[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I said to someone in a chat room (a little while ago) that I am a ''good'' bear. I do not remember the context. Their reply was that if I think I am good, I probably am not. What I was meaning is that I try to respect others. And people who know me well think I am mostly ''good''....However nobody is perfect. I find some people to be a puzzle. I am working on healthy boundaries. This was not a skill I learnt as a cub.

I am worried about a good friend who has some very scary medical stuff

I'm still worried about my fang. It hurt a bit last night, I had hoped that posting would not ''jinx'' something. I wonder if I ''imagined'' it.. I hope so. I put up with.... something.. for a long time as I did not want a root canal. (the dentist had given me 3 options, root canal, leave it, or take the tooth out, which he discouraged) Probably I made a ''bad decision''. I have had extreme consequences for some of my ''bad decisions''... which didn't seem all that ''bad'' at the time. Some of them were extremely small. I do not think I am a mistake..

I don't think I learned of healthy boundaries as a cub either. I grew up in an alcoholic family you see. Telling people no is something I have a problem with. It's not that I can't do so, its just not easy for me. My youngest child has picked up on this many years ago and knows how to finagle his way to get what he wants.

You are not a mistake simply because you made a decision at the time which you thought was best.

[Moose72]

Listening to my google personal assistant (smart speaker) play classical music. At least, that's what I asked it for so it must be, right? It's quite soothing actually. I haven't used it in years, but now I am. It's just another thing I can listen to if I want something random that I've never heard before. Got a few more things put away from the boxes that are left. I'm missing some DVDs though! And an important CD! Why do things have to go missing when you move?

[Daonnachd]

Moose, I totally understand the distress of losing CDs. In this evacuation I have repeatedly hit upon different discs which I left at home and never expected to see or hear again given the circumstances.

My news is good. We're going home for a few minutes today to empty the refrigerator and get the gas turned back on. We can't stay though because our sons have to be able to do class and there's no net connectivity in our community, not even cell service. Of course, cell service is touch and go at the best of times.

I feel a bit hypomanic, expansive and grandiose, a result of the stress we've been living with over the past week or so. ...and with all the upheaval I haven't been good about taking my meds as prescribed.

[bpcyclist]

fern, yes. I sent myself emails. I apparently noticed somehow I was speaking for hours in the manner of a joyous 6 yr-old child. Like this: "they sayed I was super sick! They sayed I hadda go to the state hospital for 5 wole years. That makes me so sad! Cuz noone will ever visit you not even our fambly but our best pals Dave and Brett did and they were so nice! It was so awesome! I love my bible so much! It is so awesome! It sayezin the bible if you read the bible and try super hard that the Jesus would love us and make us go to heaven. It's so awesome! And they said I was super sick and the bible said to have faith and jesus would love you. And so I did! And it workef! So awesome! We should get ice cream! I love my bike!"

Hours and hours of pure joy. Like that. Not manic at all. When in the child state, all non-child autobiographical info comes from some mystery, unknown source. Child can eat, pee, wTch tv, eat ice cream, play w cat and be responsible w him. Cannot read or write. Can ride a bike, which I learned at 5. So on scared, you guys. Think I am super sick.

[Blue_Bird]

Thank you for the support guys, I really appreciate it

I saw my doctor and she's increasing the wellbutrin and also the zoloft. So hopefully that helps. And she also wants me to remind my sister about the cat because having a cat in the past helped me and she thinks having one again would be really beneficial to my mental health.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I just sent my doctor a message asking if I need COVID testing. I've had some vague symptoms for a few days that aren't getting better, some are getting worse, and I am supposed to be spending 2 evenings per week helping someone on chemo. I feel so stupid asking for the test when I'm not clearly sick but I can't spread it and I was at the hospital for my EKG just about 10 days ago so right in the infection window. I still feel stupid asking if I need a test when my symptoms are so very mild. Oh well. My doctor knows me well and knows I wouldn't ask for a test for fun.

I hope to hear from him soon although he often answers messages about 10 pm so it may be later. I don't remember it ever being more than a day before I got an answer. Hope this isn't the exception.

[Moose72]

@BeyondtheRainbow , I hope you don't have COVID and you get your answer in a timely fashion!

I'm listening to relaxing piano music, which a minute ago or so was something that I knew- Bach Goldberg Variations. Still waiting for Karen to contact me. My mother is coming over now to move stuff around I guess. She had some great epiphany about where this small shelving unit should go?? We'll see. I'm not sure I have much to put on it and I'm still missing some CDs and DVDs!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

fern, yes. I sent myself emails. I apparently noticed somehow I was speaking for hours in the manner of a joyous 6 yr-old child. Like this: "they sayed I was super sick! They sayed I hadda go to the state hospital for 5 wole years. That makes me so sad! Cuz noone will ever visit you not even our fambly but our best pals Dave and Brett did and they were so nice! It was so awesome! I love my bible so much! It is so awesome! It sayezin the bible if you read the bible and try super hard that the Jesus would love us and make us go to heaven. It's so awesome! And they said I was super sick and the bible said to have faith and jesus would love you. And so I did! And it workef! So awesome! We should get ice cream! I love my bike!"

Hours and hours of pure joy. Like that. Not manic at all. When in the child state, all non-child autobiographical info comes from some mystery, unknown source. Child can eat, pee, wTch tv, eat ice cream, play w cat and be responsible w him. Cannot read or write. Can ride a bike, which I learned at 5. So on scared, you guys. Think I am super sick.

That is very concerning bpcyclist. I've seen speech patterns like that show from time to time in your writing before. I just assumed you were being playful. Is it possible that you were splitting then as well?

Mostly I'm concerned for your safety in those circumstances if 6 year old you goes outside and interacts with uncaring adults.

Maybe set an hourly alarm on your phone and write down on a paper how its going for the rest of the day? I'm admittedly uneducated on dissociation and I've only ever experienced it briefly, but I was thinking maybe the reminder would help snap you back somehow.

Have you called your pdoc about this? I know you brought him up to speed on the psychosis, but this is a next-level development.

Hang in there. Let us know how we can help.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

fern, yes. I sent myself emails. I apparently noticed somehow I was speaking for hours in the manner of a joyous 6 yr-old child. Like this: "they sayed I was super sick! They sayed I hadda go to the state hospital for 5 wole years. That makes me so sad! Cuz noone will ever visit you not even our fambly but our best pals Dave and Brett did and they were so nice! It was so awesome! I love my bible so much! It is so awesome! It sayezin the bible if you read the bible and try super hard that the Jesus would love us and make us go to heaven. It's so awesome! And they said I was super sick and the bible said to have faith and jesus would love you. And so I did! And it workef! So awesome! We should get ice cream! I love my bike!"

Hours and hours of pure joy. Like that. Not manic at all. When in the child state, all non-child autobiographical info comes from some mystery, unknown source. Child can eat, pee, wTch tv, eat ice cream, play w cat and be responsible w him. Cannot read or write. Can ride a bike, which I learned at 5. So on scared, you guys. Think I am super sick.

I think fern gives good advice, let us know how we can help. Keep us updated. Much love!

Maybe make a post in the dissociation forum here too if it might help.
It sounds like something has triggered you and a little aspect has come out. I agree it would not be safe to go outdoors if there isn't an ''adult'' around (inside or outside)

I have to limit my exposure to certain things or I get triggered.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks for sharing this BethRags. I am currently trying to cut down on benzos, which I have taken for 10 plus years. I was taking the equivalent of 3 x 10mg temezapam (Restoril?) ... actually I think I will start a thread on this as I tend to feel lost in this thread. And also I need to be accountable to myself. I hope the withdrawal goes well for you

Thank you for your encouragement, Fuzzy Starting a thread would be a fine idea

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Moose, I totally understand the distress of losing CDs. In this evacuation I have repeatedly hit upon different discs which I left at home and never expected to see or hear again given the circumstances.

My news is good. We're going home for a few minutes today to empty the refrigerator and get the gas turned back on. We can't stay though because our sons have to be able to do class and there's no net connectivity in our community, not even cell service. Of course, cell service is touch and go at the best of times.

I feel a bit hypomanic, expansive and grandiose, a result of the stress we've been living with over the past week or so. ...and with all the upheaval I haven't been good about taking my meds as prescribed.

Fantastic that you can go home for a bit. I'm so glad your home survived!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thank you for your encouragement, Fuzzy Starting a thread would be a fine idea

I've started a thread for this. It's titled ''support for''

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I just sent my doctor a message asking if I need COVID testing. I've had some vague symptoms for a few days that aren't getting better, some are getting worse, and I am supposed to be spending 2 evenings per week helping someone on chemo. I feel so stupid asking for the test when I'm not clearly sick but I can't spread it and I was at the hospital for my EKG just about 10 days ago so right in the infection window. I still feel stupid asking if I need a test when my symptoms are so very mild. Oh well. My doctor knows me well and knows I wouldn't ask for a test for fun.

I hope to hear from him soon although he often answers messages about 10 pm so it may be later. I don't remember it ever being more than a day before I got an answer. Hope this isn't the exception.

I applaud you for asking for the covid test! Much, much better to do the test than to spread the virus, just in case.

[Fuzzybear]

I still feel lost in this thread. I appreciate all those who have hugged (any of) my posts.

I think that dentist made 2 quite serious mistakes. Grrrrr. Even Papa bear agrees. Hopefully he is ok technically though.

[MuddyBoots]

Nope. Not done. Will never be. Can't even die, my immortal @ss just keeps seeing more and more dimensions!

[Fuzzybear]

Has anyone heard from swimmingly? He is one of those who have been missing for a while who I miss....

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Nope. Not done. Will never be. Can't even die, my immortal @ss just keeps seeing more and more dimensions!

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Weird day. I awoke before dawn and instead of staying up for just an hour or so, foolishly stayed awake for several hours making bureaucratic phone calls. But I was so tired and felt rotten. I went back to bed and slept for 45 minutes, felt like yuck. Had a telehealth appointment with my pdoc - I still get wound up about telehealth, it requires so much set-up for minimal reward. After that I had chores to do, but didn't do any of them, which is unusual for me. All I could do was lie down and sleep. Now it's 8p.m. and I will read some, then sleep. Stupid day.

Ironically, however, could be a day that actually changes my life. My pdoc gave me the nod to begin to decrease Klonopin. I've been taking 2mg/day for 20-plus years. It isn't helping me anymore, not for so many years, but my body is entirely dependent upon it. I truly want to get off the stuff.

Dr. W. is (fortunately) extremely cautious about stopping a benzo. She told me pick one day of the week, then to cut down by 1/4 my bedtime dose on that day, each week. Do that for a month, or two months even, more if necessary, and see how I'm feeling. And so on.

I feel like I have a goal, some hope to drop a med I no longer need. And maybe the titration down will go a bit more quickly than I expect.

Cool, I hope your son called. He's probably knocked out on meds.

Hugs all 'round

When I went off lorazepam, I switched to 20 mgs of diazepam. I was really tired on that dose so I was able to decrease other meds. I decreased it by 2 mgs q month. It took about 9 months to come off it. Good luck with coming off it...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

When I went off lorazepam, I switched to 20 mgs of diazepam. I was really tired on that dose so I was able to decrease other meds. I decreased it by 2 mgs q month. It took about 9 months to come off it. Good luck with coming off it...

I am taking 20mg temazepam and 5mg diazepam. I posted about this in another thread (in this part of the forum. I said 30mg temazepam so as not to be confusing) I find that taking diazepam seems to be making the tapering easier. I've been tapering for 2 weeks.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I don't often make this suggestion. I think you need to call the pdoc?

New p-nurse appointment next Tuesday! Hope she's at least halfway competent, but I bet I'll be teaching her hha that's how it usually goes with this place.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Thank you for the support guys, I really appreciate it

I saw my doctor and she's increasing the wellbutrin and also the zoloft. So hopefully that helps. And she also wants me to remind my sister about the cat because having a cat in the past helped me and she thinks having one again would be really beneficial to my mental health.

Yay!

I got Albert and he has really helped me. He comforts me when i am psychotic.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sapien

New p-nurse appointment next Tuesday! Hope she's at least halfway competent, but I bet I'll be teaching her hha that's how it usually goes with this place.

I think I know what you mean about teaching them I hope she is somewhat competent too! (this place where I live is far from ideal re psych providers grrrr)

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by fern46

That is very concerning bpcyclist. I've seen speech patterns like that show from time to time in your writing before. I just assumed you were being playful. Is it possible that you were splitting then as well?

Mostly I'm concerned for your safety in those circumstances if 6 year old you goes outside and interacts with uncaring adults.

Maybe set an hourly alarm on your phone and write down on a paper how its going for the rest of the day? I'm admittedly uneducated on dissociation and I've only ever experienced it briefly, but I was thinking maybe the reminder would help snap you back somehow.

Have you called your pdoc about this? I know you brought him up to speed on the psychosis, but this is a next-level development.

Hang in there. Let us know how we can help.

Thanks. The six yr old only goes out to ride his bike. He gives homeless people candy.

20 yrs ago abusiness associate put a document in front of me. It said I would give him 50 percent of my income for the rest of my life. I asked him if he loved me. He said I did. I signed it. A friend found it and got mad. Sent him awsy
He suef me for 3 yrs and tortured me. I won. But had to pay him $50 k. Practice was big success.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thanks. The six yr old only goes out to ride his bike. He gives homeless people candy.

20 yrs ago abusiness associate put a document in front of me. It said I would give him 50 percent of my income for the rest of my life. I asked him if he loved me. He said I did. I signed it. A friend found it and got mad. Sent him awsy
He suef me for 3 yrs and tortured me. I won. But had to pay him $50 k. Practice was big success.

I'm a bit confused. It's probably me

[Coolbreeze74]

Well I STILL haven't heard from him. I'm hoping he calls today. I have my telephone appt with my therapist at 1:30, so soon. I'm hoping hes not too disappointed with me. I didn't practice meditation this week. I was supposed to 3 times this week. I hope he understands.

My left rib is really hurting. Idk why. But its killing me. I had a 3 hour long panic attack last night. Just pure torture! Hope I don't have one for at least a couple of days...