Feeling misunderstood

I fell back into a depressive episode and my pdoc suggested ECT again despite the fact she knows that I view this treatment negatively. I’m not here to debate ECT, but general anesthesia, inducing seizures, potential memory problems, lack of knowledge of mechanism of action, possibility of placebo effect. Too much for me. If it is something you have chosen, that is your right, just like it is my right to feel the way I do.

To be honest, if I had the money for ECT, I’d get a therapist instead. If I had the social support (family and friends) To drive me to and from treatments and pick my kids up from school and activities, I probably wouldn’t need therapy.

Why doesn’t my doctor understand that in this global pandemic I am literally sitting alone all day with no one to talk to at all. Of course Imbdepressed. My kids went back to school and that has added stress and I’m also sleeping much less as a result. ECT will not change the circumstances of my life. It will not magically cure me of depression that I’ve had since childhood. It will not fix PTSD or OCD. It won’t fix my marriage or my children with autism. It won’t make me less alone. I literally don’t even have a friend or family member that I can talk about this with except my husband ... not even my own mother. I wish there was a magic wand but there isn’t. I feel so alone.

Have you clearly explained your thoughts and feelings to your pdoc?

Yes. We talked about it in the past and I was honest. Today, the whole topic took place as a mychart conversation. I politely declined and then the nurse came back and badgered me. I didn’t know if that came from the nurse or my dr but I just lost it and told them they weren’t listening to me nor had they obviously listened in the past. I outlined my reasons and then asked to be left alone and not badgered anymore. I’m embarrassed but I’m done for today.

Ketamine and Clozaril. What about them?

Ketamine is not financesble. I already take risperdal, which works. The whole reason for the depression is my fault. I tapered down the dose of risperdal due to sexual side effects. I know that I’ll feel better taking the right dose again, which is why I don’t understand the ECT urgency.

Ketamine is $48 a month if you do not buy Spravato from the usurers at J&J...

I did not know that. I thought it was hundreds of dollars. I’ll look into it.

That sounds very overwhelming and lonely. I’m glad you’ve found this forum to get support. Therapy may be a good idea so you are not carrying the emotional weight and stress on your own. There are many low cost therapists depending on your insurance.

Having social supports would be a huge resource in these times.. i will say that you are not alone in what you are going through. it feels impossible to start new relationships during a global pandemic.

Also.. Your doctor needs to respect your decision.. he/she should go over options but you are the one who gets to choose. there is no singular solution to supporting your mental health.

Itis $6000 for the first month through Spravato. I have a genius compounding pharmacist who makes it himself. All you need is a prescription. Totally legit. If you choose this direction, PM me and I will provide all details. 48 bucks a month.

I’ll have to talk with my doctor about it and look into compounding pharmacies. All of this discussion took place on mychart instead of in a visit. She or her nurse got quite pushy with me after I declined so I forcefully told them they were not listening to me, were badgering me, and asked them to please stop sending me messages. I’ll have to wait until my appointment in October to bring up options. Hopefully, I will feel better by then. I’m annoyed that a conversation of this nature took place on mychart instead of my dr asking me to schedule an appointment to discuss it. I’m also annoyed that my wishes weren’t really respected. The nurse gave me a website to read about ECT and I was a little aggressive about it. I told her to read it herself and she would see that ECT isn’t just a little treatment. It involves general anesthesia and the induction of seizures which can cause memory loss. I also suggested that the mechanism of action is unclear and may even involve placebo. I hate that I responded. I wish I could have just ignored it. Now I’m “that” patient. I feel also that by not choosing ECT I run the risk of being blamed for my suffering.

I would avoid ECT but that is my personal position. The negatives out weighed the positives for me. I was one of the lucky ones that had memory problems for over a year. I have done IV ketamine and that had some positive effects. There is also TMS that I have not tried yet. Instead I decided to try clozapine as a last resort. The weekly blood tests are a pain but it has worked better then anything else I have tried in 6 years however then think I am having side effects and might have to stop it. It is not easy going alone.

Hey @busymomof5 I am not a paranoid or suspicious person so I dont want to seem that way. IMO ECT should be a last resort for severely depressed people who have exhausted all other therapies. I get irritated when I hear of it being thrown out there like it is on par with prozac. The real life after effects are real. In severely depressed people it is a wonder treatment and the side effects outweigh the good of ECT. Who gives the ECT and where? Would it be your doctor? Not to be an asshole but ECT costs insurance companies alot of money and I wonder who benefits from this with you. The nurse was out of line. Does she have a medical degree? Is she part of your treatment plan? I would find out why she was asked to play interference and stick to your guns. Personally I do not feel this is right for you. When you meet with the doctor bring some research and ask her why she is pushing this one you.

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) - Mayo Clinic.

Quote:

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) can provide rapid, significant improvements in severe symptoms of several mental health conditions. ECT is used to treat: Severe depression, particularly when accompanied by detachment from reality (psychosis), a desire to commit suicide or refusal to eat. Treatment-resistant depression, a severe depression that doesn't improve with medications or other treatments. Severe mania, a state of intense euphoria, agitation or hyperactivity that occurs as part of bipolar disorder. Other signs of mania include impaired decision-making, impulsive or risky behavior, substance abuse, and psychosis. Catatonia, characterized by lack of movement, fast or strange movements, lack of speech, and other symptoms. It's associated with schizophrenia and certain other psychiatric disorders. In some cases, catatonia is caused by a medical illness. Agitation and aggression in people with dementia, which can be difficult to treat and negatively affect quality of life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by busymomof5 Yes. We talked about it in the past and I was honest. Today, the whole topic took place as a mychart conversation. I politely declined and then the nurse came back and badgered me. I didn’t know if that came from the nurse or my dr but I just lost it and told them they weren’t listening to me nor had they obviously listened in the past. I outlined my reasons and then asked to be left alone and not badgered anymore. I’m embarrassed but I’m done for today.