[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Air quality index right now is 504, worst of any big city on earth. Cannot see 200 yds, as IZ said. I do not know how this gigantic state w a tiny population of 5 million is going to survive. Pls pray for OR, WA, and CA.

It looks and sounds like the apocalypse. Praying for OR, WA and CA.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

The stress of my trip is starting to get to me. Yesterday I had a bit of a freak out. I barely want to describe it. It had to do with how stress/anxiety makes me even clumsier than I usually am. And I am quite clumsy because of my medications. As I ranted walking down the street, I punched myself in my jaw once, when people finally passed. Hubby yelled at me to stop.

I'm not thrilled about where we are staying in France. It's a touristy beach resort. Hubby likes beaches much more than I do, so it's mostly for him. You can tell that locals get sick of tourists. I do get that, having grown up in a touristy town. But it's not what I wanted to feel here. At a supermarket, someone likely deliberately scratched the door of our rental car with a coin, or similar. The rental car has Spain license plates. Hubby thinks they did that because it's a nice new car. I think Spain plates probably played more of a part.

I had hoped we would stay in an area where we might consider living. Not a touristy beach resort. Gotta admit that yesterday makes me wish we could move on to another place, but Hubby has us booked at the beach resort for about five days. He likes to do all of the planning for trips, rarely asking for feedback, so it's always his choices. Boo hiss!

I decided to take an extra 50 mg Seroquel XR today, but to my morning dose. I have taken that extra amount many times in the past (in the morning and/or added to my 650 mg evening) with no problems. It doesn't tire me out, just calms any developing mood elevation, anxiety, agitation, and irritability/freak out tendencies. If everything calms, I will eliminate the 50 mg again.

I am sorry about the freak out. You knew it might happen as this is a very busy trip. I am glad it was minor in the grand scheme of things and it is great you are able to add the prn meds to help.

Try to ignore the locals. Your dollars support their community. It is infrequent that we Americans can say we had the opportunity to relax on a French beach for 5 days. I hope you're able to find a way to enjoy it despite the fact you'd rather be somewhere else. The great thing about lying on a beach is that you can daydream and imagine you're anywhere

What comes next in your journey? I hope it is more appealing. Definitely eat and drink something amazing for me today!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Air quality index right now is 504, worst of any big city on earth. Cannot see 200 yds, as IZ said. I do not know how this gigantic state w a tiny population of 5 million is going to survive. Pls pray for OR, WA, and CA.

So sorry to all of you suffering. I'm sad for all of the wildlife as well. I'd like to see the world ban together and pray for rain. You guys are in my thoughts.

one of the things I always comment on when I post to these check-in threads, is the quality of my food

yesterday I had undercooked scampi, so needed a few snacks after to fill me up. I didn't sleep.

today I have been talking to one of my email friends brendan for most of the day. he has a doctors appointment tomorrow for some blood tests, and he's a bit anxious (so reasuring him it will be fine), and I told him that when he gets back he can vent all he likes to me (that's why I'm their!)

not much in terms of productivity. watched some tv, but triggered by

Possible trigger:

a sceen where they had to put down a cow

listened to some music (on atlantic storm)

that's about it

[scatterbrained04]

Feeling so blah today. Pretty much feel like I completely suck. Just want to lay in bed all day and stare at the wall.

Woke up at 3am. Six hours later, I have finally managed to shower and dress. Need to go to the grocery store and come home and do chores. My house is a complete pig sty. So low energy today though. It's going to be a struggle.

Lowered my gabapentin by 400mg a couple weeks ago. My muscles keep twitching periodically in places. I think it's from withdrawal. It's not painful just irritating. Same thing happened when I reduced my trileptal a couple years ago, but it was worse with that. Hopefully it goes away soon.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by fern46

I'm in on that assertion as well. My entire scalp tingles. Headaches. Nausea. Vision disturbances. Ear ringing. Its not st a mood thing or a chemical imbalance.

I am so sorry, fern. That must have been very difficult at times. Thank you for sharing.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'm tired of empty day after empty day. Nothing to look forward to.

I've been taking my dog out for potty for two weeks. Today was the first day it was really hard. I took her out for her late-afternoon break and she wanted to go out again three hours later! I was so angry with her! Usually she lasts until bedtime. I'm so sorry i ever got her. She was a manic purchase. Now i'm in love with her and it's too late. Six more weeks at least of taking her out for potty. I don't know how i'm going to do it. I'm sick of her!

So that's my life: servant to a dog, narcotizing myself with food, sleeping as long as possible and dozing as long as possible. I'm only up for about seven hours a day, in the evening. I tried to talk to a neighbor today outside but she was so senile she couldn't remember the movie she'd just watched. "The one with all the dogs," was what she said. I excused myself quickly.

I hate my life.

You sound depressed to me. Mayne there is more wrong you than the doggie.

Maybe we shld ge grateful for having a home. Many have lost theirs along w their pets and all belongings. We are actually quite fortunate by comparison. Imagine being poorly managed bp and having your house burn down...

Maybe write down five things u r grateful for. It will get you off neg loop pathways and onto pos ones.

Hugs and love.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

The stress of my trip is starting to get to me. Yesterday I had a bit of a freak out. I barely want to describe it. It had to do with how stress/anxiety makes me even clumsier than I usually am. And I am quite clumsy because of my medications. As I ranted walking down the street, I punched myself in my jaw once, when people finally passed. Hubby yelled at me to stop.

I'm not thrilled about where we are staying in France. It's a touristy beach resort. Hubby likes beaches much more than I do, so it's mostly for him. You can tell that locals get sick of tourists. I do get that, having grown up in a touristy town. But it's not what I wanted to feel here. At a supermarket, someone likely deliberately scratched the door of our rental car with a coin, or similar. The rental car has Spain license plates. Hubby thinks they did that because it's a nice new car. I think Spain plates probably played more of a part.

I had hoped we would stay in an area where we might consider living. Not a touristy beach resort. Gotta admit that yesterday makes me wish we could move on to another place, but Hubby has us booked at the beach resort for about five days. He likes to do all of the planning for trips, rarely asking for feedback, so it's always his choices. Boo hiss!

I decided to take an extra 50 mg Seroquel XR today, but to my morning dose. I have taken that extra amount many times in the past (in the morning and/or added to my 650 mg evening) with no problems. It doesn't tire me out, just calms any developing mood elevation, anxiety, agitation, and irritability/freak out tendencies. If everything calms, I will eliminate the 50 mg again.

Better go for a low-stim environment for a day, Soupe. Take it easy. Read or music or something.

Best time of many in France was in a tiny fishing village in Briitany. 500 people. Sweet people. No English. Spectacular food for ten bucks. I feel you.

Hugs and calm, dear.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

It looks and sounds like the apocalypse. Praying for OR, WA and CA.

Thanks, J!!!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

one of the things I always comment on when I post to these check-in threads, is the quality of my food

yesterday I had undercooked scampi, so needed a few snacks after to fill me up. I didn't sleep.

today I have been talking to one of my email friends brendan for most of the day. he has a doctors appointment tomorrow for some blood tests, and he's a bit anxious (so reasuring him it will be fine), and I told him that when he gets back he can vent all he likes to me (that's why I'm their!)

not much in terms of productivity. watched some tv, but triggered by

Possible trigger:

a sceen where they had to put down a cow

listened to some music (on atlantic storm)

that's about it

You shld look into ketamine for your pain.

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Air quality index right now is 504, worst of any big city on earth. Cannot see 200 yds, as IZ said. I do not know how this gigantic state w a tiny population of 5 million is going to survive. Pls pray for OR, WA, and CA.

Found a chart that puts numbers over 500 in perspective (skipped the lesser numbers)

151-200 Unhealthy

201-300 Very Unhealthy
Health warnings of emergency conditions. The entire population is more likely to be affected.
Active children and adults, and people with respiratory disease, such as asthma, should avoid all outdoor exertion; everyone else, especially children, should limit outdoor exertion.

300+ Hazardous
Health alert: everyone may experience more serious health effects
Everyone should avoid all outdoor exertion

So yeah, hazardous starts quite far back from where we are. Took pictures from my windows again this morning. It is even worse than yesterday. Forget a block, you can barely make out what is across the street.

Ended up going to work yesterday. The boss picked me up and brought me home (will be same today) so I wouldn't be out in it waiting for buses.

Mentally it's hard to say. Kind of feels like an overload shutdown. Spending all spare time in distraction. So glad for youtube and Netflix. Though last night I watched political news. Suffice to say my exasperation is at epic levels.

Let's see if this works...
First is the house across the street. Can you see it? Second is a shot from yesterday, the third is a shot of the same, today.

[swimmingly]

Just a quick note to let you know that while I'm not a religious or Spiritual person, I think about my West Coast friends all the time. I worry about you and your families and send positive thoughts your way. More than I'm holding any back for myself at this point.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by swimmingly

Just a quick note to let you know that while I'm not a religious or Spiritual person, I think about my West Coast friends all the time. I worry about you and your families and send positive thoughts your way. More than I'm holding any back for myself at this point.

Well, we're sending positive thoughts your way. I put in a word for you with the universe yesterday when I read your thread.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel alright today besides another night of restless sleep. I’m doing good though. I went to the store and got a few things. It was a bit more crowded then I liked so I was too distracted to do a big shopping. It wasn’t horrible and I didn’t run into anyone though. It was just anxiety provoking. I’ll do the rest of my shopping at a different store tomorrow morning. My state is still stable with the number covid cases and low on the deaths. We are not going down but we are not going up. I’m just really taking it day by day right now. I’m just very focused on my surgery. I see my doctor tomorrow so I can get clearance for the surgery. I realized today that I’ll be able to run for the first time since I was 13 and that made me so incredibly happy. I couldn’t run before because of my size. It was too physically and emotionally uncomfortable even with a good sports bra.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Let's see if this works...
First is the house across the street. Can you see it? Second is a shot from yesterday, the third is a shot of the same, today.

That's horrible IZ. It looks like a very thick fog. So sorry you're going through that. Hugs.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Let's see if this works...
First is the house across the street. Can you see it? Second is a shot from yesterday, the third is a shot of the same, today.

It's so frightening to see. I can't believe that this is not handled with even greater national effort. Hugs

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel alright today besides another night of restless sleep. I’m doing good though. I went to the store and got a few things. It was a bit more crowded then I liked so I was too distracted to do a big shopping. It wasn’t horrible and I didn’t run into anyone though. It was just anxiety provoking. I’ll do the rest of my shopping at a different store tomorrow morning. My state is still stable with the number covid cases and low on the deaths. We are not going down but we are not going up. I’m just really taking it day by day right now. I’m just very focused on my surgery. I see my doctor tomorrow so I can get clearance for the surgery. I realized today that I’ll be able to run for the first time since I was 13 and that made me so incredibly happy. I couldn’t run before because of my size. It was too physically and emotionally uncomfortable even with a good sports bra.

I'm happy to read that you managed your chores so well. It sounds like you have some really positive things to look forward to. That's great!

[Soupe du jour]

What a difference a bit more Seroquel XR makes! I took the 50 mg in the morning with my morning meds and felt so much better today. Hubby was the one with the freakouts today, I'm sad to say, while I was level and calm as could be. I'm going to take the extra tomorrow morning, too.

[scatterbrained04]

My mood improved from this morning. I made it to the grocery and have been doing chores off and all afternoon to work on this pig sty of a house. I don't know why I always let it get so bad. It's such a struggle. I've been breaking it down into smaller chunks so I don't feel so overwhelmed. I just need to keep at it, I guess.

[Living in LaLa Land]

I slept 3 to 4 hours last night. Big loss from a seven hour sleep I had the previous night. I woke up and took a shower (Had to talk myself into that actually). My husband took me for a ride. The smoke from the fires could be seen for miles, but still I enjoyed the ride.

I'm trying to keep my mood light as the day progresses. The night is still my biggest trigger as long as I deal with this insomnia. Ugh.

Just wanted to say thanks for all that have the west coast in their thoughts in this awful time.

I also wanted to say, that as bad as it is, it is far worse for those who have had to evacuate. That must be so traumatic. My heart goes out especially much for them.

[*Beth*]

Thank you to everyone who is sending healing vibes to California, Oregon, Washington, etc. We appreciate it immensely and need all we can get. Where I am, in NorCal, we're supposed to get gusty winds tomorrow. That could blow some of the smoke out to the Pacific. Unfortunately, winds also fan fires.

Personally, I'm feeling kind of down today. It's one of those days when everywhere I look there seems to be a locked door. I'm sure the weeks of smoke are getting to me, never seeing a sun or a moon, just filthy, stinking air. And all the devastation, of course. There's surely a collective unconscious of despair out here right now.

And covid. Some days I feel able to handle it all, wait it out. Today...March seems like many years ago. Another year-plus of this feels un-doable. All the little perks that make life sparkle, even putting together an outfit to go to my therapy appointment, just the silly little bits of life. I'm realizing that I no longer can find the motivation to go anywhere. I mean, I'm still in recovery from the achilles surgery, true. But...oh, just feeling down and wish it was bedtime already.

HUGS all 'round

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

The stress of my trip is starting to get to me. Yesterday I had a bit of a freak out. I barely want to describe it. It had to do with how stress/anxiety makes me even clumsier than I usually am. And I am quite clumsy because of my medications. As I ranted walking down the street, I punched myself in my jaw once, when people finally passed. Hubby yelled at me to stop.

I'm not thrilled about where we are staying in France. It's a touristy beach resort. Hubby likes beaches much more than I do, so it's mostly for him. You can tell that locals get sick of tourists. I do get that, having grown up in a touristy town. But it's not what I wanted to feel here. At a supermarket, someone likely deliberately scratched the door of our rental car with a coin, or similar. The rental car has Spain license plates. Hubby thinks they did that because it's a nice new car. I think Spain plates probably played more of a part.

I had hoped we would stay in an area where we might consider living. Not a touristy beach resort. Gotta admit that yesterday makes me wish we could move on to another place, but Hubby has us booked at the beach resort for about five days. He likes to do all of the planning for trips, rarely asking for feedback, so it's always his choices. Boo hiss!

I decided to take an extra 50 mg Seroquel XR today, but to my morning dose. I have taken that extra amount many times in the past (in the morning and/or added to my 650 mg evening) with no problems. It doesn't tire me out, just calms any developing mood elevation, anxiety, agitation, and irritability/freak out tendencies. If everything calms, I will eliminate the 50 mg again.

I understand how you feel about staying in a tourist spot. Doing that is never my style, either. Wherever in the world I've traveled I avoid setting up camp in touristy locations - and try not to spend much time in them, altogether.

Seroquel is my least favorite med, but one thing I will say for it is that taking it prn can be helpful.

[Moose72]

My mom hired movers for me! This shouldn't take too long I hope!

Also, I got my difficult paperwork done and it's ready to be mailed tomorrow. Yay! Its gonna be really early and that's what my worker said she wanted. I just hope Ive got everything done!

Still haven't signed my lease. I will feel better when I do!

My new place is very small compared to the place I've had for the last 4 years. But Im planning to live more simply. I just won't have the space to keep everything I've got. But I do want to get a couch. Maybe from Ikea if I have enough money left after paying rent and deposit.

I had lunch with Karen today again. I had a salad which was my whole calories for the day and THEN I ordered a piece of cheesecake! My food app got mad and said "tsk tsk" and graphed out my weight gain from today's meal and told me I'd be back where I started soon! The cheesecake filled in the deficit of calories that I had yesterday so I say I'm even.

My friend Caleb is taking the day off to come see me on the first. I hope he stays late on Friday or maybe even into Saturday! That would be cool!

Prayers and warm thoughts to those living with the fires and smoke.