My mother passed away

Those who read the check-in thread will probably know that my mother has been suffering a long illness. She passed away at 11:59pm Thursday night.

I had been at here place for 2 weeks taking care of her.

Her death was a difficult one in some ways; it was wrenching. The fact that she has now passed away, that she is no longer, that I no longer have a mama is gut wrenching. I've been balling off and on since it happened.

I needed to call all of her friends yesterday to tell them. It was awful, but necessary, but I also received support again and again. My boss asked if it was okay that she let the team know, we're a close-knit group, I said yes, and have received wonderful communications from my closest friends there.

My brother has been the rock, comforting me when crying during the process, taking care of things such as the cemetery and memorial service. He had yet to cry when we all left late that night. I don't know if he has since. I hope he will be able to find peace with what has happened.

He also was very supportive of my need for sleep. As some of you know, lack of sleep is the absolute biggest trigger I have for going into Bipolar episodes. So I stayed in a local hotel. I would leave at around 11pm and come back at about 8:30am. But I was able to get some sleep with my night meds and the exhaustion of it all. My brother did not sleep. She needed morphine every 3 hours, then every 2, and Lorazepam every 4, then every 1 towards the end. We had 24/7 caregivers but my brother stayed up: he wanted to make sure it was done and done right. He never guilted me for staying in the hotel. The last night, we knew she was going, so I stayed until about 3, to be with her for her last hours and because we had to wait for the Hospice nurse to come and then the funeral home.

Hospice was extraordinary. Just absolutely amazing. She was in hospice for the last week and a half of her illness.

If you pray, I would appreciate prayers for my mom. I'm just not sure I believe in any sort of afterlife. I so desperately want to. I at least feel her with me, and yet the yawning chasm as well.

I'm crying now, must go.

Thank you guys so much for the support I have received during her illness, and also, frankly, during the difficult family dynamics that played out weeks and months before her sudden decline.

I don't follow the check-in thread but it is always hard to lose a parent. I said a prayer for you and hope you don't have to work to hard for a while so you can take care of yourself and have time to grieve and adjust. Hugs.

Dear Gaby, I am so sorry for your monumental loss. When my mom passed, even though she could be difficult and abusive, there were things about her that I loved...and she was my mom. The feeling I had when she was gone was that I was orphaned. Being without her on the earth has taken a lot of adjustment. And maybe we can't expect to be the same, after we lose our mothers. I guess we truly are in a different reality.

I'm so glad you have lots of support. Please practice self care (getting your needed sleep was so wise). Please be extra-kind to yourself. I know exactly what you mean about an afterlife...I don't know what to think, either. But not having answers is okay.

Your mom has my prayers, and so do you.

I'm so sorry. I hear what you're going through and there's nothing that can be said to make things better. I can only offer a hug.

I'm so sorry for your loss Gaby I am offering hugs

I’m very sorry for your loss, but glad that you have found the forum supportive in your time of need.

I’m so so sorry for your loss!! I said a prayer . 🙏🙏

I’m so sorry you and your brother lost your mother. It sounds like you have had amazing support from family and friends. Continue to take care of yourself. You and your brother are in my prayers.

Gabyunbound, my deepest condolences to you and your family, and your mother's friends. Like others wrote, it is a relief that you have a great number of supportive people to help during this difficult time. Losing a parent is one of most peoples' hardest times in life. It was one of mine. The grieving process is important for many reasons. And though loss does often sting a little less over time, it never fully disappears, and that, too, is normal.

I certainly do hope and imagine that if there is a Heaven for afterlife that your mother surely will be there. Either way, know that she always lives on in your memories. She can remain alive in so many forms. I see my mother in myself, now and then, and in my siblings. My mother's effects will never disappear from us.

i am So Sorry For Your Loss, Gaby! Take ALL the Time You Need to Grieve Your Loss. i Will be Praying for You And Your Family. SEnding Many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @Gabyunbound, Your Family, Your FriEnds, Your Brother And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Please accept my condolences on your loss. Sending hugs and supportive vibes.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You'll be in my prayers.

I’m so sorry to hear this

no words, just lot's of hugs and a listening ear if you want PM me any time.

So sorry for the loss of your mother. May you and your family find comfort in your good memories of her and the love you all had.

I am so sorry, Gabyunbound. Be kind and gentle with yourself through this time, ok? Lots of love.

I am so sorry for your loss.. please try and take care of you during such a horrible time