[Moose72]

Now I'm getting an error both on my phone and on the laptop when I try to log into my credit card details. I've got a bunch of things waiting to go through, including my gas/electric bill. I need to pay it tomorrow, too.

[Nammu]

That’s frustrating. Sometimes I get so fed up with the passwords and log ins then I stop and think how easy it is compared to the past.

[bpcyclist]

Mega trigger warning--discussion of

Possible trigger:

near-S attempts. I am fine. Out of hospital. System worked. I am not psychotic. Or manic. Or depressed. Please correct me if you disagree. Begging you to. How we keep each other safe.

Hey, gang. Totally behind on reading posts. Sorry!! I have been super ultra mega busy with church stuff, to be perfectly plain.

I did receive a stream of commands over about three days. They all ordered me to do something very dangerous. The local police amazing heroes that I love saved melllll That and my rather ginormous faith reservoir got the other 9. Hooray !!! Gotta, gotta, gotta have faith. Like Mr. Michael stated, rest his lovely soul. So handsome and talented. Get some faith now. Please. Maybe look into it or something. Medicine for the soul. Yay! Or not.

Asking for help through prayer seemed to help. I very highly recommend it as my most beloved coping skill. Super duper mega iltra totally, like, completely recommend looking into this approach to life's speed bumps.

Sleep.

[*Beth*]

deleted~~~

halloween passed without really much excitement

on my own, listening to spooky music, stuffing myself with candy (no horror movies, I don't really like them) well: I do, but I find I can't sit their for all that time

and now it's november. counting down to christmas, I guess (another lonely time), tomorrow we're going in to a second national lockdown which is meant to last until the second of december- our prime minister is still trying to save christmas (it's not going to happen, even if we're not in lockdown their's still going to be so many restrictions)

ah well: I have this forum I guess. that's my company

I am listening to christmas music today

at the moment, I'm listening to the song the power of love by frankie goes to hollywood

not as good as 2 tribes but a good song I guess

[Soupe du jour]

bpcyclist, I am so happy that you have a comfort in life now. I know that so very many people have that through their faith. And I don't limit that to just a faith in a God/religion, but other types such as that most all people are inherently good, even if they sometimes seem to do wrong things that inadvertently hurt themselves or others.

I think we're living in a time that truly tests faith. Such tests are doozies sometimes. I have had mine greatly tested, as well. Things I see sadden and anger me, intensely. But as bad as they may seem, that usually do yield some level of good, even if not fully recognized or must be waited for. They teach in so many ways, expose things that were previously hidden or unrecognized, perhaps make us more compassionate, and more. I watched an interview between two well-known men a few days back where this very point was emphasized. It was brought up in the context of grief and loss, which all experience.

Patience in my faith has been crucial. I've had to develop it throughout my life, though. It was worth the wait and I know it is something I will have to continue to practice many more times in the future. Patience, faith, forgiveness (also for oneself), hope, kindness, open arms and minds, transformation, and more are indeed crucial. We must never totally give up on life or ourselves. We may stumble or even crash, but must get up again. Not fall into a deep hole and be resigned to never getting out, or at least looking upwards towards light.

[Soupe du jour]

I was totally feeling rage this morning, so took a PRN Seroquel. I think that is helping a little. I had to take two 25 mgs because I couldn't find the 50s amidst the chaos of our house sale preparations. So much stuff had to be hidden. That's always problematic.

Hubby and I have an action plan regarding our roof leak. Unfortunately, we may need to hire our own roofer to fix the problem, instead of waiting for the original ones to ever show up. Thing is whether or not that is "allowed" or if we are at the mercy of the management company/original roofers. I would prefer hiring our own because I would maybe trust them more. We'll see. But we can't just keep waiting! The next house we own in the future will not involve a homeowner's association.

Just a bit ago, we talked to the realtor we're working with. We decided to postpone the open house for another week and few days. Hopefully the problem will be resolved before then. I am not sure how election results will affect our home sale. Or waiting an extra week. The boom in our area is mostly a result of people wanting to move away from the immediate NYC area. NYC and most of NJ and Philly are "blue" areas.

[Nammu]

I’m so anxious. I tried to find out the news. Still neck in neck. Hmmm drinking in the morning, sounds like a plan. Got a bottle of whiskey that I was given I while ago. Oh, nerves. Wish I could sleep though today and wake up tomorrow

@bpcyclist: You still sound psychotic to me. Glad you were rescued. It's nice to be high on God but do be careful.

@raging vortex: I love "The Power of Love" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood too! I like "2 Tribes" also. And we both like soaps too. Nice! I think you're like 30 years younger than me tho? I'm 54.

@Soupe du jour: I wish you didn't feel such pressure to get everything done so quickly but i know what mania is like. Glad you took a mental health day yesterday. Putting the open house off for a week sounds like a good idea.

[Mountaindewed]

I took a break from Facebook for a few days. Didn’t tell anyone. I deactivated my account temporally. I went back last night to check election stuff. Got a message in messenger this morning from a panicked friend asking where I was and they were worried. I said I just needed a break. Covid and election was getting to me. She said she had tried reaching out to another friend of ours, then that friend reached out to another. No one could find me and they were quite worried something happened to me. I feel bad I didn’t tell anyone I was taking a break. I guess maybe I’m doing a lot worse then I’ve realized when other people besides my therapist are now worrying about me.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@bpcyclist: You still sound psychotic to me. Glad you were rescued. It's nice to be high on God but do be careful.

@raging vortex: I love "The Power of Love" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood too! I like "2 Tribes" also. And we both like soaps too. Nice! I think you're like 30 years younger than me tho? I'm 54.

@Soupe du jour: I wish you didn't feel such pressure to get everything done so quickly but i know what mania is like. Glad you took a mental health day yesterday. Putting the open house off for a week sounds like a good idea.

Thanks, whatever2013, but it's not all about mania. It's also about $$$$$$$$ We have already started paying our rent for our upcoming house in Europe. In the meantime, we continue to pay the mortgage and association fees for our house in the US. The more problems that crop up, the more struggles and eventual bills added to the pile. The longer we wait to get the house up for sale, the longer it may take to get the place sold to cut out the duplicate expenses. Also, at some point the good real estate market may start to lose steam. The more problems our house has, the lower the price it might sell for. Obviously all houses are vulnerable to problems, but it is good to be able to take the money and run, before others surface.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist
Mega trigger warning--discussion of

Possible trigger:

near-S attempts. I am fine. Out of hospital. System worked. I am not psychotic. Or manic. Or depressed. Please correct me if you disagree. Begging you to. How we keep each other safe.

Hey, gang. Totally behind on reading posts. Sorry!! I have been super ultra mega busy with church stuff, to be perfectly plain.

I did receive a stream of commands over about three days. They all ordered me to do something very dangerous. The local police amazing heroes that I love saved melllll That and my rather ginormous faith reservoir got the other 9. Hooray !!! Gotta, gotta, gotta have faith. Like Mr. Michael stated, rest his lovely soul. So handsome and talented. Get some faith now. Please. Maybe look into it or something. Medicine for the soul. Yay! Or not.

Asking for help through prayer seemed to help. I very highly recommend it as my most beloved coping skill. Super duper mega iltra totally, like, completely recommend looking into this approach to life's speed bumps.

Sleep.

I say this with love. I disagree.

You're dialed in on spiritual stuff. That is a pattern for you when your manic and psychotic. I take no issue with religion, but it is an intensity concern. It is a trigger for you.

You've had quite a few personal and family concerns lately, they have taken a toll.

You said you were on new, not yet approved yet meds and they were working great, but they aren't working. What does your pdoc think?

You've been working a lot on projects and I know how you hyperfocus and how your mind works because mine does the same thing.

Your language patterns are similar to what they look like when you're manic/psychotic.

I am not sure how you are home so quickly after an attempt and being seen in the hospital. I am confused as to why you weren't put on a mandatory hold.

I think any one of the things I mentioned by itself is probably not cause for major concern, but when you add it all up I would be a horrible friend if I didn't say I am worried.

What are you up to today? I think it would be good to get a safety plan in place. No religious activities. Limit reading and research. No project work. Limited music. Limited caffeine, sugar and chocolate. Limit watching the news. No politics.

Maybe a day of coloring or just sit to petting your cat. Do some laundry. Watch a movie that isn't activating. Take a shower. Do some dishes. Just basic mindless tasks to slow the brain down and cool things off.

I am so incredibly grateful you're ok. You've been on my mind and I am glad you checked in. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Now I'm getting an error both on my phone and on the laptop when I try to log into my credit card details. I've got a bunch of things waiting to go through, including my gas/electric bill. I need to pay it tomorrow, too.

Now it's working but it says I have $0 due? I thought today was the due date.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Now it's working but it says I have $0 due? I thought today was the due date.

My credit card thing is messed up too. Says I owe a ton when I paid off the bill completely yesterday. Weird.

[MuddyBoots]

The nurse finally called back. They’re decreasing my seroquel by 50mg and upping my cogentin to 2mg/day. I mean, I don’t get how that’s going to help anything but the akathisia but okay.

[Sunflower123]

Doing well today. I’ve done a good job of staying away from the news. I have no idea what’s going on and I don’t want to. Tolle’s workshop the other night helped me see it in a calmer, more conscious light. It will be what it will be.

We got some estimates for crawlspace encapsulation. It needs it badly. The best folks charge $14,000. Yikes! It’s hard keeping up maintenance on a house. My glasses and contacts will be $1,300 because of my myopia and astigmatism. Those are large chunks of change. That’s life I guess.

My sister’s family is doing well and are having no complications. God is good.

I hope everybody has a peaceful evening.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Now it's working but it says I have $0 due? I thought today was the due date.

I called to pay it over the phone and nothing changed. So I called 3 hours later and did the same thing- they said it went through, but I don't see that on my end. Looks like I'll have to go in tomorrow!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My credit card thing is messed up too. Says I owe a ton when I paid off the bill completely yesterday. Weird.

I think I'm going to have to go in tomorrow if the online banking doesn't show that I paid.

[Blue_Bird]

I saw my psych NP and my therapist today. There was an opening in the eating disorder group my therapist wants me to go to

Possible trigger:

I have struggled with an eating disorder for well over 10 years, I actually went an entire year without using ED behaviors but then I started struggling with them again recently.

So I'm going to start going to that beginning next week.

I had a good Halloween, spent it watching scary movies with a friend of mine. My mood has been good for the most part, but I'm missing the euphoria of mania. It tempts me to stop taking my meds. Though that always ends up being a disaster and isn't worth it. My mood is just so level now. It's nice, but again, I do miss that high feeling from time to time.

My anxiety has been out of control though. I started doing yoga again to help with it. I did it for a couple months then stopped. And the month I didn't do it, (this past month), I noticed my anxiety increased drastically. Having panic attacks frequently. I also started drawing again, which helps calm me down too. I just need to keep working on finding more and more ways to manage it so I always have something that can help. I think getting more into my faith could help. That usually gives me comfort.

Anyway, I hope everyone's doing okay

[*Beth*]

Tired, but feeling optimistic.

Possible trigger:

If all goes as expected, it will be a blessing from the universe to have a decent, solid president instead of that emotionally abusive evil clown.

[Daonnachd]

Saw my T today. I told her that if anybody was paying attention to me over the past few days they'd likely think something was wrong, that I was too wound up. I don't know what all.


Somebody at the door....

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi all. I am doing okay. Been busy at work, but made some progress on a project at least. Like most people I am stressed about current events. I am not really sleeping enough still, so hopefully that will even out soon. I think I only slept four hours the past couple of nights, then fell asleep after work for an hour or two tonight, only to wake up and not go back to sleep so far. I am also still more restless and picking at my skin more. Guess we'll see what happens. I think I'll actually try to go to sleep now and see what happens. Take care all

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Mega trigger warning--discussion of

Possible trigger:

near-S attempts. I am fine. Out of hospital. System worked. I am not psychotic. Or manic. Or depressed. Please correct me if you disagree. Begging you to. How we keep each other safe.

Hey, gang. Totally behind on reading posts. Sorry!! I have been super ultra mega busy with church stuff, to be perfectly plain.

I did receive a stream of commands over about three days. They all ordered me to do something very dangerous. The local police amazing heroes that I love saved melllll That and my rather ginormous faith reservoir got the other 9. Hooray !!! Gotta, gotta, gotta have faith. Like Mr. Michael stated, rest his lovely soul. So handsome and talented. Get some faith now. Please. Maybe look into it or something. Medicine for the soul. Yay! Or not.

Asking for help through prayer seemed to help. I very highly recommend it as my most beloved coping skill. Super duper mega iltra totally, like, completely recommend looking into this approach to life's speed bumps.

Sleep.

Hi bpcyclist. I am really glad that you did not harm yourself. I am a bit concerned by this post as you don't sound like your typical self. Maybe it would be a good idea to check in with your psychiatrist or someone to make sure you stay safe?.

as long as I don't hear any fireworks today (I shouldn't because of covid restrictions), I am hoping for a drama- free day with no stress

if I do hear fireworks, well that's another story.. they trigger terrible flashbacks, but I have my ear defenders at the ready too