Bipolar check-in #70

Any chance you can take a vacation?Go to the woods and spend some time in nature. Take a book, rent a cabin, get a tent or borrow one, relax with the solitude. make a camp fire if you are so inclined.

bring your phone but turn it off. that way you have it for emergencies.
Even if it is just for a day or weekend. It is time to take care of yourself.

Bring simple things to eat fresh fruits and veggies that you can eat easily.
Make a vow of silence for a day or the whole weekend.
Have you ever journaled? It is a great way to get down on paper how you are doing. Have you ever meditated? That is a way to center yourself. What about a hike in the mountains or woods.I am sure there are trails that you could walk if you are able..
I am worried about you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

After some tylenol didn't help, I tried an Advil 3 hours later and fell asleep into a light doze. My dumb brother woke me up less then 2 hours later. I feel awful. I took my temp and it was 100.1. So I think I'll go over to immediate care in the morning. Based on the severity of my sore throat, I can barely drink anything, I'm guessing I have strep or something.

Praying for you

Enjoy the peace you find in the mountains and give yourself some grace.

Much love

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try flonace, glad you are going one of those walk in clinics.
feel better!
bizi

I had a melt down last night. I’m sorry if I worried or scared you. For the record, the diatribe was not about my fiancée who is a good man and better to me than I deserve. There are a few relationships in my life that involve spontaneous and frequent cruelty. One I have addressed. The other, society views as taboo to terminate. Maybe a temporary estrangement as this time? I don’t know. Every time I try to think of solutions I grow exhausted and need to sleep immediately. I’ve tried to live up to other’s expectations but when they keep moving the goal post it’s a hard mantle to bear. I’ve had to accept that some things just can’t be resolved. Sometimes love is not enough. The tears are gone as is the brutal pain and new resolve has taken root. My mental and physical health is my first priority. It has to be.

I think the continued demands of me and the loss of sleep over what is happening outside my home created a perfect storm yesterday. I am at the secluded cabin in my beloved mountains now and I am starting to feel better. Human again. No demands. I’ve got the fireplace going and I’m about to go out in this frigid weather to enjoy the hot tub. Lovely. When it warms a bit, I’ll start the hike to my favorite spot. My private messages are activated and my ignore list is clear at this time. The day after I arrive home, whenever that may be, I’m leaving for a week and a half to go north to take mom to see her sisters. That will be good. It’s peaceful there.

I’ll get into another grief class and I will grieve the fractured relationship as much as the one I lost (my brother). Down but not out. Always.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love.

Hope you feel better soon.

You could possibly be getting sick so often because you’re not eating enough. It wears down your bodies immunity.

That was the plan, at least. Mom cancelled last minute, at Dad's behest, which paved the way for him to issue my to do list for the day and to send my cousin to my house, hand out for money, later that afternoon. I didn't give my cousin any money that my dad owes him and I didn't do anything my dad commanded me to do.

Moving on, it's gonna be another lazy day today. I meet my PsychNP at 2pm and (if my Dad is going to go to my cousin's place), I'm going to say hi to Mom at her house. See if the two of us can talk shop.

I woke up this morning around 7. Way later then normal. I felt like crap and knew I needed to go to immediate care. I had a temp of 99.5 and I had the cough and this weird fluttering in my chest. So I got to immediate care and I had a 99 fever and a oxygen of 94. I tested negative for the 5 minute strep test. She did a flu covid combo test and told me to avoid social gatherings until I got the results. I am home in bed now. I took my temp about half an hour ago after feeling worse and it was back up to 100. I've been told before I get sick either because of my diet or thats how my body reacts to stress. But tbh my anxiety hasn't been too bad yesterday and today. I'm not in panic mode about this I'm pretty chill about it. The prestiq seems to still be working pretty well for my anxiety.

I sent an email to my therapist asking if we could reschedule for in person on Friday. I know theres a lot going on with her and I want to be 100% by the time we meet. Hopefully she has something or she is even ok with me being in the office at all. But I get if she is not and prefers virtual.

Today is World Mental Health Day! October 10th 2022. 🌎

I need to have a chat conversation with my cousin who has had cancer before to get her information for my genetics counseling appointment that is later this week. I don't want to. I didn't realize this until I left therapy and can't talk about it more. I just haven't told almost anyone about my breast biopsies, surgery or very elevated risk. I found a support group for high-risk women and I can't even post anonymously there. I don't know why it's so big for me to share this but it is. And my cousin is wonderful but I'm not ready to have that conversation yet. I have a few days before genetic counseling so hopefully I'll feel more like it tomorrow.

It is also indigenous peoples day. Columbus day.
bizi

I got a call today from one of the applications I filled out. I’m calling back tomorrow. I hope I hope I hope. It’s not an ideal job at all but it’s a job and I’ll be grateful no matter the days or hours.

We got our first cold snap of the year. My trees are starting to turn. I hope to get some pics tomorrow.

Hugs and love to anyone in need !

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Trees here have already turned I think it’s 50-75% finished. Today when I took mum to her physical therapy I drove the back way so she could see all the colors. Most houses around here have the pumpkins out, and corn decorations up.

Lovely @Nammu

I always appreciate your hugs and love! Fingers crossed on your job prospect!

It will come up and out at the right time. Thinking of you.

I hope you feel better soon. Good luck with your therapy appointment.

I had a lovely first day in the mountains. I did make it to my spot and it was peaceful and serene. I fell asleep besides the stream inside my sleeping bag and woke to two visitors - deer. I wasn’t fast enough with my phone to get pics. In addition, I heard the bears checking out the trash last night. I’m used to that. That’s typical for this area.

I’ve had 2 long discussions with my DBT therapist now. She verified that I am highly motivated and determined to heal and improve myself and that I need to walk away at this time for my well being. It doesn’t mean we can never have a relationship - just not now. Interestingly, she noted it takes two people to be in a relationship - it’s rarely all on one and that the other person involved could use some therapeutic work herself. Today was the first day since this happened that I woke with the joy that I’m used to. I feel like Sunflower again.

I’m going to hike to Grotto Falls today and make the loop at Cades Cove. If I’m not worn out, I’ll go into town to have a bite and go to my favorite artist’s gallery.

Out to the hot tub now to view the stars and ponder life. I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Much love.

Sunflower, how are you doing? Are you feeling more relaxed? Have you been to your quiet spot?


Saying a prayer for you for peace

Thank you. You are very kind. I am very relaxed and zen at this time. I hiked to my quiet spot yesterday and encountered some visitors (deer).

Many thanks for your prayer for peace.

Did you get the covid / flu results back yet?

My lazy days were interrupted by familiar family drama. Dad decided that my happiness at reaching a sales goal at a job not of his choosing could not stand, so he decided to try and tear me down after getting Mom to cancel her Sunday plans on his behalf.

Dad is also trying to get ME to pay my cousin for a job HE hired him to do. It deals with my house, yes, but I had no input anywhere in the process. So, having my cousin show up to my house demanding (of ME ) $10 of my DAD'S $50 debt like I had any part in "hiring" him (like I'm the deadbeat) is bitterly ironic.

All I can say about them (that I haven't already said), is that my Dad has no real identity beyond money. If he doesn't get a return on his "investment," you've devalued him as a person. My cousin is the same way coupled with being a supreme follower. He'll "tell on me" to my dad if it means getting in his good graces.

On a good note, my work week starts again! I'm excited!

I still haven't gotten the results. I know they told me they could take up to 48 hours. Last night I fell asleep and woke up in the middle of the night freezing and feeling very sick. I put all my blankets on and took some more med safe cold medicine and fell back asleep. I woke up this morning and my temp was 99.4. I took a couple Advil and it went down. But I'm still coughing and sneezing and my nose is still running and I still feel like crap. My cough is more of a wet one now. The cough syrup is kinda useless since it doesn't have a decongestant in it. I did get my room cleaned up since it was a huge mess. Although now its already kind of a mess again.

My dr recommended delsym

I am postive for covid. No clue where I got it from. Temp is back again too. I'm trying not to have a freak out right now. Everyone is super confused where I got it from. I've been so careful this whole time and I do way less then other people who haven't gotten it. My nephews are high risk and are in school and my sister is a teacher and they have all avoided it. I'm almost wondering if I have some underlying condtion I don't know about. I am supposed to get blood work done on the 17th for my endocrongolgist. That may give me some answers.