Bipolar check-in #56

Im glad you have enjoyed your Birthday

I hope things with your T can be worked out and you settle in , Its hard to find someone you click with.. Great news that the Pdoc seems like a good fit !

Ahhh the tickets sound wonderful, Hopefully as Covid restrictions are decreased we can all get back to going out and doing things. Everyone on the planet needs something positive to look forward too !

Thats so awesome your Husband made you Bagels !!!! Good for him !!

Take care of you

Hopefullly the Imetrix will fix you all up. Back in my 20's I had migraines 2-3 a week. Given Imitrex, Soon as I felt one coming , id snort that and took care of them 99% of the time. Huge relief ! horrible after taste tho LOL Hysterectomy is 2003 and I have only had one since.

I was very happy to hear about changes in the mask wearing for those that are fully vaccinated !

Many hugs

Hell yeah Rock that Purple !!!!!!

Ahhhhh that is so great you got out !!!!! Oooo Arbys Im jealous !

Is there a way for you to watch the show you missed??? I hope so

Well I had the last zoom session with my T yesterday.. He also loathes zoom as much as I do. Next session will be in person thank god !

Well I went off on a rant about the last appt with my retiring Pdoc. Richard was also very mad about how I was treated. he has known Dr Graves for close to 30 years. Everybody knows Dr Graves is not a warm fuzzy guy. hes an Aspie and there is some PD involved. But still... It was very wrong how he handled our appt. Richard and I agreed that he should have taped a message to his computer that said something like I wish you well and I'm sure X NP will be able to help you, Thanks " but no he didnt. Honestly if Dr Graves is this ill he should have just left and let someone take right over, I would have have much prefered that to having a less than that less that 2 minute insult. I told Richard that Im annoyed I even paid for that appt. He said I can file a complaint but honestly it wont help anything anyway.

Then Richard told me that Jane the nurse is also retiring end of the month, My head literally just hit the desk.. I knew she was considering it and Im really very happy that she is, she has worked her entire life and deserves to retire and go enjoy life and not have not have to wake up so early each day. Caught up with her before I left lots of hugs and tears.

In a way I do feel better having been able to rant to Richard about the pdoc issue. Now there is the big question of if the NP will want me off Xanax... i wont see her til July and Richard has never meet or talked to her, he said a few clients have said she is okay... So I need to hurry up and wait.

Steve has been really tired today, But he has been busy this week so I hope that is all it is and not some infection brewing.

I see my Cardiologist in the morning. My blood pressure does drop from lying, to sitting and certainly standing. Not sure if anything can be done other that I have to just sit and wait then stand and wait.. Its so hard to remember to do that, especially when I am burning dinner LOL

My rage is still with me, I know eventually it will go away. It just seems like its been here for years and years.. It really all started in Nov. Now there literally isnt any psych meds I can take I will need a way to find some balance and again ride out the Bipolar waves... Better get a new surf board and more sunblock

I am happy that mask restrictions are going away. In the last few months I have really struggled to wear one and get what I need from stores while battling a panic attack brought on by having to wear a mask. I know many people think this is far to soon. but speaking just for myself....My husband and I are fully vaccinated and feel like we have sacrificed a year and just lost over a year actually.

My daughter is coming next month for a week and I hope his middle son will be coming soon, Hes dying to bring his wife up.

I just really really need to catch a break Bipolar wise and physical health wise ! ( Like we all do )

Here it is, 3:30am and i've been up for an hour. I talk with my doctor on Monday, hopefully we will sort this out, maybe a little more Seroquel will keep me asleep. I fall asleep okay, i just wake-up uber-early.

My lovely neighbor went online and ferretted out a vax appointment for me on Thursday! We're both really good on our computers, but she is more methodical while i am more chaotic-and-twirl-y. Plus, she loves a challenge. She's going to drive me, too, since it's way far away.

Such a gem she is, i must find a way to thank her. Flowers are out because she has a dog. Candy or chocolate is out because she watches her weight. "Things" are out because our condo-apartments are not large and we all want to get rid of things. Any ideas?

Maybe i'll just listen more when we are together her, give her the gift of my attention. I did that on one of our walks recently and she seemed really thrilled with me after. She's a good friend to have! So helpful! She's religious, so she may be helping only because of God, but whatever the reason, i am grateful.

Late afternoon yesterday, i felt well enough to risk some TV (have been doing sensory-deprivation to heal my insomnia). I came across this excellent Netflix series called "Start Up." It's about a code-jockey, entrepreneur and thug who start a alternative currency. It's really interesting!

Hard on my aching brain tho, i had to take sensory-deprivation breaks. But still, something to do while my insomnia runs it's course now that going outside in the blasted sun is out of the question except for an hour or two at dawn for my dog.

Hugs to all!

Hi Christina! It is very nice to hear from you, though I am SO sorry for your physical problems!

I’m just making those lanyard keychain things that I used to make in summer camp. I remember it used to pass the time when I was bored as hell during some activity or another

I think you’re right about my back though, I have no nerve pain but my back muscles are aching today! It’s going to be really nice out but I think I’m gonna have to chill.

I am depressed again and have no time for it. Prom, my teens birthdays, MIL visit, and family pool party to attend all in the last weeks of May. I have working with PDOC and she has increased my meds temporarily but they haven't kicked in yet. We are treating everything systematically for now. Ativan at night to help me get over anxiety and sleep and Ativan in the middle of the night when I want to wake up and get about 4 hours sleep. Haven't felt like doing anything but I pushed through and finished my last school assignments and have to get through the rest.

It will repeat, not sure when but the world won’t cave in cause I missed a show. I’m old fashioned and don’t stream anything. The only device I have is a iPad mini. Can’t imagine watch shows on that. The captions would be tiny!!

I’m worried about mum. I had dreams all night of keeping her save and she’s still not up. I know she has a habit of getting up at night and reading cause she can’t sleep. But it’s almost 11am. She has the most energy in the am, opposite me. There are time I go in her room just to make sure she’s breathing.

I took my Geodon early this morning and I fell back asleep about an hour later. I woke up at 6:30 feeling pretty rested. I ate breakfast and did my Noom stuff and then my mom and I went out to the store again. We stopped at Starbucks and I got this chocolate almond milk iced coffee thing and a Swiss cheese and ham croissant. At Walmart my mom needed a scale and I needed a toothbrush holder. Then we went to the local grocery store where I got a lot of fun vegetables like zucchini noodles and butternut squash noodles and some quinoa bowls. Our new fridge has a very cold water filter on the door. So I’ve been drinking a lot of water and I haven’t had any soda in 2 days. That’s the longest I’ve gone without any soda in probably a year. I’m hoping to kick the habit. Or just have one a week. I just bought 30 bottles of Pepsi Blue last week.

But yeah once again I feel good today. I think the move was good for me.

I am for sure passing like a guy now and it makes me so happy. The movers kept calling me and my brother “the boys” and then one of them asked my mom why we were moving here and my mom said because of my sister and the mover said “aw so you do have your daughter.”

I just had a zoom meeting with my primary doctor. It went great. I'm getting blood work taken tomorrow. Non-fasting. I told her about my hot flashes and she asked me more questions and then said she thinks I'm in the very beginning of menopause! I was worried about that. She said my age too lines up with it being perimenopause. She said to drink unsweetened soy milk and to eat a more plant-based diet including edamame and soy beans. Luckily, I don't have any bad side effects from peri yet. (i.e. dryness). Otherwise, she asked what my blood pressure was and asked about my cpap- said I probably will need a new mask soon and that she will call the supplier for me. I dunno. I suspected that I might be starting perimenopause from the night sweats and hot flashes but now its real if my doctor suggests that it is, too. Oh dear... I'll have to ask my mom when she started the hot flashes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 ... I dyed my hair purple because guess what, screw it. I’m not going back to work until September. I only used semi permanent dye this time with no pre-lightening. I have dark brown hair but the ends are light brownish because of the bleach dye I had last year. It looks cool, when you see it in the sun you can see like a jewel tone. Not head turning but a nice subtle purple.

I love that. It must look stunning!

whatever, would your friend like lotion or soap? If you know her favorite scent, that would be a plus.

I want to give hugs all around You're all in my thoughts.

I'm supposed to pay my internet bill today, but I'm taking part of it to get a pedicure. The $ part is not smart, but I feel like the health benefit of a pedicure would be good for me after almost 2 weeks of feeling physically unwell.

I've just been to the eye doctor. She says its really bad allergies- there are bumps on the inside of my eyelids! Plus my eyes are pink and goopy.

Nope, no worries. Not the end of sex. You just might need a bit of lube sometimes. (Which, yanno, might not come from a bottle. Just sayin'. Lol, TMI!?)

I love Young Sheldon!! We just finished the third season.

Mum got up at noon, and just now went back to bed. I worry about her she gets so tired so fast these days.

On the funny side of life it’s a dreary day. They forecast rain, we need it but mostly we get a couple sprinkles then it quits. So I went out to get the mail before the rain and while I was walking to and from the mail box big fat drops of rain fell. Then I got back inside and they stopped! So if I go stand outside I bet it would rain!

I’m thinking of letting my therapist go. There are a lot more cons than pros. The only problem is that she’s the only person in my town that accepts my insurance who is taking patients. I had little choice. I feel that I need a therapist though since I do have a good amount of SI. We’re just not getting anywhere. Half of the session is her talking about her personal stuff or other patients and the other half is her giving me her opinion on my issues. There’s no talking things through. I’m torn here.

I don’t know if I already said it but I had a ball at graduation. Beautiful ceremony and beautiful weather. I also had a great birthday. I spent the day out alone doing fun things and then had dinner out with my family.

Hugs to all.

@Innerzone:

You're too funny!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I’m thinking of letting my therapist go. There are a lot more cons than pros. The only problem is that she’s the only person in my town that accepts my insurance who is taking patients. I had little choice. I feel that I need a therapist though since I do have a good amount of SI. We’re just not getting anywhere. Half of the session is her talking about her personal stuff or other patients and the other half is her giving me her opinion on my issues. There’s no talking things through. I’m torn here. I don’t know if I already said it but I had a ball at graduation. Beautiful ceremony and beautiful weather. I also had a great birthday. I spent the day out alone doing fun things and then had dinner out with my family. Hugs to all.

That's a rough situation about your therapist. Mine talks a lot about her personal stuff, too. I have the feeling that she's comfortable with me and sometimes forgets we're not in a friend relationship. We do talk things through, although I'd like more of that. Are you doing teletherapy? I am, and I think that has a negative effect on the "therapy environment."

I got the pedicure and I'm so glad I did. I tend to go along with the belief that we release toxins through the soles of our feet, and of course, the massages are so helpful. Plus my toes are now a vivid orangey-pink

Ahhh yeah I cant stream anything due to my junk internet, Its literally almost as slow as dial up, but its the only option here in cow country. In Florida it was nice to have fast internet. We used my daughters Netflix and watched some great shows.. If we could stream here I would dump my cable for sure 80 something a month and 80 + % of the channels are just garbage.. But they have you over a barrel with no options here.

Ahhhh yeah I would also worry about her too. Steve had gotten into a run of not being able to sleep until 7-8 am and then would sleep most of the day away, I would also go check on him..

Im glad you were able to talk to your GP. I had a hysterectomy in 2003. My GYN left my ovaries in hopes that I would not go head first into menopause. Well my ovaries went on vacation from surgery and never came back

I was having hot flashes day in and day out, So we tried medication, It really didnt do much of anything so based on the fact it can increase your chances of other health problems and cancer I stopped taking it.

It wasnt fun but honestly it wasnt all that bad. TMI probably but it didnt decrease sex drive in fact it was better, maybe part was I had zero concern of getting pregnant.

There are some OTC vitamins that many women report helps alot, Might be something you could try???

Hugs right back to you

Ahhhh Pedicure I dont blame you at all. I havent had one since Christmas 2019 our last time in Florida ! I mean I do my own but boy I miss having someone else do the work !!!!!

Hope your feeling better soon

So happy you had fun at the graduation!!!!

Ok your T.. Since you are stuck as far as not really able to find anyone else. As hard as it can be can you tell the T that you really need help with XYZ and want to focus on those things?? Maybe she doesnt realize she is wasting your time and she should go find a T for her own issues??? I dunno. I really feel bad for you.

Has the pool opened yet?

Well my appointment with Cardiologist went well. Of course I do have Orthostatic Hypotension. There are a couple meds that might help. I have Tachacardia and on a med for that which this has to be treated. Since I have a mile long list of medications we are not going to add another at this point. I just have to work harder to take time sitting up before I take off walking.. It will be a struggle.

After my appt we stopped at a thrift store I havent gone to since Covid.. Its a very well organized place, even the books are in order by topic and author name. I did grab a few, I mean its 10 books for a dollar.. But I read 95% of the time on my kindle. I struggle to hold actual books with my Fibro and PsA . My husband got me the book Jane Eyre, printed in 1943 ! I have always wanted it. I have started reading it... but 2-3 chapters and I have to put it down.. He found it on Ebay. I also found a brand new still in the wrapper meat ball maker ! I have wanted one for a long time but I just couldn't talk myself into paying 10.00 for one ! ( I'm cheap ) Anyway this was .50 cents ( Score )

I am still dealing with the rage-y crap I know it will eventually go away, But its been around pretty much since November... being Diabetic now I really have zero options for any psych meds besides Lamictal. Honestly I dont think it does a damn thing, been on it 10 years.. but I'd have to taper off as its a seizure med and if by chance it is helping something I'd have to start all over, Not worth the hassle I guess.

My sleep has been terrible for weeks and weeks now, This isnt anything new. But I have been leaning on my Xanax really hard lately, I have 1mg 3 times a day, But I have been taking them all at bedtime, No there is no danger my taking that much at once, But it is allowing for some sleep each night and I have to do it for now.

Our weather is perfect ! I want this 6 months a year and 6 months of fall, I love scarves, boots, sweaters and hoodies !!

Hugs to all

I started a new Netflix series called "STARTUP." It's fantastic! It's about business ventures started by a white-male-entrepreneur, a destitute second-generation Cuban girl code-jockey and a Haitian thug trying to find an honorable way to lift his community out of oppression. There's three seasons and i am near the end of season two and it just keeps getting better and better.

The only thing is the power-of-suggestion is really strong. I see the characters drinking coffee and i have a decaf, which i'm trying to quit because i trick-it-out with so many calories of sugar and coffee whitener. I see them drinking wine and i drank A WHOLE BOTTLE of alcohol-free wine. Luckily the wine is low-cal, even Weight-Watchers approved.

Still, i'm trying to do all-things-in-moderation and this show just arouses me so much i want to INDULGE. It's really an exciting, evocative show. Not as good as "Breaking Bad" but VERY good.

I think i wrote about it yesterday so i'll stop now. I stayed out with my dog from 6:00am til 8:30am yesterday to socialize with my neighbors who come out at 8:00am and it was hardly worth it. I had an unsatisfactory chat with my one close neighbor, who insists on denying reality re COVID. Then other neighbors turned their backs to me when they were chatting -- not one of life's great feelings, ya know?

Then our dogs didn't get along and mine fusses and nosed around in the mulch which is a no-no given her recent dental surgery and sensitive stomach. So i don't think i will bother with my neighbors today. I like one of them, she's a doll (USUALLY, except for the COVID-denial), but the others, not so much.

I slept from 10:00pm to 4:30am, so 6.5 hours last night. I feel fine. I guess i just don't need the zzzs this time of year. I napped yesterday and i can again today, if fatigue washes over me again.

Still, this is an improvement over 3.5 hours and no nap so i'm pleased and feel healthier. I'll talk to my doctor on Monday but no way i am taking MORE meds. I want to go in the OTHER direction, LESS meds, so there's not much he can do but it's good to keep in touch with my doctor so he can document my sleep disturbance for my private insurance benefits yearly review for which he is responsible.

He's sort of like my boss, my doctor. He's in charge of my income. He's benign and honorable, thankfully, i'm really vulnerable re my yearly income reviews. Tho, he said if he ever certifies me "fit-for-work," *i* can fire *him*!!! Anyways, it's been twenty years, i doubt they'd try and kick me off benefits at this late date, eleven years from retirement, but it's an on-going concern with me.

The Spring weather here is ridiculous. I had my heaters and cooling fan on at different times in the same day! Time for the air conditioner soon! The mornings are cold but at 5:00pm it's warm. Not great for health, that's for sure. And i think i may have an allergy of some kind, my eyes tear and nose runs for hours in the afternoon. Could this be a pollen allergy? Too lazy to Google it...

Well, gotta boogie, gotta take-on-that-world again!

@~Christina:

I love scarves, boots, sweaters and hoodies too! So cozy! And good-looking! I also have a super-fine parka that i am still wearing when i take my dog out at dawn for a few hours when it's still like eight degrees Celsius (46 degrees Fahrenheit). It cost a lot but the workmanship and design are fantastic, it's so comfortable!

And since my dog and i are sitting for some of the time it gets cold. She's got her good parka too, cost $85, as much as a coat for a human! But it's a clever design too, slips right over her head, thru her forelegs and buckles around on top of her torso. We both have good gear so we can enjoy the outdoors without wrecking our bodies power-walking for 2.5 hours just to keep warm, tho we do a tame walk and that is fine.