Bipolar check-in #43

Thanks everyone

I do feel some better today thankfully , the Xanax really didn’t help, I just curled up in bed , took me almost 2 hours to fall asleep still had that damn feeling...

I feel a bit better today but still it’s around just certainly not as intense ... meh !

I don’t get that often but I have some pretty major life issues going on so.. I’m not surprised this happened.

Hope everyone is having a good day

I'm glad you could sleep.

Well I had my hopes up that this new internet service I ordered that suppost to work better in rural areas ,, F’ing Nope. The WiFi from it works on our phones only.. but all it does is buffer streaming ... We simply do not have enough cell signal. So we are unable to save any money.

We had hopes it could work so we can cancel our current satilite TV service, internet and go to streaming , get a fire stick , and antenna to get our local channels

But , no . I should have known better.

So we are stuck with what is basically dial up speed, I’m still stuck if I need to make a call , my phone must sit for 5+ mins on my night stand at a certain angle and must be on speaker phone. My husband and I have the same phone but his won’t.

Just discouraged.. since there are only a handful of people on a long road so no cable company will ever run anything to us, it makes no financially sense.

So everyone please enjoy streaming for me

@~Christina There's always DVDs or Blueray.

Christina that sounds frustrating! In our current society internet is kind of just part of being connected, and needed for a lot of things, so it's got to be difficult to be in an area where there's not good access. Maybe they'll be some future advances to the way internet is delivered so it won't matter if you are in a more rural area. Also, sorry you had a rough night last night, hope tonight is better.

I did something ill-advised- I took a 2-hour nap- late too. Now im hoping I'll be tired in a couple hours.



ETA: Not tired yet and its 10-to-9:00

Alright, so on thinking about the situation I think I need to mostly give up caffeine. It lifts my mood and helps me focus and I love coffee, but I think I need to commit to this. I think I can allow myself to have a cup of green or white tea once a day or so, but other than that it's too much. I realized it's probably causing a lot of my irritability, anxiety, inability to sit still and that it's like an uber mild version of how I felt on Lexapro. I honestly think there's something unusual about how I react to and/or metabolize things. Anyways, I'm already feeling sluggish, yet less on edge and so I think this is going to be worth it. Trying to replace it with eating a good breakfast and exercising more for an energy boost. I went to a tea shop near me and got a green tea. My plan is to get different teas I like so as to encourage myself to try them out instead of coffee. I am going to yoga tomorrow with a friend. I haven't been in a long time, so I'll probably struggle, but hey it's a first step. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I’m glad things seem to be calming down, and I hope the feelings don’t get worse again. Sounds like it was awful. Sending calming vibes.

Well I crawled through University yesterday. The unit seems awesome (Digital Journalism) but my body barely made it home. My heart raced, I was dizzy, pain levels high, and my brain felt like it was being crushed. The efforts of this week has made my fibromyalgia worse. Upon returning home I curled up in bed but couldn’t sleep. My stomach was in knots so I ate little for dinner. I took some seroquel and thankfully slept nine hours.

This morning I felt like I’ve been hit by a truck. At least I have nothing on today besides a little study. My physical state is discouraging, and very uncomfortable but I plan to push on. Next week on top of uni I have a few appointments as well. It is going to be a challenge. All I can do is push through and hope it eases up soon. I will take rest breaks as often as I can. I have a few more weeks to decide to pull out of some units if I need to before I am financially or academically penalised. I will wait it out. I really enjoyed my classes so I hope I can keep going.

My stress levels are immense. My stomach declares this. I have to be careful as despair creeps in fast at times. For now though I have two days rest.

Yeah we have bought tons of DVD over the years. We are just stuck paying far to much to Dish for TV and internet with ridiculous date limit. 5gb per month, it just runs dial up speed.

I went to HR block today and filed my taxes. It was SO much easier to just watch someone do it for me rather than do it myself. It was expensive, but I will be able to pay for it with my return so it was worth it. I got enough back that I will be able to make some big payments toward my cat debt and pay off my two low credit cards. And I will be able to buy myself a treat - an air diffuser with essential oils. We have one in my classroom and I love it. I’ve been holding off getting one for a couple of months because I couldn’t afford it, but I will treat myself when I get my return. Otherwise, the money is going straight into savings to keep me afloat for a few months. I have gotten my spending down so much. There were days this week that I spent not a penny. I always used to buy breakfast and lunch but now I pack those things. Sometimes I go and get a drink but a large Diet Coke from McDonald’s is only $1.00 so I don’t feel that bad. I’ve also been cooking more so we don’t go out as much. Things are all coming together finance wise, thankfully.

I don't feel well, but I'm questioning the reality of my emotional state. Is it what it seems?

It's not light yet, but the night has passed since my last post. I'm up early because I'm helping my sister move today. So, joy of all joys, I get to drive in the San Francisco Bay Area. Can you say tension and anxiety?

What is stressful about going to San Francisco? Is it the traffic or is it a long drive?

I hate driving long distances myself, especially in traffic. I find it stressful since most people here are bad drivers, hence the name "Massholes."

Nevertheless, I hope the move goes smoothly. Maybe it won't be so bad when you get there? I find that I build up a lot of anxiety before an event and I start thinking that everything is going to go wrong, but everything ends up okay in the end.

Cogentin is working really well for the akathisia, so I am pretty happy about that, especially since I am finally able to relax and not go nuts. I am glad I have this Rx.

Nothing bad has happened since stopping rexulti. Kinda makes me wonder if it was doing anything in the first place to be honest. I have no symptoms other than a lack of hunger.

I still don't think I have a bipolar diagnosis, though, and I just want to be on a stimulant (Ritalin) for concentration. I am already off my antipsychotic and doing just fine. In fact, I feel less foggy and more productive nowadays. I want to ask about weaning off the other meds during my next appt (after proving I am fine without an antipsychotic), but the lamictal one I am scared to go off of because of seizure risks.

Thank you for the assurance that everything will end up okay in the end.

Funnily enough, it's not the distance that bothers me but the traffic. And I'm afraid of getting lost.

Didn't you come up with this same plan a while back, and it failed miserably?

Albert Einstein said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

Please be sure the Einstein quote doesn't apply to your plan.

I'm glad you have some relief from your akathisia.

Yeah, traffic sucks, as does getting lost.

Do you have Waze or Google Maps on your phone? I like Waze a little more, but Google Maps' pedestrian mode makes is great too.

Another thing I do... I actually use Google Maps on my computer and I click "street view" so that I can see what buildings look like in the area I am trying to visit.

I also saw my dad using a Google Maps feature where it lets you take a picture of where you are walking on the street, and then it uses artificial intelligence to figure out which street you're on and if you're looking the wrong way. Works quite well in Boston even with all those crazy buildings. It seems gimmicky, I know, but I was impressed by it.

I'm thrilled you are more comfortable in your body!

How long have you been off Rexulti?
Sometimes, it takes a considerable amount of time to determine the med is not helpful. I am not sure psychosis always returns immediately.

Help me out here, I am trying to recall... It seems like we'd discussed signs of an impending relapse within the past 7-10 days? People gave you feedback about this on this thread, I think?

Haven't you been on Ritalin all along? My brain is slow this morning!

Love Ya!

Hey Blue. I'm so happy you're feeling well. I wanted to reiterate something that Wild Coyote mentioned. I did a lot of research when coming off of an AP last fall. It can take quite some time for rebound symtoms to show if you do indeed have a condition. I have been off APs for months and I am not in the clear and honestly will always be on the lookout for symptoms as I know my brain allowed for them in then past under certain circumstances.

I hope the trend of wellness continues for you.

I wonder if that doctor who prescribed Seroquel for me was doing the “right” thing

Is it only supposed to be prescribed for psychosis?

I had a Benzo refill approved (I’m allergic to most of the other meds)

Hugs and respect

From what I understand it can also help with depression and is sometimes also prescribed to help with sleep

I just read thst its good for slowing down mania. It did for me, actually last May when manic. A high enough dose ground me down to a halt.

Well, we got lots done. All my siblings got together to help my sister move.


Early this morning traffic was light and I found my way there fairly easily. When transferring her stuff to the new house I got lost. Fortunately, there was a sheriff/deputy who was willing to lead me to her street.


On my way home all kinds of awful traffic. Even had a barbecue grill fall out of a truck in front of me. So I stopped and helped the driver load it back up.