[Crazy Hitch]

More specifically your boss!

I don’t want to get into details but I was that manic and psychotic 3 weeks ago that I sent my principal (I’m a teacher) a string of embarrassing and inappropriate emails believing our whole school was under some type of attack.

I spoke to him the next day and explained I wasn’t myself. I don’t recall having apologised though.

And I don’t know if I want to. Not because he doesn’t deserve it but because my psychosis was traumatic and I don’t want to revisit it.

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

[bpcyclist]

I am sorry, Hitch. I have done this a thousand times. I do try to apologize. But most people do not understand our illnesses at all. I feel like a monster. Every day.

[*Beth*]

Usually, I don't have the opportunity because the people who witnessed my mania (especially if it involved rage) refuse to have any contact with me afterwards.

no.

it's because most of the time I don't have a chance

the person/ people involved make it clear they want nothing to do with me

Isn’t mania the better part of being Bipolar? Why would you apologize for being who you are? I’m not sure 🤔 if this counts but psychosis scares me so I try really hard not to let my situation get bad enough to need to enter that state of mind.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by ann bog

Isn’t mania the better part of being Bipolar? Why would you apologize for being who you are? I’m not sure 🤔 if this counts but psychosis scares me so I try really hard not to let my situation get bad enough to need to enter that state of mind.

Mania is a nasty beast for many of us. It certainly is not who I am. It is an element of myself that I work really hard not to revisit. A lot of people who witness mania fear it or do not understand it. The energy is too high and the decisions are poor.

[fern46]

Yes, I apologized. The biggest and most important apology needed was the one to myself. I couldn't believe how I could lose control like I did. I was angry at myself and carried a lot of shame.

[swimmingly]

I'm similar to fern46 on this stance. If I feel it benefits me, or my needs, I will apologize. I've learned this through years of apologizing and feeling awful about myself for something that I couldn't understand or control. I don't do that anymore.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Usually, I don't have the opportunity because the people who witnessed my mania (especially if it involved rage) refuse to have any contact with me afterwards.

BINGO!!!!!

Hence, the monster thing.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by ann bog

Isn’t mania the better part of being Bipolar? Why would you apologize for being who you are? I’m not sure 🤔 if this counts but psychosis scares me so I try really hard not to let my situation get bad enough to need to enter that state of mind.

Umm, have you ever been really manic? Heard of dysphoric mania or mixed states? Utter, total misery. Grade 12 irritability. Screaming at people that I am the president, etc...

[Fuzzybear]

I try to apologize sometimes. But I've found some people to be very unforgiving

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ann bog

Isn’t mania the better part of being Bipolar? Why would you apologize for being who you are? I’m not sure 🤔 if this counts but psychosis scares me so I try really hard not to let my situation get bad enough to need to enter that state of mind.

I'm completely confused by your statement.

Mania..."better part of bipolar"...not at all. During the time of mania, the person can feel ecstatic and "right" about everything. But what's really happening (what other people are experiencing from the person in a manic episode) is EXTREME intensity of emotion - irritability/anger/rage, severe anxiety, paranoia, delusions, very poor decision-making, grandiose sense of self (I know better than everyone else what the best thing to do is because the universe has chosen me), recklessness; the list goes on.

Usually after mania subsides what remains is guilt, shame, regret, and wrecked relationships.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm completely confused by your statement.

Mania..."better part of bipolar"...not at all. During the time of mania, the person can feel ecstatic and "right" about everything. But what's really happening (what other people are experiencing from the person in a manic episode) is EXTREME intensity of emotion - irritability/anger/rage, severe anxiety, paranoia, delusions, very poor decision-making, grandiose sense of self (I know better than everyone else what the best thing to do is because the universe has chosen me), recklessness; the list goes on.

Usually after mania subsides what remains is guilt, shame, regret, and wrecked relationships.

Well said, Beth.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Umm, have you ever been really manic? Heard of dysphoric mania or mixed states? Utter, total misery. Grade 12 irritability. Screaming at people that I am the president, etc...

Yes, I have. And they screamed back at me! This happened when I was a teenager too and I do NOT think it was "just normal teenager behavior". I think THEY had issues. Well, not everybody screamed back, but some did. They thought it was about THEM while still blaming me! (Interesting mind state, no?) Nobody but NOBODY came to me and said, "Are you okay?" No, they just said I was a "bipolar b**ch"! The people who are supposed to take care of me and support me just let me down.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Yes, I have. And they screamed back at me! This happened when I was a teenager too and I do NOT think it was "just normal teenager behavior". I think THEY had issues. Well, not everybody screamed back, but some did. They thought it was about THEM while still blaming me! (Interesting mind state, no?) Nobody but NOBODY came to me and said, "Are you okay?" No, they just said I was a "bipolar b**ch"! The people who are supposed to take care of me and support me just let me down.

I am sorry, Moose. We love you even when you yell.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am sorry, Moose. We love you even when you yell.

[Crazy Hitch]

It just feels like the elephant in the room.

I was on sick leave for a while. Started back now teaching online.

It's just embarrassing! *sigh*

This doesn’t sound good. Sorry, I’ve imagined mania to be like sleepless nights working on a big project or going in a health food , reading and writing kick. I thought the negative part was the depression/emotional stuff. Sorry if I am insensitive bc I do understand how it feels to be overly emotional even when you feel like you have complete control. I still do believe there could be an apology necessary but it doesn’t pay to give one unless you mean the thoughts behind the words. Like, the apology is for you not the other person.

I think I had a first dysphoria experience last weekend 😐 yeah, it wasn’t so bad but I did not like the uncontrollable part.

[downersgoup]

I will apologize after having manic rage. That's probably one of the top things that getting on the right meds has helped me with. Still, the memories of feeling scary and out of control haunt me to this day, and my family will periodically offer me unsolicited reminders. I think we as people who struggle with bipolar should remember that we aren't bad for responding to what we feel as very real emotions. The times that I've pulled my car over on the highway to get out and scream, or thrown my phone against a wall, or had vitriolic verbal combat with my father, were all responses to stimuli that felt very real to me. I can apologize till the cows come home, but at the end of the day I have to accept, forgive, and love myself.

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

I will apologize if I'm acting out of sorts. Sometimes I get so lost in my thoughts and stay in bed a lot. I'm too tired to get up or do anything. I'll cry over everything and I will end up yelling about things that I normally wouldn't get upset over. Feeling out of control is still scary to me but I am learning to notice it more and how to take care of it better. My family notices it more and understands when I am manic. If I do anything that I feel horrible for, I will apologize to them. When my friends know I am manic and don't speak to them for a certain amount of days, they are more aware and don't take it personally. Before I used to be out of control, until I found the right medication. I feel so relieved, because before I actually yelled at my niece and I feel horrible about it still. Good thing she accepted my apology because I love my niece more than anything.

[lightly toasted]

I'm not sure why this is even a question. Whenever we've done something that has been unpleasant for the other person to be on the receiving end of...we apologize, it's just part of being a decent person. Whether it's from being manic or depressed or just having a crappy day, I apologize if I've been a bit of an *** or a lot of an *** It's out of consideration for the other person, but there is also nothing more freeing than apologizing for bad behaviour and making amends when appropriate.

We all know what it's like to being on the receiving end, so why is this even a question.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

More specifically your boss!


I don’t want to get into details but I was that manic and psychotic 3 weeks ago that I sent my principal (I’m a teacher) a string of embarrassing and inappropriate emails believing our whole school was under some type of attack.


I spoke to him the next day and explained I wasn’t myself. I don’t recall having apologised though.


And I don’t know if I want to. Not because he doesn’t deserve it but because my psychosis was traumatic and I don’t want to revisit it.


I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

I went to work wearing a tiara!
No dysphoric mania luckily, but I did lock my boss our of our office and put a DND sign up while blasting Alanis Morrisette and dancing along!

He told me I was manic and said to take the week off.

I didn't approve of his disapproving assessment of me so had a smoke left my keys on the desk, said fairwell to everyone and that I was done with this BS (best Jon I ever had accompanying stress notwithstanding) and went home.

A week later he emailed and asked if I was ready to come back... By that time I was too high in the sky and ashamed to even consider it.... During the same time I saw my Pdoc and he put me on disability, saying I needed a LONNNG break from work.

That was in 2018 and I am still on a break

Anyway, another week went by and he called to check in on me and I apologised for letting him and the rehab down.... But he was super compassionate (I worked with people who's clients had dual DXs and everyone knew I have BP)

Lucky he was also my mentor and we are still in contact and meet up for coffee or supper sometimes.

Apologizing is hard, even when you mean it, because well for me anyway, the self awareness went out the window and I'm not always entirely sure what I'm apologising for....

[sarahsweets]

If I have hurt others by my behavior or caused harm then I apologize. But I apologize for the behavior not for the bipolar.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

If I have hurt others by my behavior or caused harm then I apologize. But I apologize for the behavior not for the bipolar.

Agree with this
Unless you feel no remorse, apologies are important,a little humility never killed anyone, and being accountable for your actions is possibly even more important than those put together.

We can't be blamed for having BP, but we can take responsibility for our actions relating to it....