Questions bipolar version #10

Psychiatrist I've seen this one for 8 years but have been under Psychiatry for 14 years

Therapist I've been seeing her for 6 years she is retiring in 4 weeks it's gonna kill me.

Question: How do you deal with endings in a relationship be it therapy or real life? I struggle so much with endings it cuts my heart into tiny pieces

Sent from my SM-G980F using Tapatalk

It's really hard for me. My husband was the hardest cord to break - I don't deal well with ending relationships - the best way I have learned is making a clean break, and not looking back, that's where I end up in trouble.

What has been the hardest thing for you to accept about your diagnosis?

That my liver and thyroid are damaged forever from the psych meds

What do you do when your friend suddenly ghosts you?

I keep myself busy and try to not let it bother me. It is really hard to deal with though.

Do you feel that you are more sensitive because you have bipolar?

I might be more sensitive when I'm depressed, sure thing. Especially when classes misbehave and my mood is already down. Ughhhh....

Do you have a coffee or caffeine limit per day for your max amount you're prepared to drink, or is it free for all?

I actually don't take in any caffeine, lol. Would you believe coffee puts me right to sleep? It's so frickin weird!

How long ago did you find out you had bipolar?

14 years ago at the age of 25 years

Question: Do you attend a Bipolar support group or have you ever attended a Bipolar support group?

Sent from my SM-G980F using Tapatalk

Currently, I do not, but still occasionally participate on bipolar online forums, like this one. I used to attend DBSA (Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance) in-person support groups in my native New Jersey. I went regularly for a couple of years, then mostly stopped when some participants changed. Nowadays, I live abroad. I am aware of a mental health "drop in" center in a village about 20 minutes away. I wouldn't currently benefit much, as I still don't speak the local language well. I have a local psychiatrist that speaks English. My therapist is an online one from England, as her time zone is much closer than American ones. Right now, that's sufficient support for me.

What is something small that would help with your mental well-being?

Buying myself a flower or flowers each week. My friend got me some flowers for my 3 year sober anniversary and they are really lifting my spirits.

Can you find anything positive about being bipolar?

It's helped me understand that some things cannot be understood. It's given me a lot of learning experiences I would not have otherwise had. I've met some cool people with similar struggles and we've been able to feel less alone together. Things are hardly boring (although that can also be attributed to the addition of rapid cycling AND a BPD comorbidity). I've recently been told that as dysfunctional as I get, learning to come back from that/this will give me the opportunity for some pretty ******* good wisdom.

Best solo (of any instrument) ever?

The Flute - I love it, and I've been playing for a number of years.

Do you have any new special talent now that you have bipolar? Or have some been enhanced?

Thanks to three weeks of being obsessed during a hypomanic episode, jazz dancing. During my less dead inside times I've been told I have the heart (and body) of a dancer.
I have to say BPD makes me an expert at changing perspectives and being able to build, destroy, and amend relationships in two days too.

How old were you when you had your first bipolar episode, and did you realize something was off?

Probably when I was 16. I was really manic and crazy back then - all the drinking I did probably didn't help either.

Do you get a lot of bad side effects from your bipolar meds?

Not on meds now, but basically everything I tried in the past caused akathisia (all antipsychotics), DI (lithium), mania (every antidepressant ever), elevated liver enzymes (Depakote), severe allergic reaction (Tegretol), blurry vision (Lamictal), and benzos always made my dissociation worse and gave me the urge to take them all at once (and Valium gave me double vision).

If you could create your own ideal medication that could do ANYTHING, what would it do?

It would stop me from gaining weight! All these meds have blown me up like a whale, and I hate it.

What is the most you've learned about your bipolar?

I’ve learned that no 2 manic episodes of mine quite look the same.

Do you use nicotine? I read somewhere that more BP people smoke than the general population.

No, not at all. I never liked smoking.

Do you find it difficult to concentrate??

Difficult to concentrate when hypomanic .... for sure! When I'm depressed I don't feel like doing anything but I guess I can get there

What are your anxiety levels like?

It varies between "Yeah, man, it is what it is. Whatever. I'll do whatever regardless and I'm sure things will end with something either happening or not happening," and "OMG WTF THIS IS HELL BUT THEN I'M GOING TO GO TO HELL AND IT'S GOING TO BE WORSE BUT WHAT IS THIS DUDE GOING TO DO WHY AM I SCREAMING IN MY HEAD IN RUN ON SENTENCES I THINK SOMEONE INJECTED ME WITH JET ENGINE FUEL AND I'LL NEVER BE RIGHT AGAIN"

What has helped you the most in coping with episodes when you find yourself in one?

Self-talk - definitely. Sometimes screaming it out, yelling it out, or just talking myself off of a ledge. Just calming myself down by talking it out -

Do all your friends know you have bipolar?

No. I only tell people when I get comfortable enough with them. I just told my small group from church this last week and I've known them for 18 months or so. I also accidentally told my pastor who I thought had left the building but that's ok; he's a good person and will be kind. I just didn't plan to tell him that way .

What kind of job do you/did you have?

I use to work in Social Care... I was a Key Worker/Senior Support Worker for a charity who supported men in a challenging behaviour unit in a housing complex who all had Autism, Learning Disabilities and Challenging Behaviour. I worked there from Jan 07 until May 11 when I lost my job due to ill health.

Question: What's your favourite go to food when sad?

Sent from my SM-G980F using Tapatalk

I go through phases. It used to be crunchy peanut butter (absolutely HAD to be crunchy), but now it's not even food it's just milk.

What song is your personality?

The last few years,…Steady On

Good question, the same. What song is your personality

"Frustrated Incorporated" -- Soul Asylum. My ex-husband used to sing it to me on the long drive home from work when i was ranting about some workplace unpleasantness.

Same question.