Bipolar check-in #47

You’re always welcome to PM me as well

I was just thinking about... a dilemma I think in truth is very common.

I just woke up from a nap so I can't call anybody. Part of the problem is that last time I needed a cpap I had to go through a lot to find a place that took my insurance and now that place closed permanantly since. So has the place I went before that.

Hugs to all

Uh oh, I fear I have managed to somehow miscommunicate in a very major, major way. So very sorry, BirdDancer. I was certainly not suggesting in any way that you whine, have ever whined, or anything of the kind. My experience of you could not be more polar than that. When I got to the end of my post, I , in my mind, did not ever remember it was a response to you, as embarrassing as that may be for me. I was attempting to make a tiny bit of humor, actually, which was quite clearly rather poorly considered and yet more poorly executed. One of the things about living in perhaps the second most liberal city in America, is that everyone asssumes you are an Antifa member and run around rioting and choosing anarchy, or something, because you live in Portland. We PDX residents hear this almost every day now, not infrequently, from our president. I admit that I get tired of hearing that over and over, as it does not represent my personal world construct at all. I am very liberal in a number of social, domestic arenas, and quite conservative, extremely consrvative, actually, on foreign policy matters, for example. There is no party for folks like me. It does not exist. Obviously, none of this has the slightest bit to do with any aspect of you, and I made no effort to make that plain, which was weak and lousy writing on my part Not good. Sorry. For the record, you are an absolute treasure to me. Beyond a treasure. You help me every single day and have nothing but gratitude and admiration for you and what you do.
There is really not a lot more to be said on that particular topic. So very sorry. i need to be more attentive and self-aware. It is a struggle, clearly, sometimes. Please forgive me.

Yeah, the Neurontin, I was on it for years. Oddly enough, I am doing much better after having stopped it. Way better than I was. I don't understand neuropathy or how it acts at all. It is just a great big mystery to me. I will also add that I do not believe it helped my mood stability or anxiety, either. As far as I could tell, it did nothing fo rme, which is why I never tried the Lyrica.

What is “whining”...... sorry. That word is not in my vocabulary. I do not think I have used it against anyone, ever.

If I ever have? Mea Culpa. I’m sure I am now a reformed character. One of my “flaws” is I am TOO tolerant. And that could be confirmed by a very reliable source, irl. This post is not worth reading. I have had too much input today and have had to protect “too many people”..

With respect to all...

I got your joke There's no party for me either.

Just picked up N3 and his girlfriend from downtown and we're stopped at the asian market for a few. It is a nice day out.

Thanks for sharing about your day

Psychic straight jackets are not to my taste.....

I just sent a dumb PM to two people. That is not like me. I must over confine, Over restrict, over control myself. Yeah right. Old bs messages

Aw, thanks fern!

Thank you for all the support. My pdoc had me take another klonapin in the middle of the day which made me sleep 3 hours then added 200 more mg of seroquel (so 800mg) which made me sleep 16 hours straight. I woke up very tired but since the sleepiness wore off, I Feel high again. I see my t on tues.

@swimmingly The soft plastic part of the masked ripped all the way through and up into it in a zigzag pattern- it not jerryriggable. I tried tape but it was useless. As I said already everything is closed now and the cpap place is closed closed for good. I never found a new one and the one before that closed too so im not very hopeful. Can't reach pdoc as they're closed other than for emergencies after-hours stuff. Thanks for the warm thoughts. I feel a bit better now that I got out for a bit.

I had a plumber come today and unclog my bathroom sink. I've been procrastinating on that for months so i'm really pleased that i finally got it done. It's just been draining slowly for a while. It's only been completely clogged for a couple days. It didn't go smoothly as the guy was two hours late. So that was two hours of anxiety and anger for me. But he made quick work of it once he arrived and it didn't cost too much.

I'm feeling lousy now tho and i know it's just the weather as it is cold and super windy, too windy to linger outside with my dog. I know i shouldn't panic because the forecast is good. Today just has to pass and it's already 8:00pm. But for what it's worth: i feel weak, stale, bloated and helpless.

My best friend from high school just celebrated her 30 wedding anniversary. I'm happy for her. It made the local news (another city). Just brings up feelings about what a disaster my own marriage was.

Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry you are having a rough day, whatever--me too, sort ot. Hang in there. It will turn around. You might feel a lot better tomorrow. Jut make it through the day. Find something distracting to do for the rest of the day. Movie, show, clean, something.

Hi bpcyclist. I'm sorry I didn't get your joke. My thinking is not so clear today. Thinking issues/disorders are not that uncommon for me, in my bipolar disorder, nor is hypomanic/manic irritability. Or, maybe I wouldn't have gotten the joke in the best of times. Brain and cultural differences abound. I'm sure many here would find some central NJ humor a bit odd/off/offensive, on occasion. Even within my sphere, jokes aren't always apparent or interpreted as funny. I very much appreciate you, too, as you have clearly noticed. Trying to joke through forum exchanges is far more difficult than joking face-to-face. Even then, there are still misinterpretations. However, I love jokes and humor, in general. Frankly, I have tried to be funny here, many times, without desired reaction. No fault of others, just the barrier of the web. The barrier between brain and brain, sometimes clouded even more by mental chaos and pain.

My husband and I will get up extra early tomorrow morning to go to the beach. It will be our first time at the shore this year. Last year we went only once. They are only allowing 60% usual capacity, which is good. Did you ever visit Island Beach State Park when you were in my general neck of the woods? It's a lovely place. There is one road that goes down its length. On one side is a long beautiful beach on the Atlantic Ocean. The other side is the Barnegat Bay. Lots of wonderful native wildlife and plant life As you drive down the road, there is a sign that reads "Feeding Fox Forbidden". If you even dare, you are charged a fine. When I was a very little girl, we would sail in the bay to the edge of that park. There it was a bit shallow and a great place to go clamming, though I wasn't tall enough to clam back then. I floated on the top, in my life preserver, hoping the blue claw crabs stayed away. One time, we decided to swim to the shore and walk down one of the designated paths to cross to the ocean side. It was a lovely memory! I love to be on a sailboat. The sailboat was my paternal grandfather's dream, He named it "The Fantasy". He was a most wonderful man! He's the one whose guitar I now own.

I remember once you asked in the Question thread if anyone has ever sailed a boat. Well, definitely not fully myself, but I do have one photo, no more than 4 years old, where I was alone at the helm, with the wind blowing past my smiling face. and still in possession of the idealism of youth. All those experiences stuck with me. I remember that even my favorite song, put out just a few years later, was "Sailing" by Christopher Cross, which goes as follows:

Well, it's not far down to paradise, at least it's not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away and find tranquility
Oh, the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see.
Believe me.

It's not far to never-never land, no reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy of innocence again
Oh, the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see.
Believe me.

Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free

Fantasy, it gets the best of me
When I'm sailing
All caught up in the reverie, every word is a symphony
Won't you believe me?

Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free

Well it's not far back to sanity, at least it's not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity
Oh, the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see.
Believe me.

Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free


You know, I used to feel like riding a bike was similar to sailing. Gliding on a surface with the wind blowing past my hair. Heading to some destination that was occasionally known (usually a candy shop or playground), and other times a mystery. I used to daydream a lot while I rode. I lived in a beautiful and peaceful place in my head during those rides. Unlike kids today, I rode all around the town by myself, as young as 7 years old. I wasn't afraid of anything. The world wasn't scary. I felt truly free. Music played. Sometimes I'd swerve my bike as if in a type of dance. I could even do wheelies! I could ride with no hands on the handle bars, sometimes waving them up into the air like a conductor, or extending my dance, or even reaching towards heaven.

Yes, that's where I ordered from. I even got the viva paper towels. My mom got some a few weeks ago and they've been good.

I honestly didn't even check the wipes because they've been so consistently out. But my mom ordered wipes that took forever to ship and are apparently on the way now.

I'm a little anxious I didn't get a shipping receipt today because the paper products are supposed to come Sunday but I won't worry if they don't come until Monday. I did have a bad experience earlier in the shutdown when I ordered stuff from walmart.com and they kept telling me it was coming until 3 weeks into it when they cancelled. So I'm wary. But things are better now and at worst if we can't get anything before we are running out I can get CVS brand in the store. It's very expensive but it's an option if needed.

Thanks Blue. I hope you are feeling better this evening.

My mom ordered alcohol wipes which clean well apparently from Amazon. Maybe that's an option if you run out of Clorox wipes? We haven't tried them yet as they have been slow to arrive but the reviews were apparently good.

I wish we had Walmart curbside pick-up. It looks like they are maybe getting ready to implement it but we've made it through all this time without and have had to use the really expensive local store instead for anything we couldn't get from Aldi's. We miss Walmart pricing.

Im sorry your feeling this way, Its a hard sad place to be... Do whatever selfcare you can... Reach out if you need to Im here

Even with your own nite mere, you are still so supportive, bless you!
bizi

Your posts crack me up all the time, so...

What wonderful memories. That was just lovely reading.

Wheelies, huh?

Severely pissed right now. Someone set off the fire alarm AGAIN, and I was sleeping perfectly.

It was probably the same douchebag who smokes pot in his apartment. I have nothing against pot, but you can smell it in the hallway and you can also smell cigarettes. It is coming from his apartment. You're not supposed to smoke anything inside the apartment, but I am 99% sure it was him... again.

I hope he gets kicked out for that sh_t, especially if he ended up being the one setting off the fire alarm. I will probably report him for smoking pot and cigs in his apartment anyways because he is one of the people who are likely causing these alarms to go off. If he wasn't, oh well. I will report him anyways because he is a risk and I don't want to deal with anymore alarms. It's annoying at this point, especially at 10:50pm.

I am sorry, blue. You should definitely report that guy. Hope you get back to sleep.

I'm so done with being confused and unable to read / write. Miguel turned 18. my parents are leaving for the summer and my nephews in town. I'm just done. I hate this I'm on the verge of tears.