Bipolar check-in #47

Can you start a new group for the same thing and bring all your friends? Either on Facebook or a blog forum add-in?

Well, you have us, vortex, and we all love you uncondotionally, just the way you are. We all have health issues we are dealing wiht, most of us. There is no shame in any of that. I have a pretty badass neuropathy that I don't really discuss here, but, it does occasionally cause me some pretty major personal embarassment. Big-time. But I recognize that it is a neurologic disorder I did not give myself and is beyond my control, and then, I feel better about it. Try not to judge myself.

What about you guys maybe starting your own new forum? Is that possible to do on one of the, say, urology sites or something? It seems like those kinds of people wouod be very supportive of such a plan.

Hang in there. You will find something. Hugs!!

Hang in there, MD. Even if it is positive, the overwhelming majority of folks have mild illness.

Feeling out of sorts this morning. Pretty worried about having to deal with a big depression again. It has been awhile since I had to do this, but in younger days, it was literally my entire life. I cannnot begin to tell you how many years I have spent scratching and clawing for every micron of serotonin I could locate. Multiple S attemtps,like, serious ones. Really, really bad.

But, maybe this won't be as bad. Maybe it is just a blip or something. We shall see, I guess. Onward.

Love, hugs, suppoert to all!!!!

That sounds terrible bpcyclist.....you know my pdoc said something to me once about how you can be not good at things early in life but much better later on. You’ve got a lot more tools now so maybe you’ll have a better idea how to face this and it won’t ever get that bad. Plus I think attitude is half the battle, like the cognitive part of cbt.

If you don’t already have it I recommend installing the woebot, it’s an app that does cbt for depression. For me I actually learned cbt strategies better than with a T because the woebot doesn’t mind repeating stuff. Anyway, you’ve got this.

Thanks for your replies, BirdDancer, falcon09, and wildflowerchild25.

My therapist today said that I am severely depressed and that she is worried about me. She asked if I had suicidal ideation, so I lied to her and said "no." I also don't think I need the hospital anyways, so I don't see the point in being honest about my thoughts if they're just going to make her pull the IP trigger. I know my depression is very nasty, but, like you, wildflower, I do NOT want to risk coronavirus. I know some people do need IP during these dark times and they have no choice, but for me, personally, it's not worth it, especially with my job and all... I think I'll manage... kinda.

Anyways, I have a pdoc appt in less than an hour now. We'll see how that goes... but I'm going to have to lie to him about suicidal ideation as well. The ideations are more like passive thoughts anyways, not anything too serious. I mostly just spend time in my bed staring at the ceiling because I'm not interested in doing anything in general. I also hate myself and keep thinking of all my f*** ups. I'm trying not to sleep excessively.

Oh, thanks, Sometimes--never heard of a woebot. i'll check it out. I do use CBT, so...

Hey, blue, i really, really wish you would tell that pdoc about the suicidal business. If she doesn't know what is happening, it is pretty hard to properly help you. I talk to mind about it at every visit. he knows I won't do it because I have made a commitment to him and my kids and he believes me. I know you worry a lot about IP, but if you do not get proper help, you are just going to end up there anyway...

Love and hugs!!

My mom and I are both negative. That’s a relief.

Yessss!!!!

@BeyondtheRainbow

Clozapine labs came back today, my nurse faxed it into the REMS system. I called the pharmacy just now and she said it wasn't in the system yet but soon hopefully.

I agree with this. I have told my doctor and doctors in the past about suicidal ideation and they never forced me into inpatient unless I had a specific plan. They'd make sure I had things in my life/reasons I wouldn't do it (despite having thoughts of it) and they'd make sure I have crisis numbers to reach out to if things got really bad. Typically they'd just make a med adjustment if it was just for ideation, if your thoughts are passive I would explain that to the doctor. It's best to be honest with your treatment team otherwise they can't really help you much. Good luck @bluebicycle

@raging vortex, to piggy back on what Sometimes Psychotic and bpcyclist wrote, I think a new group would be a great idea. One place to consider might be Reddit.com. I just looked and there is a subreddit for incontinence there (A discussion group for those who deal with all forms of incontinence.). It's not particularly busy, but if you and some of your friends visited it, it would become busier. And one thing I know is that busy forums attract more and more people over time. There are surely a lot of people out there that wish there was a forum for their challenges. It must feel lonely for some people who think there's nowhere to go for support.

The only negative about Reddit.com is that there is "down voting" permitted, however I rarely see down voting happen in subreddits that are for support. I see more down voting on other categories of subreddits (i.e. political discussions and even the Cooking subreddit, since cooks all think they know how best to do things in the kitchen ). New subreddits can also be created if an existing one isn't a right fit. That would mean starting one anew. I know that Reddit.com has a number of bipolar disorder related subreddits. One is very meme-oriented, another more support-oriented, and a couple focus specifically on, say, bipolar 1 vs. bipolar 2, etc.

Just a thought to consider.

You are far from alone regarding issues with incontinence. My sister struggled with it for a very long time. She even had to have minor surgeries to sort of help with the issue. This started, I believe, when she was in her late 40s, or early 50s. She was young.

I'm so glad for you. I hope that starting it goes well and that it gets processed quickly.

Almost there, falcon...

Now I'm just so nervous over the nurse faxing it in wrong lol, or it not going into the system until monday.

I know there's nothing I can do though, I just worry :/

bluebicycle, we all want you to be safe. As for suicidal ideations, I see a difference between suicidal ideations that just plague us and ones that include plans (as another member mentioned here). Or if you have suicidal ideations and are struggling hard with impulsivity. I would hope your therapist and psychiatrist would understand that difference, as well. If you do have plans and severe impulsive tendencies, then IP may be the right thing. If not, then I don't see why IP is necessarily needed. It is crucial that you discuss that honestly with your tdoc and pdoc.

You write how I think falcon...

Just picked up all my meds plus the laxatives that were ordered for the colonoscopy! Bought the gateraid they said to mix with it and the total was over$54!! Glad most of them are for 90 days!

Hi vortex,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Having just found a community, I can't imagine what it would be like if it was taken from me. Are there other groups that you and your friends can merge with? Maybe its an opportunity to find other people who feel the same pain as you? If not, let's look for a new home for your group. Facebook might have private options?

Also, you aren't gross or smelly to me or to anyone that I will associate with. You are someone who suffers from an actual bone-fide documented ailment. I respect that you live with something so challenging and painful and face it with such dignity. Chin up.

I haven't written an update on myself here for some days. I'm doing OK. The Seroquel XR I added to the morning seems to have done the trick. I feel more grounded and have been a bit more productive. Today I went to the grocery store for the first time in a while. I had been ordering groceries online for delivery these past few weeks. When I got home I realized that I hadn't sweated a bit, and generally enjoyed the experience. Yea, I had to dodge other carts, as in the past, but that didn't frustrate me. I was polite in asking people to let me by, and they seemed more relaxed than I remember some weeks ago. We must still wear masks in buildings in my state, but I think a lot of us are now used to that. Things are easing up, in other ways. I'm proud to say that my state's coronavirus cases are diminishing, unlike many others. I believe there will be some permanent changes that are actually for the better. I'm letting that thought fuel and heal me.

My hubby has added yet another city/country to the itinerary he's developed for a September vacation. It's an understandable addition. He wants to visit his brother in Munich, Germany as a part of our time in the Czech Republic area. His brother is very ill, and the family believes a September visit from hubby could be a last one. Rather than me tag along, hubby may just drop me off at a spa in Czech Republic. Spas in Europe are not the same as the average spa in the US. They're much much more. Though they do offer pretty much all of the same services as spas in the US, they also offer beautiful environments to stay in for as little as a couple days to several weeks, other types of wellness services and activities, mineral springs, and meals. The beauty is also that they are not expensive. In fact, in some cases, Czechs can even receive prescriptions from a doctor to go to such spas. With that, they pay next to nothing. We would need to pay for me to go, but it's a pittance of what such a thing would be in the US.

Gotta love Munchen. Don't really eat it anymore, but had one of the best pork dishes of my life there in 1986... Showing my age.

I'm home from the hospital. Lots of med changes. Feeling better though

Hey, spikes! Awesome to hear from you!! I hope you are feeling better now.

Hugs and support!!

Got tired and lay down and then, out of nowhere, psychotic. Bam. Like that. So weird. was doing so well for maybe a month on the psychosis stuff and now, it's back, quite suddenly. Just hit me like a tsunami in bed. So bizarre.

Anyhoo, took an extra Trilafon, which I am supposed to do, so, maybe that will help in a little while. I do get a lot of anxiety with my psychosis, like a lot of other people. It would be nice for that to calm down. I don't keep Klonopin around anymore, as I hate it.

Hope everyone is hanging in there.