Attachment styles

Something I realized is I might not have a secure attachment in relationships. I don't take it out on others, or have unstable relationships. However, I have difficulty with trust and other things in my relationships. I am pretty guarded and feel anxious. I don't really worry about abandonment or anything I don't think, though. It's sort of a complicated mix of things and I realized I relate a bit to the fearful attachment style. I don't feel like my childhood was so bad that I should have developed this, but it seems to fit. I do think I am scared of being in a relationship like my parents had. I thought this was interesting to learn about and wanted to share a link for anyone who's interested. I don't know much about the site where it's posted, but looked like a decent summary.

https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/indi...-relationships

Interesting post, I (probably) didn't have a secure attachment as a tiny cub which is hardly any cubs fault grrr. It's an interesting and fruitful area of enquiry, thanks for posting this I don't take it out on others either, or have unstable relationships. But I do have trust issues and tend to be guarded

I'm sorry for your past experiences, and yes, you are right it is no cubs fault. They don't have the resources and emotional/mental capability to deal with that. I think it's affected how I relate to others and that may make things worse, because I end up not trusting people I can, and trusting people I can't. That just reinforces the problem.

I also have trusted people who were not trustworthy …. not good at all grrrrr

I do trust a couple of people who have proved to be trustworthy (so maybe, hopefully I am learning more about what sort of people and red flags to avoid or to not allow them to get close)

Thanks for the article, yellow_fleurs. I loved the picture at the top. So funny and cute.

I don't really fit in any one category. With ya -- I've got trust issues too. I've had 2 long term relationships as an adult (25 years and 10, both amicable). Mentioning this as they were/are very different relationships. And my attitudes were very much influenced by the core personality traits of and interactions with each person. It would have been paranoid to not trust one, and very foolish to trust and feel secure with the other. So which style is that, you know? Everything happens in a context. I guess if something is consistent regardless, you'd probably relate to a particular one strongly.

Guess the take-away is -- everything happens in context.

I have fearful (aka disorganized) attachment. I am trying to work on it in therapy, but even the therapeutic relationship terrifies me. Great article, though - thanks for sharing!

yellow_fleurs, thanks for the link!

I read the link and took the quiz. Fearful-avoidant for me. In thinking about it, I guess I am not surprised on one hand, but to see the results kind of stings. Yet it explains a lot about my relationships, and it is kind of comforting in that I see that other people can also be that way. I thought I might be the only one. In reading the link, I can see that to change there is work for me to do...

I think mine would probably be fearful avoidant grrrrr. I have to hibernate, its very late/early here (I'll take the quiz tomorrow, thanks again for the article