Bipolar check-in #64

Feeling a little better today, had a nice quiet day. I feel it's due more to the nice weather than anything else. I'm very sensitive to the weather. It's Day Four for the Wellbutrin so it might be that but i doubt it. I took a shower, the second one in three days which is a record for this year. It's so much more pleasant to feel clean. I got my dog out and had a nice time sitting in the sun with her. A neighbor came in the dog park to chat but it's my one close neighbor who helps me with my dog so i didn't mind and we had a brief chat without incident. I did my light exercising again and am excited about it. I did ten laps of the hallway and am aiming to get up to a 100.

Do you think i can do it?

I have a hard time being consistent with exercise tho, so i'll be mindful not to get too excited. I tend to go on the treadmill once and decide to do an Ironman, go swimming once and decide to swim the English Channel, do the exercise bike once and decide to do the Tour de France, etc. Very unrealistic. Being an old lady of 55 now tho, i might be able to not get carried away.

I got an invite to a neighbor's vernissage on Friday evening. It will be held in a Church whose architecture is supposed to be as fascinating as the art will be. Don't know if i'll go tho, it's a social event and i don't feel too social. It's easy for me to get to on the bus tho.

Well, Friday is a long ways away. There's COVID to consider too. Sort of enjoying being a recluse. I've been to vernissages before.

That is so funny you mentioned Macron! Hubby and I are overjoyed and have been talking about the results this evening. They truly do potentially benefit us. Le Pen favors leaving the EU. That would make a possible move there harder for us.

What the heck is wrong in the world that so many are now favoring near (or full on) fascism to democracy by even voting for types like Le Pen, Viktor Orban...etc (yup). Time for people to read the book or watch the movie Nineteen Eighty-Four again.

I have always found Macron rather handsome, as well.

hubby told me the great news!!!!!
bizi
my knees are a bit better.

Well, I"m at the hotel. I am getting up at 3:30 to drink my clear liquids so I don't suffer so much later. Then back to sleep I hope until 4:45. We leave for the hospital at 5:15. Right now I'm really tired so I'm hoping to get some sleep. I ideally will stay up until midnight to eat something but I'm not sure that will happen.

I'll post when I can. It may be Tuesday because I have a long trip home after surgery and if I'm not feeling well I may head straight to bed. Hopefully I'll be up for a note but it's hard to know. My procedure is so early I'm hoping to be out of there fairly early.

Anyway I'm going to find a movie or something to help distract me.

Sending healing and soothing vibes rainbow 🌈

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Originally Posted by whatever2013 Feeling a little better today, had a nice quiet day. I feel it's due more to the nice weather than anything else. I'm very sensitive to the weather. It's Day Four for the Wellbutrin so it might be that but i doubt it. I took a shower, the second one in three days which is a record for this year. It's so much more pleasant to feel clean. I got my dog out and had a nice time sitting in the sun with her. A neighbor came in the dog park to chat but it's my one close neighbor who helps me with my dog so i didn't mind and we had a brief chat without incident. I did my light exercising again and am excited about it. I did ten laps of the hallway and am aiming to get up to a 100. Do you think i can do it? I have a hard time being consistent with exercise tho, so i'll be mindful not to get too excited. I tend to go on the treadmill once and decide to do an Ironman, go swimming once and decide to swim the English Channel, do the exercise bike once and decide to do the Tour de France, etc. Very unrealistic. Being an old lady of 55 now tho, i might be able to not get carried away. I got an invite to a neighbor's vernissage on Friday evening. It will be held in a Church whose architecture is supposed to be as fascinating as the art will be. Don't know if i'll go tho, it's a social event and i don't feel too social. It's easy for me to get to on the bus tho. Well, Friday is a long ways away. There's COVID to consider too. Sort of enjoying being a recluse. I've been to vernissages before.

Good for you for doing hallway laps! Since you did 10 already, 100 isn't out of reach. No rush.


I understand about the weather. I'm also very sensitive to the weather and to the light changes that occur with different types of weather. I wish I wasn't- and I also wish that more pdocs understood it.


Oh, Jane! The vernissage sounds like it will be stunning! I absolutely love beautiful churches. Wish I was going with you! I hope you decide to attend. Well, see how the week goes.

55 isn't old

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Well, I"m at the hotel. I am getting up at 3:30 to drink my clear liquids so I don't suffer so much later. Then back to sleep I hope until 4:45. We leave for the hospital at 5:15. Right now I'm really tired so I'm hoping to get some sleep. I ideally will stay up until midnight to eat something but I'm not sure that will happen. I'll post when I can. It may be Tuesday because I have a long trip home after surgery and if I'm not feeling well I may head straight to bed. Hopefully I'll be up for a note but it's hard to know. My procedure is so early I'm hoping to be out of there fairly early. Anyway I'm going to find a movie or something to help distract me.

You have a lot of support and love coming to you from us. Take good care and keep your wonderful sense of humor See you when you check in.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour That is so funny you mentioned Macron! Hubby and I are overjoyed and have been talking about the results this evening. They truly do potentially benefit us. Le Pen favors leaving the EU. That would make a possible move there harder for us. What the heck is wrong in the world that so many are now favoring near (or full on) fascism to democracy by even voting for types like Le Pen, Viktor Orban...etc (yup). Time for people to read the book or watch the movie Nineteen Eighty-Four again. I have always found Macron rather handsome, as well.

Oh, hey...Macron is a hottie

Pffft, wish I knew the answer to that question! YES - I wonder if kids are still reading 1984 in school? Gosh, I remember my feeling of horror when I read it...and now.... Too much of it has come to pass.

Yeah 1984 is too close for comfort. I can’t recall what they called the news ( doublespeak?) but it’s uncomfortably close to T****’s truth site.

I got my new glasses yesterday, I really like them. Nice to be able to see things at a distance clearly again (I’m nearsighted)

My cat came running into my room carrying an ENTIRE roll of paper towels with her last night as if she was a dog carrying a bone, it was hilarious, she’s such a funny cat. She gets her new big sister Maybelle (my sister’s cat she’s giving me) this Thursday, hopefully they get along.

I’ve been so tired lately. I don’t know if it’s my meds or what. I’m wondering if it’s the Thorazine. I used to be on 400mg along with another 1st generation AP and a mood stabilizer, I don’t know how the hell I managed to function or ever wake up then. Now I’m just on 200mg Thorazine, 15mg Abilify, plus a mood stabilizer and ADs. I fell asleep this afternoon for 2 hours even though I slept all night last night. I could barely keep my eyes open. The problem is when I’m off these meds I don’t sleep, at all. I stay up for days or only sleep around 3 hours a night every night so that’s not good either.

There’s gotta be some way to make myself less tired. Coffee doesn’t help because I consume a lot of caffeine and have a high tolerance for it.

I managed to get on the treadmill for 30 minutes today. Also did some reps with my 8lb weights and a lot of squats with my resistance bands, trying to get more active and lose some of this weight I’ve gained since starting the abilify.

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Originally Posted by Nammu The bamboo sheets are soo soft! I can’t wait for bedtime. 😃 the colors are all muted earth tones, moss, lavender and they call the sheets silver but they’re a soft grey with a sheen. It’s calling out to me. I sprayed the sheets with lavender and have a lavender, bergamot hand lotion that’s supposed to induce sleep. Tonight I go down another.5 mg on my ambien. So everything non- meds I can do to help myself sleep is onboard. I’ve been saving my new sheets and blankets for this decrease. Still hold on to the increase in latuda and the second AP for when I go lower. I figure I’ll save those for when I start getting no sleep a night. So far I’ve gotten a minimum of 2-3 hours on the bad nights.

That sounds absolutely divine! All of it, the colors, the textures, the scents. The hand lotion. Do you ever shop on etsy.com? I buy body butter from various sellers. I want to buy the spray for my bed. I hope your sleep is deeply restful and full of lovely dreams

I so glad you like your new glasses blue bird it’s always a bit of uncertainty until they finally come. Then if they work out it’s a small joy 🤩

Your workouts sound intense!

I’ve only shopped Etsy a few times. The lotion I got from my daughter at Christmas time. She’s into holistic stuff too and so thoughtful about gifts.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I got my new glasses yesterday, I really like them. Nice to be able to see things at a distance clearly again (I’m nearsighted) My cat came running into my room carrying an ENTIRE roll of paper towels with her last night as if she was a dog carrying a bone, it was hilarious, she’s such a funny cat. She gets her new big sister Maybelle (my sister’s cat she’s giving me) this Thursday, hopefully they get along. I’ve been so tired lately. I don’t know if it’s my meds or what. I’m wondering if it’s the Thorazine. I used to be on 400mg along with another 1st generation AP and a mood stabilizer, I don’t know how the hell I managed to function or ever wake up then. Now I’m just on 200mg Thorazine, 15mg Abilify, plus a mood stabilizer and ADs. I fell asleep this afternoon for 2 hours even though I slept all night last night. I could barely keep my eyes open. The problem is when I’m off these meds I don’t sleep, at all. I stay up for days or only sleep around 3 hours a night every night so that’s not good either. There’s gotta be some way to make myself less tired. Coffee doesn’t help because I consume a lot of caffeine and have a high tolerance for it. I managed to get on the treadmill for 30 minutes today. Also did some reps with my 8lb weights and a lot of squats with my resistance bands, trying to get more active and lose some of this weight I’ve gained since starting the abilify. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yay for your new glasses! What a fab feeling.

Miss M.! Hahahaha!!!! She's so funny

Tired...yeah, probably the thorazine. What can I say, except you're in the right club. No AP, no sleep. AP, sleepy all day. Caffeine doesn't do jack for me, either.

But you did so well with exercising! Wow, hug yourself for that!

Really missing my wife right now. You would think it would get better as the days go om but not for me and yes I know it has been less then 6 months since she died. Last night was the first night in a long time since I did not wake up thinking of her in the middle of the night. That was actually nice to sleep through the night but I still woke up depressed. I am so lost without her bur I am getting my life into a better order than what it has been.

Trigger

I really miss her and I wish I was dead but I'm not suicidal so no worries there. But if I got diagnosed with something terminal I would not try to cure it. I am in Arkansas today and it has helped being away from home. I am actually enjoying this trip. I have no deadlines except I need to be home by the 9th of next month. She was such a big part of my life and I miss our conversations. I still talk to her especially while I am on my bike. It helps a little but it's not the same.

Thank you everyone on here I really appreciate your support.

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I did a transcript report tongiht for my qualitative research class. Eww. Soooooo it’s 14 pages. I gotta shorten that sucker..

I'm so done. I can't find a place in my mind that feels safe enough to hide in. I can't even think of any more words to write about how I'm feeling.


Sending peace to all and wishes for an easy surgery (well, as easy as surgery can be) and a healthy outcome for Rainbow. Also much concern about Jennifer.

I truly appreciate the concern and care about my rash and fever. The fever got up to 103.4 today. I did decide to wait and see my dermatologist Monday versus urgent care. I do have a huge tendency to downplay the seriousness of things. I’ve had walking pneumonia 3 times because I didn’t attend to things properly or take it seriously. I see my dermatologist at 8:15 this morning. I surely hope she can help straighten things out. I’ll need help combating this rash.

Despite the pain, I met my daughter halfway to visit Sunday morning. It was a positive visit and we’re making plans for Mother’s Day and her birthday and my birthday both of which are around that time. We’re also making plans for Florida 5/28th. I told mom it might be best if she go on vacation with sister this year. All throughout my marriage and before and after, I’ve taken mom on vacation with us. This year will be sister’s turn. I need the break and my daughter doesn’t put up with Mom’s nonsense like I do. Mom did not take it well.

I went to bed around 7 last night because I wasn’t feeling well and one of brother’s nurses called at 9:30 to schedule a visit. Who does that?!? Now I’m wide awake with the night meds worn off and very little prospect of further sleep. I’m rather peeved. Why my phone wasn’t on sleep mode is beyond me.

I hope everybody has a peaceful week. Hugs to all!

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I’m sending good thoughts, healing vibes and gentle hugs.

I’ve made it this far. I only have a few more hours to go to get an answer. I really appreciate your concern. I’m sure my dermatologist will get things straightened out. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I truly appreciate the concern and care about my rash and fever. The fever got up to 103.4 today. I did decide to wait and see my dermatologist Monday versus urgent care. I do have a huge tendency to downplay the seriousness of things. I’ve had walking pneumonia 3 times because I didn’t attend to things properly or take it seriously. I see my dermatologist at 8:15 this morning. I surely hope she can help straighten things out. I’ll need help combating this rash. Despite the pain, I met my daughter halfway to visit Sunday morning. It was a positive visit and we’re making plans for Mother’s Day and her birthday and my birthday both of which are around that time. We’re also making plans for Florida 5/28th. I told mom it might be best if she go on vacation with sister this year. All throughout my marriage and before and after, I’ve taken mom on vacation with us. This year will be sister’s turn. I need the break and my daughter doesn’t put up with Mom’s nonsense like I do. Mom did not take it well. I went to bed around 7 last night because I wasn’t feeling well and one of brother’s nurses called at 9:30 to schedule a visit. Who does that?!? Now I’m wide awake with the night meds worn off and very little prospect of further sleep. I’m rather peeved. Why my phone wasn’t on sleep mode is beyond me. I hope everybody has a peaceful week. Hugs to all!

I agree with you regarding your decision to have your sister take your mom this year. I can understand your mom's disappointment, but fair is fair.

Jennifer...that's a high fever! It's definitely a good thing you have an early morning appointment. Please do check in when you have the chance
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I just saw your post to me. Thank you, so much

I’m at the hospital waiting for pre-op registration. Anxiety is high.

Thank you, wildflowerchild! I saw therapy as some kind of help to grow. Since I am not among the young anymore, I felt I had done my part of growing. But there it lies, that I am not young anymore. We grow up and have to deal with whatever childhood we had. In addition there is all the holes in social competence (what to talk about, music, society or whatever). What others got of no cost in their homes while growing up, some of us has to set apart time to learn later. I did, believe me, I really did when I was in the student age. It takes a lot of time and comes on the top of busy days with study/work, childrearing, being a partner and so on. Nobody who has not gone through something similar understands about the costs of recovering from a hurtful past.

In my life, after I felt that the psychological job was done, somebody hurt me so badly as a grown up and that took away years of my life that could have been good. At the top came the isolation for almost two years due to Covid. I think that what I am experiencing now is about having missed continuing opportunities to be social and to learn more about social competence. I can talk about the Beatles and those sort of "things", but I lack more recent competence. One of my best friends has died during these two last years. I feel that I do not fit in, now. To suddenly being together with people with other standards then mine, is what has made this depression break through.

I feel a bit better today, but am glad I ordered an appointment with my former therapist. We will have to sort out where I can belong, feel accepted, and how to behave when I have to attend groups that I do not fit into.

Sorry for the long rant, but it felt strange to suddenly be in a "I wish to die" state. To know that I soon will be able to talk to a therapist that already knows me from before is a relief.

Good wishes to you and all the others on the thread!

I read it as well. It was terrible and yes, the society is not what it was.

Me too, Jennifer!

Am sending comforting hugs your way!