Bipolar check-in #68

You CAN do this! You can get help! I know you're in the thick of things right now but "this, too, shall pass" as my mother used to say. Let me know how the call to the crisis line goes.

@*Beth* What do you mean there's no one to take care of your kitties? What about your husband?

Stay safe, Beth. We're worried about ya. I'm sure there are options for your cats if you need IP (which it sounds like you do). If there are no foster programs like Rainbow mentioned maybe you could find a local pet-sitter?
Hugs from Bean & me

beanboi.jpeg

Hi Beth, I'm worried about you. Stay safe.
You know where to find me......

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Beth, is there a foster program near you that might be willing to take your kitties for a few days so you can go IP and start feeling better? I'm pretty sure there was one that did that when I did home health.

I don't know. I do know that the cats would be terribly upset to have to leave home, each other, and our schedule. And of course, I'd have to have someone with extensive knowledge of feline diabetes for Sidney. But thanks, Rainbow, fostering is an idea I have never thought about.

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear Hi Beth, I'm worried about you. Stay safe. You know where to find me......

You are lovely, Fuzzy Dear. Thank you. (((((Gentle bear hugs)))))

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed @*Beth* I'm worried about you. Stay safe.

Thank you, hun. That means a lot to me.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 @*Beth* What do you mean there's no one to take care of your kitties? What about your husband?

He's not capable of taking care of anything. He can barely care for himself. David's situation is a HUGE stressor for me and for Noah. We're waiting with our fingers crossed for David to be given 100% veteran's disability (hopefully, we'll hear in August). If that happens, it gives me more financial security, also full medical care - even dentistry.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots Stay safe, Beth. We're worried about ya. I'm sure there are options for your cats if you need IP (which it sounds like you do). If there are no foster programs like Rainbow mentioned maybe you could find a local pet-sitter? Hugs from Bean & me Attachment 12697

Hi Boots, thanks for the hugs from you and Bean This is a time I wish I had a savings account and major money in it. A pet sitter would be amazing.

Thanks for the pic of Bean

I’m
Having a freaking panic attack. Haven’t had one in forever.

Thank you all so much. I feel absolutely blessed to be part of our group.

I realize now that I had been working up to a hypomania for quite a while. By the time I got to DMV and had to deal with being in a small office, packed with people and very noisy, and so freakin' HOT in there. Then all the paperwork, computer forms, more cost than they posted online to renew my license. There was a baby screaming loudly, the entire time I was there. HOURS and the baby did not stop screaming. I get that the mother had to do what she was there for, but that poor baby was obviously not doing well, so I don't know what the mother had in her head. It was screaming non-stop SO loudly. The whole experience just pushed me over the edge, when I had already walked into the place in an unstable state. Plus, my extreme anxiety about taking London to the vet the next day was haunting me.

And the heat. It does look like the temperature will finally drop below 100 next week.

What totally put me over the side of the cliff yesterday was that one of the mods in the feline diabetes group disagreed with me on a protocol and she was condescending, shaming, and told me that she wasn't about to be there for me if I killed my cat.

I went crazy. I do give myself credit for calmly telling her not to communicate with me anymore. So I remained calm and set a healthy boundary. But that was when I took all the Kpin. Then the 988 chat with the dippy girl who told me to restart my computer, after I told her I was in crisis. Unbelievable. btw @Nammu, I so appreciate that you went to the trouble of looking up the 988 info. I just got a dud for a counselor. Hopefully, there are better ones...I'm sure there are.

On top of all that, stupid monkeypox is raging among gay men in San Francisco. It's bringing back the horror, for me, of AIDS back in the 80's when my father lived in San Fran. He was an interior designer, not gay himself, but worked with many gay men. AIDS decimated the gay community in the city, which is a huge community there. That time was absolutely awful, and the memories I have of it are so terribly sad. Maybe I'll make a separate post at some point, because the story is long.

I don't want to glide over my tremendous gratitude for London's excellent vet visit. Yes, he does have asthma, but it's mild and will hopefully stay so.

So today I feel less energized, just depressed and very tired - kickback from taking all that Kpin. I would like to sleep all day, but I'm getting my hair cut. My stylist was so kind, she's driving into town from where she lives just to do my hair. She's awesome, a really cool lady. I have to find the energy to make it through. Hopefully, the Luvox has kicked in some so I don't feel as unstable today.

Even with everything yesterday, I did manage an hour of skating.

Never look directly at the sun, instead look at the sunflower

I'm thinking of @wildflowerchild25. I feel sure she's IP, but it seems like a long time.


@Jennifer 1967 - how are you?

What about Noah- can he take care of the cats?

I hope David gets the full disability!

@Beth n

Yeah I think wildflower is ip

Ouch, my arms are so sore. I had my second shingles shot in one arm and a pneumonia shot in the other. After that I had to submit to the mammogram machine.

Then last night I tried the edible gummy’s again. This time two of them, I was slightly buzzed but it didn’t help with sleep. I’ll give it another try maybe next week? I think if I try 3 times I can say I gave it the old college try.

The insurance refused to cover the 1.75 mg of ambien and it was over $150 dollars for 14 pills. So I’m going from 2.5 to nothing starting Sunday night. But so far I haven’t had any physical withdrawals like I did when I tried myself to go off. So I’m hopeful.

Sending calming peaceful vibes to everyone here. ✨

I saw my pdoc in person. She upped my Prozac and left everything else the same.

I'm applying for another job. I like working where I am now but there's no room to grow. So the job I'm applying for is at a higher level but it's an intermediate level. So it leaves room to grow. It's a long process so it could be a while before I hear anything about it.

I'm not enjoying my mom's company very much. Yesterday she was telling me how much like my dad I am; today she spent like an hour complaining about basically every aspect of him including those aspects that we share. I'm not really sleeping as well as I thought I would either. I did sleep about 5 hours straight last night but that was with some help from mj.

I gotta find my own place but I can't afford it and I feel so stuck and I'm about to freak the f**k out and she's not helping.

The prestiq is still working like magic. I saw my endocronoglist today and he said this was the best he's ever seen me. He said I was very present and I wasn't relying so much on my mom. I got out to breakfast and did some shopping. My mom and I needed new sim cards for our phones and we needed to buy pool noodles for our vacation. I also picked up my sleep study equimpent. I'm all hooked up now and I hate this no oxygen oxygen thing I have on. I feel like I have to breathe out of my mouth. But its better then going to the sleep lab. Where they put even more stuff on you.

I've been so cold lately to the point I've been wearing my blanket like a cape around the house and I've been procrastinating doing stuff because I'm cold. So I finally just ordered a hoodie flannel blanket from Amazon that I can wear around the house. That should do the trick. I am always turning down the AC in the car and today the nurse turned off the fan for me. I am checked for anemia every 4 weeks and I'm always fine.

My Old Navy jeans didn't fit. I was really looking forward to them. I really can only wear skater/surfer brands. Which is great when you look like your in college but 10 years from now I'm not sure how good a flannel hoodie will look on a 39 year old. My therapist was also complaning about Old Navy.

I took 2 valium yesterday. Then 1.5 today. I have 2 more to get me until Sunday. I could try to get it refilled tommorow. But the actual refill date is the 1st. So I'd better wait until Sunday. I wonder if the decrease in valium is why I'm so aware and present now. I don't get why I'm not having really bad withdrawels. Valium is a tough one to get off.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I'm not enjoying my mom's company very much. Yesterday she was telling me how much like my dad I am; today she spent like an hour complaining about basically every aspect of him including those aspects that we share. I'm not really sleeping as well as I thought I would either. I did sleep about 5 hours straight last night but that was with some help from mj. I gotta find my own place but I can't afford it and I feel so stuck and I'm about to freak the f**k out and she's not helping.

What a rotten thing to do to you.

Just wanted to say I get the same thing from my mum. She always goes on and on about how awful dad was, then compares me to him. He died nearly 20 years ago but she can’t let go. I just do grey rock and stop listening, then she’ll get exasperated with me and say loudly I’m not listening to her.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 What about Noah- can he take care of the cats? I hope David gets the full disability!

Noah lives in San Francisco, it's 90 miles away from me and literally hours of traffic. The traffic situation in this state is awful. He wouldn't be able to stay here because he has to work.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed The prestiq is still working like magic. ...

I am so, so happy to hear that, Md

Sheesh, don't worry about how it'll look when you're 39! You'll look great.

@Mountaindewed That hoodie blanket sounds awesome! Sorry about the valium. You'll make it to Monday I'm sure.

My mind is racing something terrible. The 25mg of Seroquel doesn't put me to sleep, it's like water. I need 50mg. Maybe I can get in bed at 7 p.m. and set the alarm to wake up at 9:30 to take care of cat needs. Maybe I'll take more Seroquel this week-end and tell med dude I need an AP. Something is broken, something has gone very wrong. My mind is racing so fast I feel sick and I am exhausted.

I hope things stabilize for you soon, Beth. You sound miserable.

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Originally Posted by buddha1too I hope things stabilize for you soon, Beth. You sound miserable.

Thanks, buddha. Yeah, I'm doing about as rotten as the Giants are, haha.