[Guiness187055]

Welcome to the new bipolar check in thread

[Mountaindewed]

Like I said in my last post do you ever feel like your issues are not that severe because you aren’t as bad off as other people? I meant like regarding Covid and 2020 in general. The only thing that really derailed me last summer was the telehealth therapy sessions. Entire families were being wiped out by Covid and people were losing their jobs yet I was just being whiny because I couldn’t see my therapist in person. I feel like I shouldn’t have been upset about it. I barely even wondered if maybe she felt pretty unsafe going back. I know my hormones were out of control because I had started my transition at the same time and I was trying to navigate all those feelings plus dealing with the fear and uncertainty of the virus. I’m trying to remember how long it took to get over other things and people and I can’t really remember. I know it was tough to get over a few therapists and treatment centers. So maybe I’ve just forgotten what’s it’s like to be fixated on something since it hasn’t happened in a long time.

I was fairly stable with my moods and hormones before I started transitioning and I could work a job just fine. So I know I feel like this because of the hormones. But it’s still tough to be in a depression about this situation 6 out of 7 days of the week for over 4 months now. I think I may also have a bit of post PMS now. I took all my correct meds and I feel somewhat better. Not happy, just more stable.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Like I said in my last post do you ever feel like your issues are not that severe because you aren’t as bad off as other people? I meant like regarding Covid and 2020 in general. The only thing that really derailed me last summer was the telehealth therapy sessions. Entire families were being wiped out by Covid and people were losing their jobs yet I was just being whiny because I couldn’t see my therapist in person. I feel like I shouldn’t have been upset about it. I barely even wondered if maybe she felt pretty unsafe going back. I know my hormones were out of control because I had started my transition at the same time and I was trying to navigate all those feelings plus dealing with the fear and uncertainty of the virus. I’m trying to remember how long it took to get over other things and people and I can’t really remember. I know it was tough to get over a few therapists and treatment centers. So maybe I’ve just forgotten what’s it’s like to be fixated on something since it hasn’t happened in a long time.

I was fairly stable with my moods and hormones before I started transitioning and I could work a job just fine. So I know I feel like this because of the hormones. But it’s still tough to be in a depression about this situation 6 out of 7 days of the week for over 4 months now. I think I may also have a bit of post PMS now. I took all my correct meds and I feel somewhat better. Not happy, just more stable.

So when you were talking about surgery you were talking about gender reassignment?

[Mountaindewed]

Yeah I just had the top surgery for now. I’ll need to get a hysterectomy sooner then later for my mental health’s sake since I am a danger to myself when I am dealing with PMDD and my doctor says surgery is my only option. He can’t actually prescribe any med to help me deal with it. Before I was on a type of birth control where I only got my period 4 times a year. And if my PMS started to get out of control I could just skip to the placebo and get my period faster. But now I just have to deal with 10 straight days of that every month.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Yeah I just had the top surgery for now. I’ll need to get a hysterectomy sooner then later for my mental health’s sake since I am a danger to myself when I am dealing with PMDD and my doctor says surgery is my only option. He can’t actually prescribe any med to help me deal with it. Before I was on a type of birth control where I only got my period 4 times a year. And if my PMS started to get out of control I could just skip to the placebo and get my period faster. But now I just have to deal with 10 straight days of that every month.

Before a hysterectomy with ovaries removed be sure you are aware of what instant menopause is like. It's pretty harsh and the PMDD may be the lesser of the two evils. I already was into the menopause process when I had my hysterectomy and I kept my ovaries. I didn't go into instant menopause but the next couple of years while I was finishing the process faster than normal were rough. I know PMDD is awful for you but just be sure you don't trade one evil for another (I assume you can't be on estrogen or other female hormones through menopause).

[Mountaindewed]

Supposedly I’m already going through menopause because of the shots I get. My doctor told me I’d be going through menopause and a second puberty at the same time. Which is why my emotions have been a wreck for 15 months. I have to find a gynecologist and talk to her about it. My mom had a hysterectomy in 2018 and I wonder if that’s why she’s so crabby all the time. Plus she gained a good amount of weight. But I’ve also heard stories of ftm people who had them done and it changed their lives plus helped with their body fat distribution and other transition things. I don’t really understand it just that my doctor told me it was my only option.

[Mountaindewed]

Ideally I’d like to be on that same birth control and my shots at the same time but that’s not possible.

[~Christina]

Oh I like this shiny new room . Thanks Guiness

[~Christina]

I'm mixed and this is a hellish place to be..

So my husband is on oxygen at night and fulltime if he is sick.... He was pressure cleaning the outside of the house and was using some bleach.. there was a bit of a breeze. I wake up with burning screaming wheezing in a panic Asthma attack.... But it doesn't bother him with his broken lungs... Go figure

In other new "Elsa" is now a hurricane.. Yes the track will change many times over and over but as of right now its heading straight to Tampa Bay area where my daughter Amanda lives and 2 of Steves boys

Growing up in Florida ( I left when I was 36.. 54 now) We Went through a whole lot of them, Never really freaked out. But I'm a Mom and she's 750 mile away.. and she's 2 blocks from the Gulf.. So she will have to Evacuate..

Hugs my friends

[*Beth*]

Thank you, Guiness

Christina, that's scary. I hope Elsa takes a turn before hitting land.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Ideally I’d like to be on that same birth control and my shots at the same time but that’s not possible.

Isn’t all the surgery and medication tens of thousands of dollars?

[wildflowerchild25]

Uuuugh I am feeling TERRIBLE about my food choices today. I haven’t really been freaking out too much because we haven’t been eating out. One of the people we are staying with bought a week’s worth of groceries and has cooked for us every night (she loves it, we’re not forcing her lol). Simple cereal breakfast, tuna sandwich lunch, and whatever cooked dinner is on the menu. We have mini packs of snacks like mini Oreos and ritz bits so I have that for an evening snack. But we ate out for lunch today just to do something different and I had two helpings of ziti and garlic bread AND a cinnamon roll for dessert. I think the eating out is what threw me. Now I feel awful and fat and disgusted with myself. I keep telling myself I’ll “get back on track” when we get home but I’m worried about gaining weight so much!

If you go by BMI charts I’m still 60lbs overweight but it’s becoming more apparent in medical communities that the BMI chart is outdated and not a good measure of health. I’m just overwhelmed with changing my relationship with food, like it’s just ONE MORE THING I have to work on mentally.

I have a physical coming up in a couple of weeks and I think I’m going to bring up my concerns with my dr. I can’t bear to be weighed, if I see above a certain number I will freak out inside. I’ll have to tell them do NOT tell me my weight. I need like a piece of paper with simple swaps to start me in the right direction of eating healthier for nutrition, not weight loss. I know everything in my head, more fruits/veggies, less refined carbs/sugar, blah blah blah, but I don’t know how to actually apply it.

I did attend a group in my program about mindful eating. I need to get my printer up and working so I can print out the handouts I think are most helpful so I have a physical copy to look at. Right now we seem to be leaning more to the side of DBT that I can’t get on board with (a bunch of spiritual sounding hoo ha in my opinion) but before there was some good distress tolerance and emotion regulation stuff.

Seems like my son just returned from the beach bonfire. I was there until my med reminder went off. It was very nice watching the sun set over the water sitting around a fire. Definitely a first for me!

[Moose72]

~Christina praying for your kids and your poor lungs. I have asthma too. In fact, I just took my Albuterol.

All I ate today was Life cereal with blueberries and some soy milk. Between today and yesterday- when I bought the food- I've eaten almost the entire box of cereal in addition to a pint of blueberries and the majority of a half gallon of soy milk. No wonder I'm not losing weight. I'll have to be the biggest one at the party tomorrow yet again. But I do look forward to seeing everybody there.

[leomama]

I’m definitely battling a depression, with the help of medication, it has to do with who people say I’m dating and my job as well as my family. I’m hoping that the brain fog will lift after 6 months of medication and I’ll be able to make better choices. I know that what I’m going through is totally appropriate, I’m working a 40 hour week, with three different start times, on top of dealing with my daughter’s recovery from her accident. The two things I have to cling to are my program of recovery which includes my faith and my medication. Life was a lot easier when I was on disability, however I didn’t like being on a fixed income nor how people looked down on me.

[MuddyBoots]

Yesterday I was told to go back to taking 1200mg of lithium/day, so I did. Last night after dinner I passed out on the couch! Only slept about two hours (the first block of sleep, got another two in from 1am-3am), but that was definitely an improvement from anxiously passing time until midnight and then being up at 2am. I feel amped, I think I'm going to try going for a run soon, see how my hip does.

Edit: omg, I just realized today is 100 days clean and sober!!!

last night when I had my mcdonalds, they put 22 nuggets in the bag rather than the usual 20, but only charged me for the 20.... certainly not complaining about that- extra yum!

I have been enjoying rereading the harry potter series, and I'm currently in the middle of the chamber of secrets (always a favorite). I keep thinking how cool it would be to be a basalisk

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Yesterday I was told to go back to taking 1200mg of lithium/day, so I did. Last night after dinner I passed out on the couch! Only slept about two hours (the first block of sleep, got another two in from 1am-3am), but that was definitely an improvement from anxiously passing time until midnight and then being up at 2am. I feel amped, I think I'm going to try going for a run soon, see how my hip does.

Edit: omg, I just realized today is 100 days clean and sober!!!

I hope your body adjusts to the extra Lithium soon, Sapien. Congrats on the 100 days! What a great milestone.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by leomama

Isn’t all the surgery and medication tens of thousands of dollars?

It basically all depends on your state and their laws. In Tennessee for example you have basically zero chances of getting anything covered. I live in a very trans friendly state so my medication, my doctors visits, and my surgery’s were 100% covered by my insurance. For my surgery I needed a letter written by my Pdoc and my therapist for the insurance company saying I was mentally fit for surgery and that I’d really benefit from it and that I was aware of all the risks involved. They both gladly wrote the letters.

But if you don’t have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria disorder then no one will take you seriously.

But yeah it can cost tens of thousand of $ for people who live in bad states or who’s insurance don’t cover the whole thing. Some people have to save up for years while other people just can’t afford it at all.

I am just very lucky.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

It basically all depends on your state and their laws. In Tennessee for example you have basically zero chances of getting anything covered. I live in a very trans friendly state so my medication, my doctors visits, and my surgery’s were 100% covered by my insurance. For my surgery I needed a letter written by my Pdoc and my therapist for the insurance company saying I was mentally fit for surgery and that I’d really benefit from it and that I was aware of all the risks involved. They both gladly wrote the letters.

But if you don’t have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria disorder then no one will take you seriously.

But yeah it can cost tens of thousand of $ for people who live in bad states or who’s insurance don’t cover the whole thing. Some people have to save up for years while other people just can’t afford it at all.

I am just very lucky.

Wow. I think you said you were 28. That sounds like good insurance.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

...
Edit: omg, I just realized today is 100 days clean and sober!!!

Congratulations!

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Edit: omg, I just realized today is 100 days clean and sober!!!

That’s wonderful! Congratulations!

[Mountaindewed]

Today I’m doing fine. I honestly am at a complete loss about why some days I can function fine and other days I can’t even get out of bed because of my depression and I’m taking Valium like crazy. I haven’t taken any Valium yet and usually I’d be on my second one by now. I’m just watching TV today and doing laundry. It’s too hot and crowded to go out. I’m slightly worried I have a UTI or something else. It burns to go and I’m kind of in pain. Sorry for the TMI. Gynecological stuff freaks me out and really stresses me so I’m just trying to watch TV and not worry about it. But going to the bathroom is a ***** and I’ve had so much to drink today I can’t avoid not going a million times.

I’m not thinking about my old T today, and I’m not thinking about my appointment on Monday with the new one. Today is simply a self care day.

I ordered a couple pairs of pants last night. I ordered a purple camouflage pair and a gray camouflage pair. I needed non jean pants and the website said they were buy one get one half off but they ended up being buy one get one free.

[Sunflower123]

I’m back to being in my right mind today. I was getting really worried there. I’m lucid, functioning well and am happy and content. I was totally incapable of taking care of mother and brother for a few days and it all worked out. I must do a better job of protecting my mental and physical health in future. Still, my sister’s recommendation of putting my brother in a home just doesn’t sit well with me.

My daughter and I went to Red Lobster last night. Love that coconut shrimp and those crispy brussel sprouts! We went to the swimming pool late this morning. It’s 77 and breezy here so a little cool in the pool. I still enjoyed it immensely. Tomorrow we’re going to see F9 and then on to a venue to listen to two bands and to see fireworks. That should be enjoyable. Her visit couldn’t have come at a better time.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and a wonderful 4th.

[xRavenx]

I don't know where else to write this and just want to get this off of my chest. I woke up, something triggered me, and then my mind keeps racing and racing. I am full of anxiety and intrusive thoughts that go along with it. I can't seem to turn it off, and my stomach is hurting. Then I just stare off into space not having any clue what to do. The pain is just too much, and I can't handle it anymore. When I'm not in this terrible state, my mood is elevated. But it is getting harder and harder to focus. I don't know if this is rapid cycling or mixed or just hypomanic with anxiety. I feel like I am having a breakdown and ended up taking a klonopin.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m back to being in my right mind today. I was getting really worried there. I’m lucid, functioning well and am happy and content. I was totally incapable of taking care of mother and brother for a few days and it all worked out. I must do a better job of protecting my mental and physical health in future. Still, my sister’s recommendation of putting my brother in a home just doesn’t sit well with me.

My daughter and I went to Red Lobster last night. Love that coconut shrimp and those crispy brussel sprouts! We went to the swimming pool late this morning. It’s 77 and breezy here so a little cool in the pool. I still enjoyed it immensely. Tomorrow we’re going to see F9 and then on to a venue to listen to two bands and to see fireworks. That should be enjoyable. Her visit couldn’t have come at a better time.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and a wonderful 4th.

I'm happy to read that you got through that particularly rough patch. And you definitely needed a little break from your care giving responsibilities. How good to know that things can be dealt with without your constant involvement. If your brother does need a home, in the end, I hope it would be a decent place.

The coconut shrimp sounds yummy. I have not been to a Red Lobster in well over a decade. I have nice memories of my paternal grandmother taking me there. She and I loved seafood. I still do.