[Jennyanydots]

As I mentioned in this last post "Hot mess seeking therapist", I downloaded the list of therapists who take my health insurance plan from my health insurance carrier's website and only 5 therapists came up within 10 miles of my house! Only 2 have called back telling me they aren't taking current patients. I just want to cry! I need somebody to talk to so badly. My anxiety is so bad. My mind is constantly racing, I'm short of breath and I can't focus on anything. I can't even read a book - my mind is just spinning. Right now, at this moment, I'm a mess. I took a klonopin so I'm starting to calm down (how is that medicine so magical?). I don't feel hypomanic or that my mind is racing cause new ideas are flooding my brain but it's constant worry. I've been drinking a lot more since my stress/anxiety levels have gone up over the past several months. This weekend I plan to stay in my house and I have zero alcohol in the house. I'm going to see how well I can manage my stress without resorting to wine or beer.

My boss just unloaded a huge new project on me due next Friday on top of my regular reports and another project that I took over from another analyst. I'm worried how I'm going to go about approaching the new project, as well as how long this on-going project is going take of my time that I took over. Anyhow, too much boring detail. In a nutshell, I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Right now, to try to lessen my anxiety, I made some calming tea, turned on some music and I'm writing this post to get my thoughts out (In addition to taking the klonopin). I'm sure like all of you, just talking or writing a post on this forum helps a lot and receiving the support of others.

The guy I'm dating went out of town this weekend so I don't have him to hang out with, I'm sure my friends are out of town, and I can't spend any money cause I'm f*cking broke (and very worried about finances) so I can't go out to a movie or buy Christmas stuff and other stuff I don't need at the dollar tree.

Trying to think of things to distract my mind that I'm in the mood for which is nothing

Thank you for listening

[*Beth*]

Might it help to actually call your provider and speak with someone about finding a therapist? My daughter's health plan had no therapists available, so they allowed her to choose a therapist in her town and they pay for part of her therapy.

[~Christina]

Unfortunately finding a T can be difficult especially one so close, you will likely have to really expand your search out.

Please please do stop drinking alcohol, it truly makes things worse. There is also a very big risk of taking a Benzo and drinking, far to many have lost there life accidentally mixing them.

Drinking calming tea, soothing music , mediation and mindfulness need to be going 24/7, just keep throwing coping skills at it until something sticks.

I’m sorry things are so tough right now, yes posting helps ... so keep sharing how your feeling. I’m around if you need anything

Remember to breath

[Jennyanydots]

Yeah, I called one more that I got from a recommendation from one of the therapists who wasn't taking patients...so fingers crossed, she can take me as a patient. Right now the mile radius is 10, I can try 15 but 20 would make it too hard to get off early enough from work to go. I can't afford to pay partial "out of network" provider. Thank you for the suggestions

Originally Posted by BethRags

Might it help to actually call your provider and speak with someone about finding a therapist? My daughter's health plan had no therapists available, so they allowed her to choose a therapist in her town and they pay for part of her therapy.

Do you live near a university or research facility? Sometimes those places offer free therapy or allow you to pay on a sliding scale. Heck, if you have a community mental health center nearby, they may also offer free or low cost therapy for you. It's worth checking out. Most cities have such mental health centers, or a local town will have a regional one.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Do you live near a university or research facility? Sometimes those places offer free therapy or allow you to pay on a sliding scale. Heck, if you have a community mental health center nearby, they may also offer free or low cost therapy for you. It's worth checking out. Most cities have such mental health centers, or a local town will have a regional one.

This is great!
bizi

[*Beth*]

I'm pulling for you, Jenny. I well know the feeling of desperately needing a therapist, but not being able to find one. I truly believe that you will find a therapist soon. Keep at it

[bizi]

perhaps you could expand your mileage and take a shorter lunch break that day?
keep posting here in the mean time....we will listen to you.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

[Jennyanydots]

The earliest I can go into work is at 7 and the latest a therapist will generally see someone is 4. I'm too micro-managed and not at manager level so I just can't leave work to go to appointments in the middle of the day. They also have me on a time-clock and in my State, you can't take less than 30 min lunch break.

I do go to a bipolar support group once a week here and there but in terms of government sponsored programs and facilities, I don't qualify. I'm not on med-cal or Medicaid l and I make pretty good money so no sliding scale for me!

Fingers crossed I find someone

Originally Posted by bizi

perhaps you could expand your mileage and take a shorter lunch break that day? keep posting here in the mean time....we will listen to you.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

[*Beth*]

I have no experience with this, but what about an online therapist until something IRL works out? I never took online therapy seriously, but I have actually heard that it does help some people (even some people here on PC). I know there's one site called 7 cups of tea that you might look into.

[Jennyanydots]

I actually just looked into that...they are about $60 a week so $240 a month is out of the question BUT maybe my health insurance plan will reimburse me especially if I'm unable to find a provider in their network. Right now my insurance copay is $25 per visit. I'm going to call them Monday and see if this is an option...or see what they can do for me.

Thanks

Originally Posted by BethRags

I have no experience with this, but what about an online therapist until something IRL works out? I never took online therapy seriously, but I have actually heard that it does help some people (even some people here on PC). I know there's one site called 7 cups of tea that you might look into.

[*Beth*]

That's great! I hope something good comes about with the online thing.

[Jennyanydots]

Update: When I went back to my health insurance carrier's site, it had a link to the company that administers the mental health benefits. I went to their website and put in licensed that specializes in bipolar and 20 came up (all psychologists). I'm going to start calling tomorrow after work and leaving messages.

Today's anxiety was better only because I slept from 11:30 to 3:30 pm so I filled the part of the day that is hardest for me on the weekends when home alone.

i even got out my drawing pad and started working on a self portrait I took this morning. It did help keep my mind busy.

[mugwort2]

Is there a mental health center near you? Some times residents are willing to see new patients. IDK how important a full fledge therapist is important to you vs a resident therapist. Good luck to you. Hugs!!!

[Jennyanydots]

Update: It took months, but I found a therapist. I called the mental health division of my insurance company (MHN) and they said they would find one for me. I have a tele-conference meeting on Tuesday after work. I really hope he's able to help with my increasingly severe panic attacks. I've been able to identify the root cause of these panic attacks (isolation, loneliness, ALWAYS being stuck in my house ALL DAY since I work from home). I will be returning to the office next month so I hope that helps by getting more human contact and social interaction. I asked my psychiatrist if I can up my klonopin dosage (he upped it to 1.0 mg) due to my recurring panic attacks. I just took 1 mg and another med used for blood pressure/anxiety (can't remember the name) as a precursor to see if it stops a panic attack from coming on tonight.

I really hope the therapist is able to help.

[Fuzzybear]

Hi That’s great that you’ve found a therapist . I enjoyed reading your posts and the responses (I missed it before, I wasn’t around much then). It can sometimes be a challenge to find a therapist who is a very good fit for us. I’m very hopeful that you’ve found a great therapist Keep us posted, I am also thinking of looking for a new therapist.

Oh, I'm so glad for you Jennyanydots! I hope it turns out to be a good partnership. Also, it's good to see you around again.

[Wild Coyote]

HI Jennyanydots,

So glad this is working out for you!
Many insurance companies will cover video sessions now due to the coronavirus situation. I am not sure for how long they will continue this type of coverage. Some of the pdocs I know tend to think it will be quite awhile yet.
It's great to have you here! I hope to see you around more often.

[Nammu]

If you are bipolar 1 the trazodone could be increasing your anxiety, it is an antidepressant and many bipoar people can be thrown in a state of anxiety or mixed states from antidepressants

[Jennyanydots]

@Nammu - I haven't taken Trazadone in quite a while. I'm not having problems sleeping at the moment but good to know.

[Jennyanydots]

Update: Met with my new therapist last week and our next appointment is Tuesday. He seems really cool and he gave me some good tips. He recommended that I try meditation. I downloaded the recommended app but I haven't tried it yet...it's been on my to-do list everyday but I just haven't crossed it out yet....I have, however, started doing yoga again which is good (man, I'm out of shape!)

I also started coloring in one of those adult coloring books. It's a coloring book of Comedy Central's Broad City so it has some pretty awesome pages to color. I've been coloring in the evenings when my anxiety/panic attacks tent to start so it's been a nice distraction.

Hopefully I can start getting a handle on my anxiety and panic attacks soon.