[Nammu]

Boots, are you in a metro area? You could try finding a low cost acupuncture to help deal with the cravings? I know when I lived in Austin there was a couple of low cost clinics. I went to deal with pain, it was great. The guy knew what he was doing and he also threw in cupping treatments it helped me sleep better.

[MuddyBoots]

There's an acupuncture studio in my city but I don't think I'd be comfortable with that. And each visit's $40.

[MuddyBoots]

My fss worker came by to drop off meds (including more klonopin!) and really urged me to take a PRN so I took thorazine twice. I'm never taking Kpin again.
I gotta say I'm feeling a lot better. I've been paranoid of demons and I still kinda am but I'm not hearing the angels try to protect me right now so idk how I feel about that

[downandlonely]

@MuddyBoots just wondering if you have talked to your doctor about the klonopin? If you are on a high dose, you may need to taper down rather than going cold turkey. Some dangerous withdrawal effects.

[MuddyBoots]

@downandlonely I'm not on a high dose. It's PRN and until recently I rarely took it

[downandlonely]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

@downandlonely I'm not on a high dose. It's PRN and until recently I rarely took it

Ok, got it. I think you're right that it's better not to start the habit.

[MuddyBoots]

How the fk do you just "sit with your feelings!"?????
If someone tells me one more time to sit with my feelings i will go ballistic

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

How the fk do you just "sit with your feelings!"?????
If someone tells me one more time to sit with my feelings i will go ballistic

I get it. I hate that too.

It sucks when someone else repeats the same unhelpful things to us.

Do they ever elaborate? Here they tend not to.

[MuddyBoots]

No, they never elaborate. Just say it's a skill you have to learn.

In all honesty I had a few drinks and feel better. Kinda bothered that no one's responding to my textx/ calls though. I feel like I am "too much" for most people. Hell, I'm too much for myself!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

No, they never elaborate. Just say it's a skill you have to learn.

In all honesty I had a few drinks and feel better. Kinda bothered that no one's responding to my textx/ calls though. I feel like I am "too much" for most people. Hell, I'm too much for myself!

I sometimes feel like I'm ''too much'' for most people too (including Papa bear, he likes a lot of quiet.. ) and I'm definitely too much for me

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

I feel like I have to self medicate in order to not off myself. I am slipping into a big depression and opioids have always been my best "mood stabilizer."

[Nammu]

I’ve heard that said before about opioids being a mood stabilizer. Heard it a lot actually. I wish medicine wasn’t so politically driven. Then maybe it would be between a doctor and a patient as to what works best.

[buddha1too]

I hate to tell you what you already know, but opioid abuse takes a lot of lives. I know you're slipping into depression & might not care at the moment, but we care about you. You're intelligent & have a sense of humor I find hilarious (when you're in the mood). You might be on the cusp of getting your own place, and I remember you writing that you have dreams of pursuing a STEM program. Opioids might be the quickest way to screw things up. OK. Lecture over. Smile & don't use...

[*Beth*]

But opioids aren't mood stabilizers, they're calming and anxiety reducing - until they aren't. Because when the effect wears off people who use them get suuuuper moody. And, of course, there's the overdose issue. What Buddha said ^^^^^^
((((HUG Boots)))))

[Fuzzybear]

MuddyBoots

[MuddyBoots]

I don't get the point of being on meds right now if I'm not going to be stable until my body "resets" anyways. Invega is just giving me all side effects (including a possible allergic reaction) no benefits. If my new doc doesn't listen to me I'm quitting ACT.

[downandlonely]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I don't get the point of being on meds right now if I'm not going to be stable until my body "resets" anyways. Invega is just giving me all side effects (including a possible allergic reaction) no benefits. If my new doc doesn't listen to me I'm quitting ACT.

I really hope the new doc listens to you. It's very frustrating when doctors don't listen to concerns about side effects.

[*Beth*]

I also hope your new doc listens to you. I have had the ones who listen and the ones who don't and it is a world of difference. It's very affirming to have confidence in your doctor.

[MuddyBoots]

THey promise ****ing hope and then they withhold the means and I am sick of it. I am sick of this world. Why can't they STOP TRYING TO HELP EXCEPT when I explicitly ask because THEY (the ACT team) are just getting in my ****ing way and I am ****ing sick of it and I am ****ing ready to die because NOBODY can ****ing help me.

[*Beth*]

I totally hear you and feel for you, Boots. It feels to me like mental health providers promise a lot more than they deliver. Did your pdoc appointment turn out to not be helpful?

[MuddyBoots]

No. The ACT team said they'd pick up my meds.... so it's doubtful I'll ever see a dose of them. I just called their crisis line...over 20 minutes ago and no call back... good thing too because right now I think all I'll do is threaten them.

i'm convinced I don't actually have any mental illness. I *had* PTSD and they said "easy access" because I was wearing sweatpants and now they're just trying to get someone who *had* promise and breaking them down and trying to get me to off myself. Well, I quit. No more meds. No more peer support. No more fccking nonsense that is only intended for harm. I suggest everyone quit treatment now before they completely take over your mind.

[buddha1too]

I'm sorry they're making it so difficult for you. It's trite, but all I can write is, "hang in there." Pretty pitiful response, isn't it? Just know you're valued here.

[*Beth*]

I get it, Boots. I really do.

[Fuzzybear]

I get it too Boots

[MuddyBoots]

I didn't mean what I said. Yes, treatment is incredibly flawed, but I think without meds, therapy, and IP I would be dead so this is at least a half-step up from that. And I did get my meds and took them. I hope the Lamictal helps calm me down. I think my pdoc thinks I'm bp rather than schizoaffective which also gives me a bit of hope as it feels to me like a (slightly) less severe concept.