Bipolar check-in #43

Thanks Polibeth and Christina! I saw my doctor today and I'm tapering off abilify and paxil and getting back onto Vraylar and Zoloft. I'm feeling very hopeful because these meds were helpful to me in the past. It's going to be a couple weeks of dose changes to get to where I need to be, my doctor recommended going to the hospital so they could do it for me but I didn't want to so I just promised to call if I have any problems come up.

To stay safe I will use coping skills such as praying/meditating, drawing, playing games, reading, and reaching out to people if I need someone to talk to. I used to be such a positive person but lately my thoughts are all negative so I want to work on that.

I went to a nutrition class today here in the community room of my apartment complex. It was fun, the nutritionist cooked some jambalaya using ground turkey. I got some info on budgeting in regards to food, price vs unit price, etc and buying what's in season. Lots of good tips in this packet I got which will be super helpful because I've been really struggling to make my food budget last every month, I usually am running low or out of money/food by the last week of the month. That's my own fault but I hope to use some of these suggestions to get better with budgeting.

Some other things I need to work on are impulse shopping, I see things like books or collectors items and I just have to have them, so I blow all my money on stupid stuff that just ends up cluttering my place.

N3 left about half an hour ago in a shirt and sweatshirt and no coat and wouldn't say where he was going. Now he's not answering his phone. He knows he needs to be home in an hour from now because his dad is picking him up. I am guessing he went to his girlfriend's house, but I can't tell because her mother hasn't texted me back. We are fighting about the bills and he says he doesn't owe half the grocery money when I paid this last time. I guess its my fault for not being a hard-*** to him when he was younger.

Edit to add: Sharlene's mom says he's at the mall with friends. So he has no plans on going to choir! Ugh. I hate him sometimes. He did answer the phone- praise the lord! - and he said he's at the mall with friends and not going to choir. This is at least the 2nd week in a row that he's skipped choir and church. He's in two choirs at church, actually and he hasn't been to either of them.

Now his dad just texted me and said that HE won't be going to church (Noah's ride) for the next three Sundays AND next Thursday. So even more time Noah will miss. I guess if the choir director wants to chew him out for missing so much she can be my guest.

I'm gonna go read for a while... I'm exhausted.

If your doing well just keep taking your Lithium.... Yes I think stopping would be foolish, no need to rock the boat

I’m glad you have Med changes that helped you in the past.

I think that’s wonderful you can learn about saving money , food costs

I’m sure you will be back to feeling very soon.

Freaking kids

Yup.

@Jennifer 1967 Please continue with your meds, all of them. They are the reason we feel reasonably good and are able to function.

This afternoon I went for a ride. (You'll hear this more often as things warm up.) Anyhow, a car was just about to overtake me at the top of my descent but they hesitated. I initially sat as far right as I could so they would have space to get round me but the road was quite rough so I simply waved them to back off. At that point I took advantage of the whole width of the road and with the tight curves I quickly put distance between myself and them. It was a fun little race. I reached the bottom of the descent well before they did. Ah, speed and risk.

Jennifer1967- I don't have references for this but I have read that if you stop lithium suddenly you are extremely likely to have an episode within 3 months. It happened to me and it was hard. (Granted I stopped cold turkey later after a toxicity and was fine but I think we adjusted my meds to help prevent it). You'd need to talk to a pdoc but I just try to share that because that was one miserable depression and even though it was reasonable to stop suddenly (an earlier toxicity than the other I mentioned) it did not work well for me.

I made it to Bible study this week! I didn't make it to church Sunday but that was a migraine's fault.

Otherwise I'm waiting anxiously to hear from the patient assistance program for Emsam. They have a few loopholes they may try to use to stop my participation in the program and I'm really worried what happens if they do. I'd have to go IP for one thing and that just sucks. I've been out 4 years and would like to shoot for 5. I have no idea what drug would replace it. Emsam is the only AD that has helped me. I've been on it 10 years.

My pdoc will fight hard for me if it comes to that; she had to once before and she won. But that was before they had multiple loopholes all at once. Since Emsam doesn't seem to be going generic it is just beneficial to them cost-wise to not give it out free.

But one good thing is Bible study. I'll figure out the rest later. I can't do anything until I get a letter from them anyway.

Glad you made it bible study !

Yes trying to get meds and jumping through hopes .... it’s just awful

I’m sure your doctor will do everything possible to get you a much needed Med

2:16 am and I’m battling one of those heavy blankets of pure doom and gloom ! it just totally roll over me in a nano second and I cant take a deep breath.

Damnnnn it’s been a while !!

I know it will ease , I have just taken a Xanax. Time to just go curl up in a ball in bed.

Hope you can sleep. I'm awake too.

Hope you get some relief and sleep

If was the driver of that car, I would have admired the heck out of you!

This is not only what my psychiatrist told me, but something I have also read. When I was being weaned off my Lithium by my psychiatrist, he did so slowly. I recall I was on 900 mg. He reduced my Lithium by 300 mg every two months, so it took four months, and that was done even though kidney damage was discovered. Even the nephrologist (kidney doctor) I had started to see, at pdoc's suggestion) thought that reduction plan was smart. Of course my psychiatrist did consult with the nephrologist before implementing the plan. The whole process went extremely well!

I hope the Xanax helped you sleep and that you now feel a lot better, Christina.

downandlonely, I'm hoping you got some good sleep, too.

Well my low mood was definitely hormonal. Plus I am not pregnant, yay! Lol. I downloaded a tracker app so I can predict when my period is going to come because it is not regular on this birth control. It is the mini pill. I don’t like it. I will ask my gyn to put me back on the regular bc when I see her in June.

You're quite the dare devil! Its always hard for me to navigate around bikes if they aren't off to the side, but I usually just quietly go around them. Sometimes, I am unable to go around them and then I have to drive 10 miles and hour.

I was on the mini pill after N3 was born. I was breastfeeding. You do have to take them at the same time every day to avoid pregnancy. As far as periods go, I wasn't having any periods at the time, due to the breastfeeding.

I hope you are okay this afternoon now after a bit of sleep??

I had a pretty bad case of toxicity on lithium and was stopped cold turkey. Nothing happened. No episode, nothing. But I assume pdoc adjusted my other meds to account for this, but I can't remember at the moment.

So far, no side effects from stopping rexulti!! And the cogentin is working GREAT!!

I gave my mom her custom shoes today. I left them in my apartment lobby for 15 days in case they had coronavirus on them. (I had read that coronavirus lasts on a surface for up to 9 days, and well, the shoes shipped from China on the 13th.) She loves them and is wearing them!!

I am still leery of my diagnosis. I want to discuss it with my therapist... but after seeing this weird guy in the waiting room who spat on the ground, I am worried about getting sick. He also spat in his hands, rubbed them together, and wiped them on the arm rests of the waiting room chairs!! He was with his mom (presumably) and was shouting profanities. Then he spat in his hands again, once again rubbing them together, and then wiping them on his shirt and pants!! He looked like he was maybe 20 yrs old? Didn't seem autistic or somehow suffering from mental retardation. He paid the front desk with his own credit card anyways, so I assume he is "high functioning." Dunno what was going on, but he obviously had issues!! This is why I am afraid of getting coronavirus from the damn therapy office!

That’s wonderful you can trace what’s causing this mood dip monthly.

Blue, corona virus or no, that's just unsanitary and mostly GROSS!

I just saw pdoc this afternoon. Was a boring appointment. She had a student with her that I'd met before. He was nice and asked appropriate questions. We talked about my taking more Haldol and she wanted to know why and I came up with some reason that I've now forgotten. She had me stick out my hands and tongue to see if they were shaking. I'm not sure which med that's about (am not on lithium anymore), but nonetheless... So we talked about n3 about how he's got a case of the "I'll do what I want"s.


Got some usual bills in the mail today. I assume I got my money today now that I think about it. It usually comes Friday before the first if the first lands on a weekend. I'm still worried that I won't be able to afford something- food or whatever- because I have to pay for my car's registration this month. (March.) Its the birthday present that keeps on giving- pay US for YOUR birthday month!

Been writing back and forth with the head of NOCIRC. Yes, that's what its about- no circumcision. It stands for National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers. When I say "head" I mean she started the whole organization; there are state chapters out there run by people in those states, but she is the head chief. We've been talking about newborns and pain and how I was a preemie when born and had surgery 2 days thereafter. Interesting stuff. Of course, N1 and N3 aren't circumcised. Just wasn't something I thought they aught to go through- surgery as newborns. And all is fine-and-dandy. Of course, N1 one of these years might do away with her boy parts and that's okay. Okay- how did I get on this topic? Oh yeah- emails....

Here is an article on pain and the newborn and fetus. (Including preemies.)Very interesting. Pain Assessment in Human Fetus and Infants