[Giraffe101]

Hello everyone,

I'm new to the forum. I have been diagnosed bipolar after my 2nd hospitalization 2 months ago. Before I was diagnosed depression and was hospitalized in 2013 for mania. Back then my mother was still alive so it was easier, she died in 2016.

Right now I passed the mania stage and am in the depressive stage. Very anxious and scared. I have been sleeping 2h a night for 2 days since my health insurance letter arrived saying that since I don't have a job anymore (was fired when I was in the hospital, there is nothing I can do because it was my 6 month experimental period and they can fire you without notice 2 weeks in advance). I went to see a social worker yesterday morning but he was sick. I am seeing my psychiatrist Monday morning and hope the social worker is in his office next door.

I live in another country from my remaining family (an aunt), I have nobody else. I have some true friends who are keeping me sane but I am overall scared and panicky. I keep having panic attacks and am so tired now that I am sleeping so little.

Will this go away? I need support, please. I am so scared and alone I don't know what to do with myself, I'm so depressed and alone with my dark thoughts.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Giraffe101

Hello everyone,

I'm new to the forum. I have been diagnosed bipolar after my 2nd hospitalization 2 months ago. Before I was diagnosed depression and was hospitalized in 2013 for mania. Back then my mother was still alive so it was easier, she died in 2016.

Right now I passed the mania stage and am in the depressive stage. Very anxious and scared. I have been sleeping 2h a night for 2 days since my health insurance letter arrived saying that since I don't have a job anymore (was fired when I was in the hospital, there is nothing I can do because it was my 6 month experimental period and they can fire you without notice 2 weeks in advance). I went to see a social worker yesterday morning but he was sick. I am seeing my psychiatrist Monday morning and hope the social worker is in his office next door.

I live in another country from my remaining family (an aunt), I have nobody else. I have some true friends who are keeping me sane but I am overall scared and panicky. I keep having panic attacks and am so tired now that I am sleeping so little.

Will this go away? I need support, please. I am so scared and alone I don't know what to do with myself, I'm so depressed and alone with my dark thoughts.

Sleep disorders and sleep issues in bp 1 patients are far, far, far more common and severe than most people realize. You need to be totally out there and up front with your doc on Monday about what is going on with the sleep. You need to shut this down now.

I haven't really slept in about 3 months. Saw my doc again yesterday. We added a big dose of Depakote plus Restoril. I slept a total of 7 hours last night, a miracle for me. BUT--tonight, I took the same new meds, went to bed at 930 and woke up at about 1120 wide awake, tachycardic, and ready to run a freaking marathon. Not sure what med change we will make. But, to emphasize how critical this is for those of us with bp, my pdoc wants daily updates over the weekend, so he can make a med change before Monday if necessary. That is the kind of urgency you need here.

Sending you positive vibes. I hope your appt. goes well.

[Wander]

Welcome to the forums. I agree with bpcyclist. Your sleep issues need to be addressed ASAP. Lack of sleep makes everything worse. Hopefully your psychiatrist can help you with this when you see him/her. I am so sorry you lost your job on top of all this. I lost my job last year due to Bipolar. It hurts emotionally, and of course financially. For now, until you see your psychiatrist, try to at least spend 6 hours in bed, in the dark, trying to rest your body and calm your mind. Do you know any mindfulness or breathing techniques to ease anxiety? I find listening to rain or ocean sounds helps me at least calm a little when I have bad insomnia and am agitated and anxious.

This may not go away by itself, but your psychiatrist should be able to help ease your suffering and get you some much needed sleep. As you probably know, finding the right meds can take months, even years, but the trial and error is so worth it when you finally find the right treatment for you. Hang in there and keep posting here if it helps.

[Giraffe101]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Sleep disorders and sleep issues in bp 1 patients are far, far, far more common and severe than most people realize. You need to be totally out there and up front with your doc on Monday about what is going on with the sleep. You need to shut this down now.

Thank you bpcyclist, I was not aware of it and will make my need even more clearly. It is hell to be so sleep deprived...

[Giraffe101]

Originally Posted by Wander

Do you know any mindfulness or breathing techniques to ease anxiety? I find listening to rain or ocean sounds helps me at least calm a little when I have bad insomnia and am agitated and anxious.

I will try that, thank you Wander

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Giraffe101

Thank you bpcyclist, I was not aware of it and will make my need even more clearly. It is hell to be so sleep deprived...

I am so sorry you are struggling. Stay on it.

[Rick7892]

It is tough not getting adequate sleep while being tired. This makes coping difficult. Bpcyclist and Wander have some great suggestions, including seeing your psychiatrist.

You may also be interested in tips for coping with insomnia including relaxation given by HelpGuide.org (Insomnia - HelpGuide.org).

For me, I lay down and I don't try to sleep when I have racing thoughts. If I try to sleep but can't it winds me up more. I try to rest by laying still with no expectation of falling asleep. I try to slow down my mind with slow belly breathing and a mantra such "Calm" with inhales and "Down" with exhales. You might try combinations that work for for you. Rest is not as good as sleep, but it is better than no rest at all and trying to get through the next day.

If I am tossing and turning with racing mind, I also sometimes get out of bed or at least sit up in bed and try to relax or hand-write journal what is going on (see HelpGuide). Using electronics at night can be stimulating, and I find journalling by handwriting is more expressive in venting racing thoughts for me than doing it on an electronic device. Sometimes when I got up because I couldn't sleep, I have also slowly rocked in a rocking chair at about 2 cycles in 5 seconds until I feel like I could lay down and rest. If I rock too fast, it amps me up, but slow rocking helps.

Best wishes!

[Giraffe101]

Originally Posted by Rick7892

For me, I lay down and I don't try to sleep when I have racing thoughts. If I try to sleep but can't it winds me up more. I try to rest by laying still with no expectation of falling asleep. I try to slow down my mind with slow belly breathing and a mantra such "Calm" with inhales and "Down" with exhales. You might try combinations that work for for you. Rest is not as good as sleep, but it is better than no rest at all and trying to get through the next day.

If I am tossing and turning with racing mind, I also sometimes get out of bed or at least sit up in bed and try to relax or hand-write journal what is going on (see HelpGuide). Using electronics at night can be stimulating, and I find journalling by handwriting is more expressive in venting racing thoughts for me than doing it on an electronic device. Sometimes when I got up because I couldn't sleep, I have also slowly rocked in a rocking chair at about 2 cycles in 5 seconds until I feel like I could lay down and rest. If I rock too fast, it amps me up, but slow rocking helps.

Best wishes!

Thank you Rick7892. Last night I fairly did that: did not sleep but tried to breathe and relax. So I did not sleep per se but had *some* tranquil moments. But I really need some medication, I'll go mad if I keep this up.

Good tips all around, thank you for the link!

[Giraffe101]

Update: I went to my psyc and he prescribed me for sleep either:

- 50 mg Melperone
- 40 mg Dominal

to try one one night and if it doesn't work try the other. I take abilify 15 mg as well, so I guess I cannot have benzodiazepines? Does anyone know if this is true?

I tried Melperone last night and nothing: tossing around, too warm, no sleep whatsoever. I will try Dominal tonight but don't hold much hope.

Opinions? Comments? Please help. I feel myself going slightly mad due to sleep deprivation. I've been having suicidal thoughts - my psyc knows this and assured me one of these pills would make me sleep...

[Rick7892]

I am sorry you are struggling. Sleep deprivation is hard to deal with.

People differ in their reaction to medications , so what may generally for most people doesn't for all or it may take longer for some people before they respond. It can be trial and error to find the right med at the right dose that works the best.

Sharing your experience with your psyc can help with the next step. Perhaps a different dose, perhaps a different med, perhaps wait a bit longer.

It can be difficult to be patient with sleep deprivation, but keep on trying with your psyc.

All the Best!

[~Christina]

Once a person has gone a while with little or poor sleep it takes time to get it back.

It’s likely you just need to continue the meds and hopefully you begin getting better quality sleep.

[*Beth*]

Please, please contact your psychiatrist if you still aren't sleeping. The very foundation of mental health is quality sleep.

[Fuzzybear]

hugs

[Giraffe101]

Hello everyone,

I was going through my old emails and remembered my post for help here on January 2020. I would like to give you all a follow up 16 months later, I hope it can help others in similar situations.

Shortly after trying the new medications and still not sleeping, as well as acute panic attacks, I decided to ask the hospital to take me in and address this urgently. They did - it would seem 15mg Abilify can cause sleep problems (at lower doses I was fine), it was an almost instant change after that was changed - if anyone is having sleep issues with Abilify please take this into consideration and talk with your doctor.
I spent a few weeks in the hospital, started sleeping again and decided to regroup and go back to basics: I flew back to my home country to recover and decide what to do next. And a month later the pandemic was declared, because of course it was...!
I got a new psychiatrist who put me back on Lithium. After 2 weeks I was sleeping very soundly. It took around 4 months for the anxiety and depressive thoughts to go away, I also got a psychologist and frequent therapy sessions - now I only see her occasionally. I'm not a big fan of the physical symptoms lithium is causing me - hair loss, hands shaking, cotton mouth & thirst, and frequent toilet breaks. But we played around with dosage and with just 100 mg below my current dosage all the physical symptoms go away but I start having anxiety attacks and depressive thoughts. And nope, nope, nope. So I'm learning to live with it.

After a few months staying with friends, I got back to my own house, started taking walks once a day and try to have a very consistent routine, from waking & sleeping to meal times. I now start to get sleepy at around the same time every night: I sleep like a baby. I am completely self-sufficient, I cook my own meals and lost weight, I started a new job 2 months ago.


Reading my own post from January 2020 feels a reality away. I know more about being bipolar now and I am very attentive and cautious to any warning signs (my doctor says a bit too much, but I'm not taking any chances). I got better at relaxing but while I am only good at meditation some days, walking it off seems to work wonders: I guess whatever works for you.

Sorry for the long post but I thought you would like to know this particular situation did end up well, even if it took some time. Thank you for your help.

[Nammu]

That’s good news! Thanks for the follow up. I missed the Jan 2020 post.

[*Beth*]

Hi Giraffe, Thanks so much for your very encouraging update. It's a joy to learn that so much of your life has worked out for the better. Here's to more of the same!

@Giraffe101:

Grats on solving your insomnia and turning your life around! I am also having an insomnia crisis and am using sensory deprivation to modulate it.

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you so much for the updated! So Sorry for your Loss! i'd encourage you to share your story on the bipolar success stories forums as well if you want to! Please do continue to try your best like it seems you already perhaps do based on your post! Please do not give up! Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Giraffe101, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Bipolarchic14]

I feel your pain. I lost my job six months ago and came close to losing health insurance as well. I was able to get insurance through the government healthcare system for a small premium. I don’t know if that something that’s an option for you. It is scary though. You very quickly find out you’re just a number. The irony is, how are you expect to get a job if you can’t even be on the medication that keeps you stable! There’s just some things in life that are just not right and that’s one of them

[Giraffe101]

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

I feel your pain. I lost my job six months ago and came close to losing health insurance as well. I was able to get insurance through the government healthcare system for a small premium. I don’t know if that something that’s an option for you. It is scary though. You very quickly find out you’re just a number. The irony is, how are you expect to get a job if you can’t even be on the medication that keeps you stable! There’s just some things in life that are just not right and that’s one of them

It's definitely a big issue. I was lucky that I could dip into savings and have help from friends and family to put myself back together. Because you need to rebuild from basics, and that means good mental health. Only then you have the tools to tackle everything else.

I hope everything works out for you soon, but it's good you have access to healthcare and can go from there. Best of luck!

[Giraffe101]

Thank you all for the warm replies, it is wonderful to know I can find support here.

[Giraffe101]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@Giraffe101:

Grats on solving your insomnia and turning your life around! I am also having an insomnia crisis and am using sensory deprivation to modulate it.

I hope sensory deprivation works out for you, never tried that myself. It is definitely a trial and error approach, and hell because you want to sleep now.

Best of luck!

[Bipolarchic14]

I was lucky enough to get my job back! I wish you much luck with your recovery.