of bipolar. I’m not a psychiatrist though I just looked up the symptoms of what behavior I saw and that’s what it’s lead me too. I guess just people who are broken or mentally ill are the ones I attract.

Thank you for this beautifuly written. Ps. I’m glad you have someone who is good to you.

I don't think Bipolar Disorder co-occurs with psychopathy or narcissism with any frequency, that I know of.

I know that many of us feel 'broken,' god knows I do sometimes, but objectively, I don't believe that those with mental illness are broken people; just struggling, often mightily.

I suppose a mental health disorder can affect attractions, to some degree, but there is always some personality that plays a part, too. I'm not implying that anyone's personality is bad or good, or otherwise here. It's just that we are not carbon copies because we all have bipolar disorder. I also believe that even if a person has attracted a similar type of partner, again and again, that that can be changed. There have already been some excellent suggestions here for how to attempt such a change. You may also want to discuss this issue with a therapist, if you have one.

I have bipolar disorder, and have attracted men with a wide-variety of personality traits. Certainly my bipolar disorder has played a part in their reactions to past behavior, good and bad. Though I dated many men before getting married, I only had one serious relationship before my husband. I lived with my first love for over two years. He was the one that dumped me, in the end, likely because of my bipolar disorder. He doesn't have a mental illness, that I'm aware of, but he did have an inflated regard for himself. He never made me feel less than him, because I've always had a healthy self-esteem, but I do now prefer people with more humility.

I've been with my husband for over 23 years now. He has a history of major depression. [He's definitely never been manic.] He has a healthy (not inflated) self-esteem and treats me like an equal. Both understanding depression allows us to commiserate with each other. As for his reactions to my manic symptoms, he's a rather "imperturbable" type. That's a good match for me and yet despite my being a challenge sometimes, I am also a forgiving type that acknowledges and apologizes when I do wrong. He is, too. That levels out the difficulties. We both enjoy each other's humors and have many similar interests. That's good, too. We're both far from perfect, and are OK with that. If a man had excessively high standards for how I should act, that would be the relationship's end, for me. If a man didn't like me, then I'd hope he'd end the relationship. I'm glad I never married my first love. My husband's happy he split with his first wife.

Yea I don’t know if bipolar can co-occur with it either. I’m not sure. I shouldn’t of said I attract broken people. I do feel broken a lot I think it’s my emotions or bipolar talking. The guy I’m in a relationship with has called himself broken many times and I guess it kinda stuck in my mind. But every time he tells me that he is broken I tell him that’s not true. Bc I don’t want him to believe he is a broken person. I have read that until we have really good self love and love for ourselves and heal From some kind of trauma that we will keep attracting people who are kinda the same way. I also heard that empathic people typically attract psychopaths and narcissist because empathic people like to help other people and narcissists like to be use people without empathy. Empathic people help and love to give and narcissists love to take. Just some stuff I read.

Attraction is tricky... I think what it looks like depends on how balanced the people are. You mentioned empaths. Let's use that as an example. There are empaths who are constantly overwhelmed by the feelings of others. They shift out of their own energy to match what others or feeling or to fill the voids they naturally feel within others. They are fixers and give until they are empty. They feel better when they think they can fix others, but we cannot really fix others and instead they drain whoever they project this broken person perspective onto. This is passive approach to empathy and this kind of state might attract the narcissist you mentioned. The narcissist then takes and takes, but what they take is lost because it goes into a bottomless pit. The combination of the two together is a net negative result and energy is wasted.

There is another kind of empath. There are ones who are able to connect completely with the feelings of others without being swayed out of their own preferred state of being. They generate their own desired feelings while simultaneously connecting to others. They give freely, but not to their own detriment. They simply generate what they are and allow others to take it if they wish. They aren't trying to fix anything. They are simply accepting and compassionate of others. A narcissist might be confused by this person because they sense the free state of giving of this empath, but they also sense a strength and boundary. The narcissist will typically walk away from this type of empath as they cannot get what they want. This empath will also walk away from a narcissist because they will not allow them to continue to feed off of them endlessly.

You mentioned unresolved trauma. It plays a huge role in my opinion. When we have holes, the holes seek a way to be filled. Hence the attraction. We often fill them in unhealthy ways when we are unbalanced. However, there is another type of attraction.

People who have fewer holes to fill and are in balance also attract their opposite, but it is a complimentary opposite. So in the case of the empath who is balanced they might attract someone who is emotionally open and gifted in another area they lack like perhaps some kind of other form of intelligence. So maybe an empath with a talented designer or leader. The two of them together create a net positive result as they collectively approach the creation of their future giving and taking reciprocally for the greater good of the team. They help each other to bring awareness to their flaws and they offer patches to each other while they grow in the places they have weaknesses.

I hope that helps a little. Its just my take on what I've observed between relationships that seem to look like two vampires draining each other vs. two stars dancing with each other.

My answer is yes. My husband has OCD quite severely, and PTSD (Vietnam veteran). For a few years my husband and I were separated; I dated a man who, it turned out, has BP.

I was engaged to someone who was very Narcissistic and had a possible mood disorder. Due to his Narcissism he was very mean. He was intelligent and could be sweet at times... I am married now to a lovely, kind and intelligent man (he may possibly have some Aspergers traits.. he is never mean)

My husband and I both have bipolar+. We have a really good relationship. The biggest problem is we are too supportive and non squeamish. We let symptoms go to long before getting professional help.

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Originally Posted by Thriving101 I attract narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths who may have some form of bipolar. I’m not a psychiatrist though I just looked up the symptoms of what behavior I saw and that’s what it’s lead me too. I guess just people who are broken or mentally ill are the ones I attract.

Those are some heavy diagnoses to just be kicking around. And they are 3 very different dx's.

If you ever been with a narcissist you will know another one again.

Also I told my psychiatrist about my second ex and his behavior etc the one I have a son with and my psychiatrist told me from what I said that he was a sociopath and very dangerous. To stay away from him and do minimal contact.

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Originally Posted by Thriving101 Also I told my psychiatrist about my second ex and his behavior etc the one I have a son with and my psychiatrist told me from what I said that he was a sociopath and very dangerous. To stay away from him and do minimal contact.

Interesting. I've never known a pdoc to diagnose someone they don't personally know.

Yea He said he wouldn’t normally diagnose someone if they weren’t there but from the information I gave him he did. but he told me because he was seriously concerned for my safety. And it sounds like you don’t believe me and that I’m making this stuff up which is annoying because why would I eve come on here asking for advice and help if I wasn’t seriously wondering why I attracted those kind of people? Your comments seem rude and you don’t even know me or what I’ve been through so. You don’t have to be so rude.

I don't think anybody "disbelieves" you. I personally think it's weird that a psychiatrist would diagnose somebody they don't know. Usually they like to get "both sides of the story" before making a diagnosis, if that makes sense. So, it's unusual for a doctor to make a diagnosis about someone they haven't talked to. But I do believe you when you say he said that. It's just that technically speaking, one could lie to a doctor (or even misinterpret someone's actions), and if the doctor doesn't hear the other person's side of the story, then the doctor's judgment could be biased/wrong. I'm not saying you lied, though. I'm confident you told the truth. But I'm just speaking in general terms about why doctors don't like to diagnose before they meet somebody. It's just standard practice to meet the other person before diagnosing; that's all. I think that's what people are getting at.

But regardless, it sounds like he was watching out for your personal safety, which is awesome. It does sound like your ex is toxic, though, and I agree with your doctor that staying away from toxic people is a good thing!

Well that’s what he told me. He wouldn’t normally diagnose someone without them being there but it was for me to know that he was a sociopath and to stay away from him. Bc I had a tendency to go back because he was emotionally abusive etc. He was nice and then when I would go back to him he was the worst to me. And No from the way it was worded it sounds like she thinks that I lied about it all. Which is really hurtful because why would I sit here and lie about something like that I’m so over people right now. I could literary say anything and somrone out there will always have something rude to say no matter what. Be ugly or not supportive. My ex did come in to my psychiatrist office for my appointment before asking for drugs so .. I mean. There’s a lot people don’t know. He’s seen the guy and watched some of his behavior. I just don’t know why I am the one being questioned like I’m some liar wanting attention. I don’t even know why i came on this sight. People are so mean.

I'm sorry you feel that people here are being mean. I don't think you're a liar at all. If you stick around here I think you'll find a tremendous amount of support.