[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I just got into bed. I was reminded of something that either happened this morning or Thursday morning. I'm thinking it was Thursday... I woke up- pretty sure it was morning but anyway, I woke up, put my feet on the floor stood up and "walked" toward the doorway - only it wasn't really walking, it was more like stumbling sideways until I hit the door frame/wall. So I righted myself and the same thing happened during the 3 feet between my bedroom door and the bathroom door. I used the toilet and on the way back I was fine. What could this be?

I have this pretty much nightly but for me it's meds.......clozaril and high dose gabapentin. I am just used to it but it's a rare night I don't walk into a wall. I also sometimes fall asleep on the toilet because I'm so sound asleep when I get up to pee.

Have you had a med change that might be making you sleep more soundly than usual?

[bizi]

just checking in,I am overweight and know why this has happened.
It is because I over drink and eat too much.
sigh
bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I had my annual physical yesterday. They do a depression screen (although not a very thorough one tbh but it's whatever Medicare is using right now). The dr came in and said that I had some depression symptoms. It's not depression, it's grief. I'm tired of that coming up. I took a better screening, the one my therapist uses, when I got home and I had mild depression which is probably baseline.

I think that bipolar stuff is very different .Just because I don't think my "depression" with the grief is anything more than just grief. I'm sad. That's probably baseline. But the depression scales are showing things that aren't true. With grief there are good and bad days and I have those. But I am not depressed. My AD doesn't need increased. I don't need more therapist appointments.

It's just weird.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I have this pretty much nightly but for me it's meds.......clozaril and high dose gabapentin. I am just used to it but it's a rare night I don't walk into a wall. I also sometimes fall asleep on the toilet because I'm so sound asleep when I get up to pee.

Have you had a med change that might be making you sleep more soundly than usual?

I called the after hours nurse line at the doctor's office. She asked a bunch of questions but finally just said she didn't know why that happened but to call back if I get any other symptoms. I have not had any med changes lately. Maybe you're right- maybe I was just sleepy, but that stumbling gait is what got me. Weird.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm sad to read that so many people here are struggling (or have been) so far this spring. How much is coincidence, and how much is related to the season and/or the complicated circumstances related to covid, or similar, I do not know.

This weekend the expat organization is finally offering the walk near my house. I ended up having to cancel because a friend was supposed to come. Then, that friend canceled on us. You should think I should just try to sign up again. It may even be possible, but a couple factors now make me not wish to participate. My husband seems disinterested now, too.

Later next week I have another appointment with my Czech therapist. I think the 4th or 5th. I'm struggling to click with her. I confess that I often struggle to click with therapists. I definitely need one, but almost feel she's doing no good. That frustrates me. Luckily I do like my new psychiatrist, though last time I felt horrible for a screw up I did in communications with him.

Yesterday I posted something in my blog for the first time in over five months. Just a photo with what is a secret message that perhaps only one person would understand. It was likely an unhealthy thing to do.

[Moose72]

I'm up early to get n3's gf to take her to work. Its nice and peaceful out with the sunrise and very light traffic.

[Nammu]

Yup, up at six to get the roast in the crockpot, eight hours at low will be a delicious meal. Bonus getting up so early means cartoons on the me channel! The good ones! Loony tunes and bugs bunny! Now if I could just figure out how to make gravy!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I just got into bed. I was reminded of something that either happened this morning or Thursday morning. I'm thinking it was Thursday... I woke up- pretty sure it was morning but anyway, I woke up, put my feet on the floor stood up and "walked" toward the doorway - only it wasn't really walking, it was more like stumbling sideways until I hit the door frame/wall. So I righted myself and the same thing happened during the 3 feet between my bedroom door and the bathroom door. I used the toilet and on the way back I was fine. What could this be?

It sounds like meds to me. That crappy off-balance sensation meds can cause. I find I have to sit on the edge of the bed for a few moments before I stand.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I had my annual physical yesterday. They do a depression screen (although not a very thorough one tbh but it's whatever Medicare is using right now). The dr came in and said that I had some depression symptoms. It's not depression, it's grief. I'm tired of that coming up. I took a better screening, the one my therapist uses, when I got home and I had mild depression which is probably baseline.

I think that bipolar stuff is very different .Just because I don't think my "depression" with the grief is anything more than just grief. I'm sad. That's probably baseline. But the depression scales are showing things that aren't true. With grief there are good and bad days and I have those. But I am not depressed. My AD doesn't need increased. I don't need more therapist appointments.

It's just weird.

~~~~~~~~

[wildflowerchild25]

I don’t think zyprexa is going to work out. I have a tremor and seem to be in a “brain fog” type place. Confused and searching for words. Maybe it will get better as I get used to it. If it doesn’t I’m going to suggest seroquel XR. I tried that years ago and I only quit bc I was so sleepy and I couldn’t be when I was driving to work. Now I’m not working for awhile so I’ll have time to adjust without putting myself in danger.

[Sunflower123]

Well I’m finally home. The graduation day was beautiful with beautiful weather and a beautiful ceremony. I only cried a little. We went out to eat with her and her boyfriend and then she took off to paint the town red with her cousin.

My sister stayed here to take care of my brother. She cooked and cleaned in between caring for him. He’s on the mend. Her help was greatly appreciated.

My daughter may not be able to make it tomorrow as she has an upset stomach. If that’s the case, I’m going to find the biggest bouquets of flowers I can find for me and mom and spend the day with family. I am disappointed I won’t see her for my birthday Monday. Oh well! I’ll get over it and I’ve got those special plans. Trying to decide whether to do PT that day. I’m about 50-50.

Btw, I called the YMCA to check out COVID protocol. No mask requirements. How ignorant where people are huffing and puffing. I’ll be way over by the weight machines but still. I’ll have to think about that.

Hugs to all.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Well I’m finally home. The graduation day was beautiful with beautiful weather and a beautiful ceremony. I only cried a little. We went out to eat with her and her boyfriend and then she took off to paint the town red with her cousin.

My sister stayed here to take care of my brother. She cooked and cleaned in between caring for him. He’s on the mend. Her help was greatly appreciated.

My daughter may not be able to make it tomorrow as she has an upset stomach. If that’s the case, I’m going to find the biggest bouquets of flowers I can find for me and mom and spend the day with family. I am disappointed I won’t see her for my birthday Monday. Oh well! I’ll get over it and I’ve got those special plans. Trying to decide whether to do PT that day. I’m about 50-50.

Btw, I called the YMCA to check out COVID protocol. No mask requirements. How ignorant where people are huffing and puffing. I’ll be way over by the weight machines but still. I’ll have to think about that.

Hugs to all.

Yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed the graduation. Weird about the YMCA! Of all places, I would think they'd be especially responsible about taking precautions.

I got so busy today that i forgot to eat dinner and now it's too late, too close to bedtime. I don't feel hungry tho. I was so into my projects. I'm selling my digital piano on Kijiji. It's the first time i've sold something there.

I arranged to have a burly young man present while i make the transaction out in the hallway, armed with pepper spray, with the door of my condo locked. I'll give him $5, he'll probably help us carry the equipment out. So that's happening tomorrow at 11:00am.

Boy, they sure act fast on Kijiji. No sooner had i posted the ad than i got a contact in minutes. Four more contacts followed over the next two hours. Wow, what a great response!

I also snagged and edited ten images of floral abstracts and one of dogs-playing-poker (for laughs) to blow-up on a color photocopier in this method that enlarges it over several pages which then have to be cropped and assembled, the result being a giant image with a lot of impact.

I learned the technique at work when i was a graphic artist's assistant while someone was on medical leave. I perfected it using the tools i bought for an aborted attempt at quilting as i just don't have enough room for quilting.

So, not too happy about the amount of Coke Zero i drank today. I was so amped up i drank several cans. I didn't slow down for tea or milk. I forgot about water, which would have been far superior. Oh, well, old habits die hard. I'll do better tomorrow.

@Jennifer 1967:

So glad your daughter's graduation was so beautiful! And it's great that your sister is pitching in with your brother's care. I hope you enjoy your birthday, despite it not being ideal this year. It's too bad about the YMCA's policy but even up here in Ontario, when gyms were open people were not required to wear masks while actively exercising. I guess it is a breathing hazard while you're exercising. But you're right, it's a COVID hazard too. I guess you'll just have to weigh the risks and make a calculated decision.

Hugs to all!

Ta!

Jane.

I'm up after sleeping just 3.5 hours. I got up to get away from Seroquel bad dreams. I'm getting wicked insomnia. I'm on a benzo taper (withdrawal from a bipolar med) and i'm going to have to slow it down. I'm at 40% of the original dose so i'm doing well but i can't afford to run on so little sleep or i'll run myself into the ground! I'll stay the course for a second week (usually cut weekly) and hopefully my sleep will normalize.

I feel wired but not too tired, just aware of some sleep deprivation symptoms (eyes super -sensitive to light, having to have people repeat themselves, forgetting about a dentist appointment [i almost never forget about appointments but i guess it was more of a MIX-UP as i heard the 17th but i guess she said the 7th, but i should have known from their confirmation text, should have realized the mix-up, but with my dog being in at the vet twice this week and caring for her and feeling such anxiety about her i guess i overlooked it, well that's okay, I LOVE A GOOD MIX-UP {!!!} and they weren't mad about it and it'll go on my next credit card cycle this way which is better financially], etc.).

Ta!

Jane.

Here are the four of the floral abstract images plus a joke one i snagged off The Net to make giant posters of. Aren't they pretty? Isn't dogs-playing-poker funny? Which one is your favorite?

Ta!

Jane.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Here are the four of the floral abstract images plus a joke one i snagged off The Net to make giant posters of. Aren't they pretty? Isn't dogs-playing-poker funny? Which one is your favorite?

Ta!

Jane.

They are pretty. The first then second are my favorites. I can definitely see the dog poker game in your place, too. You have a wonderful light sense of humor My husband's grandmother would love that, too, as she was an avid (to an unhealthy degree even) card player and gambler. I've seen the dog card game paintings before. I think they're somewhat famous.

[Soupe du jour]

I stayed up pretty late last night so had trouble getting up this morning. I'm still quite lethargic and it's almost 12 noon. Energy issues (on the low side) have been a bit of an issue lately. I don't think it's severe enough to contact my new psychiatrist, but if it worsens maybe I will. I have an appointment with him in a week and a half.

Yesterday Hubby wanted to do another road trip. We drove 70 km to a lovely city to our west. It seemed like the only people outside in the town were gypsies. That was different than in the city/area I live in. When you hear them talk they mix Romani language with some bits of Czech. We got good exercise. I think we walked at least 4 or 5 km.

The weather has been nice, but we need rain. Yesterday was a national holiday in CZ. I asked Hubby what they do on this day, and he said basically nothing. No BBQs? Gee whiz! Actually, most of the people we saw in many villages were all lined up at ice cream stands. And the lines were long. In communist days it would be as if they were all lined up to buy toilet paper. Now, just the ice cream. I remember in Poland people being gaga for ice cream. Boy how things change!

My husband's best friend is still in seriously bad shape. His wife texted my husband saying that the friend said something horrible to her. I so feel for her, but obviously the friend isn't in control, mentally. That friend's sister also called my husband from the US. In the beginning of this ordeal, she was in denial. Now, she's not. She said that she would join the friend's wife at my old pdoc's office, tomorrow. She will also help the wife get the friend to go. I hope he does. Most people who've called Hubby have almost been on the verge of tears, at times.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Here are the four of the floral abstract images plus a joke one i snagged off The Net to make giant posters of. Aren't they pretty? Isn't dogs-playing-poker funny? Which one is your favorite?

Ta!

Jane.

Those florals are lovely!

[Nammu]

My meal went over well yesterday. I thought the roast was a bit dry but the veggies were delicious. My sister brought home made rhubarb pie. Mmm. I had brought a half a store made apple pie. But we all ate the rhubarb. They took mum’s big things out of the basement that she wanted gone. The old humidifier, an bike, my dads old tools. That was her mum’s day gift. My gift is flowers for the flower box when it warms up a bit. Still having frost at night here.

Take care, hugs to all and happy Mother’s Day to all mothers of two legged babies or four legged babies

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Nammu

My meal went over well yesterday. I thought the roast was a bit dry but the veggies were delicious. My sister brought home made rhubarb pie. Mmm. I had brought a half a store made apple pie. But we all ate the rhubarb. They took mum’s big things out of the basement that she wanted gone. The old humidifier, an bike, my dads old tools. That was her mum’s day gift. My gift is flowers for the flower box when it warms up a bit. Still having frost at night here.

Take care, hugs to all and happy Mother’s Day to all mothers of two legged babies or four legged babies

Mmm, rhubarb. My husband and I love that, too. I made a rhubarb strudel a little over a week ago.

It does always feel good to declutter...and think about flowers.

[Nammu]

Yeah, flowers are nice. I wanted to get some that would last a while. Something that will last all summer.

[wildflowerchild25]

Nope, not gonna be able to stay on zyprexa. I was totally fine when I woke up but when I took my morning dose, I was/am super dizzy. That combined with the restlessness and brain fog It’s a definite no.

I’m worried about stopping it but I have to, it’s not safe to continue. I feel like I might fall.

[*Beth*]

Sitting here waiting for my husband to get his act together to go on our drive. He pressured me to leave at 9, it's now 11. It will be noon before we leave. Typical. He has no conception of time. None. I'm feeling angry, and wishing I would have just gone by myself today and run on my own schedule, which always works best. But I'm trying to make a conscious choice not to argue with him all day and ruin my Mother's Day. Taking deep breaths and thinking about my therapy session tomorrow.

Feeling exhausted and frazzled. I sold the piano. It went smoothly. There's not enough traffic on the Overeating/Binge-Eating forum to make it worthwhile posting there. So i guess you guys will hear all about my eating struggles.

I felt binge-y after selling the piano went so well. Felt like i deserved some food pleasure. But i don't allow my binge-food-of-choice in the house anymore and our little convenience store was closed, it has limited hours, thankfully, so i couldn't buy any.

I had saltines so i poured out a sleeve of them as a poor substitute. But i ate half and just said, No, this is wrong and made myself a plate of veggies with butternut squash soup dumped over them. It was good and i felt better than if i'd finished the plate of saltines.

I'm so weak tho, my body was aching from lifting the heavy piano and bending and stretching to get it set up in the hallway for the buyer to see if before he bought it. I don't allow strangers in my home. I had a neighbor attend the transaction too, for security.

But it went smoothly and i have $100 to put towards my dog's outrageous vet bill. The buyer was a dad of kids learning piano so it made me feel good to know how much fun they will have with it, it's really a charming and clever device. Sorta sad to say bye to it.

I took a hot bath for the first time in years, i almost never bath, to soothe my aching flesh. It's cut day in my benzo taper and i am going to hold steady for this week and not cut. This insomnia is getting ridiculous, i've been awake since 11:30pm yesterday. This is the first week in 12 weeks that i haven't cut.

Sorry to break my record but i've heard benzo tapers do get harder towards the end. I'm at 40% of my starting dose. I've made good progress but i think it's not going to be so easy from now on.

Today i am officially in menopause! It's been one year and one day. Ironic that it would be Mother's Day Eve that i had my last period. Fitting tho. Glad to say goodbye to it forever! I can wear light-colored pants now! Sorry guys if this is TMI.

Feeling depleted and exhausted and frustrated that my attempt to ignite the Overeating/Binge-Eating forum failed. Such a disappointment. Feel like i'm trying hard, but not getting anywhere.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Yup, up at six to get the roast in the crockpot, eight hours at low will be a delicious meal. Bonus getting up so early means cartoons on the me channel! The good ones! Loony tunes and bugs bunny! Now if I could just figure out how to make gravy!

Add cream of mushroom soup, with the juices from the roast it should be delicious!
bizi