[wildflowerchild25]

I really thought I was going to completely break down on my way home from work. I had a bad mental health day in the first place but during the last ten minutes my son texted me asking for more time on his game. I told him no and then he went into his whole usual argument of “but why” “for how long” etc etc complete with rows of sad and angry emoji faces. I told him I’m about to leave work and I’m not gonna argue about it and furthermore I’m not gonna argue about it at home either. He stopped bc he knew I’d be driving and unresponsive anyway. I was so upset and anxious that he was going to start up the argument again when I picked him up that I just couldn’t take it. I knew if he did I would snap. I wouldn’t have screamed at him or anything but I probably would have locked myself in the bathroom (the only door in this place with a lock) and just sat there for however long it took for him to stop pestering me and go away. Because even when I ignore him he continues to be intrusive. He refuses to leave the room, continues bothering me to say something. And if I tell him I’m not going to talk to him right now he gets on top of me and pokes my nose or puts his hands on my face or basically just lays there and whines and continues on his tirade. He WILL NOT accept me saying I need space. When we move RS is going to install a lock on our bedroom door so I will be able to at least get physically away.

I’m of the opinion that family therapy is definitely needed. I just need to have someone help me get across to him that his behavior in certain situations is unacceptable. I also need him to understand that even if I leave the room and ignore him for awhile it’s only to keep myself calm and I will definitely come back out later. It’s just...I can’t keep on like this, not with everything else that’s going on in my head.

Thankfully he did not continue arguing when I picked him up. He complained a little about just having tv and I gave him back the Amazon remote so he could watch the show we’ve been watching instead of endless spongebob and loud house episodes. He’s chill now. I’ve been in my room collecting my thoughts. I’m about to go out and get some dinner. Real easy, eggs and hash browns. I couldn’t bear the thought of making something involving multiple steps.

[Moose72]

WFC25 : I'm glad your son didn't pester you as much as you feared he might and that you got some alone time. Hope your dinner is yummy!

[Mountaindewed]

I’m stressed right now. I kinda want to take something. I don’t know if it’s my PMDD (very well could be) or if everything, therapy and physical stuff is just hitting me all of a sudden. I just feel kinda depressed.

[Victoria'smom]

I was asked repeatedly if I was depressed. I DON'T know. How am I suppose to know. I know I'm crying, I know I'm anxious, I know breathing literally hurts. But I also know everyone hates me of course I'm sad/anxious over that. I'm suppose to figure out my triggers what triggered this thought.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I was asked repeatedly if I was depressed. I DON'T know. How am I suppose to know. I know I'm crying, I know I'm anxious, I know breathing literally hurts. But I also know everyone hates me of course I'm sad/anxious over that. I'm suppose to figure out my triggers what triggered this thought.

Everyone does not hate you. Those are two extremes that aren't true- "everyone" and "hate". The truth is somewhere in the middle. Be glad of this!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m stressed right now. I kinda want to take something. I don’t know if it’s my PMDD (very well could be) or if everything, therapy and physical stuff is just hitting me all of a sudden. I just feel kinda depressed.

Do you have a favorite book you could read, or a favorite song or album you could play? These thing help my thoughts get out of feeling so depressed.

[cogladaid]

So I’ve been up still with some psychotic features and I talked to my doctor today and he thinks I might actually be bipolar 1 but we’re adjusting meds and there’s a referral to the psychiatrist and I talk to my doctor again next week.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cogladaid

So I’ve been up still with some psychotic features and I talked to my doctor today and he thinks I might actually be bipolar 1 but we’re adjusting meds and there’s a referral to the psychiatrist and I talk to my doctor again next week.

This is your primary doctor you're speaking of- and you're referred to a psychiatrist? How long have you been working with the first doctor- did they diagnose you bp2? How long have you been diagnosed?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by cogladaid

So I’ve been up still with some psychotic features and I talked to my doctor today and he thinks I might actually be bipolar 1 but we’re adjusting meds and there’s a referral to the psychiatrist and I talk to my doctor again next week.

Push for the referral, as they have a strong tendency to get "lost." So if they don't call you within 5 business days, you call them.

[cogladaid]

Originally Posted by Moose72

This is your primary doctor you're speaking of- and you're referred to a psychiatrist? How long have you been working with the first doctor- did they diagnose you bp2? How long have you been diagnosed?

I was diagnosed bipolar 2 and a psychotic disorder maybe... four years ago? After being referred to a psychiatrist. I’ve been stable and in the care of my family doctor to prescribe medication and for regular management. When he doesn’t know what to do, he refers me to the psychiatrist. I’m in Canada I can’t privately go by myself to a psychiatrist I have to referred to and all they really do is give diagnosis and give recommendations to my family doctor for treatment.

[cogladaid]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Push for the referral, as they have a strong tendency to get "lost." So if they don't call you within 5 business days, you call them.

I’m in Canada so the system can be a little slow. He put a rush on it so it should only be a couple weeks.

My second cut of my benzo taper down to 18mg Valium went fine. I got to sleep with ease and even slept late. Whew! Quelle relief!

@cogladaid: Yeah, everyone thinks the health care system in Canada is so great. All psychiatrists do up here is provide diagnoses and meds. You get a 15 minute appointment four times a year and it's all just: "Eating?" Check. "Sleeping?" Check. "Next!" I had one airhead psychiatrist the year of my divorce when i stopped being able to work and i was in such intense emotional pain and i could have lit myself on fire in front of her and she wouldn't have done anything.

I'm much happier just seeing my GP who asks relevant questions about my quality of life and invites me to reach out to him any time if i need help. He shows that he reads my emails and follows-up on issues from our last appointment and retains the pertinent facts of my existence.

That airhead psychiatrist was a nightmare. We spent all of one appointment going over the gruesome and grisly circumstances of my brother's death at great personal cost to me and then the next appointment she says, "So, do you have any siblings?" What a negligent, incompetent airhead! I hear psychiatrists get attracted to the profession because they want to figure out what is wrong with them. You get the blind leading the blind.

[Moose72]

Do you have any siblings???? Really?! Ugh. Sorry that happened to you @whatever2013

[buddha1too]

I'm in the States, & my experience with psychiatrists doesn't differ too much from what you describe, whatever2013. I only see mine 4-6 times a year for 15 minute visits. The bulk of my talk is shared with a therapist...when I was going, at least. The "airhead" you mentioned might have been a fluke. I hope you can find suitable treatment, whatever2013 & cogladaid. Good luck.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Do you have a favorite book you could read, or a favorite song or album you could play? These thing help my thoughts get out of feeling so depressed.

I ended up taking a 10mil melatonin around 10. I figured there’s a huge difference between taking them to harm yourself and taking one because your in a lot of pain and can’t sleep.

I was listening to music a lot last night. I think I’ll read today.

[cogladaid]

The psychiatrist I saw before was all accusing me of just having too much coffee and alcohol and made me cry, and then on the paperwork diagnosed me as bipolar 2 without even saying it to my face.

I hope I don’t have to talk to the same one.

[Soupe du jour]

Hubby and I did a doozy of a grocery shopping trip. Again, buying staples for my pantry. When I got home, I felt so tired that I almost thought I would fall down from exhaustion. Soon after, I realized I forgot my morning medications. Many times lately I've missed my morning medications, but have taken them later in the day. I suppose that's better than skipping them. It's been a good hour since I finally took them (at about 3:45 pm). I wonder if this exhaustion, plus some persistent bouts of heartburn, have been related to this.

Despite above, I made homemade meatballs for spaghetti. I hope the tomato sauce doesn't worsen my digestive distress, but I so wanted something other than Czech cuisine.

[Nammu]

Last night was my third night of only a couple hours of sleep. If this continues I’m going to have to call the doc and see what else can be done. Blah, ho hum, dislike this.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Last night was my third night of only a couple hours of sleep. If this continues I’m going to have to call the doc and see what else can be done. Blah, ho hum, dislike this.

The three-night rule is one I would always follow, too. In fact, even my psychiatrist suggested that. Hope you sleep soon, Nammu.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I so wanted something other than Czech cuisine.

I can relate. When I was living in Germany, I had bizarre cravings for American food (they don't eat peanut butter in Germany!). Your post, however, makes me crave Czech cuisine. One of the best meals I ever had was Czech-style goulash when I visited Prague. It makes my mouth water...& I haven't had lunch yet!

[MuddyBoots]

Got my injection today. Nurse said I am full-on manic and had me stay for a bit so she could get in touch with my pnurse. I see where she's coming from, but I don't believe her that much. She says I'm noticeably more amped up than usual. This is my TRUE SELF! Is it wrong to feel good? Is pacing around deep in thought really that bad? I'm sleeping every night and 5 hours is all I need! I've lost weight too, but my weight always fluctuates a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I have an eating disorder because I'll go a week without eating much (usually with intention but for some reason right now I just feel like I don't need food) then eat until I hurt and then eat more. Nothing really feels real except my thoughts which aren't real.

[cogladaid]

I talked to my doctor yesterday and he said I sounded manic, not hypomanic. So he thinks I might be bipolar 1 instead of 2. But that’s up to the psychiatrist to diagnose me.

I’m feeling not as up today with med changes. I’m still distracted and restless with racing thoughts and some grandiose thoughts.

[cogladaid]

Am I repeating mhself? I don’t know I just feel like talking.

[buddha1too]

I've been there, Sapien. Mania can be pretty intoxicating! The last time I got really manic I was only sleeping three hours a night, speed walking around the city for 4-5 hours at a stretch, & I lost a great deal of weight in a short period of time because I was so focused on what I was eating. It felt great! I had a really good time!

FULL STOP, THOUGH!!! It's important to make sure you don't fall over the edge. It's sometimes impossible for me to tell when I've crossed that line from having a fantastic time to being a menace to myself & others. Be careful. I hope you've got people in your life who can let you know when you're in danger of a hospitalization. You don't wanna go there!!!

[Moose72]

@Sapien When I start thinking or saying that "I'm my true self" it most certainly means I'm manic. Your eating sure does sound disordered in some way. Can you bring this up to your pdoc? Maybe you can see a nutritionist?