Bipolar check-in #61

My sister is 4 years older then me. My brother about 2.5 years. So all pretty close in age. My mom had me the day before she turned 41. My dad was 44 when I was born.

What was blowing my mind earlier was that my grandma died 10 years ago and pretty close together in time to my dad. My grandma died when I was 19 in 2012 and my dad died when I was 21 in 2014. I always think of my grandma dying way before he did.

The seventies were a great time to be a teen, great music, easy to get jobs and college was still affordable. But there were downsides too. Dress codes and girls were required to take typing and home economics, learn to sew and cook even if you had no interest in that. On the plus side I had enough credit that I was able to also take shop and drafting. I was the only girl in my class and was graded harshly but it made me better. I easily passed my college drafting and design courses because the old man pushed me harder than he did the boys.

My absolute favorite gift I ever received was a manual typewriter. My mom tells stories about having to learn to type on a manual typewriter, and how she somehow got out of learning how to sew. haha. She became a nurse (again, in line with the pre-defined professions for a working woman, but she loved what she did.). My mom always hated ironing and hemming clothing/sewing. We left most of that to my dad who worked part time at the cleaners and my grandmother who was a seamstress. I definitely share that sentiment with my mom and boy were we spoiled. Ironing shirts when I worked as a teacher was a real pain. lol.

The music of the 70s are something I really love as well!

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. My Gramma died about 4 years back and it was very hard on me. My mom was 36 when she had me and my dad was 30. It's interesting your parents were older too! Growing up, my friends all had relatively young parents compared to mine.

With the level of emotional anguish i endure and the poor-quality of life i have, it amazes me that i still keep living. I get knocked down but i get up again, put one foot in front of the other and stumble and stagger thru life. It makes no sense.

But if its so old its not gonna do much, why would you feel normal after taking it? You really need to be careful. Does your state have a pharmacy tracking system like mine? My Dr can see exactly what I fill and where and when. All medication in my state is like that-narcotics especially are watched. I also get randomly drug tested at least once a year and I havent even had valium in like 3 months. Maybe my state is stricter.

No word from you since last night @~Christina. I sure hope your s-i-l has experienced some improvement today. Good vibes your way...

My parents were both 21 when I was born (can you say "Whoops!?"). There were many advantages to having young parents, but it must have been hard for them.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed My sister is 4 years older then me. My brother about 2.5 years. So all pretty close in age. My mom had me the day before she turned 41. My dad was 44 when I was born. What was blowing my mind earlier was that my grandma died 10 years ago and pretty close together in time to my dad. My grandma died when I was 19 in 2012 and my dad died when I was 21 in 2014. I always think of my grandma dying way before he did.

That's really cool, born the day before your mom's birthday. She got the best gift.

Isn't your birthday coming up soon?

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Originally Posted by buddha1too No word from you since last night @~Christina. I sure hope your s-i-l has experienced some improvement today. Good vibes your way... My parents were both 21 when I was born (can you say "Whoops!?"). There were many advantages to having young parents, but it must have been hard for them.

If I could choose I would have chosen to be born into a younger family. My parents and most of my extended family were dead by the time I was 40. It sucks.

It's been interesting reading about many of the families of members here. I'm the youngest in mine. Folks were 27 and 28. They had my siblings at 20/21. They married as soon as my dad got out of the Air Force, where he mostly served in the Netherlands. They were childhood sweethearts who grew up on the same road. We lost my mom to cancer when I was 32, which is 17 years ago. My father has barely mentioned her since, which is quite perplexing and sad.

I have all of my stuff ready to be packed. Not too much more to do today, before our mini ski vacation. Last night, I made a seafood paella in a new paella pan I bought. My first paella pan. I had made other paellas in other pans, but never with perfect socarrat (where the rice is crispy on the bottom).

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour It's been interesting reading about many of the families of members here. I'm the youngest in mine. Folks were 27 and 28. They had my siblings at 20/21. They married as soon as my dad got out of the Air Force, where he mostly served in the Netherlands. They were childhood sweethearts who grew up on the same road. We lost my mom to cancer when I was 32, which is 17 years ago. My father has barely mentioned her since, which is quite perplexing and sad. I have all of my stuff ready to be packed. Not too much more to do today, before our mini ski vacation. Last night, I made a seafood paella in a new paella pan I bought. My first paella pan. I had made other paellas in other pans, but never with perfect socarrat (where the rice is crispy on the bottom).

Enjoy your ski trip. It sounds delightful!

Sorry I typed ativan by mistake. I meant Valium.

I thought it was cool when I was a kid but now it just makes me sad as an adult since the older I get so will she. I know what you mean about most of your family being gone by the time your 40 and I worry about that for myself.. My birthday is this coming Friday

My other grandma died at the excat wrong time when I was 13. It took a good 10 years to process her death. Yeah I know what you mean about your friends parents being younger. My mom turned 50 when my friends parents were still in their 30's.

Same here.

I feel a bit off physically today. Just some coughing and light headeness and nausea. I had a headache too but I took a tylenol so its starting to go away. I am staying away from any type of caffeine so I can avoid mixing benzos. Yesterday I had a glass of iced coffee and a Coke which is why things sucked so badly. I slept well last night but I still feel worn out today. Some kid on The Today Show had both kidney and lung cancer. Like I needed to hear that. The 2 organs I'm currently having issues with. Although I think the lung thing is getting better I was just coughing a lot mainly this morning.

To be honest I've had a lot of what ifs running through my mind lately, mainly about what happened 2 years ago and its been bothering me and I'm not even sure my current therapist is equipped to help me deal with these thoughts and feelings that are creeping up now and will probably stay around until March 17th. But I just have a lot of thoughts running through my brain and I don't even know where to begin to process them.

Mountain-are you talking about transference by chance? Trust me, we learn about it in school .She is equipped

I’m new here and I hope I do this check in right
I have bipolar 2 and am currently on nothing for it. I took myself off of my meds a year ago because they weren’t helping me and my psych hasn’t put me back on them. I’ve been rapid cycling the last 6ish-9 months.
I got some bad news on 2 Thursday's ago (the 20th) and it immediately threw me into a low mood. I called into work for 3 days, I laid in bed and did absolutely nothing but cry. This past Friday, the 29th I noticed I was moving and talking really fast. I haven’t slept well, I’m forgetting to brush my teeth, eat, shower, everything because I make myself so busy constantly. I’m spending lots of money in just 3 days, and I’m starting the risky parts…. I’ve worked so hard at trying to help myself and this just feels like a kick in the face. I truly wish I could just feel normal. I’m constantly hypomanic or depressed; right now I’m full manic. I see my psych doc on the 8th. How do I tell her I’m ready for meds for this? Because I really don’t want to feel like this anymore. My roommate and I aren’t getting along; partially due to my short temper but she is just so negative and throws me into my episodes sometimes. She is a trigger. She is just like my mom who I am trying to leave behind as she is so so so bad for me…

Tbh what I am talking about was I was supposed to start my transtion on my birthday 2 years ago. But I had to get off a med first. So it got pushed back to March 17th. And then the video sessions started the day after I got my first shot. I found out later I could have gone off the med cold told turkey. It was a birth control.

So I could have started my transtion on my 27th birthday and also had a number of in person sessions with my transfernce therapist before the remote sessions began. So I don't know whats upsetting me more. The fact I didn't begin my transition on my birthday or that she didnt see it happen in person. But this same thing, these emotions happened last year and I got so down and depressed about it. But now I have the valium situation and the health issues added onto it this year.

I also think I'm having legit withdrawels from going down to 2 valium a day and I may need to call my pdoc and tell him whats up.

I talked with my mom about things and we agreed that I can take 3 a day and she'll call the nurse on the 3rd and ask her to send in the prescription to the pharamcy. She had said anyways to call a week before I needed it. Often times the pharmacy does fill it a few days early. I took my second one I take about this time with a big glass of water and some pretzels and I feel a lot better and my major exisentional crisis I just had seems to be ok now.

MD- so I think you should try reframing your thoughts. I do not know how you feel but from what you have written it seems you have a bleak look on somethings. Rather than focusing on WHEN you started transitioning..can you stay mindful of your thoughts in that in this moment you have transitioned? Rather than staying stuck sorta on the dates of it....try focusing on the facts. check the facts. What are the facts?
1-you are your true gender now
2-your mom accepts and supports you greatly (this is huge, BTW. Really tap into some thankfulness mindsets with this one.)
3-you can even go to a T. One time I was severly suicidal and couldnt get help because I had no insurance and couldnt afford the $20 sliding scale fee to see a T.
4-ypu have meds that help you function for the most part.
5-you get to go places and do things. some people are stuck at home.

what else can you think of? check the facts.

I'm so sick of this suffering.

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Originally Posted by Sapien I'm so sick of this suffering.

I'm so sorry, Sapien

I'm hoping that Christina, wildflowerchild (she's in the harsh storm), and Moose check in today.

I guess that makes sense. The whole not focusing on the date thing but just that my transtion happened. I'm just this type of person who likes everything to fit neatly into a little box and for things to go to plan and work out as I think they should and when things don't go as I imagine or plan they would I just get stuck on it. I just like have this perfect image of how things should work out but they rarely do.