writing suicide notes

does anyone do this?

I know when I'm really bad, I do write suicide notes- as soon as I'm feeling better, I tear them right up and throw them away.
but I know it helps me think things through and helps me work out why I'm suicidal in the first place.

I'm sorry you even feel compelled to write such things, raging vortex. Are you sure that there aren't things you write in them that could be better just communicated to others verbally (or in a letter), but without the suicide plan? Could it just be that you deep down don't want to really go that far, but still need to (in some way) voice concerns to others? I know it can be hard to say things to those who rarely listen.

There is supposedly a difference between suicidal ideation and suicidal intent. Obviously it's a lot more dangerous, and you are in more danger if you are actually planning suicide than if you are just thinking about it. I hope your notes are just your way of working things out, that is, processing things. I am a pretty high functioning bipolar 2. That does not mean that my symptoms never get really bad. However, like many of us, I got really good at hiding my disorder so I could work. I also just keep going if Im really sick, because doing things helps me climb back to recovery.
I have often wondered where the line should be drawn between ideation and planning. If my thoughts start to slide toward serious consideration, I try to get help by upping my T appointments, getting more exercise, talking to friends and relatives, working on more projects, etc, so I will get out of the danger zone. I dont know you well enough to say how dangerous your notes are-only you know how serious you are when you write them. However, I would urge you to do something safer when you are that frustrated, like working in a bipolar workbook or getting some aerobic exercise, getting out of the house somehow, etc etc. You can message me if you catch yourself writing one. I was a teacher for years, so Im pretty bossy, but glad to help. If this is any help to anyone, Ive always decided that if I took the same effort it would take to kill myslef in a way to minimize the emotional shock to my grown son (and Id have to convince my seriously workaholic multimillionaire brother to help my son and my two grandkids in the way I intend to do); and put that same effort into doing something that would help my situation, I might as well fight on as I always have. Right now, because I have a modest retirement income, I am much better off than when I had nothing for many years. I truly admire those of you who havent retired, to have made it though this covid mess. Huge hugs to everyone! I think most of us bipolars have experienced some really dark thoughts.

no I never wrote a suicide note. I think this is because of a situation I became aware of in college. I had a friend in college, she and I were slowly becoming more a couple. one morning I heard on the news there was a death at her address. When I got there I discovered it was my friend. they were treating the investigation as a suicide because they found a note. I was heart broken that she chose this way. Then about a year later her parents reopened the investigation. turned out it wasnt her choice to leave. she was the victim of a break in gone wrong. for a whole year people thought she had committed suicide all based on a note she had wrote when she was feeling down. She hadnt had time to tear the note up like she had done in the past.

Ever since then I have never wrote suicide notes. when I go due to natural causes or as a victim of accident or crime by another I never want my family, friends and online friends to ever go through that situation.

maybe instead of writing suicide notes you can start writing a journal where you can organize your thoughts and feelings in a way that helps you to figure out why you are feeling this way. thats what I do now. rather than a goodbye cruel world notes aka suicide notes, I sit down every day and write about my day and how I felt about things that went on that day in a daily journal.

oh I defenetly want it

Last summer on a Saturday night, because my episodes always happen on Saturday nights, I sent an email to my therapist and it was kinda like a S note. I told her it wasn’t her fault and what happens happens and etc etc. I don’t know if I had taken any meds that night or if I was just depressed. I don’t think at that time last summer I had started taking extra meds. At our next session she told me she was really thinking of calling my mom after getting that email. Lmao. If she was that concerned she really would have called my mom. I’ve written a few others in the notes section of my phone. But it’s mostly just to vent out my feelings. I always delete them

So Sorry about your struggles! Please Do not give up! i don't think i have ever wrote them since i have never felt the need and/or urge to do that luckily. i think they may be Helpful in Some way as Long as one doesn't actually go through with it but i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that there may be other Better methods as well. i Hope you guys are all doing Ok. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @raging vortex, your Families, your Friends and ALL od your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

When I'm down I write. Not suicide notes but a lot more writing. Depression always catches me off guard because I downplay my symptoms.

In the play "After the Fall" Arthur Miller says to his wife, Maggie (who is suicidal), "A suicide is always about two people, Maggie."

Who are you writing the suicide notes to?

I completely relate and recently I've written several letters to various people explaining why I did it. To be delivered after. Still here. Letters are still on my computer to be printed. Maybe.

It did help me to get them written because, as you said, it helped me clarify my thinking about why I'm thinking this way. I'm really good at rationalizing things, even when I know my thinking is broken and I'm in no position to make good decisions about my life. I can easily convince myself that it's a bad idea or it's a good idea. I hate that I've dealt with all of this for so long that I can convince myself of anything and then also not believe a word I say.

bump for raggin vortex

Instead of a suicide note, I usually write a plan in one notebook. That notebook has all the plans I had from when my depression started. I don't read them again, but I keep them. Maybe, the writing process is what helps me express my ideas and clear my head a bit. I look at the plan and the reasons why I wanted to do it. So far, I've never done anything I wrote there. I hope I would never need to.

I tend to only write notes right when since I’m too worried about someone else finding them.

I've thought of it.... but no I haven't.

Hugs and respect to you rv

I'm worried about someone else (Papa bear) finding them.

I have this problem, how to say things to those who rarely listen It can make thoughts even darker and even feeling like there is no way out other than ********

Good post

I *think* I wrote them when I attempted, but thankfully, it's been so long that I can't remember. I do write every day though, both because it's my thing and because it helps me understand what's going on in my brain more.

I think I have worse days when I don't write anything. Writing helps me understand what's going on in my head more too.

I've been writing in a computer journal for twenty years and highly recommended as a free effective way of self-therapy.

Plus, it gives you a low-stress activity to do when

Possible trigger:

suicidal

. Sometimes if i'm not well enough to write, it's useful just to read and notice that i haven't ALWAYS felt this way.

When you're in the throes of

Possible trigger:

suicidality

it can seem that you've felt like that ALWAYS and that it's going to last FOREVER. In rereading my journal, i am reminded that there HAVE been GOOD times and just to hang in there, they'll come 'round again.

Above all, remember (and i saw the most elegant tattoo of this on a young man's inner arm once):

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Hugs,

Jane.

This past Saturday, before I went to the psych ER, I didn't write any notes. I just That's a lot more scary than writing a note, I think.

@Moose72:

You're right, being on the edge of

Possible trigger:

suicide

WITH intent is scary. So glad you went to the hospital and are safe now. I speak for all of the forum in saying you are a valued member and we would all be crushed to lose you. Think about us if you are ever on-the-brink again. Of course you have your precious children to think of too.

Lots of people are rooting for you, Moose72. I am glad that IP went well in that it got you out of danger and your depression has passed. You definitely dodged a bullet and we are all glad you did!!!

Hugs,

Jane.

I thought of you all while in the hospital! There was no computer with internet for us to use like there is at some hospitals and of course I wasn't allowed to have my phone. I left the one message at the ER before I was taken back to my room that I was being admitted - I wanted you to know where I was since I knew I was likely going to "disappear" for a week or so. And today is the week-a-versary of going to the ER. I'm listening to a favorite CD of mine as I type and just got a shower and redressed so I am feeling good. I did get ONE shower at the hospital, but I mostly stayed in the paper hospital scrubs with the sticky socks the whole time. I am glad to know that I am loved here!! I was sitting here feeling kind of bored actually until I read your message. I have three hours before I have to get N3. While I was away, my mom took care of my apartment and my plants. She even saved a container of succulents that had gone "bad" outside in the weather. It's inside now and looking perked-up. I'm sitting here on my laptop next to the flowers that one of my friends sent me while I was in the hospital but that I wasn't allowed to have because they have a glass vase. I just added more water to them this afternoon. I am a little bored today, though. I wish Caleb was around, but he's probably out partying on his motorcycle after having his catheter out and being able to wear jeans again instead of pajama bottoms! (He was in the hospital six weeks ago and its been a little while to get him back to his life/work.) Thanks for loving me! I love all of you, too!