Nightmares

I keep waking up to the moment I rolled my wife over I keep seeing her face. I can't get her out of my head. I took a couple hour roudtrip with a buddy of mine up in the mountains for a couple of hours and he talked so much I did not think about my wife that much during the trip it was kind of nice then I get home and depression hit me hard. I took all my guns over to my parents house.

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I found that grief is a long and slow process and everyone experiences it in their own way.

Things happened very recently and the wounds you suffered are still fresh and raw. It might take time to come to accept what happened to you. It's a terrible loss made worse by the way it happened.

Maybe you can take comfort in knowing that your wife passed away beside you. She wasn't alone, she wasn't scared. She was next to you in the bed that you shared. Maybe she didn't even know what happened. Perhaps she went to sleep next to you and her time came for her to move on from this life and she simply never woke up. And you were next to her at the moment she passed.

Remember the time you had with her. Remember the little things. Remember what she sounded like. She would want you to remember those times and cherish them.

Grief comes in waves. The time between each wave is very short right now, but it will slowly get longer, giving you time to cherish and remember.

I know it's hard right now, but it gets a little better each day. I found that writing in a journal helped me a lot. When my sister passed away I would write to her, I would write about her, and sometimes i wrote nothing at all.

It's been almost 5 years since my sister passed away and I still think about her and miss her. The grief is still there but it's much better than it once was.

I think your precautions are a good move, otroo. I'm glad to also read that you had a nice distraction with your friend, in the mountains.

Scooter9 makes good points about grief. It is hard, I know, and still so early for you that the horrible mental pictures are fresh. It took me a long while to start having more positive memories about my late mother, as she also died almost suddenly and unexpectedly, in a scary way. But time did bring the positive back, though sadly it doesn't bring our loved ones back, physically. But you will be OK. Keep doing your best to stay safe

Thank you both very much. It really means a lot to me. I never thought about that at least she did not die alone.

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I am so sorry I have not been following and I’m so sorry about your wife. I don’t know what happened and I don’t wish you to relive it at all so don’t tell me.

But I will say this. My first husband died suddenly almost seven years ago. I found him on the kitchen floor at 4am and I knew he was gone. It was terrible because I had to reconcile with the cause of death, and son was only 4 at the time. I suddenly found myself a single mother.

I think it was about three to four years until I really processed properly. I blamed myself for a long time. I wondered what would happen to my son, how would he get by with no father in his life. My father died too when I was 10 so I knew how it felt but as a male I didn’t understand.

I just want you to know you WILL get through this. Grief can take many forms and take a very long time to fade. It will never fade completely, of course, but you will be more able to remember the happy times instead of focusing on that horrible moment and everything that followed.

Sending good vibes, as always

I've dealt with a lot of death in my life and I am not going to overtake your thread by talking about it.

I don't remember the bad times. I only remember the good ones.

I still cry at the littlest thing that reminds me of them, but it is a good hurt because I know they are still with me.

I hope you find the peace you are looking for and I am sorry for your loss.