I am in trouble. I need some help.

I am having a real bad time of it. My work is not working out for me due to some misbehaving employees. Because of this, I clock out late which I cannot afford to do because I am right up against the limits on SSDI. So I am now looking for a job.

I ended up in a bad accident a year ago. I do not want to drive. I know eventually I will have to. But since I am considered high risk, even if I do not get sued, I may find no insurance willing to carry me on a policy. I still have PTSD from that accident. So I am using an electric kick scooter to get to work and back. Now it has broken down. It will be expensive to replace.

One day I needed a ride to work and back. It was raining a lot. My daughter lives literally a couple minutes away from me. My work is ten minutes away. She ignored me when I asked for help. So I went on my scooter in the rain. I just today found out that she changed her last name to her mothers name from mine. She never told me about this, and ignores my questions about it.

My daughter has lied allot to me, and stole, including both from a store I work at, and from me. She has the emotional maturity of a 16 year old, even though she is 21. Her boyfriend is 25 who is even more immature than she is. They are both reckless and impulsive together. I could not believe she shoplifted from my work, and afterwards, thought nothing if it, giving me a story on why it was not her fault. Her boyfriend's family encourages her to drink and get drunk.

I feel so so sad right now. I feel like I have been blindsided too many times in a row. I do not know what to do with my feeling, or about the situations themselves. I feel I am a plane that is starting to spin down out of control. Furthermore, my daughter and her boyfriend is possibly taking me out for my birthday in less than a week.. Right now I do not want to go.

What can I do?? How can I manage my feelings in this crazy world of mine, like it is not enough dealing with the crazy world that is out there now. I do not know what to do. Because if being sick today, I missed my pdoc appointment.

Please listen to me, and if you can, provide some advice.

Thank you for any help that you can give me. 🥲

Hi Tucson. I totally get the feelings you expressed. They certainly seem justified, to me. As I never had any children, it's not easy for me to say that much about such relationships, but having been a young woman in the past, all kinds of unpredictable behavior can be possible. It's not an isolated thing. I see similar behavior in my husband's nephews. One is almost 30 and the other is heading towards 40, but both indeed come off as immature. Some of that judgement is justified, and some is simply "what middle-aged and older adults have said about youth for centuries". In any case, your daughter stealing is a big deal. A parent can express concern, but ultimately she must change her own behavior. Though I'm not necessarily suggesting it, there is a reason parents, family members and friends go to organizations like Al-Anon. Addiction has parallels to other problem behaviors, including ones like medication resistance by people with mental illness.

You're far from the only person with trauma after a car accident. I experienced a bit of one when I was only 21 years old. It made it difficult for me to start driving again, but I eventually did. However, I have never driven long distances since, nor have I liked going on high-speed highways, unless for only very short distances on ones I'm 100% familiar with. In truth, I have only driven one time (no more) since I moved to Europe in late January 2021. I don't advertise that to my husband's family members. I will drive again, though. I just need more time to adjust. Obviously driving in a totally different country is an extra barrier for me.

You can find a solution to the commute to work (or a new job). It may take some brainstorming and reaching out, though. You can do it If you still live in Arizona, have you researched public transportation? Or asked your Human Resources about carpooling (even if the other does all of the driving)? Also, you might consider looking into Community Resources - Transportation | Arizona Department of Economic Security Such services are not solely for the elderly. They assist those with disabilities. I'm unsure if they'd require some proof, but if you have a psychiatrist and/or therapist that could provide some, it may be an option. Sometimes church organizations (like Catholic Charities) can provide the disabled with some helpful services. One need not always even be religious. I know Catholic Charities generally doesn't discriminate. An example of a man receiving them in NJ can be read about at: Two years after parents''' death, son of '''A Beautiful Mind''' John Nash''' has one regret - nj.com Also, sometimes NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) can provide good advice and referrals to various things. You can find your local chapter at Find Your Local NAMI | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness or simply call the main 800 number. The 800 number is a HELP LINE. I briefly volunteered for my old local NAMI HELP LINE and there were lots of resources.

I have nothing to add to what Soupe has so kindly and thoroughly suggested, except that you will come through this. You just will. I am sending you strength and friendship.

Oh - grown children. I have 2; a son (33) who is a mature, responsible man. My daughter (36) is close to becoming a university professor, obviously excels in the academic world...and has the emotional maturity (outside of her "circle") of a girl in her late teens. Go figure. I'm hoping that by the time she's 40 she'll grow up.

Little ones were a joy and SO easy compared to them when they grow up!!

I know how it is when someone blindside you. In my case it wasn’t by a family member - it was from so called “colleagues” from work. And for years. I hope you just can come through this and that you stay strong. Take day by day, or even so - moment by moment. Try to remember also good things you had with your daughter, those nice, sweet moments that she also remember. Because those little moments are gems. And if you decide to go with her and her boyfriend (even though it would’ve been better that you and your daughter spent that time together for yourselves), enjoy the moment. Don’t freak out, but, don’t forget that you’re parent and she will be always be your daughter - nevertheless the age.

I hope she can understand one day the point of having for example boundaries, that there are there for a reason - not only in school but in entire societies. Instead of letting some police officers (or court) explain that for her if one day situation escalates from bad to worse.

Stay safe and I wish you sir all the best!

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I have sent an email to the local chapter of NAMI. Thanks for the suggestions Soupe Du Jour.

I know it sounds corny but do you meditate at all? I find this helps when I want to ground myself. There’s heaps of YouTube ones you can try listening to

Have you considered applying for a community fund grant through this site? There's a banner about it at the top of the page. It might help you get your scooter working again.

I second this