[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Got Tylenol? No bleeding risk.

I ran out. I ended up taking a narco which didn’t do anything. I do wonder if I have an infection and if I’ll be admitted. I’m not sure this amount of pain 2 weeks later is normal. Especially since the pain came back.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Okay, so, quickly. Great day. Zero symptoms at all. Great. Guy upstairs I met on the vator I had helped find a cycling item he needed. No biggie
He texts. Cannot get new saddle on his fancy Peloton bike. I head up and we sort it. Takes like, an hour. Super nice guy.

Adidas executive. Signs young talent. We chatted
So nice. Says he is 25. I encouraged him to work hard and ask for what he deserves based on his value to the company. Stuff I know about.

I get home. Googling around. Quickly checked his college scoring avg for giggles. Turns out, checkimg 2 sources, he is 26--not 25.

Step outside. Thinking about a new place to live next door. Blond gal walks by, totally hiding her face. Dark. Not totally the superest place for an alone, cute gal to be after dark. Bit odd. I look at my maybe new place. She meanders sorta aimlessly and just seems to be continually walking past or near me for like, zero reason.

So. Faithfully reporting this. As we know, my threat assessment system is permanently broken.
I do have PTSD from actual, fully documented police abuse. That did actually happen. I do have names, identities, vehicle tags, and 100 more or so pages of factual documentation of that.

But. That was 2010-2012. I am a law abiding person. No possible legit cause for me to be looked at. Zippo. But police here are already in an agreement with the USDOJ for excessive force use against mentally ill persons. Fact. Right now.

So, broken threat system, some weirdness tonight, and I am triggered and now symptomatic with PTSD stuff from 8 yrs ago. Guess just being paranoid maybe. But living here, where bipolar people are shot and squished to death by police, who are never prosecuted, it can be a scary place for us to live. Spooky. Noone cares if we are tortured or murdered by police. Noone.

Gonna go meditate. Hugs.

It makes sense that you were triggered. You struggle with trust and you then found information that made you feel the stranger you helped lied to you. But... He could have forgotten his age. I've accidentally said the wrong age several times. He could have lied for personal reasons. Maybe it is a safety issue for him. He did give you his real name apparently. If I were going to do something nefarious, I'd use an alias. The likely answer is he's a quirky neighbor.

The rest of what happened could have been a hallucination or a woman walking around thinking about something. Or maybe she has her own mental issues. Lots of possibilities.

These two people coordinating some sort of ill intended experience against you is one possibility in a sea of many. It is highly unlikely. Try to remember that and go about your day normally today. You've done nothing wrong and there is no reason to believe anyone is plotting against you at the moment.

However, these kinds of thoughts are very much a symptom common for you. I know, I've felt them as well. Symptomatic thoughts resulting from a trigger is the most likely explanation. Strategically, it makes sense to go with that and work to find your way back to balance. Try not to fuel the other line of thinking.

This is a good set of events to talk through with your therapist. When do you see her next?

Hugs. We're here for you.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by fern46

It makes sense that you were triggered. You struggle with trust and you then found information that made you feel the stranger you helped lied to you. But... He could have forgotten his age. I've accidentally said the wrong age several times. He could have lied for personal reasons. Maybe it is a safety issue for him. He did give you his real name apparently. If I were going to do something nefarious, I'd use an alias. The likely answer is he's a quirky neighbor.

The rest of what happened could have been a hallucination or a woman walking around thinking about something. Or maybe she has her own mental issues. Lots of possibilities.

These two people coordinating some sort of ill intended experience against you is one possibility in a sea of many. It is highly unlikely. Try to remember that and go about your day normally today. You've done nothing wrong and there is no reason to believe anyone is plotting against you at the moment.

However, these kinds of thoughts are very much a symptom common for you. I know, I've felt them as well. Symptomatic thoughts resulting from a trigger is the most likely explanation. Strategically, it makes sense to go with that and work to find your way back to balance. Try not to fuel the other line of thinking.

This is a good set of events to talk through with your therapist. When do you see her next?

Hugs. We're here for you.

Oh. Yeah. I totally did not consider any of that. Thanks!!

I just read my bible and meditated and prayed and went nigh nigh. It comforts me. A ton. Feeling fairly calm so far today.

Thank you for helping me. I really appreciate it!!

[rwwff]

Hi all, been quite a while since I posted anything. I find myself in a bit of a quandary, my current pdoc who is excellent is leaving the clinic I go to for both GP and psych; I'm not sure what my choices will be, but they'll probably offer to sign me up with another pdoc within the clinic, yet I don't know if my current pdoc will be staying in the area, maybe starting her own practice, maybe joining a different one. I need to think about this since they'll likely want me to make the appointment with a new pdoc shortly after I learn the details of the move.

I'm thinking I want to stay with the clinic where tests and notes and stuff get shared, but I'll lose the relationship I have with my current pdoc. My therapist seems to side with staying with my current clinic and being open to any changes the new doc wants to try. This is disturbing my peaceful configuration, and I can't seem to come to a comfortable, solid decision.

Any thoughts or advice?

[daladico]

Originally Posted by daladico

Day 1 of complete med changes (cross-taper).
In the past med changes have made me really suicidal.
Scared for what could come.
Hopeful that the new cocktail will be better.
Day 1: safe.

Day 4: safe. stable. feeling grateful.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by rwwff

Hi all, been quite a while since I posted anything. I find myself in a bit of a quandary, my current pdoc who is excellent is leaving the clinic I go to for both GP and psych; I'm not sure what my choices will be, but they'll probably offer to sign me up with another pdoc within the clinic, yet I don't know if my current pdoc will be staying in the area, maybe starting her own practice, maybe joining a different one. I need to think about this since they'll likely want me to make the appointment with a new pdoc shortly after I learn the details of the move.

I'm thinking I want to stay with the clinic where tests and notes and stuff get shared, but I'll lose the relationship I have with my current pdoc. My therapist seems to side with staying with my current clinic and being open to any changes the new doc wants to try. This is disturbing my peaceful configuration, and I can't seem to come to a comfortable, solid decision.

Any thoughts or advice?

Wow, losing your pdoc is rough. I would ask her where she's going next. You never know; she may be accessible.

However, keeping your health care in one clinic is advantageous in so many ways. I'm in that situation - almost all medical care (including mental health) in the same clinic.

If I was in the situation you're in, I'd ride with the change and see how it goes with the replacement pdoc.

Good luck, however it shakes down!

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Is this fairly unusual, D?

Fairly unusual. Normally I get close to my next treatment four weeks down the road before things start to go south if they're going to.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by rwwff

Hi all, been quite a while since I posted anything. I find myself in a bit of a quandary, my current pdoc who is excellent is leaving the clinic I go to for both GP and psych; I'm not sure what my choices will be, but they'll probably offer to sign me up with another pdoc within the clinic, yet I don't know if my current pdoc will be staying in the area, maybe starting her own practice, maybe joining a different one. I need to think about this since they'll likely want me to make the appointment with a new pdoc shortly after I learn the details of the move.

I'm thinking I want to stay with the clinic where tests and notes and stuff get shared, but I'll lose the relationship I have with my current pdoc. My therapist seems to side with staying with my current clinic and being open to any changes the new doc wants to try. This is disturbing my peaceful configuration, and I can't seem to come to a comfortable, solid decision.

Any thoughts or advice?

Do you think it would be possible to ask your new pdoc to briefly discuss your case with your old pdoc before she leaves? That way she can explain what has been working well for you...

Staying at the same practice and giving a new pdoc a shot isn't a forever decision. You can try it out for a few sessions and then seek out your old pdoc or another new one of you find things going in a direction you're uncomfortable with.

[Mountaindewed]

So I saw the nurse practitioner. I don’t have an infection. But she did take out 2 huge things of fluids. She stuck this huge needle in me which I didn’t feel for some reason. I didn’t look it at it. Then she took out some stitches which I did feel. She said that I’m really just not going to feel back to normal until I hit the one month mark. She said to take Advil and they call it a miracle drug. She promises me the swelling will go down. She wants me to come back next week to drain more blood. She said the sides where I feel the most pain can get very painful and to take hot showers and massage the area. But basically I’m gonna feel not my best for another 2 weeks.

[wildflowerchild25]

I don’t feel well. I should have been honest with RS yesterday and said so, because I was getting really irritated trying to deal with my head and the real world at the same time. I wasn’t trying to be mean but I was sort of snappy.

I just want to go back to bed. Hide from everything. Got mild SI and SH thoughts. It’s all in avoidance to the actual issue at hand.

It’s not just my grandfather. That’s bad enough. I’m also beginning to fixate on an abuse occurrence. Still trying to work out what it really was and whether it’s fair to him to say as much. This fixation has come and gone every few weeks for awhile now. I guess it’s coming up to distract me from real life current distress.

Idk. Just wanna...got to sleep, if you catch my drift..

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I am back to post op pain. My mom is telling me to take a narco. I just hate how they make me feel and the depression I had on Thursday was scary. I don’t want my therapist to suggest I go to the psych hospital where I am in no shape physically to be at. My general physician told me no ibuprofen or Advil. I wonder if one dose to get me until morning would be ok.

Did you end up taking the Advil/ibuprofen? I think those can mess with your blood clotting. Don't quote me, but I'm on a blood thinner and I'm not allowed to take either one of those. Maybe that's why you're not supposed to take it?

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Did you end up taking the Advil/ibuprofen? I think those can mess with your blood clotting. Don't quote me, but I'm on a blood thinner and I'm not allowed to take either one of those. Maybe that's why you're not supposed to take it?

I was just told to take it. So I guess it’s ok.i just took one now.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

So I saw the nurse practitioner. I don’t have an infection. But she did take out 2 huge things of fluids. She stuck this huge needle in me which I didn’t feel for some reason. I didn’t look it at it. Then she took out some stitches which I did feel. She said that I’m really just not going to feel back to normal until I hit the one month mark. She said to take Advil and they call it a miracle drug. She promises me the swelling will go down. She wants me to come back next week to drain more blood. She said the sides where I feel the most pain can get very painful and to take hot showers and massage the area. But basically I’m gonna feel not my best for another 2 weeks.

This reminds me of when I had my breast reduction. There was a lot of swelling for quite a while. It just GRADUALLY went away. Glad you saw your NP and glad you don't have an infection.

[rwwff]

Originally Posted by fern46

Staying at the same practice and giving a new pdoc a shot isn't a forever decision. You can try it out for a few sessions and then seek out your old pdoc or another new one of you find things going in a direction you're uncomfortable with.

Dang, I completely didn't think of that approach, to busy thinking of worst case scenarios where I can't get refills, then go up'n'up, and wreck my comfortable but fragile little world...

Thanks!!!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I was just told to take it. So I guess it’s ok.i just took one now.

That's good.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I don’t feel well. I should have been honest with RS yesterday and said so, because I was getting really irritated trying to deal with my head and the real world at the same time. I wasn’t trying to be mean but I was sort of snappy.

I just want to go back to bed. Hide from everything. Got mild SI and SH thoughts. It’s all in avoidance to the actual issue at hand.

It’s not just my grandfather. That’s bad enough. I’m also beginning to fixate on an abuse occurrence. Still trying to work out what it really was and whether it’s fair to him to say as much. This fixation has come and gone every few weeks for awhile now. I guess it’s coming up to distract me from real life current distress.

Idk. Just wanna...got to sleep, if you catch my drift..

I hear you that you want to go back to sleep, but whenever I sleep a lot during the day, I regret it. (Like yesterday.)

Your thinking about abuse takes away from your current stressors? I would think it would just add to it, no? I'm sorry they're both happening. Can you talk to a T about it?

I'm sure RS will understand that you were "snappy'. Everybody gets that way sometimes. I know I do.

I hope today is better for you!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by rwwff

Hi all, been quite a while since I posted anything. I find myself in a bit of a quandary, my current pdoc who is excellent is leaving the clinic I go to for both GP and psych; I'm not sure what my choices will be, but they'll probably offer to sign me up with another pdoc within the clinic, yet I don't know if my current pdoc will be staying in the area, maybe starting her own practice, maybe joining a different one. I need to think about this since they'll likely want me to make the appointment with a new pdoc shortly after I learn the details of the move.

I'm thinking I want to stay with the clinic where tests and notes and stuff get shared, but I'll lose the relationship I have with my current pdoc. My therapist seems to side with staying with my current clinic and being open to any changes the new doc wants to try. This is disturbing my peaceful configuration, and I can't seem to come to a comfortable, solid decision.

Any thoughts or advice?

Hugs!! I bet you will be able to find a good replacement. Hang in there!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Fairly unusual. Normally I get close to my next treatment four weeks down the road before things start to go south if they're going to.

Think you should maybe call the doctor? Hugs.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Think you should maybe call the doctor? Hugs.

I see my T on Wednesday. I'll talk with her about this. In the meantime I will be especially dedicated to taking my meds as prescribed.

[Moose72]

I just weighed myself. Four more pounds to go and I'll have lost 60 pounds! I'm at a 55+ pound loss right now!

I haven't been exercising either. Just walking places. And I'm not eating a ton. Just small meals. This morning I had a cup of coffee with milk and a bagel with cream cheese. Last night I had chicken for dinner and tonight I'm going to make chicken legs. Four- 1 or 2 for dinner and the others for lunch tomorrow. One of these days, I want to walk to Starbucks. It would probably take me 20 minutes to walk there from my place. It's a ~5 minute drive. I don't feel like going there at the moment, though. I already had coffee today and it's getting a little late for coffee anyway.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by rwwff

Dang, I completely didn't think of that approach, to busy thinking of worst case scenarios where I can't get refills, then go up'n'up, and wreck my comfortable but fragile little world...

Thanks!!!

Well it is a scary thought to have things shift when you've worked really hard to find a comfy spot. My mind would be all over the place. Take your time with your decisions. You've got this.

[Moose72]

I just got my paperwork from section 8 about what my portion of the rent will be. This apartment is 300$ cheaper than the old one, to start. And now my portion is something I can afford! I worried that it would be too much because I still have a little from the stimulus money. I needed that money for my security deposit!

@Moose72: Congratulations on the weight loss! That's excellent! You rock! Way to go!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I see my T on Wednesday. I'll talk with her about this. In the meantime I will be especially dedicated to taking my meds as prescribed.

I am really sorry you are hurting. You have been through a lot. Kind of a hero to me, honestly.

But please don't give up. There are new med options under development and surely we can find something to help you. Hang in there.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I just weighed myself. Four more pounds to go and I'll have lost 60 pounds! I'm at a 55+ pound loss right now!

I haven't been exercising either. Just walking places. And I'm not eating a ton. Just small meals. This morning I had a cup of coffee with milk and a bagel with cream cheese. Last night I had chicken for dinner and tonight I'm going to make chicken legs. Four- 1 or 2 for dinner and the others for lunch tomorrow. One of these days, I want to walk to Starbucks. It would probably take me 20 minutes to walk there from my place. It's a ~5 minute drive. I don't feel like going there at the moment, though. I already had coffee today and it's getting a little late for coffee anyway.

Yay! Awesome job!!