[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I have survived the day without caffeine!! How I did it, I don't know. I guess bc I got to come to work a little late today, those extra 30 minutes of sleep really helped. Today was good. I had two classes for our new system at work at the old place I worked at. So it was nice to see some old faces. I stayed late in the cafeteria and worked on my homework assignment, and now that that is done I guess I can get some reading done while I let the traffic slow down. I have my sleep study tonight, finally! I hope they get the results of this one. I'm tired of waiting to figure out what is wrong.

I hope your sleep study is helpful!

[*Beth*]

My arm isn't hurting too badly, but wow, am I tired. As in, every noise seems to be so loud. I feel desperate to sleep, but my husband is going to be here so we can do some work with our business. Normally, I don't mind doing the work (although after more than 11 years I have burn-out moments), but I wish I didn't have to tonight. I walked to the library a block away and thought I was going to fall on the ground, I was so tired. But I checked out a biography of Anne Sexton.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

My arm isn't hurting too badly, but wow, am I tired. As in, every noise seems to be so loud. I feel desperate to sleep, but my husband is going to be here so we can do some work with our business. Normally, I don't mind doing the work (although after more than 11 years I have burn-out moments), but I wish I didn't have to tonight. I walked to the library a block away and thought I was going to fall on the ground, I was so tired. But I checked out a biography of Anne Sexton.

Wow! That's tired!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I have survived the day without caffeine!! How I did it, I don't know. I guess bc I got to come to work a little late today, those extra 30 minutes of sleep really helped. Today was good. I had two classes for our new system at work at the old place I worked at. So it was nice to see some old faces. I stayed late in the cafeteria and worked on my homework assignment, and now that that is done I guess I can get some reading done while I let the traffic slow down. I have my sleep study tonight, finally! I hope they get the results of this one. I'm tired of waiting to figure out what is wrong.

Well you're probably asleep for the night by now. I hope they find something!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

We have a line of severe storms headed our way and we’ve been warned that supercells will be here between 3-5 A.M. along with the possibility of a tornado. After last Easter’s tornado touched down less than a mile away, I’m a little gun shy. I’m sleeping in my clothes and shoes tonight and making sure lamps are available and everything is charged. I sure hope it turns out to be nothing.

My daughter is graduating from college in May and is working a lucrative internship right now. She’ll be making her home in the town where she goes to college. As she makes this transition, I find myself with a sense of pride definitely but also of loss. It’s really bothering me. What is wrong with me?

I’m doing fairly well all things considered except for the grief thing. I know....I’m weird.

I don't think that's strange at all! N3 lives in the same town but still I feel like he should be living with me. I have fears that he's going to die and nobody will tell me- and I dont mean in 60 years. I mean every day I worry about it happening.

Sunday evening i emailed my doctor asking for a referral to our hospital's weight-loss-management-clinic. I expected to have to at least have a phone appointment with him and answer a bunch of questions but he made the referral yesterday, no fuss, no muss! They're still running it virtually during COVID. They'll get in touch with me for an assessment over the next few weeks. I'm intimidated because it's a really intense two-year program. The first stage is limited to Optifast products. In later stages they teach you how to introduce real food.

So that's in the works, with minimal effort. I want to be thin but i'm not sure how much i am willing to suffer to get there. It depends on how much emotional support the program offers. I just have a lot of questions at this point. I know my bipolar will be an obstacle.

Otherwise a nice sunny day, slept well, walked my dog and went in the ZOOM drop-in. I also treated myself to an order of twelve (12) bottles of this low-cal alcohol-free Chardonnay i am wild about! Looking forward to the arrival of that!

[Soupe du jour]

I've been productive so far today. I vacuumed up dust bunnies from the entire ground floor, mopped most of it (will finish soon), dusted the whole ground floor, made the breakfast and lunch, handled dishes, made both beds upstairs, and completed some miscellaneous business on my computer. Hubby vacuumed the rugs. I told him that I'd like to order dinner in so I don't overdo things. Luckily one bedroom upstairs is "reasonable looking", but Hubby's office room is a catastrophe area, save the bed. The ground floor bedroom is still a storage area, but that will need to change before our bedroom suite comes. The main inspiration for all of the cleaning was that our landlady showed up unexpected last night. We didn't invite her in. I told Hubby not to because of all of the messes. Luckily she came with her dog, so that made it easier to keep the conversation outside. I could blame Hubby or all of the mess, but he rightly reminds me that he's the one doing a number of the projects that inspire the mess.

I finally responded to a couple emails I had been putting off. My mood has made some things difficult to answer.

We had a couple cleaning women come a couple weeks back when the house needed its first main cleaning, but they were too expensive. Plus, I think they swiped something, albeit small. Hubby wants to hire some young college student, but I rather wish we could try keeping the house up ourselves. For years we were incapable, but I think once we finally make order it would be possible again. I sort of want to do it.

[Nammu]

I made a second glass of chai today. Normally I have just one glass a day. It does have a lot of caffeine. But I forgot to take my morning meds and was still groggy from lack of sleep. My sleep has been terrible for days now. I know caffeine is not the answer but it just tastes sooo good and I’m weak today.

[buddha1too]

Good on you, @whatever2013! It takes a lot of courage to tackle issues head-on as you have! Try to think of it as "getting healthy," rather than "getting thin." This Covid situation has really convinced me of how important it is to keep my weight down (though I've actually gained far too much during the pandemic). It seems that many of the "younger people" who passed on as a result of Covid struggled with their weight. In a similar light, these stories you read about folks living to be 100-years-old never show a picture of a person who carries an unhealthy amount of weight. As far as the bipolar stuff being a stumbling block, I understand 100%. I'm sure you will do the best you can, though!

That's a ton of work in one day, @Soupe du jour! I hope you don't feel it tonight or in the morning. I also hope your mood improves soon.

[*Beth*]

I've been feeling as if I have a very, very mild virus - no complaints - I expected worse from the vaccine. My only "complaint" is - wouldn't you know it - I'm feeling some depression, interestingly, the type of depression I feel when I have a virus. I'm sorry if I've posted about this before here on the board. I can't recall. Anyway, so yeah, a bit of depression - hopefully it's transient (I expect it to be) and fades off by later today. (Couldn't I have felt a touch of hypomania instead, haha?)

[Mountaindewed]

Yesterday my anxiety was insane. I took 3.5 milligrams of Xanax throughout the day. I then took 30mil of melatonin just to deal with stuff. I fell asleep fairly quickly and stayed asleep until about 7. I don’t remember much about the morning. I went to Whole Foods and to Taco Bell.

I had my second therapy session. It went good. She was in her office and gave me a tour. Still says she says she’s looking forward to seeing me in person. I mentioned spending a lot of time in my bed because I liked my weighted blankets and I had a lot of other sensory things. She asked what they were and I said they were weird ones and I wasn’t comfortable sharing them right now. She looked kinda confused/amused and said something along the lines of “a coping skill is a coping skill and if it helps it helps” my old therapist did actually email her so my new one is going to send a disclosure to me so she can talk to her. Although she was supposed to have sent it the last time I saw her. But today went well and my anxiety is under control.

Yesterday I posted a new profile picture. I was posting it just for my own future sake. I had gone on a deleting spree of old pictures of myself. I ended up getting over 20 likes for the picture including from some people who never like my stuff. But I got this PM message from one of my old coworkers who had a lot of trouble at work and had a lot of trouble after she suddenly disappeared and cut off all contact. She asked me how I was doing and that I looked great and then she sent me a picture of a Starbucks drink she had ordered. At first I was kinda annoyed that she was messaging me after 1.5 years of no contact but then I figured she was just being nice and she is a lot more insecure then I realized she was.

[MuddyBoots]

Laid in bed most of today. My eating is really f*-ked. I want to skip the Risperdal injection and "therapy" next week. I'm scared to skip the injection though. And I want to tell my T how badly following her advice worked out.

[Nammu]

So far I’ve had zero side effects from the Pfizer shot. Mum just got her second one so we’ll see how that goes.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I made a second glass of chai today. Normally I have just one glass a day. It does have a lot of caffeine. But I forgot to take my morning meds and was still groggy from lack of sleep. My sleep has been terrible for days now. I know caffeine is not the answer but it just tastes sooo good and I’m weak today.

I worked in a cafe for 15 years and got really good at making the loveliest chai's. Once, at home, I made a chai from scratch, using the spices and milk and cooking it all for a long time. Wow, was that rewarding! Absolutely delicious and really fun to make.

[Nammu]

I got hooked on chai from a hole in the wall mom and pop hippie dippi coffee shop that was near my work place. Oh they had the best chai. I bet it was home made. Now I use the Tazo premixed. It’s ok but will never be the real thing.

[Moose72]

Had leftover corned beef and cabbage for dinner tonight. Slept way in. Hope I can sleep tonight/get up early tomorrow for my dr appointment.

Talked with my mom a bit today. We're having a zoom meeting Saturday afternoon about basics surrounding the Disney trip. Like cost etc. Right now, the rules are changed and you can't get Fast Passes for any of the rides. That means waiting in line for everything. We need to get an idea of how much everything costs. Who is sleeping in the tents, the cabin and the motorhome. (I want to sleep on the couch in the motorhome so that I have a way to plug in my cpap even though I hope to have lost enough weight to not need the cpap any more.)

I am seeing my liver doctor tomorrow. Everything was great according to my primary dr this past November but I worry that gaining 4 pounds will change that and my liver dr will not be pleased. I just FEEL bigger, you know?

No migraines the last several days!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Had leftover corned beef and cabbage for dinner tonight. Slept way in. Hope I can sleep tonight/get up early tomorrow for my dr appointment.

Talked with my mom a bit today. We're having a zoom meeting Saturday afternoon about basics surrounding the Disney trip. Like cost etc. Right now, the rules are changed and you can't get Fast Passes for any of the rides. That means waiting in line for everything. We need to get an idea of how much everything costs. Who is sleeping in the tents, the cabin and the motorhome. (I want to sleep on the couch in the motorhome so that I have a way to plug in my cpap even though I hope to have lost enough weight to not need the cpap any more.)

I am seeing my liver doctor tomorrow. Everything was great according to my primary dr this past November but I worry that gaining 4 pounds will change that and my liver dr will not be pleased. I just FEEL bigger, you know?

No migraines the last several days!

The Disney trip sounds awesome and so does corned beef & cabbage. I was so involved with getting my first vaccine that I forgot about St. Patrick's Day.

[*Beth*]

We're at 100 pages so I started Check-In Thread #55!

[Mountainmamaof2]

New here--not really sure how this works

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Welcome MountainMama. This may sound a little confusing. This thread is just for everyone to pop in and say what is going on with them. Everyone is welcome to particpate. However after the thread hits 100 pages we have to start a new thread and that has happened with this one. So the current one is at the following link. Refresh the thread to see if there are new pages beyond what I'm posting.

Bipolar Check-In Thread #55

You are also welcome to start a thread of your own.