Bipolar check-in #68

Beth, how is London doing? I'm getting nervous about Abby. Both her rounds of asthma have been after I was away from her and I'm going to be away for 5 days in 2 weeks. She's boarding at the vet's which is the best place for her but I don't want her to have a flare-up.

I took 50mg of Seroquel and slept! Fell asleep quickly and stayed asleep well. I am quite tempted to return and sleep another hour, just to get some extra in.

Well, it is The Day to tape up the rather huge box of recycling, throw it over the banister, and get it into the recycling bin. A job, but one I will be delighted to have finished when it's done.

Then I have some writing to do; I guess it would be called journaling. And my new skates arrived! Ohhh, they ride so smoothly. I'm going to do some good stretches, then skate! Also, knee pads/elbow pads/wrist protectors came, too. They're good and solid.

I wish a good Saturday to all and @Jennifer 1967 the hair colors sound fab, fab! I truly encourage you to do it. I see getting your hair done as a healing part of the grieving process.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Beth, how is London doing? I'm getting nervous about Abby. Both her rounds of asthma have been after I was away from her and I'm going to be away for 5 days in 2 weeks. She's boarding at the vet's which is the best place for her but I don't want her to have a flare-up.

Yes, I understand how you feel. Does Abby have flare-ups when she's stressed (either emotionally or physically)?

London is so-so. He was doing great for several days, then had a mild episode, followed by another mild one yesterday and a rougher one a couple of hours later. I'm logging his flare-ups and I'm transitioning their litter from clay to wheat pellets.

The haircut will probably do you good, Jennifer!

I am happy for you that your new skates has arrived. I hope that they will be of good help for you!

Took 5 mg of ambien last night and still didn’t sleep the greatest. Kept waking up, but fell back into the same dream. But now at 4pm I’m feeling pretty good. I’m not dragging like I have been. Even feel up to making supper for us. Have two more weeks to decide what to do about sleep before I see Dr B. So I’ll just take it one day at a time.

I have an interview on Monday at a discount store called Burke’s in town. It’s kind of like TjMax or Marshall’s. But not quite as pricey. Anyway I use to shop there a lot and it would be a easy job. So we shall see. Maybe a useless amount of hours a week. If nothing else it will be easier to find a better job while having a job if I get it.

I discussed my job search with Richard and as far as my long gap in employment he said honestly just tell them you have been on disability and getting back in the work force now. They can’t legally ask you what the disability is. Normally I would never disclose it but honestly I just might. I don’t want to fumble around coming up with answers to why such a gap. Businesses are having a hell of a time finding employees around here so that if you can pass a drug test and show up they are more accepting. Also right now lots of kids are going back to school so that helps.

Thursday the nurse from my GP’s office called to let me know the Doctor is closing his practice out of the blue this month. Her and the NP’s are literally in shock, so unexpected. I literally got nauseous with the thought of having to find someone new and them having to find new employment. I asked her if she knew where her and the NP’s might go. They have no idea at this point. I truly hope they will give me a call once they start somewhere else. I feel horrible for all of Dr Busby’s patients. This is a small town practice so people have been with him for decades.

I’ve had numerous nightmares in a panic of finding someone new and they not be as attentive especially to Steve’s health issues.

Steve’s hasn’t really gone anywhere in weeks. He just hasn’t felt well. I know a good bit of it is this ungodly heat with high humidity which makes it hard for him to breath. He did go with me yesterday to do some grocery shopping.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend

Gus is very photogenic lol

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I've been feeling off all day. Physically mostly. I went to my room to charge my phone and I was freezing as normal and so I put on my hoodie blanket. Then my mom went to the store and asked me to clean up a mess the cats had made. So I went to do that and I got really lightheaded. I mean like seriously lightheaded. I was getting tunnel vision and I couldn't see out of the corner of my eyes and my heart was pounding really fast. I made it back to bed before I almost passed out.

But this whole day I've just been feeling off and lightheaded and seeing floating orb things and I ate this morning but besides that I've been snacky but not really hungry. Like I feel something bad is going to happen to me even though I'm probably just anemic.

But do you ever feel like eventually its all going to make sense? Some of it already has but I can't mention it here since it will have to reveal personal information about someone I know. But when I found it out my heart sunk and I was like "so thats why."

@christinaOhh that sucks. Losing your doctor that way.

I feel like I am in danger, not paranoia or something like that. It is more about a combination of tiredness, depression, grief over deteriorating health and the feeling of hopelessness.

When I feel so down as I do now, I usually can be helped by making strict schedules and stick to them. May be that seems strange, but you see it is so that my meds are working OK (they make me stable and lower my depression). There is no other "medication" for being worn out than peace and quietness to help me "to hold myself together and stick to the plan".

This morning I got a phone-call in the middle of my breakfast and that little unplanned happening was enough to push me out of my planning for today. (It was nothing bad in the phone-call. It only shows how fragile I am and how much I need quietness around myself to not loose track and tip over).

I will start anew tomorrow. Since I need so much concentration and ability to focus on improving my health, I will not come into the forums if things goes well. If I feel that I cannot handle it, you will see me here.

I am so scared because I am alone with this! I will pray before I go to bed!

Send my best wishes for everybody's health!

Thinking of you. I hope things get better soon

Mom has been sleeping all day and staying up all night. I’m the exact opposite. I’ve been withdrawing from my friends and from socializing over the past two months. I feel so lonely sometimes in what feels like this mausoleum of a house. Tonight is such a night. I’ll see my daughter tomorrow then spend the rest of the day at the pool so this is temporary but it’s painful. I don’t like it at all. I’m an extreme introvert which makes it so puzzling that it’s happening. I guess I’ll make myself some honey lavender tea, rent a movie or get involved in a good book then head to bed early.

Mom just got up and I’m in an impatient, bad mood with her. Rare. Probably good I’ve been alone today. It will pass.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening.

Really depressed this week. I left my house this last Wed headed to Sturgis a big bucket list item of mine and my wife's. I got depressed leaving the house but I know she would of wanted me to go. I have Gastroparesis and it kicked in halfway through my trip I ended up calling it a night in Casper WY I was sick all night and morning and I ended up going to the hospital and I was admitted over night. I got out yesterday morning and I am very weak I can't eat but I am drinking plenty of water. I am just so depressed I will be laying here in bed trying to recover and all of a sudden I will just start sobbing and this has been happening since yesterday. This really sucks.

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You have been thru a big stressful time.
your crying can be cathartic. Sorry that you got sick.
bizi

So I haven't been on for a bit. I'm packing, my mom flew down to help.

sorry have not kept up. Why are you packing? Are you moving?
(((((HUGS)))))
glad that your mom came to help.
bizi

Just wanted to point out the upper left side of this box.
"Are you in need of temporary financial need? community fund drive info."
this might be able to help you.
bizi

@bizi we are moving. We feel we have to do we can get the services we need as a family. Where we live now h & Miguel will loose medical soon. I need dental. It's going to be a cold climate. So it'll be worse for depression and my CP. But the negatives don't out way the positive. It's not something we really want to do. I don't think I was ever going to move and now I am.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ... But do you ever feel like eventually its all going to make sense? Some of it already has but I can't mention it here since it will have to reveal personal information about someone I know. But when I found it out my heart sunk and I was like "so thats why."

Yes. And the older I get the more it happens.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 ...I guess I’ll make myself some honey lavender tea....

That tea is the most wonderful tea ever. I will always think of you when I see or drink it, now

Most of us are having a rough go at this time. (I've lost my mind and should be IP.)

I am sending love and blessing light to all here. Sometimes, tomorrow really is a better day.

I am still up at an ungodly hour and the PRN didn't work tonight, so the upcoming day is going to be a blast. Still, apart from the lateness of the hour, I feel OK, so I'm going to get my thoughts organized and my week as well.

I might be getting a financial pressure valve in the morning, so I'm hopeful! If I can get phone service, water, internet and gas going in some form I'll be good.

@bizi, thank you for that! I've seen it on the site (and I think you've mentioned it to me before), but I've just been hesitant to take advantage of the offer. Depending on how much can be taken care of in the next couple of days, I might do just that.

The job I'm doing onboarding for hasn't called me back, so add that to the list of stuff to do come Monday!

We'll see, I guess.

@*Beth*, @GoGo2, and @otroo, I'm so sorry you're feeling so unwell. I'm hoping that as we head towards autumn we will all be more at peace in many ways.

Beth, you have expressed fear about needing to go inpatient off and on for a while now. Of course you have concern for your kitties, but they would all want you to get the help you need. Please do try to find some solution for if you really need to go to the hospital. If not your husband or a neighbor or friend, I bet there are pet sitting outfits out there. I think some veterinarian offices may even have suggestions. You're definitely not the only person who lives alone with pets. Suggestion:

Once I attended a really good program offered at my local NAMI. It was called WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan). There were many helpful components, one of which was Crisis Planning. This should definitely be done as far ahead of time as possible and shared with the closest people to you, so they know who to call and what to do for you for many things. One would be options for taking care of your cats and special instructions (i.e. dark grey cat has diabetes and needs monitoring and insulin). Page 22 to 28 of the pdf at https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/WRAP.pdf includes some worksheets on this. I think everyone with a mental illness at risk of hospitalizations should pre-plan. By the way, does your London (I think that's the kitty with diabetes) have a little diabetes tag of sorts? I think they sell such things that you can attach to collars. Some allow you to either insert or have engraved the vet's name/ph #. I know you can find a solution! You certainly come across to me as someone who can. I know you know NAMI. Their free hotline may also be helpful.