Bipolar check-in #64

I am having a rough time of it. Fits of depression, emotional pain, and cognitive problems like having difficulty putting sentences together. I wish this would stop.

Thanks. I did skip the pool, brr. They idea of the cold pool on my sleep deprived skin was too much. But I like the group that goes to fitness we’re all older and it’s nice to socialize a bit. There’s four of us that do both the pool and the fitness class. We all started the fitness class at the same time. They usually have coffee together but I come home between classes and eat breakfast as I’m not an mornings person and I need to eat something for the fitness classes.

WOW!

I'm home. I'm very tired and sore. I'll share more tomorrow (and boy do I have a funny =-ish story).

Good night. Thanks so much everyone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I'm home. I'm very tired and sore. I'll share more tomorrow (and boy do I have a funny =-ish story). Good night. Thanks so much everyone.

Oh my gosh! I'm so glad you're okay. Definitely looking forward to "seeing" you tomorrow. I hope you're sleeping really well.

I had the therapy session. I think she did a long session. Honestly, I'm having difficulty with time and place. Frankly, I think I've cracked up. I guess I need to ground myself? I guess I'll check around on how to do that.

My thoughts were attacking me this morning, every painful shameful moment from the past. It was just a "Jane's Hit Parade." So i exercised to try and stop them but that didn't work. I thought a change of scenery might help so i joyrode our train. Then i went to the mall for lunch and a few groceries.

It may not sound like much, but i guess that's a lot of activity for me, after all these long quiet months of depression / COVID inertia. Well, it WAS three buses and a train. I got overwhelmed and cried after i got home. It just seems that there's no pleasure in life. I'm alive, sure, but where is the pleasure?

Unfortunately, my dog, who is sweet and adorable in every other way, does not comfort me when i cry. She doesn't have any reaction.

I guess i just got overwhelmed. I spent several hours sitting quietly and feel recovered now. I'll be more careful not to overdo it from now on.

Happy that i exercised two days in a row tho. I'm very sore, it even hurts to type.

I work on grounding a lot. Some suggestions:
Hold ice or an ice pack

Use a weighted blanket if you have one

Sit in a chair and push your feet on the ground

Push hard against a wall

Five senses - name 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. Or any combination thereof.

Speaking of taste, my therapist told me to taste something really strong to snap back to earth, such as biting a lemon or taking a sip of vinegar. I actually use the super sour classic 90s candy, warheads lol.

Counting - I have a painting on my wall that I count colors in. I’ve also done it with bricks on the sidewalk when I was triggered away from home.

I haven’t tried this one yet but a social worker told me to try to spell a word backwards.

I dunno if any of those will help but worth a try. In regards to losing your sense of time, I was/am in the same boat. Don’t really know which day it is or how long ago something happened. Sucks.

I hope you feel better

So happy your home and the healing can begin

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Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and a few other things after the death of my brother. I'm rapid cycling and have mixed episodes, as well as, tons of anxiety, disassociation episodes, and panic attacks.

It's been a rough 8 months, and I feel very alone. I'm high functioning so its rare for most people to even notice what I go through. To be honest, I feel like I'm in my own personalized hell. I know no one going through what I am, and I feel literally crazy at times. I wanted to talk to people suffering through the same thing to better understand my disorder.

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time, Beth. Is it the sleep deprivation that's bothering you? Hope one of WFC's suggestions helps you.

I like Wildflowerchild25's suggestions. One of my favorite things to do is to run my fingers over a brick wall, including the mortar in between. The roughness on my fingertips is calming.

Welcome! Feel free to jump right in. This is a really supportive group.

Welcome, @bric! We're glad you joined us. As wildflowerchild wrote, do post on a topic you like, feel free to ask questions or ask support and get to know others here, as you like. We "get it"!

this is a pretty fast moving thread so until you have 5 post there will be a bit of delay. But do post. Again, welcome

Thank you I really appreciate it.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I work on grounding a lot. Some suggestions: Hold ice or an ice pack Use a weighted blanket if you have one Sit in a chair and push your feet on the ground Push hard against a wall Five senses - name 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. Or any combination thereof. Speaking of taste, my therapist told me to taste something really strong to snap back to earth, such as biting a lemon or taking a sip of vinegar. I actually use the super sour classic 90s candy, warheads lol. Counting - I have a painting on my wall that I count colors in. I’ve also done it with bricks on the sidewalk when I was triggered away from home. I haven’t tried this one yet but a social worker told me to try to spell a word backwards. I dunno if any of those will help but worth a try. In regards to losing your sense of time, I was/am in the same boat. Don’t really know which day it is or how long ago something happened. Sucks. I hope you feel better

Thank you so much! This really helps.

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Originally Posted by bric Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and a few other things after the death of my brother. I'm rapid cycling and have mixed episodes, as well as, tons of anxiety, disassociation episodes, and panic attacks. It's been a rough 8 months, and I feel very alone. I'm high functioning so its rare for most people to even notice what I go through. To be honest, I feel like I'm in my own personalized hell. I know no one going through what I am, and I feel literally crazy at times. I wanted to talk to people suffering through the same thing to better understand my disorder.

Welcome, bric! You are certainly in the right place. I relate strongly to each of the symptoms you've listed, as I'm sure many of us do. My precious sister died about 3 years ago...losing a sibling has been a very strange and wrong feeling to me. I'm glad you're here

Doing some grounding helped to bring me back into this time and place, more or less. The sleep problems definitely are not helpful...but much of that goes right back to that doctor's mistreatment of my symptoms. When I was with my therapist today she told me that she has other clients with bipolar disorder who are having problems with the same woman. The problem is that she refuses to diagnose people with bipolar disorder...she's not a psychiatrist, but is a DO, so medication is not her first choice of treatment. My T is definitely going to bat for me. I feel terribly betrayed by a clinic I trusted with my mental healthcare. Due to my situation with that woman, the way she yelled at me and so on, I've been extremely dissociative and having flashbacks, etc. When those things hit it is as though I am not at all 59, but fifteen, or seventeen, or eight. The experience is frightening, to say the least.

It's warm tonight. Something I like about being on the 2nd floor is that I can open my bedroom window at night. It can't be reached except with a ladder.

My son, Noah, and my DIL were possibly coming by today, but he did the 100 mile bike ride and was totally wiped out. He said, "Mom, I realized I'm not in my 20's anymore!" He's all of 33. Oh, dear. I was sad, though.

Well, I'm going to put myself in the shower to get refreshed and try to sleep. My new med provider cancelled our appt. for tomorrow ; I'm kinda stuck with taking whatever I have on hand to help me sleep.

Beautiful, sweet daisies all around for you, and you, and you, and...

Hope you will feel better tomorrow!

It is always a rough time when old meories knocks on the door! Hope you feel better after a good nights sleep!

Miss Mustachio caught in the act, this is the second time she stole the paper towel roll because I forgot to put it in a place she couldn't reach, she came running into my room carrying it again but this time I caught it in photos

Precious!

I’m on the mend and I should be happy but lack of sleep is catching up with me. I’m irritable, exhausted and pessimistic. That’s not like me. I find it impossible to nap so night time is my time to catch up. I don’t quite feel back on my feet today. That sucks.

I have a consultation today for the growth on my tongue. I’m not really thrilled about having my tongue cut on but the growth will need to be removed and biopsied. Another cash outlay. It is raining cats and dogs. I’ll have to drive in downtown traffic to a place I don’t know. Fun.

Yes, I know. Rarely grumpy. I am so far today. I’m going to work on getting a better attitude.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all!