[Fuzzybear]

Do you try to fix other people?
Papa bear is a bit..

And he can't ''fix'' me

No, I don't try to fix people. I believe if someone is going to get "fixed," they should want to do it; otherwise, you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed.

The other thing is, I prefer to leave it to a professional. I am no good at helping people myself. I'm afraid of saying/doing the wrong thing.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Fuzzy!

This is an interesting question.
In some circles "fixing" implies changing someone.

I like to help people. I like to help them to be their best selves . I do not want to change them.

I do not want to change them unless I am going to marry them and then I cannot possibly list all of the things that need changing/fixing!

Thanks for contributing so much to the forum with your interesting threads!

[fern46]

I like to help people when they ask for help. I struggle when they struggle to get out of their own way. I have at times been a fixer and I can easily fall back into that habit. I know it is not my place and I'm working to take a healthier approach.

Not at all. I'm happy to let people be whomever they want to be. I generally feel that people must realize their own mistakes and learn from them and/or choose their own paths. I, too, am happy to lend support, though.

I will say that if I see someone blatantly making a mistake (going down a dangerous road), I try to warn them. I don't see that as being a "fixer", though. I try to share some of what I've learned, when applicable and hopefully appropriate.

In my marriage, there have been teeny weeny things that bugged me about my husband, but I've learned to laugh about them. There's more for him to tolerate in me, and yet he always says I'm perfect. Actually, he's perfect in my eyes, too.

My father has always had some behavior that was less than ideal. I won't say I haven't told him about it and warned him about ramifications. He barely listens, though, or will one moment and then does a 180. He has also been exploited by people he calls "friends". Folks, he will end up inadvertently killing himself because of alcohol, or being exploited even more, if he doesn't get proper support and go down a better path. And by "support", I'm not talking enabling. If he does insist on going down a self-destructive path, I will have to stay away for my own well-being. I've warned him about that. It will be horrible if that comes to pass, because I love my father dearly. My warnings do seem to get through to him more than the ones from my siblings, but not fully. I wish I could offer him more, but I can only manage so much.

[*Beth*]

I used to be a fixer. I've learned that not only doesn't being a fixer work, I end up frustrated and miserable.

[yellow_fleurs]

I'm a helper and an supporter, but I have learned that being a fixer doesn't work and isn't typically healthy. I used to try to fix and protect everyone around me, ever since I was a child. I would try to fix my family for example. I have had to give back the responsibility to others. I also learned from being close friends with a bit of a fixer/controlling person that it can actually be a bit harmful if you're overbearing with it. Like she would try to tell me what to do for even little things and it started to make me feel like I couldn't do anything right. Maybe that was more controlling/worrying behavior than fixing, but I did decide that empowering and supporting people while they work to fix themselves is a better approach then taking on that responsibility for others.

[~Christina]

My husband and I were friends for years before we decided to take the leap , we both were worried about losing our friendship.

He was very protective of me when we were just friends.

When it became more ? It’s like a switch was flipped. He went into over drive. I was dealing with a lot of junk mentally, getting out of a abusive relationship, recent hysterectomy because of cancer, still struggling with losing my dad. Yeah lotta crap.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready for our relationship..... he just tried to “ fix” everything. He just was smothering me. I know he did it out of love.

I had no choice but to tell him we needed a break. The thing we feared the most happened. We still talked often, he did realize what he did, about 3 months later I said .. okay Amanda and I are going to the Zoo see you there. We just resumed our relationship after we acknowledge what caused the problem.

Men in general are “ fixers”

He stills tries to fix things but I’ll remind him he’s not my T or he will say .. ok shutting up lol .. but I’m here and give me a hug.

I try to help people .. I can’t fix anyone. No one can fix anyone but themselves.