[Mountaindewed]

I honestly do think I have some underlying medical condition and I just wish people would stop assuming it’s mental health. I have a history of frequent infections and right now my lower stomach hurts so badly and I’ve legit not been hungry today. I think I need a medical doctor. I don’t understand how someone who has been stable with there mental health for over 5 years can just suddenly relapse for absolutely no reason. I think I’m legit sick.

[Soupe du jour]

I decided (Hubby agreed) to make next Tuesday my last session with my current psychologist. I sent her an email giving her notice. It was clear from her response that it was likely for the best. I probably won't bring it up to my psychiatrist, though. He'd be mad. I have two more appointments with him scheduled before Christmas. I believe I will likely ask for at least one or two with him, beyond that, where I'll log in from Czech Republic.

[Moose72]

I need to go grocery shopping, but i don't want to. I'm sitting on the couch watching Monk trying to get rid of a headache. I took Tylenol for it. Tomorrow is pay-the-visa-card day. The credit union's online banking site is having troubles though- it won't load for some things, so I may have to call and pay over the phone. I need to put on a sweatshirt too. It's chilly in here, even though I think it's 70. My mom is almost finished with the blanket- just two more colors and then the edge needs done in black. I can't wait to snuggle up on the couch with it. Attached is the blanket with the blue just started. There are green, yellow and white finished and the black between the colors. (Plus the black edge.).

[Victoria'smom]

Mountaindewed It can be both especially young people drs don't take seriously often. Have you ever seen a GI dr? Illnesses mh or not can hit hard and unexpectedly. Can you see your GP and ask for general bloodwork (to check white blood cell count) and a referral to both a GI Dr. and nutritionist.

[Mountaindewed]

I set up an appointment with my primary for tomorrow at 11:15 and my gynecologist for 2:30. My stomach hurts so badly and this is the exact reason I took the cough syrup last night. If my therapist doesn’t want to work with me anymore because I have something wrong then that’s her problem. It almost feels like I have sepsis especially since I have the mental confusion that started suddenly and the red spots. And I did just recently have a bacteria infection too. I have really bad chills too right now despite being under my weighted blanket.

[Victoria'smom]

I think you should also go to the OP evaluation. the good thing about them watching you is they will see your physical problems too.

[Mountaindewed]

I will do that after I see the doctors. Probably on Monday. But if it’s something medical like I think it is then I don’t know what the point is. They’d probably just be confused as to why I’m going to a mental health hospital when all my symptoms are medical.

My temp is slightly up and I can’t really get out of bed. I’m kind of out of breath too.

[*Beth*]

Md, maybe you have a physical illness, maybe you have a mental illness, maybe you have both. Maybe you are unconsciously somatisizing. I've seen people get severely physically ill from anxiety and get wound up with health anxiety. It's a good thing that you're seeing your GP and Gyn. But weren't you supposed to go to the OP assessment tomorrow?

[MuddyBoots]

Tons of depersonalization/derealization today with a scoop of paranoia. Took cats to the vet. They are healthy. Two weeks to my call back date, which is when I can call and make an appointment with my pnurse.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I need to go grocery shopping, but i don't want to. I'm sitting on the couch watching Monk trying to get rid of a headache. I took Tylenol for it. Tomorrow is pay-the-visa-card day. The credit union's online banking site is having troubles though- it won't load for some things, so I may have to call and pay over the phone. I need to put on a sweatshirt too. It's chilly in here, even though I think it's 70. My mom is almost finished with the blanket- just two more colors and then the edge needs done in black. I can't wait to snuggle up on the couch with it. Attached is the blanket with the blue just started. There are green, yellow and white finished and the black between the colors. (Plus the black edge.).

The blanket is really nice and looks like it will be cozy. I've been trying to learn how to crochet, it's difficult for me, I've been trying to learn via YouTube videos, but I learn better when someone in person shows me how to do something. I'll keep at it though, eventually I'll get the hang of it. I really want to make a blanket, a scarf, and a hat

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Tons of depersonalization/derealization today with a scoop of paranoia. Took cats to the vet. They are healthy. Two weeks to my call back date, which is when I can call and make an appointment with my pnurse.

Ugh, I'm so sorry about the dep/der and paranoia.

Great news that your cats are healthy, though! Taking my cats to the vet is a terrifying experience for me. I do it, but I'm very phobic.

[*Beth*]

Way too anxious today. I'm concerned that the increase in Pristiq (AD), while decreasing my depression, is increasing anxiety...which can morph into a great, big mania - especially a dysphoric one.

I really don't know what to do, what steps to take, because I cannot live with that depression. I do believe I have learned enough coping skills in therapy to handle a mania. The depression, no. But anxiety is unbearable, too.

Then, too, I may be anxious because my husband has to take me to the grocery store this evening and I strongly dislike going shopping with him. We vastly disagree on what to spend money on. He gives me disapproving "looks." I'm going to work hard while shopping to put a wall of protection around myself.

AND I'm anxious because I guess most of the counties in California are going into lockdown again. I didn't catch when it will start. Everything is just weird, everybody is upset, I'm not sure the lockdowns are an answer because the cooperative people follow the rules, whereas the jerks don't.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I need to go grocery shopping, but i don't want to. I'm sitting on the couch watching Monk trying to get rid of a headache. I took Tylenol for it. Tomorrow is pay-the-visa-card day. The credit union's online banking site is having troubles though- it won't load for some things, so I may have to call and pay over the phone. I need to put on a sweatshirt too. It's chilly in here, even though I think it's 70. My mom is almost finished with the blanket- just two more colors and then the edge needs done in black. I can't wait to snuggle up on the couch with it. Attached is the blanket with the blue just started. There are green, yellow and white finished and the black between the colors. (Plus the black edge.).

Sorry about the headache and the banking site troubles. I love Monk! I have most of the episodes recorded.

[daladico]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Way too anxious today. I'm concerned that the increase in Pristiq (AD), while decreasing my depression, is increasing anxiety...which can morph into a great, big mania - especially a dysphoric one.

I really don't know what to do, what steps to take, because I cannot live with that depression. I do believe I have learned enough coping skills in therapy to handle a mania. The depression, no. But anxiety is unbearable, too.

Then, too, I may be anxious because my husband has to take me to the grocery store this evening and I strongly dislike going shopping with him. We vastly disagree on what to spend money on. He gives me disapproving "looks." I'm going to work hard while shopping to put a wall of protection around myself.

AND I'm anxious because I guess most of the counties in California are going into lockdown again. I didn't catch when it will start. Everything is just weird, everybody is upset, I'm not sure the lockdowns are an answer because the cooperative people follow the rules, whereas the jerks don't.

@Beth sooooo sorry your anxiety is so bad
When I started a new AD in the past, it put my anxiety through the roof. Have you reached out to your pdoc? Sometimes they can adjust the dosage or add on a temporary anxiety med until the side effect goes away. Hugs my friend 💛

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by daladico

@Beth sooooo sorry your anxiety is so bad
When I started a new AD in the past, it put my anxiety through the roof. Have you reached out to your pdoc? Sometimes they can adjust the dosage or add on a temporary anxiety med until the side effect goes away. Hugs my friend 💛

Thank you .

Yeah, I'm taking an increased dose of Trilafon (AP). Supposed to help with anxiety. It does, somewhat. My pdoc was concerned about the AD-anxiety issue. Guess I'll check with how I feel post-shopping trip, I'll have a better idea then, haha.

[bpcyclist]

Sleep is not great. Oh well. Good bike ride today. Cannot believe we are spending this much money on an airplane. Oh well. We do need it. Easily afford it now. Kust a big purchase. It will make the kids--employees--very happy. Has a big screen tv and internet and 500 movies to watch. Seats turn to cozy beddie byes. The pilots freaking love it. Very green, super fuel efficient engines. A Boeing 787. Dreamliner, I guess. Nonstop from Portland to Singapore, no problem. Will take my whole team, 40 people.guess I am excited about it. I will spend anything to stop suicides. Love and hugs.

[Victoria'smom]

bpcyclist, I'm a little concerned you were/are going to buy a house and now a plane. Those are both very large purchases do you have someone to talk this over with that you trust

I've been unhappy about feeling that i have nothing to look forward to but i realize now that i do: on my next birthday in August i turn 55 and will qualify for a vibrant seniors' center we have in my city! So that will be a whole new experience, a whole raft of new people. It will be more a variety of people than the ones i've met in mental health drop-ins these past 25 years. I'll look for a best friend! I'd really like to have one again. The center has programming all the livelong day.

So that's just nine months away. Meantime i can keep growing my hair and have an attractive hairdo for then. I'll have to buy some new clothes too, closer to the time of course. I just have four sweatpants that fit. The center is closed now due to COVID and there's no saying it will be open by August, but our leader hopes we'll have 70% of our population (Canada) vaccinated by next Fall so it's possible.

So: i DO have something to look forward to!!!

Hugs to all who struggle!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

bpcyclist, I'm a little concerned you were/are going to buy a house and now a plane. Those are both very large purchases do you have someone to talk this over with that you trust

Thanks, hon. I have a peer support person assigned to me 24 7. I am not allowed to spend a penny without her approval and 2 other people's. Thanks. Just being real. Our company is sorta flying pretty high I guess.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Md, maybe you have a physical illness, maybe you have a mental illness, maybe you have both. Maybe you are unconsciously somatisizing. I've seen people get severely physically ill from anxiety and get wound up with health anxiety. It's a good thing that you're seeing your GP and Gyn. But weren't you supposed to go to the OP assessment tomorrow?

I am sick. Something isn’t right that I think is making me act like this. You are always supposed to rule out medical issues before mental health.

No one is even telling me why I have to do the outpatient program. Am I there for a substance abuse issue or an eating disorder. No one is giving me any answers they are just telling me I need a higher level of care. Why because I have sepsis or meningitis or something?

When I have put off medical issues in the past thinking it wasn’t a big deal they have always turned out to be cellulitis or something ended up abscessing. I know what I need to do first

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Sleep is not great. Oh well. Good bike ride today. Cannot believe we are spending this much money on an airplane. Oh well. We do need it. Easily afford it now. Kust a big purchase. It will make the kids--employees--very happy. Has a big screen tv and internet and 500 movies to watch. Seats turn to cozy beddie byes. The pilots freaking love it. Very green, super fuel efficient engines. A Boeing 787. Dreamliner, I guess. Nonstop from Portland to Singapore, no problem. Will take my whole team, 40 people.guess I am excited about it. I will spend anything to stop suicides. Love and hugs.

So, I am assuming none of your money is going to this? I hope not.

Why Singapore? That's a bad place to go if your mental health is not perfect. You know that people get arrested there easily for what seem like minor offenses. Singapore is one of the worst in that respect. They place a lot of importance on discipline, and corporal punishment is widely accepted. When mentally ill, crap happens. I am not joking here.

Yes, it's dangerous to be manic or depressed in some countries. Or at least very uncomfortable or risky in some way(s). I encountered trouble in Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Thailand. I was lucky I didn't suffer worse consequences. Many can/do, especially if vulnerable. I see you as vulnerable right now. Sorry, but you don't seem fully well. At least in Taiwan, and to a degree in Hong Kong, I could communicate in the language. It's true that English is widely studied in much of Asia, but it's not always fluent.

Have you discussed this "plane renting" and travel plan with your psychiatrist and therapist? You should, immediately.

[daladico]

Brain is amping up. Step before the racing thoughts get bad. Think it’s too soon to contact my pdoc but if it gets worse I will. Sometimes it resolves on its own before it gets bad. Will keep you guys posted <3

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

So, I am assuming none of your money is going to this? I hope not.

Why Singapore? That's a bad place to go if your mental health is not perfect. You know that people get arrested there easily for what seem like minor offenses. Singapore is one of the worst in that respect. They place a lot of importance on discipline, and corporal punishment is widely accepted. When mentally ill, crap happens. I am not joking here.

Yes, it's dangerous to be manic or depressed in some countries. Or at least very uncomfortable or risky in some way(s). I encountered trouble in Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Thailand. I was lucky I didn't suffer worse consequences. Many can/do, especially if vulnerable. I see you as vulnerable right now. Sorry, but you don't seem fully well. At least in Taiwan, and to a degree in Hong Kong, I could communicate in the language. It's true that English is widely studied in much of Asia, but it's not always fluent.

Have you discussed this "plane renting" and travel plan with your psychiatrist and therapist? You should, immediately.

I promise we will not wire the money until I speak to him.

[Gabyunbound]

I forgot what I last wrote so I apologize if any of this is repetitive.

My mother is now in Hospice care and they are amazing. When she was in a lot of pain and short of breath the other night, her caregiver called hospice, they sent a nurse out and they gave her morphine (she also drew up the liquid morphine in syringes to squirt in my mother's mouth, so no one would have to measure it). Also, the oxycodone arrived by courier just before the nurse arrived. I arrived at the same time.

After about an hour, my mother was comfortable. We talked and it was like she was my mom again. It was very moving and I was happy for her.

I spoke to her last night, and she was high as a kite on Oxy. I told a friend of mine and she said be careful, it's so addictive. Seriously?? My mother is dying, give her her high!! She takes it every 8 hours if she's in pain and it makes her comfortable. She hasn't needed the morphine in addition since the nurse was there. In any case, it was wonderful talking to her: she was happy and chatty.

I'm going to see her today. I took the whole week off from work to be able to see her every day and then will be back to work next week. My mom needs me to help her organize her files and we'll do that today. I ordered her a bunch of new files and what not, because hers are falling apart. Also ordered her a funny, Christmas-themed carnation arrangement that will arrive today. She loves white carnations.

I might spend the night tonight, but if I do it may be at a local hotel. I'm not sure. She used to get up a lot at night, but slept through the night night before last after all those meds. I don't know about last night. But as my pdoc told me at our appointment yesterday, I absolutely must get good night's sleep because that is my #1 trigger for Bipolar episodes.

Whether I plan to spend the night or not, I will bring my meds, including my PRN's, in case, at the last minute, I decide to spend the night because she's not doing well. I was left without them last weekend when she ended up in the hospital, missed two doses, and it was not pretty, on top of all of the stress and sadness.

So she is not expected to live beyond some 6 months. I will do everything I can to make this time as comfortable and happy as possible. I will see her as much as I possibly can.

I am so so so grateful for hospice. They have a whole team of providers looking after her to keep her comfortable, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I will forever be in their debt.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I promise we will not wire the money until I speak to him.

I'm glad.