Bipolar check-in #68

Yesterday was all sorts of crazy.

But I slept some in 1-3 hour chunks. Still hearing stuff other's can't, especially stuff the dude that abused me said in his voice which feels more flashback-ish than actual hallucination (especially considering it's the time of year my PTSD starts getting really bad).

Still itchy. Six patches on my arms, two patches on my leg, and tons of patches on my neck/shoulders/chest, one patch on my face. Super nervous about talking to my new pdoc. Stupid telephone appointment too.

I meet a person who pretty much does everything for our ACT team up here. Phone call today, in person appointment tomorrow.

Hugs and love to all

Exactly. That’s what I mean when I say it’s not all about losing weight. Congrats on getting your levels down

I feel pretty good today mentally and physically. I’m still going to the doctor today for a full blood panel and a physical. Three weeks is a long time to be ill. Tack that on to the three weeks I was fighting COVID in June and I missed a substantial part of the summer. Oh well….I’ll make this next week really count. Tomorrow and Thursday will be perfect float days. Sunny and 90’s. Today is 90% rain.

Things with my neighbor got real serious real quick. It scared me into retreat but I’m coming around. I needed to lay to rest some old ghosts from a very dysfunctional relationship I had come out of right before. I think I’ve done that now and can move forward. Looking back on that relationship, it seems to me now that I was tangling with the devil himself as I do believe he can work through others. Just my observation. No, I’m not having an episode. Talking about it here helps me gain clarity and further let go. Thanks for listening.

Looking forward to this weekend and seeing M. Looking forward to floating. Looking forward to a bright future in healthy relationships.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love

Oh my goodness I have actually graduated from my IOP!!!! It’s been almost six months. I am so proud of myself. No joke, you all have seen me take a couple of spirals and end up IP. Again. And again. And AGAIN. But I’m so excited to take this next step in my recovery.

I’m meeting with my regular therapist today and I’m excited to see her. I’ve been with her for seven years and we have a great therapeutic relationship.

Im starting work on Thursday and I'm excited for that too. Im nervous because it’s something I’ve never done but I’ll get the hang of it pretty fast.

@Wildflowerchild25 ; congratulations 🎉🎊🎈🍾 that is huge!

Yay!!!! Wonderful news!!!! Congratulations!!!!

Not only was last night's ramen a filling dinner, I had enough leftovers to make a breakfast out of it! Bit of a pricey investment initially, but if one recipe can keep me full for eight hours and I'll still have some left over? Sign me up!

The mechanic powwow was every bit the show I expected, but hoped it wouldn't be. First off, my dad didn't show, but sent his regards to the mechanic. The mechanic shifted his focus from the starter to the oil. It was dangerously (and suspiciously) low. My oil change is overdue, but only by two weeks. I should not have this issue! Anyway, the mechanic recommended an immediate oil change and a quart of so of oil in the engine for the meanwhile. I get paid tomorrow, so that's when the oil change will have to happen. I did put a couple of quarts in for right now. Basically, the result of the oil change will help determine what the ultimate problem is.

My dad, in rare form, was enraged that I didn't immediately get an oil change today that I would have to put on credit and may or may not resolve the problem! Then, his "What about...?" for the day was my tires. Why didn't I arrange an anywhere from $350-$500 four tire replacement while I was there? I do need new tires, but not the time!

Every time, the man makes me regret ever asking for his help!

Listening to a podcast while waiting for the bug guys to show up. It's about a WWII spy ring, codename CASSIA, led by a priest and a rubber company executive. It's the first of a two parter and I'm very invested already!

I hope your car is alright @Aurelius710 that must be quite challenging to cope with.

Congratulations @wildflowerchild25

I'm at my mom's and feeling "off". That dull anxious feeling. I don't know why either. I took one of my PRN Haldol a few minutes ago. We'll see if it does anything. Damn. Now it's getting worse. Please no! I've got to get my mind on better things than this anxiety. It seems to be about everything yet nothing at the same time. Possibly part of it has to do with having to drive N3s gf to her first day of work tomorrow. I've been there once but I'm going to have to drive home alone. I got a new GPS program for my phone but there's no way to hook it up so I don't have to hold it while I drive. Oh man. I hope N3 isn't mad at me for telling him about the bus route his gf would take.

I’m very stressed and worried about said stress triggering an episode
Hopefully this won’t happen.

I’m moving so I said goodbye to my pdoc last week.
I need to register at a new doctors surgery when I move.

I really hope you are all doing well!! Sending loads of hugs

I hope your move is stress free as can be @Pinny

I got to the SS office at 9:05. There was one lady in front of us who was very I don't know. Personable? She was talkative and I always find that at these places you just keep to yourself. She was annoying but not to us, but just in general. Anyways I only waited less then 20 minutes to see someone. The worker at the window I think was blind. He wasn't focused on us and he had someone with him who was reading off the papework to him so he could type it. He said I had all the correct paperwork to change my name. But I needed some more stuff to change my gender. I needed a doctors note saying I was on medication, it didnt have to state what medication, just that I was on medication regarding my transition. And also a note saying that I had gotten surgery done. He was polite, but you know how they are at these places. Very matter of fact, bussiness like people, not totally friendly. He did perk up when my mom told him what state we used to live in.

But my name at least was changed today and it didn't phase them that I was trans. I was worried a bit that I had never told them. They shredded my old SS card and are mailing me a new one with my correct name. They said my benefits won't be affected and that medicare will be notified, I don't have to call them I just have to call my suppplement. I called my doctors nurse when I got home and she started working on the other stuff SS needs. I'll take it over next week.

So that was a relief to do this. My therapist calls this "exposure therapy" I just call it doing it as fast as possible to get rid of my anxiety. Especially since I have my trip on Thursday and I don't want to be anxious the whole time.

I stopped for a pumpkin cream cold brew afterwards and then went to a couple stores then I came home for the day. The entire trip from the SS office to the last store only took about 2 hours. I have therapy in the morning and I'm hoping I won't get crap from her about my weight. My mom did say I looked too thin but I think my weight redistribution just exploded because I honestly haven't lost any weight since March.

I just talked with someone at my pdoc's office. I told him how I was feeling. He said he would get a message to my pdoc but that I could take another PRN Haldol. I don't hold out hope for this being resolved soon. I really don't know what this is about. Just a hodge podge of anxious feelings. It's after 5 so I guess I didn't luck out tonight as nobody's called me back. Come to think of it, I'm having depressive thoughts too.

All in all, it went really well @Mountaindewed! The change of gender paperwork is a bureaucratic hassle, but everything else sounds terrific. You've done so well with following through on everything required, it really shows your strength of character.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots ....

Hey Boots, hi- have you spoken with a medical person about the rash?

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Oh my goodness I have actually graduated from my IOP!!!! It’s been almost six months. I am so proud of myself. ....

***Congratulations!***

Yeah. When I was at the ER I showed the doc my rash but he didn't say anything, and I told my old pdoc and the injection nurse and both of them just said to take Benadryl after the injection (which I did, and it delayed the onset for a day).

I feel lousy about myself, and feel like my boyfriend doesn't give two shits about me. He probably doesn't because I'm a piece of **** who just disappoints everyone over and over again.

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It's good to see you here @Pinny, although I'm very sorry to hear that you're so stressed.

I've had all manner of annoyance with regard to my high school class 40th reunion. The guy who took it upon himself to plan it is an egotistical person and ended up in way over his head, refusing to listen to anyone's advice. So he freaked out and cancelled the reunion. A sad thing, because my class is high-spirited and many of us have known each other since elementary school. I've served on 2 reunion committees and both were so successful. Everyone worked together well, with the result being lovely reunions.

Now there are all sorts of bad feelings flying around. And ironically, I have never had such difficulty putting an outfit together. The dress is nicely made...but isn't quite "right." The leggings fit weirdly. The shoes were a disaster altogether and I've returned them. The earrings, black/white retro "mod" acrylic flowers, are cute and the clutch, an emerald green suede, is really pretty. So I'll use those, at least. But nothing from start to finish has come together well. In addition, I'm still not feeling physically up to par. I keep pushing myself to do what needs to be done, but really I am tired and just wish I could sleep. Or at least lie in bed and read my novel, for hours on end.

I've missed three therapy sessions; Mary finally called today to check in. Honestly, I haven't really regretted the missed sessions too much; I just feel like holing in. I wish I could hide in for a while, open the front door, and step out into a golden autumn day. Today I am hanging the most adorable hand-screen printed Halloween kitchen towel (darling black cat, pumpkins, crows, bats, a big harvest moon), and tomorrow a new tablecloth is coming, fall colors. Just maybe one of these mornings I'll awaken and there will be that slight, but honest, shift in the air that tells me autumn is within reach.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots Yeah. When I was at the ER I showed the doc my rash but he didn't say anything, and I told my old pdoc and the injection nurse and both of them just said to take Benadryl after the injection (which I did, and it delayed the onset for a day).

That is appalling. Your health care is being neglected.

Jennifer or I will say Sunflower love the name change. So sorry to hear you have been sick so much but anxiety will do horrible things to us. Covid causes loads of hair loss in so many people. But good your having labs ! So excited to read about you trip to the mountains. I haven’t gone in 7-8 years. Glad you and M are doing well. Float while you can !!!

Nammu.. glad you enjoyed the art festival. New authors ! YAY! How can you still be waiting for a part ?! Where in the literal world does it come from.. Oooaf ! I’m glad you have a loaner but you shouldn’t have such restrictions on how far you can go !

Jane ! Ohh I hear you on feeling wonderful swimming and not having the pain. Enjoy any time you can be a dolphin!

Soupe. Congrats on hopefully owning your own home again. That sucks tho the time between being able to move your stuff. I hope something can be worked out so your not having to move it multiply time.

Muddy. Hope you can get to feeling better.

Pinny. Good luck with your move

Scatterbrained go easy on yourself!

Sorry I know I’ve missed some people. Truly not on purpose !

Much love to everyone

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Congrats, @wildflowerchild25!

Christina has made a good point @Nammu. What's going on with the car part?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour You're welcome, Beth.

I really appreciate it.