Psychosis question

So I have to agree they’re meaningful in some way. Basically I was drawn to shamanism by a new age friend I knew in grad school. She took me on a journey and found a spirit animal that was willing to help me. It must have been buried in my subconscious for 10-15 years. There’s just something super appealing about the concept to me, possibly because I was missing spirituality in my life.

The part of my brain that believes in shamanism is also is the part that believes in God...but this seems different than my conscious belief system. My conscious belief system is still a non believer in anything. It’s all very complicated in a way, but I believe there can be different areas of the brain with different levels of consciousness. Part of my delusions involved the right half of my brain as a distinct entity from the left, but it could not speak, auditory hallucinations were the result of it trying to communicate. Super weird I know, but there was one study where thy put half the brain to sleep and give questions and you can get different answers from each half.

Sorry I’m rambling on but the point is there is this spirituality belief that is disconnected from my conscious mind and also another delusion I had was that I needed to reintegrate my brain and I’d be stable. It’s almost as if my brain were giving me instructions to get better again. I could never figure out what to do for the reintegration though. It’s possible it’s just a delusion, or it could be meaningful. My brain in th psychotic state was actually really good at providing a different type of answer than would typically occur to my conscious mind. For example, i was playing star ocean and very near to th end of the game. Suddenly my team of characters could not make it past soldiers with ranged weapons. I must have died 50 times and then a hallucination said I needed to fight ranged weapons with ranged weapons...well it worked. While I’ve always enjoyed video games I’m not particularly skilled at strategy so this was a revelation and it came somewhere from my own mind....should I disregard it just because it’s not coming from my conscious mind?

Given psychosis you can either dump everything in the trash in which case you’re ignoring part of your own mind or you can work though it in some way. I’ve chosen to work through it and respect all the inner subconscious components of my mind. This seems to provide peace for me.

No you should not disregard it. In my belief system, it is equally as important. It just speaks a different language. They say we only use a small fraction of our consciousness.

You said 'It’s almost as if my brain were giving me instructions to get better again.' This is EXACTLY how I feel about it. Every bit of the crazy that came out of me points directly to something that is broken or abandoned in my past. Some of it is even relevant to the collective consciousness. Just because it appears to be disordered and chaos doesn't mean it isn't true.

I also believe consciousness is segmented or faceted like you describe. In extreme cases it is dysfunctional as in DID. Different pieces connect with various aspects of our experiences. I think we have to find creative ways to work with our holistic self and realize we express things like spirituality differently through our various personas or archetypes.

And yes, I agree about the different processing styles of the hemispheres and sometimes one side has an answer we need when we cannot 'see' it on our own. I love to use figurative language to teach for this very reason. It lights both sides up.

I once watched a TED talk of a woman who found a way to thrive through schizophrenia by working with her psychosis in similar ways. It sounds like we both have formulated our own systems like she did. It makes sense to me something unique would work for each person as our experiences and consciousness are unique.

My therapist doesn't really get it, but she can agree what I am doing is working for me and she supports it while keeping a watchful eye. My pdoc gets it and thought it was quite interesting. He sent me on my way and wished me well and said his door is open any time...

Huh. That is interesting. I always thought that delusions were fixed beliefs that were so strong that you couldn't convince someone otherwise. At least, that is what the DSM 5 says. Are you sure they're delusions though?

Delusion - Wikipedia

Makes sense. I think for some you can essentially train yourself to bring your awareness of the delusion with you. Maybe you leave yourself a clue in your own handwriting. Maybe you have a list of your main delusions on your phone. Maybe you repeat mantras to combat the delusions so it is hardwired in your brain that they are false. Something like 'When my friends tell me it is a delusion, I listen'. Or 'Cameras in the walls means I'm not well'.

Maybe in those cases you still have the delusion but you carry a tiny shred of 'knowingness' alongside it and seek help for yourself.

Edited to add... My husband and I have a codeword for psychosis. If he says it, our plan is to contact my doctor and therapist immediately. Our hope with the codeword is it won't be him fighting me on the delusions because my brain will instantly reject his claims as false. We think it is possible using the codeword will bypass the delusions and I'll be able to remember all of the bad things that came along with not taking action last time. We haven't used it yet, but this is the plan...

Cool, despite having no doubt very different experiences, I’m glad we can relate on these points. I actually had a very accepting T, she was one of the first US practitioners for cbt for psychosis so instead of tossing everything out as a hallucination or delusion, we worked though the possibilities. Pdoc was a little more dismissive albeit in a nice way, probably because he heard nothing but delusions all day and had to have a very structured view of the consensus reality to be able to categorize people as sick. He had to be classifying whereas she was simply open to possibilities including non medical models.

That makes sense and it is cool your T rolls with it and helps you expand. Yes, I very much enjoy relating to you in this way. On the one hand this is an incredibly all on my own journey. On the other hand it is apparent I'm never alone.

I also get what you're saying about your pdoc. There are two in the practice I go to. The other one would never even give me a chance to explain. She simply sees sickness that needs to be treated. I see a tangled web of root causes that need to be unwound and healed and appreciated for the fantastical mess it is.

All of this reminds me of the Autism speaks campaign. Psychosis speaks, it just speaks in code and the keys lie deep within our own experiences and layers of consciousness. Figuring out a way to communicate with it unlocks the ability to transform it and reprogram with healthier expressions.

That makes sense and it is cool your T rolls with it and helps you expand. Yes, I very much enjoy relating to you in this way. On the one hand this is an incredibly all on my own journey. On the other hand it is apparent I'm never alone.

I also get what you're saying about your pdoc. There are two in the practice I go to. The other one would never even give me a chance to explain. She simply sees sickness that needs to be treated. I see a tangled web of root causes that need to be unwound and healed and appreciated for the fantastical mess it is.

All of this reminds me of the Autism speaks campaign. Psychosis speaks, it just speaks in code and the keys lie deep within our own experiences and layers of consciousness. Figuring out a way to communicate with it unlocks the ability to transform it and reprogram with healthier expressions.

Right, I feel like a lot of people are taught to see Psychosis as a poisonous other that’s out to get them instead of part of themselves speaking in a different way. It really changes self acceptance in a major way. There have been studies of psychosis in groups outside of the US and people almost always do better in different cultures. Instead of feelings of paranoia they often get guidance because that is how it is framed for them.

Thank you!!!! TRUTH!!!!!!

Psychosis is just a pejorative term for a different state of brain activity. In my 'psychotic states,' I have been not infrequently able to predict future events in ttremendpous detail, very specifically, years and years in advance. This is just factual information. Van Gogh painted some of the greatest art in history, compeletly out of his mind psychotic. On and on. I wrote my best novel while psychotic. People want to label us, because they don't understand. Oldest story in the book.

Right, I feel like a lot of people are taught to see Psychosis as a poisonous other that’s out to get them instead of part of themselves speaking in a different way. It really changes self acceptance in a major way. There have been studies of psychosis in groups outside of the US and people almost always do better in different cultures. Instead of feelings of paranoia they often get guidance because that is how it is framed for them.

Agreed. There are some amazing insights to be found if you can weed out the noise. Of course, there are healthier ways to find your creative or psychic edge, but lemonade and all

So true! It is not a disease. It is dis ease.

Here is the TED talk. She nails it. 14 minutes and worth the ride for anyone who holds hope they are not doomed because they see things, hear things, or carry beliefs that challenge reality.

Eleanor Longden: The voices in my head | TED Talk

Don’t worry about it, you didn’t hurt me at all...it’s hard for me to tell the story without adding the humorous aspects so I think it gets confusing as to what is humor and what is serious.

I also understand what you mean about the place/space....it sort of blurs reality. I don’t go there often but for me it’s more of a structured outlet. There’s an entry and exit so once you leave you’re out. When I had my psychosis I couldn’t find an exit so for me having a structure helps. Does that make sense?

Thank you!!!! TRUTH!!!!!!

Psychosis is just a pejorative term for a different state of brain activity. In my 'psychotic states,' I have been not infrequently able to predict future events in ttremendpous detail, very specifically, years and years in advance. This is just factual information. Van Gogh painted some of the greatest art in history, compeletly out of his mind psychotic. On and on. I wrote my best novel while psychotic. People want to label us, because they don't understand. Oldest story in the book.

This is quite a discussion.
I am just tuning in. Lots of interesting points are being made. I am very open to a lot of ideas , theories and experiences. Many times these types of discussions do shed light and offer insight.

I have also found sometimes the "energy" of some ongoing exchanges tends to climb upward, which participants often find enjoyable, even exciting.

Sometimes, in settings where the energy climbs, people's moods tend to elevate as well. For some this is just fine, they remain stable. There are times when people in not so stable places may experience some mood elevation that may not be in their best interest at the time.

I am concerned about bpcyclist this evening. He has been telling us of how unwell he has been for awhile now.

I'd feel very remiss if I did not reach out to him and ask him how he is feeling and if I should be concerned?

" In my 'psychotic states,' I have been not infrequently able to predict future events in ttremendpous detail, very specifically, years and years in advance."

How are you doing this evening, bpcyclist?

With Love and Concern