[Rosi700]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

First off, thank you so much for your good thoughts about my husband. He got some antibiotics, and we're hoping that will help some, but unfortunately, it sounds like he's going to need another surgery and possibly more every 5 years or maybe even sooner! It's been a pretty depressing day, to be honest.

Which makes it even harder now for me to reply to your first post (cuz i'm in a mood and already stressed about his health and the travel and the costs). I mean, I had legit concerns, but I probably maybe shouldn't have posted about it unless it was super concerning. I mean, because I've been sleeping better now (i mean, i did stay up late last night and was forced to wake up early today to go to the docter, but I was still feeling sleepy like I could have slept AND I took a long nap today and even a short one last night) But yeah, I kinda worry about people's opinion of me here in this subforum, to be honest. I don't want them to think I'm making light of bipolar if I don't have it but I keep whining about "symptoms".

But more to your post. Yeah, of course hubby's opinion has an influence on me. I mean, as much as I wish he wouldn't say things the way he says them, he does have some valid points. Like the cost and the legitamacy of the care here. And unfortunately, I've had experiences to both of those things. Like ...oh i'm too tired to go into much detail, but one example is how my one therapist basically just read word for word from a book for our DBT therapy. Like geesus! I could do that at home, for free, on my computer! And because she was a specialist, she cost even more than regular therapy (which was actually better, but still had it's own issues for me) So like, it's me too that struggles with wanting or having to use the local mental health care system here. And unfortunately, I've talked to my GP about things and while he's helped some, he keeps referring me to see those who specialize in the subject...and he suggested those closer to home (cuz he's like an hour away).
So yeah, frustrating!

But again, I'm feeling better now, so I just feel stupid about my original post (i mean original to our conversation). *facepalms

I hope that your husband will become better soon!

Take your time, giddykitty, to get used to live with your special difficulties, either it has this or that diagnose. The only "thing" that matters is that you have the best life that is possible for you. You can go back to your GP later if you think that bipolar is the most right for you. May be it is an idea to search at Amazon for a self-help book?

Don't worry about if it was right to post "that post". We all have our days when we posted something we regret.

If one shall use money on therapy, at least one has to feel that the therapist is right.

Sending good thoughts!

[giddykitty]

I'm not really sure where to post this
but i'm feeling ignored today
not necessarily on here, I actually mean on my social media account,
but it could be here too. I realize not many people read my blog posts

i'm feeling really depressed today. I'm feeling really sad
about the fact that certain things in life I'll never have or never
achieve, because I'm a loser.
I feel stupid. I get easily frustrated and lose sight of goals...
that is, if i even have goals in the first place. Everything seems so like
i don't even know.
I'll shut up now. Not like anyone wants to hear me speak anyway.

[giddykitty]

ok, some of that was just ********
the **** that comes to mind when i'm feeling down

the truth is this
well, i thought i could have some fun in the community with fellow fans/stans of this actor, and I'm ok as long as I'm replying to their posts, but if i make my own posts...silence.
It's about being ignored in the community. it's making me feel bad for my obsession. i really don't think i obsess or behave any different that others in the community. why do they have so many likes and I get the silence?

[bizi]

Don't be so hard on your self.
This forum is pretty large and there have been some post to you.
not many I supposed,I am sorry that you are having a rough time right now. things will change as they always do. We are living in constant flux.
nice to see you post here.
bizi

[Fuzzybear]

[giddykitty]

thanks @bizi @Fuzzybear !

things have actually been looking up lately. and I was mostly talking about a different community that I was struggling to make connections (the actor's fan community) But now things have changed. I've met a few really friendly folks and have chatted nice with many more. It's been fun!

Oh yeah, so about H (husband). Sounds like he will need another surgery (?) Well, he actually saw the specialist today who prescribed a different kind of nasal spray, but unfortunately, our insurance won't cover it. So I actually don't know what the plan is now. Yeah, it's a bit disheartening... He has seem to get a bit better though with the antibiotics. Today might be his last day on those. Hopefully the worst is over...again tho, probably looking at more surgery and that's a huge pain! :'(

But before all of that, we are going out of town again this weekend and then next weekend, we'll be back and have a house full of guests for the next couple of months. So this is kinda like my farewell for now post. I'll be pretty busy and not sure if or how much time I'll have for the forums. We will see, I guess. But I want to wish all a happy summer! See ya around when I get some time again!

[giddykitty]

Hi!
Popping in for a quick minute.
Been sick with the cold flu for the past like 4 days. Been pretty out of it. Thankfully, my sister-in-law could hold down the fort while H and I go through this.

Today was better though. I'm hoping I'll be nearly over this tomorrow.

Have been having fun with the family. Haven't done any long travels yet, but
we took a trip to the mall about an hour from here one weekend, and did some local trips to the library.
Not to mention, we (well, they. I slept in that day) went to the July 4th parade, and we watched the local fireworks shows.
Got the inlaw nephews in touch with my sister's kids. They get along well.
H and I have plans to take them to our alma mater (which is a few hours away) one weekend, and an amusement park another weekend getaway.
There is also the other site we want to take them too that we found in our neighboring state.
Hopefully, we'll get it all in before they leave. I think they have like 4 weeks left.

Oh geez! I completely forgot that my last post was about H requiring additional surgery. Well, now I've been to the doctor about this ganglion cyst that I've had on my wrist for a few months now, and it sounds like the solution is to get it cut out. So I'm scheduled for surgery too. Oh God, I hope it's nothing as bad as H's was, but it will still be an inconvenience, because I'm always using my hands, even my left (non dominant) one! I'm nearly ambidextrous now. But yeah, I'll be unable to use it for a few weeks. The whole thing is stressing me out and making me wonder if I even should go through with it! I have been wearing a wrist brace and the doc says that's been helping to shrink it...what if it goes away on it's own? I might still be left with the wrist pain though, but what if the surgery doesn't even take away the pain, ya know?

ok, i think y'all are pretty much all caught up on my life

[dmom3005]

Giddy

My thought on it is to get it done and over with so you don't have
to stress with it. Because the cyst can always return.

Donna

[giddykitty]

Hmm maybe. But my concern is if the cyst shrinks too small, how will they even know where to cut? Also, what if it doesn't take away my pain, and i go through the pain of surgery for nothing? (I'm scared based on H's past experience. I can't lose use of my hands! 😭 )

[giddykitty]

I was gonna write more, but I'm too depressed or something. I dunno! Mostly recovered from the cold, but have this stubborn cough that's really irritating me and i dunno what people are cooking, but it's aggravating the cough and I'm just already in a mood! Bleh!

[giddykitty]

Hi!
Well, I'm exhausted again and also flaring up (from the heat affecting my condition). It sucks!
I'm not gonna write a lot
Just that we went to the science museum today
and that I love my inlaws, especially my little nephew. I want to keep him, he's so sweet and precious! <3
goodnight!

[giddykitty]

Well, summer has been over for me for a month now and it's been really hard for me to get into a "proper" routine (just like before we had guests). ugh! it sucks! it's depressing!

but I will keep trying. before I got sick last week (stomachaches for like 3 straight days), I had gotten into a proper exercise routine. i need to get back into it again now.
um,

oh, my surgery has actually been cancelled. turns out my primary doctor was concerned about recovery for me, since I'm on a high dose aspirin regiment and can't go off it for even a day...well, the going off it was the typical protocol for the week before surgery, but even if i could keep taking it, it could interfere with recovery meds or with me bleeding too much and not healing properly. scary stuff! so yeah, it's not worth the risk.

i'm getting ignored again on socials, but thankfully, not completely. I still have a few folks that take care of me. and this isn't to say that people aren't nice enough to me when i seek them out. it's just that people are mostly so consumed with their own selves, they don't have time to care about me or my needs. sigh

and I had a website where I could watch old television shows, but tonight, it doesn't want to work. so i don't have a fun, relaxing thing to do tonight...only chores. (always chores ugh)

[bizi]

When you said socials did you mean social media?
I would say screw them!
bizi

[giddykitty]

bizi,
yeah soc media. i havent like done anything drastic like unfriend them, but i'm keeping them at arms length. i'm focusing more on the people who do show me love.

[giddykitty]

Hey everyone!
This is gonna be short for now cuz it's already after 3am Eek! But I just got an email from this forum about a thread update and was missing folks and wanted to say hi. (oh, actually, technically the email was for neurotalk, but the folks i spoke to had to move here, so i am here) Hope everyone is doing alright! Love and hugs! <3

[felineangel]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

Hey everyone!
This is gonna be short for now cuz it's already after 3am Eek! But I just got an email from this forum about a thread update and was missing folks and wanted to say hi. (oh, actually, technically the email was for neurotalk, but the folks i spoke to had to move here, so i am here) Hope everyone is doing alright! Love and hugs! <3

All of the internet's loves our giddykitty

[Moose72]

Just read this whole thread and I’m glad to see you’re back. I enjoy your posts!

[giddykitty]

Hi!
Sorry I went MIA again. It's actually really hard for me to make time to come here. So much has happened and is happening. Later this week, I go back to the "oral surgeon" to see about the lingering jaw pain. I went in about a month ago and they gave me meds and told me to do the exercises and massage. It improved a lot, but it's still not 100%. That's just the latest.
Probably don't want to talk about a lot of it...
Oh, but I did want to mention I'm working on my novel again. Yay! (i guess lol) Have a couple more readers this time, or at least some started to read it. I've revised the beginning and the end. Starts out interesting, then i'm not sure. Seems the ending should come a bit sooner, and there's also a lot of possible filler... and yet, I feel like the story is weak too, so needs more brainstorming and support. Will look through the middle again next, just for the sake of completing it. Then, I am back to the drawing board. lol

Well, it's already late now and I keep saying I'm gonna start going to bed earlier. At least I've started waking up earlier, but I need to complete the process. Anyway, so I'll say goodnight now! *Hugs*

[raspberrytorte]

That's great you're working on your novel again, giddy! That is exciting.

[giddykitty]

Hey folks!
I know it has been some time. I'm not even sure where to post anymore or what I can even say, for today brings me here for my, i guess, seasonal issue with, it's not a self harm or intentional SH thing, but it does leave a mark/can hurt. I can't remember the "correct" term they always correct me with on here. So yeah, can't really get help or support from it here, but i knew of another who had mentioned something similar and i guess i am just missing people, and missing when we used to talk on Neurotalk as well. It was less busy/less stressful there, in a way, but seems like this site might be slowing down too?

Anyway, so i am a little frustrated today, so i popped in. I also am feeling stressed about my, maybe adhd causing, habit of texting my mom (or people) with things and thoughts that happen in my day. I worry i overwhelm my Mom, for unlike online friends, she would have a harder time getting away from me...and i NEED her! I NEED someone/s! It's just little things, that many people might talk/text about at times, but i do it daily. I'm married, but he works and we are actually pretty different. He will tell me i annoy him and to go talk to someone else, so yeah. So i have that. And it's so lonely, i guess! So yeah, hello! I'm lonely or something. But i also keep very busy.
And my fingers hurt today (that habit and also my erythromelalgia compounds it all), so i can't do a whole lot of cleaning or even my fun things like typing or embroidery today. Shrugs

But i will have my coffee now! Haha! Yum!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Hi Giddy! Welcome back!

[Blueberrybook]

You're definitely not alone. I'm lonely a lot too.

[giddykitty]

Hey! I'm back. Although, now that I'm here, my mind is blank. *cries
I'm just so done with life, and tired. I really wanted to go see this movie tomorrow since like summer of last year, but it has all become quite a hassle. Tomorrow is like the only day I can do it, before it leaves the theatre.

Whatever. I'm just like so struggling... trauma dump below, so don't read if you're feeling bad too. Probably no one will read, because who wants to hear constant complaining? I guess that is what makes it all worse, because i am so like addicted now to "venting". Just so sick of being sick! Sigh


with physical pain and also the stress of being so dependant on others and dependent on pleasureable things just to maintain sanity and make the pain hurt less. But some of those pleasureable things are actually sometimes harmful to me (dietary stuff), and other things are such a pain for others. So like, i have to feel guilty when i ask for help or company with things... Not only that, i have to, sometime suffer, through a lot of their things too, or just have them do it without me.

I am saying a lot of things that are general complaints, and yes they can be, but I'm also not explaining it all that great either. I'm still not the best writer, or i need to edit like a million times to actually say what i mean, or even know what i mean.

I'm just having a bad day. Also was a couple hours late for my evening pain meds, and i HAD to eat some not so good food for me, because the diet food just blehhh. So I'll possibly be hurting again tomorrow, when i was physically slightly better today, despite the backache and the mood.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry about the pain. I know how much it sucks to rely on others and how going without is easier. Hopefully tomorrow is fun.