[MissUdy]

I’m on the long way down right now and really scared. Does anyone else feel like they try and grab at these last moments of being up, desperate to not go to the other side? I have got a lot of things done this week. But there are also lots of things not done, and things I know I will never finish and I will forget about them now. My house is full of things like that. All the food I’ve bought will go bad, my debts will need paying, everyone I meet will seem distant or cruel and I just don’t know how to cope with it all over again.

[Daonnachd]

MissUdy, do you have a local professional you can talk with about how things are going right now? I don't have any experience with the psych services of the NHS so I'm not sure if I'm asking a stupid question.

Whether you have someone or not, we're here to listen. What have you done to cope with the downturn in the past? Do you have any friends who don't seem distant or cruel?

Do you have art supplies to create a depiction of where you've been as a reminder? I find having tangible representations of different periods in my life to be helpful.

[MissUdy]

Thank you. I have not had much luck with NHS here, I see a private therapist but he has been away for 2 weeks. I’m meant to see him Tuesday. Almost sent him an email but I don’t want him to think my state is to do with him coming back because it’s not.

I do have some art supplies I just struggle to get the message from my brain to my hands. I will try though... I’m worried my state will affect my dog who has been on meds for epilepsy, I don’t want to make him worse. The hospital I work in is preparing for second wave and I’m still putting the files of people that died from the first one in boxes. I don’t have many people around me, to be honest when I’m down I rarely can connect with others so this is rare for me to be posting on it. Thank you for letting me post here.

[*Beth*]

Post all you want! We're here to listen, and every last one of us on the bipolar board most likely knows how you're feeling right now.

I strongly encourage you to see the therapist as soon as you can. It's often amazing how helpful it can be to just talk with a therapist.

I know what you mean about being concerned for your dog. I always worry the same way about my cats when I'm unstable. Our pets are so sensitive to us. Honestly, love for my cats is one of the reasons I work at therapy and being stable.

[Daonnachd]

Aaaah, my computer crashed and I lost my whole response.

My main thought was to create a reproduction of somebody like Jackson Pollock or Picasso because they have fairly simple styles. The link takes you to a cover of a Picasso I did a few years ago. Picasso Cover by Sagunt on DeviantArt

Another idea for art is to create a depiction of negative feelings then modify the image to be positive. It helps me to have something tangible. No image here, but I once did an explosion that I turned into a poppy. That poppy is a powerful source of peace and pride as it represents the strength of community to me.

Working with the files of the deceased is difficult. Allow yourself to feel that. I work in a cemetery and there are times when I find myself crying for people I never knew.

a'best

[Jmayfair]

I know that exact feeling MissUdy. You should really consider posting here throughout your spiral. I am new here myself and reading the other posts helps me. The members here are kind and its often a pleasant read of friendliness.

[bpcyclist]

My heart is w you, hon. My advice is to get help from a private psychiatrist, if doable. I am not impressed w the NHS for us.

I cannot remember much from one state to another. Memory is not there. I started emailing my depressed self from my hypo self and discovered many great things. I advise doing that now. You need a med change, likely. Reach out.

My bp states are a bit DID-like. Very distinct personalities. Take this chance to interact w yourself. It may help you.

Hugs and love.

[Daonnachd]

@MissUdy, how're you doing today? We're thinking about you, wishing you well.

[MissUdy]

Thank you for checking in with me - I have had a very slow day mainly been lying in bed or drinking tea. I sent some emails to my therapist, he won’t reply but at least I know he read them so he sort of knows where I am. . I was thinking about showing him a picture I did but I’m not sure about that yet. Hope you are all ok today.

[Fuzzybear]

Hi I cannot give any positive input on the NHS. I have not found it helpful. I think you'll find the people here supportive, and also insightful. I did nearly contact a private psychiatrist recently. I have very severe lows (etc). I was scared it would make me worse (a few reasons...) Going down is scary. I'm not very good at giving advice (I see some of the wise posters have already replied )

[MissUdy]

I’ll just carry on writing here as it continues I guess.

I sent my T some emails that were really a big deal (to me, not him obviously) and he didn’t reply. I saw him yesterday and he STILL didn’t answer and claims to have not known I wanted a reply, which is obviously ********. Even then, he didn’t answer any of my questions. The result of this is that I am now alone alone alone with my flashbacks. I think he is pre occupied with his own life, whatever is going on there. I think he has big time attachment issues with his wife. Her ‘business’ Facebook page has their home address on, like they are looking for creepers. He should just cancel me and be done with it.

[bpcyclist]

Maybe a new T possibly???

[*Beth*]

Are you sure your therapist is comfortable with communicating by email?

[MissUdy]

Yes, he used to send really long replies and has said it’s ok.

[*Beth*]

Definitely something to bring up in session.