[Soupe du jour]

Lately I have not wished to do much, at all. Low motivation. Normally I am good at entertaining myself. I know it is a crash from all of the stress and work relating to my home sale. Hubby and I need to know if the sale process is proceeding. I asked Hubby to contact the real estate lawyer this afternoon, if he's not yet contacted us.

My house could easily be tidied up well in 20 minutes, but it is due for a good cleaning. That's what I should do today.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by daladico

Hi friends been doing well. Stable for 3 weeks now which is the longest stretch I’ve had in a longgg time. Oh how good it feels

went on a hike with a friend yesterday and had a great time. Trying really hard to be more social which is a challenge for me. Grateful to have some amazing people in my life.

Have my second therapy appointment today. Looking forward to growing more

I think about you guys often- hope you are doing well & have a good day <3

Oh, the joy of stability! Your photograph is magnificent. Thank you for sharing it.

[Mountaindewed]

I sent an email to my therapist explaining what had been going on these last 2 weeks. That I just needed a break from stuff and that the sessions and video sessions were affecting me and I just felt kinda burned out but I felt a lot happier with a week off. I asked her if she could reply because I felt like I was in trouble with her since the last time we talked she was gonna tell Pdoc stuff and suggested I go to the hospital. She quickly replied and said she didn’t have time to talk through email because of back to back sessions but that I’m not in any trouble. So I don’t know. I guess I’ll just see what happens tomorrow.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

That's a good question. How would they know who you were unless they started talking over dinner, "I have this patient named Mountaindewed...."

I can honestly see them doing that lol.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by bizi

Glad to see you bpcyclist. you sound much better.
sorry life is so hard for us.
bizi

Thank you, sweetie.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by daladico

Hi friends been doing well. Stable for 3 weeks now which is the longest stretch I’ve had in a longgg time. Oh how good it feels

went on a hike with a friend yesterday and had a great time. Trying really hard to be more social which is a challenge for me. Grateful to have some amazing people in my life.

Have my second therapy appointment today. Looking forward to growing more

I think about you guys often- hope you are doing well & have a good day <3

You are my inspiration, dear. Rock on.

[daladico]

I feel like you guys just gave my heart a hug <3
Thank you all <3

[daladico]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Lately I have not wished to do much, at all. Low motivation. Normally I am good at entertaining myself. I know it is a crash from all of the stress and work relating to my home sale. Hubby and I need to know if the sale process is proceeding. I asked Hubby to contact the real estate lawyer this afternoon, if he's not yet contacted us.

My house could easily be tidied up well in 20 minutes, but it is due for a good cleaning. That's what I should do today.

Soupe you have every right to lay low for a while... you have had so much on your plate and have done phenomenally through it all! Listen to your body... Give yourself a rest day- you absolutely deserve it 😊

[daladico]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I sent an email to my therapist explaining what had been going on these last 2 weeks. That I just needed a break from stuff and that the sessions and video sessions were affecting me and I just felt kinda burned out but I felt a lot happier with a week off. I asked her if she could reply because I felt like I was in trouble with her since the last time we talked she was gonna tell Pdoc stuff and suggested I go to the hospital. She quickly replied and said she didn’t have time to talk through email because of back to back sessions but that I’m not in any trouble. So I don’t know. I guess I’ll just see what happens tomorrow.

I’ve totally been there with therapy burn-out too. Sending you good thoughts as you start back up tomorrow 💫

[*Beth*]

Saturday I bleached and toned my hair to a beige-platinum blonde. It's fun. It's been a tough week. By Wednesday night I was desperate to go IP because I was feeling so terribly depressed and was stuck on one frightening thought that I couldn't stop ruminating on. No one to care for my cats, though. By Thursday I was feeling some relief; I hope the stronger sense of stability is due to the increase in both Pristiq and Trilafon. So far I'm feeling more stable than I was early last week.

[daladico]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Saturday I bleached and toned my hair to a beige-platinum blonde. It's fun. It's been a tough week. By Wednesday night I was desperate to go IP because I was feeling so terribly depressed and was stuck on one frightening thought that I couldn't stop ruminating on. No one to care for my cats, though. By Thursday I was feeling some relief; I hope the stronger sense of stability is due to the increase in both Pristiq and Trilafon. So far I'm feeling more stable than I was early last week.

Oh Beth I’m so sorry you weren’t doing well. And glad you are feeling more stable now. Really hoping your stability continues. Feel free to pm me at any point of you need to talk.
You are an amazing human!!
And I think we all need to see your new hair!!

[bpcyclist]

Oh, Bether ! I am so heartbroken that I did not see this sooner. I love you so much. What can We do to support you, honey ?

[Gabyunbound]

My mother was hospitalized for low oxygenation and then the discharge coordinator recommended that I get her discharged on Hospice. So I spoke with the hospice liason, and after her case was presented to the hospice doctor, she was accepted.

She has end-stage COPD, MS, and a slew of other things. The discharge coordinator told me that my mom's acceptance into hospice is and can be due to her diagnoses and not a doctor saying she has x amount of time to live. Hospice provides a great deal of and excellent services, so I am very grateful that they are now one board, but continue to worry and worry about my mother.

I spent the night at her house while she was hospitalized. Hadn't brought my meds because hadn't expected to have to take her to the ER, so I missed two doses of all meds. Slept terribly that night.

Driving the 1.5 hours home last night, I was crying and felt towards the end of what I can take. I got a call from hospice very early this morning, so still haven't gotten much sleep, and sleep is the single most important thing for me to avoid episodes. I feel like hell.

My mother was in terrible shape after the hospital, felt mistreated by the nurses, and was terrified about the prospect of being cared for by a caregiver she dislikes overnight. But I had to go. I needed my meds, and I needed sleep. If I had stayed, I wouldn't have slept, she gets up multiple times a night.

Thanks for reading...

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

My mother was hospitalized for low oxygenation and then the discharge coordinator recommended that I get her discharged on Hospice. So I spoke with the hospice liason, and after her case was presented to the hospice doctor, she was accepted.

She has end-stage COPD, MS, and a slew of other things. The discharge coordinator told me that my mom's acceptance into hospice is and can be due to her diagnoses and not a doctor saying she has x amount of time to live. Hospice provides a great deal of and excellent services, so I am very grateful that they are now one board, but continue to worry and worry about my mother.

I spent the night at her house while she was hospitalized. Hadn't brought my meds because hadn't expected to have to take her to the ER, so I missed two doses of all meds. Slept terribly that night.

Driving the 1.5 hours home last night, I was crying and felt towards the end of what I can take. I got a call from hospice very early this morning, so still haven't gotten much sleep, and sleep is the single most important thing for me to avoid episodes. I feel like hell.

My mother was in terrible shape after the hospital, felt mistreated by the nurses, and was terrified about the prospect of being cared for by a caregiver she dislikes overnight. But I had to go. I needed my meds, and I needed sleep. If I had stayed, I wouldn't have slept, she gets up multiple times a night.

Thanks for reading...

I’m so sorry to hear about your mother and your experience. Sending hugs and supportive vibes. Please take care of yourself during this difficult time.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by daladico

Oh Beth I’m so sorry you weren’t doing well. And glad you are feeling more stable now. Really hoping your stability continues. Feel free to pm me at any point of you need to talk.
You are an amazing human!!
And I think we all need to see your new hair!!

Thank you so very much, Dalidico. You're an angel. Brightest blessings and beautiful vibes~*~*~**~**

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Oh, Bether ! I am so heartbroken that I did not see this sooner. I love you so much. What can We do to support you, honey ?

Thank you, dear one. All of you were just here. Dialoguing with people who also live with BD means the world to me. I'm feeling just about stable right now; hopefully, it will last and become even more secure.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

My mother was hospitalized for low oxygenation and then the discharge coordinator recommended that I get her discharged on Hospice. So I spoke with the hospice liason, and after her case was presented to the hospice doctor, she was accepted.

She has end-stage COPD, MS, and a slew of other things. The discharge coordinator told me that my mom's acceptance into hospice is and can be due to her diagnoses and not a doctor saying she has x amount of time to live. Hospice provides a great deal of and excellent services, so I am very grateful that they are now one board, but continue to worry and worry about my mother.

I spent the night at her house while she was hospitalized. Hadn't brought my meds because hadn't expected to have to take her to the ER, so I missed two doses of all meds. Slept terribly that night.

Driving the 1.5 hours home last night, I was crying and felt towards the end of what I can take. I got a call from hospice very early this morning, so still haven't gotten much sleep, and sleep is the single most important thing for me to avoid episodes. I feel like hell.

My mother was in terrible shape after the hospital, felt mistreated by the nurses, and was terrified about the prospect of being cared for by a caregiver she dislikes overnight. But I had to go. I needed my meds, and I needed sleep. If I had stayed, I wouldn't have slept, she gets up multiple times a night.

Thanks for reading...

Oh, Gaby. I feel your pain and exhaustion, and your worry. It is so helpful to have hospice for support, so good for you for advocating for that.

Please do your very best to practice self-care. Meds on time and sleep. I always say I can handle anything if I've slept well.

Sending love~**~*~**

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

XXXXXXX TRIGGER WARNING ! THEMES OF S XXXX


, just got absolutely beyond triggered watching the conclusion of The Undoing on HBO. David E. Kelly and Susanne Bier and Nicole Kidman are a team so talented in understanding us that it is scary. Probably the single most important and best televeision series I have prrsonally ever seen in my entire life. I am shattered.

I will not spoil it for those who wish to xatch. Highly encouraged for us, though. If you care about mental illness and families, you MUST watch this show. It is required viewing now. Today. Immediately. Because it will get us thinking about how we can keep the next person from jumping. And we all know that the cyclist is a legendary Portland jumper.

So. Don't do it ! Never, ever, ever do it. It is an error . We xill help you. We will love you until you begin to love yourself. And can then maintain some bit of stability. Like I am doing right now. Just survived multiple jumping attempts, myself. I am still sad and lonely and raw
But God came to me and reminded me He loves me. Do not give up. Then, he added the joy of the lord in my soft heart. Yay ! Now, I am riding my bike and taking all my meds correctly and baking cheerful Christmas cookies, which brings me great joy. All alone. Noone here. But I am fine. Doing my program of health maintenance.

So. That is is from here. Also, buying a house. Neefs work. Love. More love. Waves of neverending loveb .

Oh yeah, the show also shows the reality of how messed up we all actually are. First show really ever to dig into this untidy reality. Kids will not speak to us. Lots of folks cheating. Embezeling. Happened to me. Repeatedly. Somebody announces they have always been gay and wants an award. We are like, it is 2021, dude. No sprcial favors for being gay, dude. Whatever ! . Daughter xants to auction her virginity on ebay to help battered women, or whatever. On and on.

Point is, I guess, David and Nicole and Susanne are rrflecting back to us, we the people, who zre sick, and they are basically saying, look, we, David, Susanne, Nicole, and Hugh, we are prlbably just as messed up in our disastrous lives as you suicidal and bipolar folks are. We are almost there. We have run out of tools. I believe David is suggestng and Nicole and Susanne and Hugh are masterfully illustrating for us. Teaching us. Showing us. Life is difficult and without candy and roses much of the time. It is basically constant cleanup of disaster after disaster. Or maybe we just hide all that.

Love. Love is our answer. Always. I love all of you from the bottom of my heart.

I'm worried about you. This post is rambling and doesn't make much sense. And you're back onto "love is our answer" mantras. Plus there are multiple typos

Example: Daughter xants to auction her virginity on ebay to help battered women, or whatever. On and on.

I have no idea what this means.

[Mountaindewed]

These last few days I’ve been getting really sick to my stomach followed by a headache. I think it’s anxiety so I take Xanax and it doesn’t work. So I’m guessing maybe it isn’t anxiety. It started today around 1. At least my insurance company call was cancelled until next Tuesday. Still that didn’t make me feel better so I’m not sure what is up. Last night was real bad and I didn’t fall asleep until 11:30.

[Moose72]

My doctor's office called to tell me that my blood results from Wednesday show low kidney function- same as 3 weeks ago when I was my primary doctor and had blood drawn then, too. She wants me to drink more fluids. If I do that, I'll have to pee all the time. I need milk- speaking of fluids- and should go to the grocery store, but I don't really want to.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm beat! Everything in my house is clean and/or dusted, except the floors and carpeting. Hubby says he'll do that. I also did some laundry.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm worried about you. This post is rambling and doesn't make much sense. And you're back onto "love is our answer" mantras. Plus there are multiple typos

Example: Daughter xants to auction her virginity on ebay to help battered women, or whatever. On and on.

I have no idea what this means.

Huh. Okay. I guess. I amm worried, too, now ?

[Sunflower123]

Great therapy appointment discussing strategies for minimizing SAD. Feeling more hopeful. IP is not an option for me although SI is high.

[MuddyBoots]

Ive got so much **** to do tomorrow and I’m freaking out. Getting drug tested for a potential job is part of the to do list. 29 days ago I had a massive amount of edibles throughout the day which is what I’m worried about (the other stuff is definitely out of my system) and also I’m prescribed benzos and I didn’t explain that to them when she called me today so hopefully I will be have a chance to explain and prove that I am told by medical professionals I need to take them.

Therapy in the morning. Trying to come up with stuff that relates to my therapeutic goals instead of talking about the trolly problem for 20 minutes. I need a therapist that’s more aggressive with keeping me focused during sessions. I literally spent an entire last session talking about different types of ski wax meanwhile I was in and out of crisis mode.

Being excessively self destructive. That’s what I need to talk about tomorrow. Like agreeing to hang out with an abusive ex again during a pandemic knowing what it is going to lead to and having urges to get high right now because why should I get a job with benefits and good pay?
Should also continue the chat about ADHD. Like what symptoms she sees in me and why she wants me to be tested and how treatment would change if I got diagnosed. My pnurse doesn’t know jack **** about me (we dont even know what each other looks like, so far only two phone calls with each other the majority of which was her scolding me for stopping a medication I was allergic to).
It’s like my Ts job is to derail me it seems. I know even if I write this stuff down I’m going to be spending the session talking about some stupid shyt.

[Moose72]

Note to self (and whomever else this might help): Do not mix Zevia cream soda (flavored with Stevia sugar substitute) with pickle-flavored pork rinds! EWWWW!