Bipolar check-in #70

Today I still feel pretty sick but I took a shower for the first time in 3 days and changed my clothes which made me feel better. I'm also washing all my non weighted blankets. I'm still coughing up a storm and blowing my nose a ton and I'm worn out. I'm also out of breath but my oxygen is good and my temp is fine. My mom is sick now too. She doesn't have a fever just fatigue and a cough. She took a test last night and tested negative. She has had one more booster then me and more recently so hopefully it won't be as bad. My therapist was really nice and concerned and moved my appointment to virtual tommorow afternoon. Mental health wise I feel kinda down but I can't really focus too much on it since the physical stuff is making it hard to concentrate on anything else. I can't smell or taste anything. Even my ginger nausea chews I can't taste and ginger has a pretty strong taste.

@~Christina, congrats on the new job! Sending you hugs.

@Sunflower123, Wow! You're doing some pretty exciting and adventurous stuff! Have a blast. I'm glad you're taking the time to pursue the pleasure you deserve.

@Mountaindewed, that's a bummer that you have covid after all this time. I had it a while ago. Even if you're not vaccinated, which does help a lot, at least the medical community has come a long way since the pandemic started. Do rest.

@Blue_Bird, that's great that you're planning on going back to college soon. Please don't compare to those 5 class semesters. Getting back is a majorly admirable step. Some years ago, after the worst of my bipolar years, I started to take online psychology classes through my local community college. I only took one class per semester, but got an "A" in all of the classes I took. I did that for four semesters in a row. I was very proud of myself. It is strange how when I attended college in my youth that I could take as many as 21 credits in a semester. No sense comparing, though. One must see things in relative terms.

@Nammu, your activity is a great inspiration. I need to get more active.

@HALLIEBETH87, I sure hope you feel better soon.

@Aurelius710, that sucks that your dad and cousin are still invading your life space in such ways. Is there any way to establish firmer boundaries with them?

@wildflowerchild25, I'm sorry you have to deal with such a hassle with your new pdoc. I remember when I would change psychologists a few said they wanted to "freshly diagnose" me. It was always frustrating, though in the end they all came to the same conclusion, but I had to bear proving it, in a sense, which can be too much. I never had any major trouble with propranolol and found it pretty side effect free. It sucks they want you to buy a blood pressure monitor, but if you think it may be affecting your bp, it's a good thing. I used to take 20 mg twice per day (40 mg total) and had no problems. I really do think it helped my Lithium tremors in the past.

@Blue Bird it’s great you’re going back to college. Yeah two classes is plenty. When I went though voc rehab they kept telling me I had to be full time and I couldn’t do that. I always ended up dropping 1-2 classes. So they finally agreed that 2 classes was best. I hope you take something your very interested in as one of your classes. I was always taking literature classes for the fun though I didn’t need them.

My husband and I stayed at my SIL's house for a few days to be closer to the new property we bought. It was nice visiting it daily. Revved up our excitement. But now we're back to the temporary Airbnb place again.

We took a walk to visit the parrots that live in an aviary at a neighbor's house. She has A LOT of parrots, which apparently piss off the neighbors...except us. We were talking to some parakeets, when in the corner of my eye I saw some movement outside the aviary. To my shock I saw a HUGE cat and it wasn't a domestic one. The woman that lives there works at a zoo and keeps some of the animals on her property. It turned out to be a Eurasian lynx, a wild cat with rather unique furry spikes on the tips of its ears! Luckily it was behind a fence, otherwise I would have likely panicked more than my shock. The bugger was looking straight at me, though.

I'm happy that Hubby got an appointment for his regular eye injection at a location near where we are. We're still working on other doctors. I asked Hubby to call back a psychiatrist who said she didn't have availability until January. I might as well take that appointment. It's possible that would be the closest I could get, anyway. Her office is close to where our property is. I have enough meds to last until then, and luckily am in a good place, mentally. Even despite the horrible stressors relating to my brother's illness.

Oh wow 🤩 Soupe that sounds like a fascinating neighborhood. Glad your in a good place with all that’s going on.

A close friend of mine lost his wife last year & shared today that he is having suicidal ideations. I recall someone posting a three digit phone number for folks in crisis. Does anyone recall the number? Thanks in advance. To be honest, I doubt he will call, but at least I can pass on the info.

988 is the new one. I hope your friend seeks help.

Thank you, BeyondtheRainbow.

Yeah, 988 connects with the closes local support. There’s also googling 988 and you can chat or text that number too. It’s tough to lose a partner.

Soupe, thank you!, that's very good to hear you went back and did well, it gives me hope

Thanks Nammu , I'm going to look into the course catalog and see what I can take, I'm thinking an art class and a literature class

Ooo art and literature, perfect! 🐦

Good plan for staying busy over the long winter months. I have to be mindful with self care because I dunno why but when it’s cold I simple forget it all .. strange !

How’s Mum feeling ??

Hugs

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So happy for you that your doing so well pushing yours your of your comfort zone !!

What classes will you be taking ? Are you going to classes on campus or online ?

I take Metformin for Diabetes and this time on it I just felt nauseous the first week or so but none of the horrible GI tract problems many people report. Hope it helps you lose weight . I’ve lost 22 lbs ! I’ll take those numbers.

Hugs !

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Thank you for the good wishes on my new job

Sounds like you have a lot of positives going on with your new home. Oooh I can’t be around parrots because thennI want a bunch again. 26 at one time ! Yes was manic but there were spoiled and happy. Steve couldn’t tolerate birds now the noise drives him crazy.

I’m terrified of wild cats. They are gorgeous of course but the bobcats around here are sturdy big guys ! They mostly keep to themselves thankfully.

Can you see your current Pdoc if need be until you can get established with someone new ?? Hope so.

Is your weather starting to turn ? I’m a huge Fall fan but not winter that follows lol

Hugs !

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Saw Richard today and we had a good session.

Tomorrow I start my job. Like I’m looking forward to it but I’m not over the moon excited if that makes sense. I just want to do my job and collect a paycheck ! We desperately need money.

Well a storm blew through and literally blew the pretty leaves away wahhhhhh that seems to happen often. Boo hiss

Hope everyone’s week is going well

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Thank you probably an art class and a literature class because I’m decent at those two things so it wouldn’t be starting with super difficult subjects that would overwhelm me. I’m unsure about whether I’m doing online or on campus, I think I might take the art class in person because I think that has to be in person but the other one I’ll do online because I don’t do well in big rooms full of people, I get paranoid, so I think it would be best to take at least one online

Yeah I recall having some nausea when I was on it a long time ago but didn’t have any other side effects and it worked well I was just on too high of a dose, so hopefully the lower dose is easier for me to handle

That’s great that you’ve lost 22lbs, that’s a lot!

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@Soupe du jour
I could press for stricter boundaries, but the issue is that my dad holds the only bit of relative power I care about, access to my mother, and he will not hesitate to deny me access if he feels slighted. My mother, despite me laying it out that these are not the actions of an emotionally healthy man, will not engage the issue, citing her ill health, reliance on him and fear of him spiting her for petty reasons too.

My cousin, despite the fact my dad doesn't particularly like the man, gives my dad an in to be nosy and critique my life down to the minutiae. If I object, he won't have a problem spiting me and/or my mother for the crime of not giving him "access" to detail my "inadequacies" to my face.

The ball is very much in my mom's court. As it stands, I can tolerate my dad's intrusions into my life and have some semblance of a relationship with her or I can cut him off and end up cutting her out of my life by extension.

I was not on my A-game today. I got eight hours of sleep, but divided into 4 or 5 different chunks. I definitely felt it and my competition definitely noticed. They butted in when I couldn't finish sentences due to sleepiness. Unethical? Absolutely, but I didn't have the energy to push the issue today.

I will say I still made sales and all the metrics that matter are on the up and up.

Now to make up for lost sleep! Slept from 7:30 to midnight already. I'm gonna see about going midnight to six or seven am.

Good luck on your first day! Hope all goes well!

I queried folks about this number and there were mixed reviews about its efficacy. I do understand that it depends on where you live. If he would prefer to text - 741-741 is good. He types hello and it goes from there. I’m sorry about your friend. He’s in a tough position.

S arrives this morning before 9. I’m very happy about that. We’ve decided to really go off the grid for a few days so I may not be posting until I get home next week - no cell phone. We’re going to hike, play some pool, enjoy each other’s company and do whatever else we get up to. He’s used to doing the touristy stuff in the concrete jungle part of this place. That misses the whole point. We will at least go to the aquarium, which is quite nice. Petting the sting rays (pure velvet) is lovely.

I am used to doing things like going deep into the woods in summer after dark when it is pitch black and watching the fireflies all around you like some magical realm come to life. You can’t buy things like that or any of the other things I’ve been doing. It’s important to collect soul stirring experiences and not just things. My humble opinion only.

I’ve had a wonderful time up to this point. Incredible. Ready to address life again. My meltdown the other day had to do with my daughter. I love her very much but I can not have a relationship with her under current conditions. My DBT therapist validated and verified that I’ve gone above and beyond to fix it and that I can’t allow myself to be treated that way any longer. I hope some day to have a good relationship with my daughter but that time is not now. That causes me much pain but so did death by a thousand cuts. I’ve left it with my higher power for a miracle.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day and peaceful weekend. Much love.

Hi Christina. I hope when you read this you've had a good work day, or are ready for one. The thought of any paycheck after years, would seem amazing to me.

Wow! Twenty six parrots? You were more of a bird lady than I've ever been. I think as parrots are such social animals they really form nice communities. Not that they don't argue or fight sometimes. Right?

Bobcats are pretty cute.

My pdoc where I last lived is almost 2 1/2 hours drive away now. He did say that I could call him and ask for more refills, if needed. That is good. Ditto for the meds from our last GP.

I thought I had a UTI this past week, so Hubby took me to an urgent care place. Turns out I am likely just fine and even suddenly feel better. When there, an old man told the doctor (while in the waiting room) that he was "hit by an ostrich". Um, very strange things happen in this country. Ostriches are not exactly local animals, so people raise all kinds of animals here in CZ.

There is a change in the leaf colors here. Pretty, but not as brilliant as in the Mid Atlantic and Northeastern US. And I'm sure also as far west as TN. Some different trees. Not many maples.

Autumn leaves in CZ with morning fog at 9:25 am. There's a tall hill totally hidden by the fog.

Yeah that’s the thing though - it doesn’t matter how often you go out - it’s just luck. You just have to be unlucky and come into contact with one person who has it and that’s all it takes. I’m over cautious coz I’m really high risk so I do click and collect shopping orders and even then I wear a mask and when I put petrol in the car I wear the mask or at the pharmacy…. Everywhere. And over here it’s the law that we have to wear them at drs and hospitals and in aged care facilities. Hardly anyone wears them out shopping now but I can’t take the risk for myself or my high risk parents.

Sorry I know that doesn’t help you just trying to explain that it was just bad luck and it had nothing to do with how little or how often you went out but just that one unlucky encounter with someone who happened to be infected - and you’ll probably never know where it happened.

I’m hanging around waiting on S who has been detained. I would go for a quick trek but I want to be here when he comes in so I’m kicked back watching The Mummy - with Brendan Frazier, not Tom Cruise. Hot tub enjoyed early morning - check. Fireplace - check. Fresh air - check.

There’s a Roaring Fork Motor Trail here with stunning views of the mountains that I want to take him on. There’s a very old cemetery and settlements along the trail that fascinate me. It branches off into various trails to waterfalls and other sights. Outstanding colors.

I will be faithful in my commitment to leave the phone alone but it will be difficult as it’s basically an extension of my hand. It’s constantly ringing and vibrating. I’ll have to put a message on it so my friends don’t think I’ve been abducted or decided to leave the country.

I’m going home Tuesday morning and leaving the next day for my trip north with mom for a week to 2 weeks. My aunt has cancer that has spread and she wants to see us. I’m constantly taking pics of nature and especially plants and flowers with my phone and I send her a pic a day with a cheery note to brighten her day. I send it to everyone in my life but my primary goal is to help my aunt in some small way. When I miss a day it is noticed.

Again, I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I had my genetics counseling appointment today to find out if I qualify for testing to see if my increased breast cancer risk is genetic. My family history does qualify me so when I'm in the city for my MRI and post-op visits the first week of November I'll have blood drawn for testing. That will help me know if I need to take any aggressive measures like removing my ovaries or having mastectomies or if any further monitoring is needed beyond my 6 month scans.


I was anxious about the appointment but the woman was very nice and explained everything really well. The hard part will be waiting 2-3 weeks after the blood is drawn to get results.


One thing down. 3 weeks until scans and post-op visit.